The Dreadmill

As much as I love my tv and my new boyfriend DVR I think the time has come to give up the couch. My ass is HUGE.

I signed up to play softball again on the church team and have decided that it's probably not wise to let the games be my only form of exercise this summer. I've started spending time on the handy equipment that my monthly condo association fees give me access. The trick for me is to keep moving once I get home. Once my bum hits the soft corner of the couch it's all over for me. This is acceptable behavior every now and then - but not every night. I'd rather not blow out the ham string the first game. You wouldn't think of it but I can get on base. The other teams take a look at me and assume I'm an easy out. Not so! I can't hit the ball very far so I hit down and 9 times out of 10 it will bounce over the shortstops head and I advance the runner and get to first base. I don't generally make it around and score - but the other team always goes for me because I"m 'easy'. They are so busy getting me out that one of my more fast team members can score. It's a beautiful thing.

So this morning I laid out my gym clothes so that I wouldn't be tempted to change into my cozy pj's upon arrival home. It totally worked. I jumped into the gym (thankfully the stinky sweaty guy wasn't there) and the elliptical machine was open so I cranked up the iPod (which is malfunctioning right now- grr) took a couple puffs on the inhaler (asthma) and cranked the timer to 30 minutes. Suzy Skinny from G238 was running on the ancient treadmill and had the tv turned up to hear over her panting - it was so loud that I could hear it outside. When the deaf guy from two buildings away calls the cops it may be a hint that the TV may be on too loud. I of course, didn't say anything my co-workers think of me as a ninny and I don't need the neighbors to turn on me too.

It felt good to work up a good sweat. I don't know what my mental illness is that makes it easy for me to do anything but work out. I certainly don't enjoy being overweight. The self loathing is pretty palpable and the inner dialog isn't kind. Knowing what you should do and doing it are two different things. My people are supportive to be sure but nothing will change unless I do.

I'll never be Yazmine skinny but I can be healthy. Resolve is a good thing - SadRico and I are going to take a short vacation to Mexico in the fall and I'd rather not be uber flabby. We have enough problems with illegal immigration without me causing the entire citizenship of Mexico to flee into the southern states to get away from me in a bathing suit. (See what I mean about the inner dialog? It isn't nice - and it doesn't really curb the snacking either. You would think it would - but it doesn't.)

Saturday Morning

So, it's Saturday morning - or as it's known in the TPcondo - housecleaning day. I've got plenty to do - hang the frames dragged home from IKEA, store the linens given to me by a friends parents. Dr. B went to an estate sale and purchased the lot of linens - tablecloths, napkins, hand towels, tea towels, pillow case - a plethora of items to be sure. Iit wasn't until he got home and showed them to Mrs. Dr. B that he saw that each and every item had a monogram - a nice big tone on tone P. After seaching their address book for a P person, they came across me. Now, I can of course never get married - or will have to keep my name once I finally trick someone into marrying me - but to it will be worth it to keep using the linens.











So, instead of finishing the laundry, changing sheets, vacuuming I'm farting around on the Internet. I found a desk I like - but since I already have a desk that is for the most part ok it seems like a dumb thing to want.

I read an article on Slate about Trader Joe's so I'm also craving a trip to TJ's to see what they've got in store for me this week. I really love the frozen French Onion soup pods. They are the perfect combo of salty goodness.

I also scanned the movie times to see if there's anything out there worth switching out of sweat pants for... not really. Slither looks creepy, Lucky Number Slevin looks strange and I'm I know everyone in who has been brow beating me to see Napolean Dynamite will be seeing Benchwarmers - but I have no interest. I did see V for Vendetta last night. I thought this movie was supposed to be a smash hit - but the theater was basically empty. The only other people in the theater besides SadRico and I were an older couple and a suspicious dude in a suit. The movie is about rising up against your oppresive government and my guess is that the suit dude was an agent of the Bush League taking names so we don't get out of line.

The entire theater was void of people, not just our show. The parking lot, which is normally jammed with cars was empty. As we walked to our car I wondered aloud if the Rapture had happened and we were (gasp) left behind. SadRico who is clearly more secure of his position upstairs was all like "No, I wouldn't be left behind." I like the use of the word "I" and not "we" thanks dude, I'll miss you. But remember, I've got your house key and don't think I won't sell your shit and use your credit cards until Bank of America figures it out. Not that you'll care - you'll be hottubbing with the 9/11 hijackers who I'm SURE are totally in heaven right now (yeah right - I hope it's nice and hot where you are mo'fo's)

A small complaint about my iMac. I know I've made my bed and I should just shut up - but the web experience is different for Mac users - on a PC the blogger window offers easy click and use tools to bold text, change colors, add hyperlinks... on a Mac I have to resort to actually putting in the HTML code. This is not a skill I really truely have - my trick is to hop back in time to an entry that has the code I need and then copy and paste it in. I'm lame. (I would have bolded that.. but who knows how?)

Maybe I'll try it.. without cheating:

I'm Lame

nope...

Wahooo, I figured it out! I did cheat - but maybe I learned something along the way? Crap, now I can't turn it off.... did that work?yup - the hard thing (for me) about HTML is that one little misplaced or missing "/" can cause things not to work the way you want.

Finally - last little thing before I move the clothes from the washer into the dryer... I took a call last night from a public policy research pollster. I have one thing to say... LISTEN UP *SSH*LES if you say the survey is 5 minutes... make it 5 minutes... not 17 minutes and 55 seconds! And questions like this are not really all that great:

Would you say that statement A or B more closely represents your opinion:

A: The boeing company cares about the State of Washington
or
B: I drive a foreign car because I hate America

Um, both?

When the headlines of the Sunday paper read: Unpatriotic Americans don't value Boeing's contribution to the State of Washington you'll know it was me.

Ode to Becca

Freed from work a little early today I stopped into my friend Becca's house. I took a chance that I would catch her at home. She's the happy mom of a delightully cheerful boy who was sadly napping during my visit. She was assembling a storage cart for her and the Durfmeister's golf clubs. It looked deceptively simple - a few pieces and just a couple screws so of course it took over an hour to do.

It's so good to see the people with whom you can just be. We met our first week of college. She and some girl had the dorm room next to Psycho-Lara and me. Becca remembers our first encounter - it was a sunny day and I breezed by her door while she was sitting on the bed and popped my head in and said "I can see your underwear." I, of course, do not remember this, but will take her word for it. Becca's roommate lasted a grand total of four days before bugging out and going home. She left her books for Becca to sell at the end of the term - not the brightest of ideas. For the record, she did get SOME of her money back.

The next year due to unfortunate grades and my unwillingness to move out with Psycho-Lara (to be honest I wasn't asked) Becca and I ended up sharing the double room for a year. We were perfectly suited and yet drove each other nuts. I was a bumpkinland refugee and she was the sophisticated city girl. We got into trouble together, talked about boys, school and made fun of Psycho-Lara and the rest of the dorm gang. We realized that we too lived in the dorms, but we really did feel superior. Go figure.

We also had a language:

Hey Ski Pants! = Hey, Ski Fans.... (an intro to a Warren Miller film)
Kamiaken = Welcome (A misunderstanding while driving that seems to work for us. It went like this - Becca "What's hawaiian for welcome?" Tpgal [pointing to the street we were looking for] "Kamiaken" Becca [with a sweeping Vanna White move] "Kamiaken!"
"I can't give you half of the $5 bill and expect you to understand it as change! You will have to wait until I can go to the post office and buy a 22 cent stamp." - a late late night conversation that was recorded for no sane reason.
"How do you accidentally sleep with Todd's girlfriend?" - poor Dave...
"I'll give you 5 American dollars to make out with my friend." - I owe her an apology for this one but that was also the same night I slept in a bathtub. At the time it didn't seem like a terrible offer -and it was American not Canadian dollars so it was worth more.

She has the ability to make me laugh the ugly American Tourist laugh. Think of the loudest, blow milk out your nose kind of laughter. It's good to have friends like that.

We're the kind of friends that we don't have to talk to understand each other. We hadn't talked in a while due to schedules and other priorities and when she called me at 8am on a Sunday and couldn't even say hello I knew in my heart that something bad had happened. Her dad had been in an accident and thankfully is still with us - but even just thinking about that 3 seconds of silence brings tears to my eyes. She, like me, has that special father daughter bond that you never want to let go of, or admit that won't last forever. Our relationships with our mothers are also similar - we had a hard time as teenagers finding the balance between wanting to be and actually being adults. Our moms took the brunt of that stuggle. Sorry Mom, it doesn't mean we don't love you...

My point is that it is good to have friends that you can pop over and visit unannounced. Spending an hour with her today made my day!

Having a friend like Becca is "like living in a tree!" (translation: living in a dream)

what time is it?

As MWR kindly pointed out - I'm an idiot. When we "spring forward" we do lose an hour, and 5am is the old 4am and thus yes, it is actually DARKER in the morning.

I stand by my statement that the cat is up at all hours of the night knocking crap off the night stand. A smart (and tidy) person wouldn't have anything on the night stand, but I refuse to be intimidated by a creature that has 'relations' with a blanket. I also can't be bothered to actually clean my house. I did drag out the vacuum last night - but it was under protest. I live alone, so imagine the scariness of that conversation.

I'm still trying to get through my bookclub book - HERZOG by Saul Bellows. Can I confide in y'all that I don't get it. For every sentence of linear plot there are 14 pages of swirling thoughts, half written letters to old lovers, employers, and the President. In spite of my inability to tell time I think I'm relatively erudite - but Saul has it over on me. He's out there and I don't get it. I'm weak - I need a plot.

Thumbs up to Grey's Anatomy - who as a plus sized actress getting some action. The best part is that her size isn't THE story. You go girlfriend - get yer swirl on! I do wonder how long it will take Meredith and George to be friends again. They teased me last night (I know the show is on Sundays - but I have DVR people) and made me think he would forgive her for using him for sex when she KNEW he loved her. But - it looks like a NEW Dr. McDreamy is in town. Yes, gals Robin the gay sidekick of that flamboyant Batman is a possible LI (that's love interest if you're still reading me) for Ally McBeal -- I mean Meredith Grey.

You know, sometimes I worry that my posts are silly and useless. I look at other folks who post smart political commentary, fresh insights into our world and I wonder if I'm just trite. However, I was looking at my super smart friend's blog and he's got pictures of a dog and a cat in uniform posted. It scared me - but then I realized that I"m free to post what I like!

Lastly, if you have HBO - there is a documentary playing this month called Paperclips. It is quite wonderful and I encourage you to see it. A middle school in nowhere Tennessee/Arkansas (samething) decided to collect a paperclip for every Jewish person killed in the holocaust. The documentary interviews the kids, teachers and survivors that worked together to create a moving memorial. If you don't have HBO - get the movie any way you can - Netflix, Blockbuster... Amazon. It's a lovely story.

Daylight Savings... the downside

So, it's going to be awesome when I get up in the morning it will be light and the trip to the bus won't be an adventure. However, until we get adjusted the time change is a pain.

Satan - aka Peter who likes to eat at 5am was up super early and to get me up and moving (on a sunday?) jumped over my head to the night stand and started knocking things off. My book(Herzog by Saul Bellows), the water bottle (which I use instead of a glass for just this reason) my night guard (sexy!) holder and finally the alarm clock.

I got up long enough to kick him out of the bedroom so I could try to sleep until 7:30. I did catch some more shut eye but it was hard wtih him body slamming the bedroom door. I know I COULD have just fed him, but I know he can read... he knows that it's Sunday. Crazy cat lady needs her sleep!

So, on much less sleep than I anticipated I accidentally took a nap this afternoon and so now here it is 'time to go to bed' and not only does my body KNOW it's not really 10:30, I'm not pooped enough to fake it. However, since 5 am comes in six and a half hours whether I go to bed or not.. I should try.

Lastly, I probably shouldn't post this pix of the cat but he's so shameless... He is a big boy, but this particular pose highlights his stature.

Mirror Dogs

Sara and Libby Holman-Lucas after a hard day, sure they look innocent and sweet but tell that to these two:

it really isn't fair

There's a woman at my company who is vibrant, energetic, kind, strong, well respected, and just found out she's got advanced breast cancer. Advanced advanced... like not good advanced. I wish her the best for a peaceful journey through what must be a terrible ordeal. In the blink of an eye her life changes track from family and career to doctors and drugs.

I struggle with the frustration of knowing that the all powerful and knowing God doesn't really choose who gets to live a long and happy life and who dies before they are 45 and doesn't get to see their kids grow up. It is what it is - but the irrational part of me has petty thoughts, and I will confess the worst of them right here:

There's a second woman at my company who is the tiniest, weakest, little woman I've ever met. There's no way that she tips the scales at any more than 90 pounds; she is so frail that I think a strong gust of wind would send her flying. I see her outside in the morning when I come in, and almost every time I head out to lunch, or to a meeting she's outside huddled next to the building cigarette in hand. She is a chronic, take 6 smoke breaks a day, wake up in the middle of the night to take the edge off smoker. Seeing her outside purposely sucking tar and smoke deep into her body makes me angry.

I don't for a moment wish that these two women could change places, nor do I think that one is more deserving of cancer than the other. It just feels like one woman is playing Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun and the other woman is laying on the floor wounded from an unloaded gun.

When I was a kid and things didn't seem right and I couldn't express it I would default to "but dad, it isn't fair" and he would always (and I mean always) reply, "nobody said life was fair." You got that right Dad -- not only isn't it fair, sometimes it stinks.

I would be whining about the lack of fairness regardless of the other woman but it is hard to see every day. I just want to shake her... SMOKING BAD LITTLE WOMAN ---BAD!!!!

I know we're supposed to see the light in the situation, my colleague has time with her family, she gets to make peace with her life, we get to acknowledge and show her how wonderful we think she is. We are also reminded to take stock of our own lives and take advantage of every minute... blah blah blah... Forgive me if I take a moment and wallow in the unjustness of it for a day or two.

Seattle Center

That's Hot (not)

Gosh, don't those big wheels make you want to date this guy?

Have you got everything now?

Moving day for SadRico. It's been about six weeks since the marriage has been called off and good things are on the horizon for SadRico. He bought a super cute condo and has been spending his time purchasing stylish but manly things to put in it. He finally got the keys last Friday and painters and carpet installers have been in and out erasing the damaging effects of a two year old that apparently felt obligated to touch every flat surface in the house. Rather than a door jam with the special child’s height marked off by month, the size of the hand prints on the wall get bigger as they get higher.

Since last week he has been popping over to Ali's house (his former residence) to pick up this and that. These have been legitimate visits, but it's time to finish up. We were there last weekend for a number of hours packing, purging and puttering. I was working with the kitchen things and he was upstairs in the office. I packed six boxes and headed upstairs to see the progress. I found SadRico sitting in his office chair going through the old birthday and valentines cards. Honestly, I really tried to maintain a balance between ass kicking and sensitivity over the painful situation. i had ask, "are you going to keep the cards?" "no" "Is reading them doing anything for you?" "no" "then throw them away, you're torturing yourself."

All during last week he had been talking about Friday (yesterday) being the 'moving' day. He gathered his big strong friends, rented a truck from U-(we don’t bother with maintenance)-Haul, and made arrangements to be at the house when Ali was out. He and I had a date to meet at the U-(what, two miles to the gallon seems wrong to you?)-Haul place to return the 3.17 mpg truck (seriously 6 gallons for 19 miles) at 8am this morning. (btw... I AM A GOOD FRIEND... out of bed at 8 on a Saturday.) We get in the car and he tells me that he forgot the TV at the house and he has to go back over.

F*ck a DUCK dude... So, we decide to go over and try to get the TV in my car (we were close to her house) try as we might - the 700 pound tv wouldn't fit through the door of the jetta. But. while we were there I noticed that there were things of his still in the house. Uh, what about your DVD's? "oh, yeah I thought I get them later." Ok, Sir-cries-a-lot, you moved yesterday... the time to get everything is now. We literally filled my car with stuff (except the tv) and with barely enough room for he and I we took a load over to the condo where we picked up his car. Back to the townhouse, pick up the tv, one more sweep through the house (two bags of clothes) and a snuggle with the kitties. That has to suck... I mean leaving your home (suck), ending your marriage (super suck) but walking away from the kitties... (boo)

I foolishly asked him how he was holding up, which then caused him to break down. He cried for a bit (which I allowed because I'm not dead inside -- really) and then I scooted his ass into the car. He said he forgot to lock the back door and asked me to go check. While I did that I took the front door key off his ring and pocketed it. He noticed and thanked me. I know it was a dangerous move... it could have gone either way but it had to be done. I figured he didn't need the emotional memory of taking the key off his key ring.

Later, after a trip to Home Depot and Seattle Lighting, we were in the condo hanging the Shower-Curtain-Rod-of-Death and he thanked me for making him take all of his stuff. He admitted that he hadn't wanted to really take everything because that would mean he was never going back. I held back the "yeah... I know" and left it at the friendly nod. (I don't have to verbalize that I'm right about everything... I can simply know it in my heart.)

The good news is that his condo is fabulous. It's manly yet homey. not overly IKEA Batchelor nor is it QueerEye. I'm thankful that it feels like a real home and not the Baremont Arms Apartment Homes for the Newly Divorced Man. "Swing on in Mister!"

All in all I think he did very well today, and I'm hopeful that he will soon lose the SadRico title and go back to being just Rico

...sigh

While scanning the 'paper' tonight, I noticed a familiar name. Phil Webber, photographer died in his home on Saturday. I know Phil from way back when at the paint store. He was a character who was a delight to be around. His wacky clothes and never ending flirting was endearing.

Phil was a well known photographer for the SeattleTimes and the PI. This photo was his favorite:

Wonder Twins

Sometimes, when you've been friends for a long time you get into sync. Usually this represents itself as a secret language or worse the elimination of the need to finish any sentence. Yaz and I are there, but we also seem to be dressing alike. She and I made a date to go to Half-Price-Pots Saturday. When she showed up at my house she and I had on the exact same outfit: green Khaki pedal pushers, black t-shirt, with a black zip up jacket and white athletic shoes.



Also, if I'm going to continue to take photo's in my office I should find a different place to store the holiday wreath. It's not Christmas... and yet there's a little bit of X-mas in every photo.

Random Thoughts

DVR'd the tonight show, Jay Leno kept referring to Sarah Jessica Parker as Carrie Bradshaw. As much as I'd like Sex and the City, I think it's probably better to refer to actors by their real names.

I wonder if it is hard out there for a pimp?

Bully to Yahoo who doesn't block Mac users from playing the free games. Poop on you MSN.

I now have five e-mail accounts. Yahoo wouldn't let me read the IHS reunion site without signing up. I'll be checking THAT one everyday I'm sure.

The starbucks cup cakes have the perfect of cake to frosting ratio. The chocolate one is pretty but I love the white cupcake with the yellow sprinkles. It pleases me.

My toaster is dying. It won't toast even the smallest piece of bread. I'll have to stop by Target tomorrow. I could run to Williams Sonoma but do I really need an $80 toaster?

I think it's funny that I agonized about buying a digital camera and now am taking a lot more photos. I still think film photography is the best, but for fun weekend shots the digi is handy.

I am a terrible friend. I had a date to go to 1/2 Price Pots and IKEA today with Yazmine and SadEric mentioned that he needed to go to IKEA and I didn't invite him to join us. In my defense... I did help him pack all morning and buy him a more than expected birthday dinner the night before. I can't spend every waking minute of the weekends with SadEric - it's not healthy for him or me.

Speaking of SadEric... it use to be funny when he would call me by his wife's name and visa versa. Now (with the divorce), it's not so funny. Plus, in mixed company it confuses people and gives them the impression that I'm the stand-in wife. (LIke I was waiting in the wings for their mariage to fall apart so I could nab him. Creepy.)

Is it horribly sad to be enjoying a Saturday night at home alone? I was playing computer games my new favorite is Spinster City - it's like SIM CITY where you build a city and by managng taxes and the infrastructure so your city grows. In Spinster City, you manage the number of cats the single gal has and for fun sign her up for online dating and she has to weed out the psychos and the unemployeed married predators. If she goes on too many bad dates she has to join "Great Expectations" and endure the sorrowful looks from her happily married friends who think her life is sad, but secretly envy her control over everything in her life. She wants shoes... she buys them (in black AND tan) because she can.

This however is sad, its 10:15 and I'm headed to bed. Woohoo party girl. (Don't feel sorry for me, I got dressed up and went out last night.)

G'night

Erin Go Brah-less

Happy St. Patrick's Day

How TIVO saved my life

It's not really TIVO, it's digital video recording but it's awesome. I know I know, I am a late adopter to this technology. People have been raving about TIVO for years now but I didn't understand - now that I have it, I see the light.

Not only do I see the light - but I'm actually watching LESS tv. I've set TIVO up to record my favorites: West Wing (I'm a hanger on), Law & Order: SVU, ER, Lost, the Daily Show, Colbert Report and I'm able to move on and do my own thing. Before there was TIVO on Lost night, the TV would go on while I ate dinner, and I would still and flip until the show started. The show would end, and I would go to bed. NIGHT WASTED. Now, I still eat to the TV but it's last nights Daily Show (sans commercials) and then I turn the darn thing off and move on to something else. Plus I don't have to choose between conflicting shows, so if I was into Veronica Mars (which I'm told I'm foolish for not watching) I wouldn't have to worry about the passengers from Oceanic flight 315. I could watch one, and TIVO the other.

For the first time in a LONG time all of my laundry is not only clean but put away. The checkbook is balanced, and the cat box is clean. I AM FREE! I knew it was wrong to be in such a close relationship with my tv and I will admit that for a long time it's been my only boyfriend. Now that I'm free I might be able to venture out and date someone with feet.

Because of my new found freedom I didn't have any guilt about watching the new HBO show -- Big Love. It could be the next Six Feet Under - except with Polygamist Mormons- I thought it was great and it should hold me over until summer when Entourage comes back. (Oh Ari, how are you holding up?)

Will I have to live under my bed too?

From Salon.com's warroom: (thanks to SYP for the link)

If you liked Iraq, you're gonna love the avian flu
Maybe they really are tired.

We weren't particular impressed when we heard Donald Rumsfeld's plan for Iraq, but that was before AMERICAblog's John Aravosis tipped us off to Mike Leavitt's plan for the avian flu.

Speaking at a flu summit meeting in Wyoming Friday, the president's health and human services secretary said that Americans can't expect the federal government to take care of them if a pandemic strikes. His advice: Stockpile food in your bedroom.

"When you go to the store and buy three cans of tuna fish, buy a fourth and put it under the bed," Leavitt said. "When you go to the store to buy some milk, pick up a box of powdered milk, put it under the bed. When you do that for a period of four to six months, you are going to have a couple of weeks of food. And that's what we're talking about."

The problem with this preparation tactic is that it assumes you'll be able to get under your bed, and that you'll have potable water to drink. I don't want to be an alarmist (see the folks who moved to the stix to ride out the riots of the scary millennium) but when (not if) the pandemic becomes a reality our reliance on magic water faucets and the never ending electric supply could seriously come back to haunt us. Can we not stop and learn ANYTHING from the Katrina disaster? Imagine even a mild hurricane, tornado, earthquake that hits during the same time that a third of the population is suffering from about of the bird flu (But mom, I told Jimmy not to lick the sick chicken) for our 'stable' infrastructure to crumble under us like a tar-papered house in the 9th Ward.

So, go ahead, stock pile the tuna and the yummy powdered milk but don't plan on basic services like garbage removal, cleaning running water, or electricity. But while you're at the store though, could you pick up some Twinkies... I hear they last forever!

Shelf Saga Part Tres

When we last checked in our heroine was overwhelmed with 6 foot tall shelves arriving at her condominium unit from points all over the globe. Her order for two shelves from the inferior shelf company had been cancelled, but shipped to her anyway.

After contacting the eBay seller, a return packing slip arrived in the mail. This is important... a (single) return packing slip. Our heroine was instructed to re-package the inferior shelves and place the UPS sticker upon the outside and take it to the nearest UPS store.

Placing one of the packages in her car was a miracle that would easily qualify as Bible-worthy. The trunk had to be propped open, the back seats folded down and the front seats adjusted to an ungodly configuration rendering the car mostly undriveable. It was, if you will pardon the pun.. the parting of the red seats! Getting both packages in the car at the same time would be equivalent to the heroine's love life... NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

Our heroine who has lost her patience with these darned shelves refuses to take two trips to the UPS store. The two 41.8 pound, 72 inch tall by 18inch wide packages have been joined together using enough tape to repair the levee's in New Orleans. Once the two packages were securely made one, the heroine realized it was a mistake to use her 100 year old dining room table as a work area. She was able to move the package off the table by rolling it to the living room and sliding the 83.6 pound (plus tape) package onto the couch and then woman-handling it on to the floor where she was able to use a small throw rug to slide the package toward the door.

(point of reference, the top of my head reaches the line marked by the big arrow.)


Calling UPS and working her way through the Voice Recognition System... "PACKAGE PICK UP" she clearly spoke to the computer, "I'm sorry, Breakage Trickup is not an option, please try again" the computer replied. Finally reaching a perky human, she begged them to pick up her package. She almost lost her cool when the perky operator told her to take the package to the local UPS store. She checked herself and apologized to the perky girl noting that her beef wasn't with UPS it was with the Inferior Shelf Company also known as LAKESHORE FURNITURE.

The shelves are packaged, ready to slide out the front door Monday morning and our heroine will be happy to see them go. She's been thinking about getting a new couch and found one "just like the one she likes from PotteryBarn" on eBay for a third the price - gosh now what could ever go wrong with a purchase like that?

The Shelves in action:





















The inferior shelf (can you tell the difference?):

Post Procedure Update

I had my endoscopy Tuesday morning. All is well. I did have two issues a stricture in my esophagus which the doctor stretched and some damage due to acid reflux. Apparently the two things acting together were causing all the throwing up. The RN assured me that this type of thing is actually pretty common.

The procedure didn't hurt at all - or maybe it did, but after the injected the IV and sprayed my throat with some nasty spray I woke up in a different room. My ICOEP (in case of emergency person) helped me out to her car and I like the drunken little friend obeyed every "watch your step, look both ways and buckle up". She let me into my house, made sure I was in bed and left for work by 9am. I slept all day... and by all day I don't mean nap until 10 and lay on the couch for hours, I mean I woke up at 1pm, sipped some soup, went back to bed, slept until 4 - moved to the couch, slept until 7 - talked on the phone from 7 until 9 and went to bed and slept all night.

WOW.

It's been a few days and other than some minor irritation in my throat I am back to normal. I don't have the cancer and thanks to the stretching and the anti-acid medicine so far no episodes since the Westlake Public Puking Incident.

Whew.

Oscar Review

I love Jon Stewart as presenter this year. I thought the "commercials" for the sound editing nominees were hilarious. The gay cowboy montage was a riot. Fingers crossed that they ask him back again next year. (Delayed props to Chris Rock for last year, I thought he was great too.)

I'm torn between being excited for Crash and disappointed for Brokeback Mountain. I am pleased that the Academy chose to split the two big awards, best director and film; it's a great way to honor both movies. Ang Lee has a beautiful vision and an impressive ability to put it on film.

For the most part folks dressed well, although what the heck was on Charleze Theron's shoulder? Poor Naomi Watts' dress looked like it was designed by Santino from Project Runway in under an hour. The green screen joke kind of bombed, but I finally got it when a bronzed J-Lo presented a montage (or something) and she blended with the background so well all you could see was her teeth.

My people have a tradition where we cast ballots and the folks with the top scores take possession of Oscar and lil'Oscar. This year P&J finally took home both trophies. They look so happy.

Where's Chuck?

I am a fan of The Daily Chuck but am distressed that he hasn't posted in ages... Oh Chuck, where have you gone?

The Morning After

Well-- it didn't suck. The music did reek a little. So, imagine a room full of robust people (and believe you me, some of these folks are RO-BUST some with more RO than others and a lot of them with a a LOT of BUST) drinking giant margarita's and waiting for decent music. That's about all it was.

I talked to my dates and a fella who was making the rounds talking to everybody. After 2 and a half hours of waiting for music that was danceable (there were three songs in that entire set that the folks hit the floor for) we hit the road.

I'm not sure I would venture back out to the next event - but I am glad I went.

I'm off to an Oscar Party and I'm all dolled up (does sweats count?) My predictions:

Best Picture: BBM could win: Crash
Best director: Ang Lee could win: No contest
Best Actor: Phil S. Hoffman could win: again... no contest
Best Actress: Reese Witherspoon
Best Supporting Actress: Rachel Weise
Best Supporting Actor: George Clooney could win: Matt Dillon

Ready to go out

here I am ready to hit the club....

Big Fun with Dancing Girls

I'm venturing outside my comfort zone tonight. My friend Crys asked me to go out with her tonight. She is a fun gal with a lot of spunk. She's been through a lot in her life and works hard at finding the bright side of life.

Crys, like me, is a woman of size. She found a club (group, organization?) for people of size to meet others who aren't put off by size. She said she use to go to the mixers all the time when she (and her husband) lived in Detroit. She loved he idea that there was a place where you weren't seen as a "Fat person" but as a person.

I have to admit that in spite of my jovial out look on life (we're all jolly you know) and the amount of enjoyment I get from living life I am self conscience of meeting new people - and by people I mean men. I am a little wary of men who come on too strong and immediately start on "ooh, you're so beautiful" it makes my predator radar go off.

My predator radar is 50% mental illness and 50% experienced based. In college (Co Cougs!) I met this guy who seemed great. He was at the clubs I went to and was fun to hang out and dance with. We made a date to hang out at the library (yes, dad... I did study at college) and I was excited about maybe dating someone for real. He was handsome and on the football team. Translation - he was a very big, muscular man. He would call me every night and we would talk for a while it was nice. Our library date was going to be our first time out alone and I was jazzed about being with him as me, not dressed up party college girl.

The main college library was many floors with desks set up in every free space - my football player took me to a place on one of the upper floors away from where most of the frat & sorority girls hung out (studying was second to checking out the scenery)- he said he knew of a place were there weren't tons of people. He was right, we were mostly alone and things were going well, we were talking, having fun and spending a minute or two in our books. After a while he asked to show me something and we walked to the back corner of the floor. The books were dusty, and seemed like listings of people, maybe former university employees. This wasn't a place where anybody would accidentally happen upon anytime soon. He kissed me which was nice and I will admit that I was a willing participant. I was ok with kissing in the library, but he started to put his hands on me and I pulled away to say I wasn't comfortable with anything like that while standing between the racks of dusty books. As I pulled away he firmly put his massive hand on my wrist and held me there. About this time the danger bells were ringing loudly in my head. We were in a semi-public place so I knew it couldn't get out of hand, so I told him to let go of me. He kept pulling me in for kiss after kiss. I was in a funny position because I had liked kissing him, but he wouldn't let me go which made the situation scary. I claimed I needed to get back to my stuff. We finally went back to sit down and he spend the next hour or so trying to get me to come back to his apartment to hang out. I knew I didn't want to have sex with this guy and going back to his place to "hang out" was a bad idea.

I managed to decline and started to avoid him like the plague from then on. He would call at all hours of the night and go on and on about how pretty I was and how he really wanted to love me. Eventually he moved on. I read in the school paper the next year that a woman had accused him of raping her after she went back to his apartment. At the time it scared the crap out of me and I felt extremely lucky that my radar went off in time to avoid being the victim. Now, with a number of years of perspective I wish I had contact the police just to let them know that he was a predator, I am ashamed of the possibility that I could have said or done something. I know my experience wasn't enough to prevent what happened to her, but it might have established a pattern. So, while my whole experience isn't dramatic enough for a Lifetime Movie of the Week, it was real enough to make me respect that little voice in my head when it screams DANGER!

Ok -- back to the topic at hand... Crys says the events she's been to have been great, my football player was a motherfucker and I shouldn't let it taint my view of all men who like big ladies. So, with my self esteme in check and my adventure hat on I'm going. I"ll let you know how it turns out. Who knows, maybe my Mr. TPgal will be there... maybe that's putting too much pressure on the evening. I'll lower my expectations to, maybe it will be fun.

Dear Diary

I love Sean. He's so cute. I hope he love's me too. Sean Sean Sean

*****

Sorry, flashback to 1982. Sean was so dreamy. As a fourth grader I totally knew that I loved him. There were times when I'd get to sleep over at his house (my parents must have been at a whopper of a party) and he, his brother Tim, my brother Dorkus and I would camp out in the living room watching the new Home Box Office all night long. Oh those were the days.

Historical fact, Sean was my first gay boyfriend. He didn't know it, because I was just his friends dorky little sister - but oh how I loved him. He had thick wavy hair, wide jeans, a tight t-shirt and the coolest tennies. Now that I think back he was rather snappy.

Sean dreamed of a day when a space station would be a reality. I recall him showing us a page in the Encyclopedia that had a cartoon drawing of a place in outer space where people could live. I wonder if during the MIR days if he ran around telling everyone that he predicted it. He was so smart.

He was also a rebel. He got kicked out of school for a week because he called a teacher a bad name when the teacher was out of the room. It was a total set up because the teacher turned on a tape recorder before leaving the room. Sean refused to apologize - because maybe the teacher WAS an asshole and got suspended. He was brave my Sean.

Sean graduated with my dear sweet brother in 1983 and I never saw him again. I hope he's up to wonderful things. (HOLY CRAP... I just googled him and GASP he's alive and is a real estate agent in San Diego. "Sean and John Real Estate - we make your dreams come true!" The Internet is an amazing thing.)

When I die and "they" go through my diaries they will find the first one is totally devoted to Sean. Page after thin dream filled page of "Sean+TPgal"

Connectivity @ home

I'm finally free of AOL. I've joined the ranks of hi-tech people everywhere and am now publishing from my home office.

So far, so good.

The iMac has some fun features a photobooth for one, so here's the required picture of a single gal and her cat. He's not too thrilled about looking at the camera.



Here's one that's a little less attractive. The photo booth feature has all sorts of distortion techniques and the photo's crack me up.



More fun photo's to come!

At least you have a job...

I try to keep the work talk down as I know that I'm fortunate to have a job that I mostly love, and one that pays me too much money. It's a dream having both things - however I have to bitch about my boss for a moment.

He is a great boss, supportive, reasonable, lets you argue a point, sometimes lets me win - but he has a big mouth. He was talking to his boss and said "you know if you let me I could find a million dollars in savings in the Risk Management program" well - who would say no to that? Unfortunately what he meant was - the three departments that I don't manage are wasting money and I could fix that ... What she heard was "take a million dollars from my budget" Holy CRAP -- our annual budget really isn't all that big. The million dollars ended up being 18% of our operating budget. YIKES. Our headcount cost eats up 39% of what's left over. (feel free to do the math if thats your thing.)

So, on top of having to find "slush" in a small program the CFO (that's chief financial officer) issued a "challenge" to find another 5% out of everyone's budget. Grrr. Seems like we've paid our dues already - but oh no.. I found it. So, when you see us flying "Bob's Crop Dusting and Discount Air" you'll know why.

I'm also thinking about a bake sale to raise funds for office supplies. If I sell 6 brownies I might be able to buy a ream of paper.

End of rant... I've got some beans to count.

The New Loo Review

Finally, after months, nee years of looking at cracks in the bowl of my cheap-o builder installed toilet in the master bathroom of Condo TP I broke down and bought a new loo.

I did my research on line (where every good gal does research) and learned what I needed to know about loo's. I measured the space twice and made sure that any loo selected would not only look good but fit into the space.

At Lowe's, where I spend most of my free money, the Loo isle was daunting. With over 50 toilets to choose from it wasn't an easy decision. I did find one that I liked and had the features I was looking for - a low tank (for easy cleaning) and a non-ADA approved seat height. The ADA approved seats are so tall that my munchkin feet don't touch the floor. No way was I going to do that to myself. I could see myself falling to my death in the middle of the night with my pink bunny pj's around my ankles. Plus -- with all the wack-a-doo stairs you have to climb to get into Condo TP - the likelihood of the next buyer requiring ADA anything is slim to none.

As I mentioned earlier I paid to have the pooper installed. Good thing too as they had to re-plumb the hose nozzle thingy (that is the technical name) as it wasn't the right height. (Isn't that just the typical outcome... do all sorts of research, measure over and over and you still have to do something custom.) The installer was out of my place in under an hour and even hauled away the old loo. (Thanks scary teeth guy!)

If course, when it's all said and done... the new loo does the same darned job the old loo did - but for a while anyway I get a little thrill when I have to go. I'm sure that will wear off very quickly.

Brokeback Blog

Ok, so "Brokeback" is the new acceptable phrase to indicate something is G_A_Y. It was amusing when Jon Stewart made a "Brokeback Senate" joke, but now it's starting to get old. The more "jokes" I hear the more I think it's people feeling really free to express their homophobia.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised that not everyone has the same level of acceptance that I do when it comes to same sex partners - but I am. It saddens me that otherwise reasonable people are comfortable with the idea that who you sleep with is a spot on your moral character. I know... the Bible says blah blah blah. We certainly don't feel the need to live by the Bible in every way - society has chosen to take many of the teachings and ignore them altogether or consider them historical references. The fact that this "rule" is still held out as a sin against God has more to do with us than it does with God.

I'm don't want to get into a grand religious debate - you believe what you believe and I believe what I believe. I try to have compassion for others and try to accept and understand that my way isn't really the 'best way' but it is just one way to be.

I would just ask you to check yourself before you make the easy "Brokeback" joke and examine your motivation. Are you being funny or spreading hate? (I'll check myself as well.)

Rambling...

Ah... the three day weekend! Bliss.

There's time enough to spend time with everybody, clean house AND do stuff for me!

I managed to eek in two movies this weekend - one I wasn't supposed to see (the girls have it on "save") but Divorcing Rico wanted to see it so I agreed. Thankfully it is cute enough to see twice. (Don't tell anyone.)

Capote was also on the list. I thought for sure that the P.S.H. whiny voice would grate on my nerves but I got over it. Bruce Greenwood is a dreamy older gay man. He can take me to Spain any day. (Not that I'm a gay man...)

Spending time with SadRico. is good, but also so sad. He's wearing me out and I'm a shitty friend for not being able to take all the sadness and anger that he has pouring out of him. Two half days is my limit. His free place to stay has fallen through and I think he was fishing to stay with me at my place but I couldn't do it. I'm selfish and greedy but my sanity is a precious thing.

I'm still totally enjoying the iMac. Setting up Quicken has been fun. It's not so awesome to see how much in debt I am -- but thankfully it's mostly house debt. Still, seeing it all in one place puts it into perspective. The spending spree is officially over.

Well -- not quite. The new master b.r. toilet arrives tomorrow at 3! It's a lovely piece of equipment. Not as fancy as June's euro-loo that has two flush options (number one, or number two) but it's still pretty.

My friend Bill offered to install the toilet (after I pre-paid the installers) but I couldn't take him up on the offer. He's sweet, but since the failed camping trip fiasco we don't hang out and thus asking for favors seems wrong. His wife was pleasant enough during a brunch on Sunday but didn't say goodbye to me when they left. I thought it was odd, but will chalk it up to a hasty departure.

Finally, Janie called and left a lengthy message on my machine related to the (OMFG) 20 year class reunion. She is totally on the ball calling people and getting organized! YEAH JANIE! Go-Fight-Win!

UpChuck UpDate

Met with the gastrointestinal specialist regarding the throwing up thing and he recommended (and scheduled) an Endoscopy to determine (hopefully) the causage of the blockage. He had too, I mean you don't have someone tell you they are throwing up and not see it as an opportunity to make some money on an expensive procedure. He's gotta pay his mortgage somehow.

He, like my GP, thinks that it most likely is a "stricture" which means a narrow spot which generally presents itself as we get older. That's the inference anyway. He mentioned a couple other possible suggestions that were extremely down played and frankly scary to think about.

The upside of cancer being a cause would be chemo and maybe it would help me loose a few pounds. Still, I'm not rooting for that as the source of the throwing up.

They have to walk you through every possible scenario from being groggy when you leave to dying on the table. Dying may be extreme but approximately one in a thousand procedures experiences complications which according to my literature would result in real surgery. Dr. P assured me those are good odds. Good, but not great right? One in a bagillion-zillion would be better.

The appointment is the 7th - but I probably won't be in a condition to update you on that day so you'll have to be patient while I'm a patient.

If I die on the table I hereby proclaim it is my last wish that all my shelves be divided up equally between my friends.

Still MORE about the shelves

It's hard to believe that I have even MORE to say about these crazy office shelves but I do. As I said earlier, I cancelled the eBay order for the "shitty" shelves after the first one arrived in less than acceptable condition. I had no difficulty in getting my payment back and thought the matter was concluded.

NOT SO!!!!

I arrived home from work on Wednesday and found two huge packages on my doorstep. Yes, I have ANOTHER two shelves in my possession. I did extend an offer to the eBay lady to ship back the shelves as long as she pays the shipping. She confirmed that the order was cancelled with the warehouse and that she hasn't been billed - so unless I hear from her in the next couple days I may end up keeping them.

The good news is that the next time anyone comes over to the tpGal mansion there will be plenty of room to place your hat!

The value of an item is equal to the amout of money for which you paid, or you get what you pay for.

By now I think it's pretty obvious that I got a decent year end bonus (new computer, PotteryBarn furniture, happy outlook on life) but the spending will stop very quickly. I haven't just been spending on new things, I did pay for many things I already bought -- a.k.a. paid off some credit card debt.

Even though I've been flush lately I'm still looking for a bargain. I really hate to pay full price for anything. In an effort to save some dough, I bought three studio wall shelves off of eBay instead of paying full price from PotteryBarn. Well -- you get what you pay for. The first unit arrived and three of the five shelf bottoms were cracked and broken. I tried to ship it back to the manufacturer, but the cost to ship was almost equal to the amount of the expected refund. I decided to take it home and make it work. The eBay seller was nice enough to cancel the other two units. Thank you eBay lady.

I broke down and ordered the shelves I had been wanting at PotteryBarn. They were waiting on my doorstep last night. It was a struggle but I managed to get them in the house and put together. Unlike the cheap-o eBay versions these shelves are actual furniture! It took longer to uncrate the pieces than to put them together.

For once, I used my noggin and decided to assemble the item in the room in which the shelves will live. That turned out to be an excellent plan as at 7 feet tall these guys are hard for one gal to manhandle... or galhandle. Once assembled and adorned with my books, photo's of the friends and family it really looks great in the office. Great, that is except the one odd eBay shelf that is of obvious inferior quality and is a totally different color. Sigh... What's another $250? I'm worth it right? Actually, if I cash in my American Express points I could get the shelf for a song. That sounds like a plan! Who needs a free night in Nebraska when a gal could have matching furniture?

Finally -- sad question to end this entry. Now that my friends are getting a divorce what do I do with the photos? Do I put them away like we never went on vacation together? I suppose this is a minor thing to worry about during their trying time, but I can't help but wonder (oooh, now I'm Carrie Bradshaw) in a divorce, who keeps the memories?

Burlington Northern killed my Pottery barn order

East Glacier, Mont.
Tracks reopen after derailment
The railroad tracks east of Glacier National Park reopened Sunday, a day after a freight train derailed and blocked the lines.
The derailment of six cars Saturday afternoon disrupted service by Amtrak's Empire Builder, which travels a Chicago-Seattle route. Passengers boarded buses for part of the trip.
The cause of the derailment was being investigated, a BNSF Railway spokesman said.
Freight in the six cars included paper products, tile and aerosol hairspray (and Terri's Pottery Barn shelves.)


Part of my office shelf order had a train accident on the way to my house. I wonder if I can sue for mental anguish?

It's only money!

I finally succumbed this weekend and made an important home purchase. After years of using the 95 pound dell laptop from DotBomb(my parting gift) with a partitioned hard drive and only 5 gigabites of memory I broke down and bought a new computer.

I lugged home the super nifty Apple iMac. The ease of set up is phenomenal... it took about 20 minutes from the time I started until I was playing with the features. The built in camera is fun, and with MS office loaded on it's a work horse. I didn't go for the fastest, or for the one with 250 gigabytes of memory - I've been living on 5 gigabytes for years so I think 160 will do it for a while.

The amazing part is that there is one cord on the computer - the mouse and keyboard are wireless so it's a super clean workspace. I love it!

This purchase puts me on the brink of anothre major decision -- to finally get high speed internet. The cable guys are coming sunday after next so I might as well do it at the same time. It's only money right?

Starburst

The new Sour Starburst Fruit ChewsTM are just like the packaging claims S-O-U-R.

Sour, like turn your face inside out, tears in your eyes, spit out the candy sour!

Yummy! Run out to get your package today.

Ewww you threw up where?

They (Bob and Bob) say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. Maybe in my life it's throwing up in public.

Wait... let's back up a little.

Ok, so a while back I was eating dinner and the food kind of got stuck. I could still breathe but the pressure under my sternum was pretty fierce. As soon as I stood up I needed to expel the food. Once that was taken care of I was fine. I ate slower and all was good.

It happened again and I thought it was weird, but thought I was just eating too fast. Then it happened in front of friends and I had to excuse myself from the table. So embarrassing.

My friend Ali has been on my case to call my doctor - but in true P family form I put it off.

So, I'm at the Westlake Mall Food Court with five of my colleagues and I sit down to a plate of Chicken Tiki Masala from the Indian restaurant. I take one - nee two SMALL bites of the chicken - chew it up and instantly I know something is wrong. I waited to see if it would pass, but it wasn't my day. I excused myself and made my way the 30 yards or so (that's important) to the ladies room where I promptly expelled the chicken. After a moment or two I thought I was fine and headed back to the table. I knew I wasn't going to be able to eat - but I thought maybe a sip of beverage might be a good idea.

WRONG.

I swear I took in less than a tablespoon of liquid and I had to repeat the above action. Well -- much to my horror I did not make it to the restroom this time. (Can I just die right about now?) I cleaned up as well as I could - but it was everywhere. So, on top of feeling uncomfortable add a noticeably stained shirt and 30 yards of people between me and my coat. Once I made it back to the table I realized I was shaky and my favorite colleague asked if he could walk me back to the office. (Yes please!)

I didn't make it to the office. Mikey ducked into the RiteAid on the corner of 4th and Drug Dealer to get some paper towels while I stood next to a junkie and threw up into a garbage can. (Man, there's nothing like a bus full of people looking at you and making assumptions to make you feel pretty.)

So, back to the office changed my shirt (thank heavens I had a button up Mr. Roger's sweater on hand) and called finally called Dr. Mike. They got me in right away (3 hours later) by the time of my appointment I was able to eat a cracker and a balance bar - so that was good.

Dr. Mike says that while he's not pleased that it took me so long to come in (a year, is that a problem?) he thinks it's something not too terrible. I have an appointment to go to a Gastroenterolgist to and have an up-O-scopy (not endo - moutho) to see if there's an esophageal stricture. I told Dr. Mike that it sounded like a really boring conference seminar.

The co-workers did ask me to lunch again today. I tried to say no, but they assured me they wanted my company. When I excused myself to wash my hands they did have a look of fear but we worked through it and even had a laugh.

We'll see what Dr. Pepin (Pepper?) has to say. More to come... (less vomiting I'm sure)

Pressure

This isn't a forum to bitch about my job because for the most part I am really happy but lately people have been coming at me in all directions and I'm feeling overwhelmed.

Minion is helping but many of these things are outside her sphere. Plus, she's not my assistant - she's got her own full time job to manage. Plus, she's going on vacation a nice 11 day jaunt to Hawaii. (Bitch)

The only high point is that all the other managers on my team are feeling the same way. Lu just popped in and said... "I QUIT" oh, if I wasn't such a fan of a warm place to sleep I might consider the same thing. (just kidding mom)

Part of my problem is that I'm not a good take homework home person. I take it, but don't do anything with it. The only real benefit is the extra cardio I get from hauling the laptop home.

BOO HOO. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Gotta get back to it.

But wait... I have to make fun of the PM (that's project manager for those of you not up on corp-speak. A PM is a person who documents the shortcomings of business folk assigned to the project of the moment. He (or she) doesn't actually do anything but coordinate meetings and track due dates. A good PM is loved because he or she makes your life easier so you can show up share your expertise and go. A bad PM is hated because they come at you last minute for everything and expect their shit to be the priority. )

Our department has a (bad) PM who is kind of a strange bird. He's the one who did a walk-by "Gee you look like shit." greeting. I thought it was just me who didn't like him until one of the other gals came into my office, shut the door and whispered.."I HATE that guy!" I talked her off the ceiling, but felt vindicated for my lack of team-ness for him.

So the funny thing is that PM has the highest high water pants I've ever seen. ALL of his pants could qualify has clam diggers - and some come more than 2 inches above his high-top boots. It's like he had a growth spurt at the age of 50. He has a wife so I'm not sure what's up with the pants. Maybe she hates him too and it's her way of getting back at him.

The thing I hate the most is that he calls me "dear" - I was ok with Surly Stan from Social Security calling me Dear - because he was 65 and I was 22. Anyone with 40 years on me can call me pretty much anything they want... but if that age difference is under 20 years - They call me Mr. TIBBS!

Seriously, I've got to go...

Status: Honey do list

1) Pick up wall brackets at ACE hardware: Done.
2) Install wall brackets in garage: They didn't fit
3) Hang spare dining room chairs (8) in garage: Rigged an alternate plan, hung 4 chairs
4) Be at home between 9 am - 11 am to receive new dining room chairs from Crate&Barrel: Chairs arrived at 8:02 am. Good thing I was dressed.
5) Rush to the Vehicle Inspection for a Breathalyzer test: Arrived when they opened, was in an out in 30 minutes!
6) Rush to the state licensing place to renew car tabs: Wrong place, drove to Factoria, computers were down - no tabs. Boo
7) Prove my residency to the State of Wa. (The *&%$&* Seattle Monorail project has flagged me as a potential grifter. They reported me to the state for moving my address to Renton suggesting that I did it to avoid paying the horrific monorail taxes. Well - mo-fo's I actually moved - so HA! You're a colossal failure - so double HA! What makes me mad about this is that I not only moved two years ago, but I've been paying taxes AND my name is in the damn phone book - but could they do any research? NO, so I have to be inconvenienced. Grr.)
8) Make 7 layer dip for Sunday (beans, guac, sour cream, taco seasoning, olives, cheese, and the 7th layer... love! I didn't buy onions so it will have to be love.) : Done!
9) Put the studio wall bookshelf together: Done
10) repair the bottom shelf of #9 (it arrived broken - but the cost to ship it back negates the refund so I gotta make it work.) : Repair job doesn't look that terrible.
11) Buy a home computer (maybe): No, gonna wait for my tax refund
12) Do 2005 Taxes: Woohoo - big refund!
13) attend church on Sunday to wash away my hate for the evil Seattle Monorail project: Awkward -- the divorcing friends both came to church. If anyone ever said that the big D was easy they must not have friends.
14) watch some football game on tv: So sad, there were some terrible calls by the officials, but we also made some not good mistakes. It was exciting. Sigh
15) celebrate the (hoped for) outcome: Nope, went home and ironed laundry
16) laundry: Almost done
17) dinner with friends at the Red House in Renton: Oh gosh this was super fun!
18) Finish the bookclub book: Blink The Power of Thinking Without Thinking (now that's my kind of personal growth... don't think - just do what you like!): No time to read... it was go go go
19) recycle the enormous box in the spare room: Nope, lazy

Happiness

A Google search for images entitles Happiness gives us millions of hits. Here are some that I selected. Have a nice day!

Maybe the cat is named "Happiness" who knows?
The Secret of Happiness is the Key... ha ha ha
This symbol probably really means, look at me, I'm a honkey who can't read Chinese (or Japanese)

When I'm old I shall wear purple (and heavy eye makeup)
These guys are the IPM Happiness Squad. They look like our IT department at the failed dot com.
What is Phillip Seymor Hofman doing on this poster, shouldn't he be prepping for the Oscars. And frankly, these people don't look very happy.

oooh, puppies.

"Dude, you got your SQL server to run in mixed mode authentication! Me too! Awesome!"

Honey Do List

I have no Honey, so I guess all these are on me.

Things to accomplish this weekend:

1) Pick up wall brackets at ACE hardware
2) Install wall brackets in garage
3) Hang spare dining room chairs (8) in garage
4) Be at home between 9 am - 11 am to receive new dining room chairs from Crate&Barrel
5) Rush to the Vehicle Inspection for a breathalizer test
6) Rush to the state licensing place to renew car tabs
7) Prove my residency to the State of Wa. (The *&%$&* Seattle Monorail project has flagged me as a potential grifter. They reported me to the state for moving my address to Renton suggesting that I did it to avoid paying the horrific monorail taxes. Well - mo-fo's I actually moved - so HA! You're a colossal failure - so double HA! What makes me mad about this is that I not only moved two years ago, but I've been paying taxes AND my name is in the damn phone book - but could they do any research? NO, so I have to be inconvenienced. Grr.)
8) Make 7 layer dip for Sunday (beans, guac, sour cream, taco seasoning, olives, cheese, and the 7th layer... love! I didn't buy onions so it will have to be love.)
9) Put the studio wall bookshelf together
10) repair the bottom shelf of #9 (it arrived broken - but the cost to ship it back negates the refund so I gotta make it work.)
11) Buy a home computer (maybe)
12) Do 2005 Taxes
13) attend church on Sunday to wash away my hate for the evil Seattle Monorail project
14) watch some football game on tv
15) celebrate the (hoped for) outcome
16) laundry
17) dinner with friends at the Red House in Renton
18) Finish the bookclub book: Blink The Power of Thinking Without Thinking (now that's my kind of personal growth... don't think - just do what you like!)
19) recycle the enormous box in the spare room

Gee -- this might be the worst blog entry yet... but I love lists!

FOR SALE: One Soul

Hi, my name is Tim. My soul is for sale.

I have systematically hurt the state of Washington and now I have my sights set on hurting mankind. First I'll start by proposing that it's ok to discriminate against gays, (horrid sinners) then I'll take on fat people (slovenly lazy dumbies - I do like that they are jolly, but that's not enough to keep them around). Once those easy targets are done, I'll move to black people (I don't need to say anything here) and them eliminate rights and equal pay for women (I mean come on, you don't really thing the ladies are as smart or as worthy as men do you?). It wil be a glorious day when I'm done.

Bwahahahahaha

ah... a blissful weekend "away"

My two favorite chums and I rented a waterfront bungalow (daylight basement) on Bainbridge Island this past weekend. What a delight!

We slept in, read, talked until all hours of the night, explored Winslow, explored the bakery, shopped, played Boggle and relaxed for three days. We topped off our weekend "away" with a trip to IKEA. I have to say it was nice to turn off the tv and just be.

IKEA is always fun. Most of the furniture is small - but they have some great storage options.

Getting back to work today wasn't too terrible. It's hard to get my head in the game - but after two hours, I'm fully immersed.

My home was occupied while I was away by a friend who is getting a divorce. My cat was calmer than he would be if he didn't have a friend to hang out with. It's unfortunate that my pal has to endure sadness and personal agony for my cat to have a companion.

As I was spending time with SadGuy last night he said something along the lines of "I decided that we are going to ...."
and I was all like "um, why do you get to decide that for me?"
and he was all "I'm going through a divorce, I'm entittled to be a little selfish right now"
and I'm all like "Ok, how long are we going to have to live with that kind of decision making?"

I'm all for supportive friendship for as long as it takes. He didn't want to get a divorce and he's sad, but that doesn't entitle him to choose every movie or make every restaraunt choice for all eternity. I maybe rushing things, it's only been two weeks, so I will cut him a little slack.

In more better news (I've lost all will to use like my high school english skills) tomorrow is bonus pay out day! I'm considering a big purchase of a new home computer. I've got my eye on the iMac and am mulling over the risk of a combo monitor/cpu configuration. I can't imagine the risk is any greater with the iMac than it would be with a laptop. I'm not excited about a tower and monitor configuration. Anyway -- no decisions have to be made anytime soon and I will report back on the final outcome.

have a great week.

Lemmings to the left...

Well, now that Oprah says James Fay, author of A Million Little Pieces is a liar (see Seattle Times article from today) I HATE that guy. He sucks. His book sucks. All recovering drug addicts suck... don't read his book no matter how entertaining or engaging or educational or inspirational you might find it.




Here's a picture of Oprah telling James how people hate him, how he's worthless and how he should just crawl back into the muck

A Million Little Pieces: the controversy

A couple of Seattle residents today filed what they hope to turn into a class action law suit against the publisher and author of the "non-fictional" book A Million Little Pieces. The Seattle Times reports that the pair is seeking damages for "lost time" they spent reading the book.

Say it with me people: Pu-Leeze! Get over yourselves.

I've read this book (in three days) and I thought it was great. Not since the Bridges of Madison County have people gone so gaga over a book. (Note to readers: BoMC - was over rated and was fiction written to look like non-fiction. It does NOT earn a recommendation from me.) Back to the point, I had flight attendants, my airplane seatmate and complete strangers approach me while reading to discuss the book. They ALL basically said "Isn't that book awesome?"

For the ten of you who haven't read the book here's the synopsis: James wakes up on an airplane not sure where it's headed. He's covered in blood with a hole in his face. His parents kindly drop him into re-hab where he sobers up and learns to live with his addictions.

I found it hard to read at times because his account of the experience was so graphic and yet it really made me think about my own life (no, not doing any drugs if that's what yer thinkin') and I was amazed at his ability to portray a population of people that I really would rather not have over to my house for dinner in a new way.

The controversy is that the Smoking Gun web site did a background check on the author and found that they couldn't verify everything in his non-fiction book.

I will admit that when I read non-fiction that I expect things to be true - but I also know all too well that the truth can be BO-RING! I am not at all offended that this dude (and possibly his editors) took some license with sequence, collapsing characters, and over emphasizing certain events to make the book a better read. I promise you that if you think everything I have noted in the blog is 100% accurate you are in for a surprise!

Other authors have been criticized for taking the same license with their life stories, and I wonder if all autobiographies by default have at least one inaccuracy. You can only remember things how you remember them - as I remember it, I broke up with my high school boy friend, he did NOT dump me because I was too clingy and needy. (well, maybe that sounds a little familiar -- but believe you me, when my auto biography is published I'm gonna be the injured party.) I've read autobiographies where portions of the subjects life is left out -- does that mean the books are worthless? (In the case of Beryl Markham who omitted all references to her children during the span of the book, but managed to leave in her love life... yes it does!)

Anyway these yahoos hopefully don't have a shot in hell of getting compensation for lost time to read A Million Little Pieces. Frankly, I still recommend this book to everyone in spite of the controversy.

Thank you and have a nice day!

Ok kids put the shotguns away, it's storytime!

Girl accidentally shot at Md. day care

This headline makes me wonder about a few things:

1) Whatever happened to crayons at day care?
2) If the girl was shot accidentally, what was the shooter really aiming at?
3) Do parents get a discount if their kids bring their own guns rather than using the day care provided guns?
4) How to they know which gun belongs to which kid? Are they tied to the kid with yarn?
5) If the kids are inclined to bring guns to day care, maybe they should think about increasing the quality of the snacks... I don't think graham crackers are cutting it anymore.
6) Does the teacher send home a note with the shooter: "Mrs. Smith, Billy earned three gold stars and a marksman badge today."
7) If the kids have hand guns, do the teachers have nuclear weapons? "I said it's time to be quiet Suzie. I'll only count to three and then I'll have to WMD your ass!"
8) Do they keep the ammo with the art supplies?

Seriously folks... lock up your guns! If your child can or does break through your super secret storage locations (under the bed, in the night stand, in the back of the closet...) you should go to jail. This is one of the rules in TPtown - it's a world governed by me and I promise you it's not a good place to made stupid mistakes.

Warning: contains the plague and sex toys

I had dinner last weekend with friends. It was Chris' birthday so we met downtown (Renton) to try the newly re-opened McGowans. It has a fancy new name, taupe paint and hand-blown glass lights over the tables. The food was pretty good, the drinks were weak and while the dinner was fun I'm not sure it will be tops on my list of places to visit in the future.

Chris has a super cute three year old who for all outward appearances is a normal happy child. She is, however, teaming with diseases. I'm pretty sure that this is not just her problem - but more generally I believe that ALL three years olds are carriers of no less than 100 viruses including the plague. Someone alert the CDC, there's a 3 year old on the loose!

After a short gestation period, I was sitting on the bus and felt the urge to clear my throat. One short cough and all hell broke loose in my body. My back hurt, I felt weak and cold and my nose started to fill with unknown substances.

It has been three days and I’m looking forward to a weekend of Nyquil induced napping and possibly finishing the season one dvd’s of LOST. Upon achieving wellness, I will promptly run to Chris’ house and kick her ass. I will of course, suit up in a bio-hazzard outfit so as not to get the next strain of ebola that I'm sure Suzie McCute is handing out this week.

On a separate note, I just recieved a shipment of umbrellas that I ordred as give aways for a conference my company is hosting in February. The umbrellas have form fitting gel handles. Every person who has touched the handle has commented that it feels like something purchased from an adult toy store. Good CRAP, I've purchased a flacid penis for the chief security officers of MICROSOFT, BankofAmerica, IBM, HP, Chevron, Shell... and the list goes on and on! Welcome to Seattle, here's your sex toy!

It's Mood Hair...

Sorry fella's - this is another post about my hair. Who knew girls could write or care so much about something so silly?

After living with the "Orange" hair for a few weeks and growing in a good half inch of "roots" I finally made an appointment to have my mane professionally color corrected.

During the color consultation the hair mistress suggested something absurd... dye my hair its true natural color and add in some highlights. What in the world was she thinking... my true natural color! I haven't been my true color since 1986 when SUN-IN hit the market.

Well, after getting up off the floor I agreed to go "natural". Turns out... I'm not blonde anymore. I may have been the Arian Posterchild in 1976 but in 2006, I'm more Ali McGraw than Ali McBeal. It's a little shocking to me, but pretty.

The highlights are a little too zebra stripy for my taste, but I think it will be easily corrected at the next highlight touch up session in 4 to 6 weeks.

Next time you see me... if you hate the 'natural color' keep it to yourself, because it's really me and I'm going to stick with it for a while.

Local Woman Overcomes Obesity

My friend Janie cracks me up. She can bring a smile to my face every time we talk. We’ve known each other since 5th grade and were friends all through school except that one year where I was fickle (according to her mother.) No matter how true it was, I can tell you it was a shock to hear that an adult thought ill of me at the age of 12.

Janie and I reconnected after college and we spent a lot of time in our twenties enjoying the big city life of Seattle. Some of my least mature moments have happened with Janie as well as some of my most slutty moments! (Sorry Mom) That’s another story that we won’t go into but I will say that there has been at least one really fun Fleet Week in my past. Who names their son John Johnson?

Anyway, Janie married a very nice, hard working, family oriented man and moved north to an amazing land called “Everett”. She’s now a stay at home mom with two kids, one father-in-law and a mini-van. She is happy and living the American dream.

No matter where our lives take us, when we get on the phone the friendship connection is as strong as if we have spent every day together. She’s the only person who could take a shitty situation and make it funny. She still laughs about the time I got my period during high school. It was everywhere and I didn’t realize it until I had walked through the entire school from one class to another. Of course she acknowledges the horrific embarrassment of the event, but thinks it’s funny because if you don’t find the humor you would never get out of bed and go back to school. I let her get away with it because for every dumb stupid thing I do, she does similar things that she’s not afraid to tell me about. We spend a lot of our time telling each other the stupid things we do, and it’s a nice reality check.

When talking with her the last time Janie told me she had been asked to be in the background of a photo for the local paper. Janie’s friend Sue, a personal trainer, had lost over 50 pounds a number of years ago, and the story was supposed to be a glorification of the triumph of Sue and her battle of the bulge. Janie confirmed with the photographer the pictures were of Sue. Janie had rushed to the gym and hadn’t taken time to do her hair or put on any makeup – I mean why would you want to dress up to work out?:(Maybe because there was going to be a photographer there!) I mean come on, this is the same gal who took the time to shave her legs while she was in labor so that the nurse wouldn’t have to feel her leg stubble during the birth – she should have known better.

When the paper came out the picture on the front page was huge and showed Janie and Sue side by side, and the headline read: Small changes helped local woman defeat obesity. The end of article explained it was Sue who overcame obesity by losing 50 pounds not before explaining that Sue had helped Janie lose over 40 pounds. Janie is happy with her physically fit self, but doesn’t think it qualifies as newsworthy. Much to her horror, her in-laws, neighbors, grocery store clerks and gas station attendants are recognizing her from the paper and are congratulating her on her success. She is a celebrity!

All I can really say is way to go Janie! You’re an example for all woman kind!

Look who's looking?

People thought John Lennon was a nut for saying that the government was spying on him, and oops it turned out to be true.

I'm discouraged but not surprised that Bushie would admit that he's tapping our phones. "If Al Qaida is calling you, we want to know why." Well so do I, I'm on the Al Qaida do-not-call list, so technically Bushie shouldn't be taping my phone. However, as a member of the online community who has voiced my extreme displeasure over Bushies plan for the world, I'm sure I'm on a list. A small potatoes list - but a list.

I do believe that all traffic on the Internet is monitored and not just unencrypted traffic ALL of it.

I just wish that Al Qaida wasn't the excuse for everything our government is doing. It's getting old.
We're invading Afghanistan... Al Qaida!
Invading Iraq. Saddam=Al Qaida (oil)
We think Iran is a threat. Al Qaida (oil)
We're tapping the phones of CNN Reporters. Al Qaida (Christiana A. is a ruthless B who tells the "truth" we'll fix her!)
We're going through your garbage. Al Qaida
Oil prices are out of control. Al Qaida (greed)
The economy is teetering on a dangerous edge. Al Qaida
There are people going hungry in America. What people?

I'm a patriot who's discouraged. I'm not going to go so far as Harry Belefonte and suggest that Bushie is the worlds most egregious terrorist. I think some of his predecessors may still be in the lead.
Bushie v. Hitler winner: Hitler
Bushie v. Pol Pot winner: Bushie
Bushie v. Saddam winner: Saddam (which is why it's tricky)
Bushie v. Ramsey Youssef winner: Bushie (Ramsey was a patsy)
Bushie v. Osama winner: Osama (dead) so second runner up?

Now I've gone and done it... I might be on a bigger list now. My hair clip is already on a do not fly list -- what else can they do to me?

My bad hair travel day

I have to teach a class in Chicago on Monday and apparently the only flight to Chicagoland was at 8:45 Sunday morning. So, after a whirlwind day Saturday of trying to 'relax' and still get all the weekend chores done I went to bed early so the 5:30 am alarm wouldn't be too horrid. It was.

The nicest thing I can say about leaving the house at 6:50 on a Sunday morning is that traffic doesn't suck.

My hairclip set off the security detector, and the surly burly TSA (wanker) made me take it out of my hair rather than use the wand. Honestly, I think the security measures we have to deal with are fine, but my hair clip!? Clearly, this guy doesn't now, nor ever has lived with a woman. I was pissed that he wouldn't even consider 'wanding' me and don't tell me it's for my own safety -- if they can wand the belt region they can wand my skull. My hair looked like crap after the clip came out.

I did manage to finagle a first class upgrade for the flight so I was cozy and comfortable when we left the gate but then had to return for two hours because of a communication error. My main complaint about the flight wasn't the delay but the inattentive flight attendant. This guy may have forgotten that 'attendant' is part of the job description. Mr. Service stood in the 'galley' pouring himself 3 (THREE) cups of coffee while the coach class attendants passed out water to the other passengers. He tried to talk the other attendant out of providing any beverage service while we waited. "Why would you pass out water, they can wait" he said. I was surprised by his lack of interest in his passengers. He never did bring out coffee (even during the flight) and to make us feel even more ignored he didn't pick up our service items.

I know that I sound silly and petty but for right this minute I am.

After checking into the lovely AmeriSuites hotel in Vernon Hills, Il I went out again to scout out the 'neighborhood' and try to locate a grocery store. I hit the 'Dillards' which is Chicago for Safeway and noticed a SuperTarget across the street. This isn't your average Target -- but a "Super" Target. I might go check it out tomorrow after work -- I hope it's not too super, I didn't pack a bag.

It could be hard to go to sleep tonight, but thanks to the early start and the extra lengthy flight I might be able to hit the hay 'on Chicago time.' I do love that nightly programming starts early out here. It's nice to stay 'up' for late night tv and still be in bed by 10. That's not reason enough to move East, but I can like it.

I'm realizing this entry is a little more "at 10am I got out of bed and chose the blue socks with the pink stripe" than I normally post - but I've had a bad hair day.

the problem of two stews

As I mentioned in the last entry I was bit by an industrious bug over the New Years' break and not only cleaned and organized the condo I also cooked up two pots of stew for the book club ladies. Well, frankly they didn't eat enough of the stew and I've got bowls of it every where. It's like a Dr. Seuss book in my house:

Bowls of stew in my shoes, in my tub and on my couch
Pots of stew in my plants, in my pants and on my slouch
There are spoons of stew on my telly, in my belly and in my pouch

I've got stew in tupperware, in underwear and under there,
I've got doles of stew in holes and in big round bowls.

Heaps and deeps of smelly stew is on the floor
There are piles and miles of stew waiting by the door
I've even taken a pound to the neighbor who cried "No MORE!"

I've got stew under my pillow and by the willow, and it's just a hunch
that I'll be eating stew for ages every dinner, every breakfast and of course lunch!

And it starts all over again...

Today is my least favorite day of the year. The holidays are over, and everyone is back to work. The bus was crowded this morning for the first time in weeks and traffic was a mess.

I took my little office tinsel tree down on Thursday before I left the office and now every trace of holiday cheer is gone.

The extended holiday weekend was great, and while I enjoyed Christmas with my parents (brother dear didn't come) an extended weekend at home was delightful. The NYE celebration was fun and while I don't think I drank too much, I did mix it up, gin, lemon drops, and champagne... my head hurt like a mother the next morning. Thankfully because the holiday fell on a weekend, MegaBank gives us the next weekday as a holiday. (Heaven forbid we shouldn't get our 10 holidays off each year. ) I was able to spend one day on the couch under a blanket with my book and one day being productive in my condo.

My productive day was exciting. I managed to finally take a car load of CRAP to Goodwill (no, not junk... CRAP.) I cleaned cupboards, ditched all sorts of things I haven't used in forever. A quick stop at LampsPLUS yielded the perfect floor lamp for my living room. The holiday decorations are not only put away, but sorted by color and type. The home made crafty ones that I love but never use are now safely stored together, while the ornaments I've been collecting are sorted for easy access next year.

I'm hosting book club at my house tonight, so I also spent the day making a yummy stew for the gals. Actually, I made two... one with meat and one without. I may be eating stew for a million years. I also baked a cake. Jinkies...one day off and I'm Martha-f*ing-Stewart. Actually, the trick is not to turn on the TV. That's my new year’s resolution - exercise and don't turn the TV on as a matter of habit when walking in the door at night.

Ok - it's like 8:17 a.m. and I must really get to work. All the things that I put off last year are waiting for me, and I have to earn the $10 a day they are paying me.

Happy New Year!