hurry up and wait

Yesterday was my final preoperative appointment with Valley Medical. Mom drove over from Yakima and we had a very lovely breakfast prior to heading to the hospital. I felt a little guilty about the two eggs, bacon, biscuit because it was a HUGE amount of food - but at the end of the day I'm thankful I didn't start the day on just one piece of toast and 8oz milk with protein powder.

Our day started to go sideways when the receptionist couldn't find my name on the schedule for the day. Considering both mom and I had taken the day off work, and the fact that there are two solid weeks of prep before the surgery we HAD to see the doc that day.

The other issue is that apparently I was supposed to pay yesterday, but no one said anything, so I didn't have my checkbook on me. I mean come on, how many people carry a checkbook any more? So, I knew I was going to have to "zip home and back" once we were done. While the hospital is close to my house, it is still far enough away to have to involve the Hwy 167 and I-405 interchange.... for those of you NOT in the PNW... imagine waiting waiting in line, inching forward, waiting, inching, and then some ass-hole cuts in at the last minute (because he's too good to wait?) oh... I don't like it Sam I am, not one bit.

So, the appointment was at 10 - we go to the little room and they (very nicely) offer us a water. 10:30 we start the super fun powerpoint RISKS OF WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY (subtitled... If you sue we are so going to bring this to court to say "I tole you so!") This was awesome because it went through all the terrible things that could happen and my mom who is supportive but a little bit of an alarmist was twitching in the chair next to me.

We finish that... wait 30 minutes, the nutritionist comes in (and you should know that any one of the people can raise their hand and tell me no, this isn't going to happen) and we discuss my food logs. I'm worried about this part because while I've been good about keeping track in the last week my diet has pretty much gone to shit. PIZZA... seriously I ordered pizza and it was really really good.

Anyway... we talk, she says she's happy, I don't have to log food anymore. Of course, I start the LIQUID Diet Monday. It isn't as awful as you might think, it's only 2 weeks and for 13 of the days I get to eat one meal in addition to the protein drinks. I imagine I'll actually be cooking!

She leaves, then we wait and wait and wait.... by now its 1pm and the staff is cooking up their lunches. Finally the exercise guy comes in and he's happy too. We talk about my gym plan, but asks me to wait until he clears me to join the gym. (he thinks it will be 3-4 weeks after surgery before I'm doing much more than working up my walking duration and intensity. I'll have an 8 week restriction on carrying anything over 20 lbs. (Maybe I should do my Christmas shopping now...)

Once we're done all we have to do is see the doctor and we can go. By this time mom and I are surfing the Internet on the computer. We've read CNN.com, the Onion, the comics (seattle pi and the Times) we've read back posts of my blog, spent about an hour looking at the before and after photos on the obesityhelp website. We talked to my dad, and started talking about which one of us would be more tasty if we had to eat one another.

at 2... (seriously 4 hours into this) the doc comes in and he basically shuts down our complaint about the day. The scheduling snafu screwed his day pretty hard too. I was a little put off, and had a hard time focusing because of the hunger pains, but once we started talking it faded away.

Wouldn't you know it... somewhere we missed a couple tests, so once we were done we had to go to the lab. (no blood draw yeah!) The doc gets up and says... ok, once the nurse comes in you're ok to go...

She didn't come until 3. I loved her immediately (there's a moment when crankiness turns to hysteria and I"m funny during hysteria) and we finished up in about 30 minutes. Looking at the time, and the fact that it was going to take us a least an hour to get home and back with the money the nurse called in a HUGE favor and made arrangements for me to make the payment next Monday.

The labs weren't too awful and we finally left the hospital at 4:30. We stumbled down the hill and had our lunch/dinner (linner maybe dunch.) We had planned to go shopping and all sorts of fun things, but ended up seeing a movie instead. All that sitting around really wore me out.

Mom left early this morning, and I'm about to hit the gym. It's Yaz' birthday today so I need to run out and get the perfect card to go with the perfect beyond perfect birthday gift.

SAD

NOT EVEN A SINGLE DAMNED TRICK OR TREATER....

What the HELL do I do with the candy???

When will I learn?

My senior senior manager (two levels up) was asking the same question over and over about a process that I manage, so I offered to come up and answer any questions, help her to understand what the scoop is and to review the items that are under her.

I'm not one to finagle time with the high mucky-mucks. I want to get my job done, do it well and be rewarded at pay raise time (I want my 2.25% raise every year.) I tell you this so you know I went into this with the truest of intentions to clear up questions.

It was a train wreck. Instead of attempting to understand the purpose of the process and her role, she honed in on the report and a piece of data that I probably should have seen as the land mine of all land mines. She wouldn't get off it, and the meeting kept spiraling down and down and down. I didn't get defensive until she referenced someone else's process as a comparison. Frankly, the only good thing I would say about the referenced item is that the gal who botched it together is gone. She was MUCH better about selling herself than I am. Now, 6 hours later it occurs to me that perhaps both the senior manager and my new boss (the QB) don't know is that not only is the process I've developed the most robust at our company, but it may be one of the top in the industry. No company I've talked to can do the tracking, management or follow up that we can. There are books and books about all sorts of security management practices, but not for the process I've developed.

For her to be focused on the number of items vs. the content or the purpose is extremely deflating.

The end result... I get to go back in 2 months and report on my progress of making my process "better." Never mind the risk that we're managing, I for f*ck sake will make sure that my process lines up with what she THINKS is the right metric to capture.

AND... at one point she made some crack about how old one of the items were, "2004... NO ONE was here in 2004!" Um, be-Atch... I was.

Anyway, it was awful. I'm open to new ideas, but a total smack down out of left field over stuff management doesn't understand makes me want to hurl.

Scenes From Philly

Mr. Washington I presume?






















Da Bell



















Where they made it happen....


















Where it all went down.

all dolled up!

I love the iMac built in camera... but I need to do something about the background...

I'm in the midst of laundry and it shows.

Travel Whine

Blogger won't let me upload my excellent photos from Philadelphia just yet, so I'll take a moment to complain about my journey home yesterday.

It was raining on the east coast, so there were flight cancellations in Philadelphia. American Airlines called me at 2 to tell me they canceled my 5:30 flight and asked if I could be at the airport by 3. I could get there by three, but I had no idea about the security process so I had to say no. The agent was somewhat annoyed that I wasn't at the airport 3 1/2 hours early but booked me on a 4pm flight with a connection to Seattle. Middle seats.. (urg)

It wasn't until I was at the airport when they dropped the bomb that I would be flying through TEXAS and having a small THREE HOUR LAYOVER. I'm not sure, but flying through Texas might have been the most in direct way to fly from the northern east coast to the northern west coast.

Thankfully, the Dallas to Seattle flight wasn't remotely full and I had a whole row to stretch out in, and I actually fell asleep. Good thing too because it made the 2am arrival a little more bearable.

I have a little travel hungover today, but will rally in time for dinner and a show with the only group of super cute men who ever invite me out. Yes, I am speaking of the Gays. We're off to dinner and to see Spamalot. It should be a riot.

thank you!

Your quick response has made a huge difference! While lunch was another "cheese" festival the afternoon snack was a delightful mix of green veggies (peas, cucumbers, asparagus, peppers and zucchinni) with a side of buffet fruit.

Buffet Fruit, what is that? You ask hoping that I'll write MORE about food.

Buffet Fruit is the standard mix of honeydew mellon, cantaloupe, strawberries and watermellon. Nothing exciting like berries, apples, oranges or pears - but still solid fruit of the non-canned variety. At this stage of the game, I loaded up with two plates of veggies and fruit.

Thank you so much for our generous contributions!

Philly-Aid

Calling all caring Americans, our brethren in the city of brotherly love need our help.

All over the city hotel patrons from lands lush with unique items like cucumbers, lettuce, and spinach are suffering from withdrawls.

I need your help in raising money to ship these needed food items to this otherwise lovely city.

This morning, I scrapped the only three raspberries in the entire state off the top of the (honestly) granola and frosting breakfast goo onto my plate. The other conference guests looked at me with hate and loathing in their eyes, but I didn't care. Scurvy was starting to set in, and something had to be done.

Lunch was a little better - a tomato and mozzarella salad (in 19 cups of oil) with (and remember, I said "little") salted shaved chicken or salted shaved "beef" and a vat of orange goo, with a steaming tray of onion rings.

I skipped the snack session today and went up to my room to work a little, but I heard that they served little squares of pecan pie. Now, I love me some pecan pie, but one should really only eat one square inch a year.

Our dinner party wasn't able to get into the local cuban restaraunt so we walked around the corner to an Italian place. We shared an Arugula salad and a flatbread pizza that we topped with ricotta and spinach. It was awesome, and it was a challenge to keep myself to one slice.

All joking aside, I am in LOVE with the neighborhood where our hotel is located. It is the perfect mix of urban and residential. We're in the historic district and it's very charming. Of course I couldn't afford a home here - the brownstones are in the low 2.5 millions - but it would be pretty cool.

I'm very much looking forward to my power tourist session Friday. I'm afraid the rain will arrive just in time for my day in the city, but I won't let it stop me. I can just walk around the corner to the Urban Outfitters and pick up a hat - and a hot pink Christmas Tree (ok...) and go about my day.

TP Wonka and the Fried Food Factory

Day one of the conference and it’s a food nightmare.  Breakfast was sweetbreads and whole milk, one strawberry adorned the top of a massive tub of butter.

Midmorning snacks were giant caramelized cinnamon rolls.

Lunch was salad (whew) chicken breasts each pre-dressed with 3 slices of bacon and cheese, or battered & fried catfish with French fries, the soup was a thick clam chowder with giant white bread rolls.   Dessert …. Enormous wedges of a cream pie that looked to be lemon or banana based former fruit product.

The afternoon snack…. ICE CREAM F*CKING SUNDAYS.

For those of us who are attempting to eat healthy… this place blows!

My lunch was so light that I was (am) feeling hunger, so I ran up to my room and downed a calcium chew as a snack.  (that’s simply sad)

I want credit for not eating this crap.  The hotel is really beautiful, but damn it… this food situation had better improve.

Huge News...

Multiple sources this weekend informed me about JK Rowling’s announcement that Harry Potter’s beloved headmaster Professor Dumbledore is actually gay.  Interesting news I guess, especially if you are wrapped up in the “lives” of fictional characters. 

To me it doesn’t matter if he’s gay, straight, had a secret affair with an elf, or worse a muggle. Mugglesexual?   While I believe Ms. Rowling’s comments to be in jest, it bothers me that she would joke about it.  The days of insulting someone by calling them gay should be capital O – over.  Had her intention been one of tolerance then she should have broached the subject in her multimillion dollar earning books in a forthright manner.  To mention it after the fact is a weak attempt with no cost to her pocketbook.  A more risky move (but one worthy of respect) would have been to write it into the actual story.

It is not shocking to me that a character in a “children’s” story would turn out to be gay.  Plenty of characters throughout the fiction have frequented the “Neighbors Bar” in fantasy land.  Last time I was there with my friend Craig, I saw Prince Charming putting the moves on TinkyWinky (who I thought was a little young to be out that late.)   Poor Cinderella, I hope that Prince tells her that he’s a member of the family before they have kids.  Maybe they have an agreement – but it’s really none of our business.

See you in a week

I'm off for a week of security talks in Philadelphia. It should be fun, and I do have half a day for tourist stuff. I'm sure like all of my half day city explorations that it will prove to be too short.

My flight leaves at 6:46 am tomorrow morning which means I have to get up at the crack of dawn (even earlier truth be told) and I'm nowhere near ready. I just finished packing as I had to quickly re-set the wardrobe once I checked the weather for the week. I was mentally prepared for 50 and crisp, and we're actually looking at 70 and wet.

I realized that the housekeeper people were coming while I'm gone and I can't expect the cat sitter to pick up my crap, so I'm still making sweeps of rooms to pick up wayward shoes and lost socks.

Also... one last unfavorite task before bed... the damned cat box. I just scooped it yesterday, but I know I won't be doing it in the morning. I'm sure I'll be regretting my midnight bedtime when the alarm rings at 4:15. My plan is to sleep the first few hours on the plane. Sure, that makes for a hell of a time going to bed on the east coast but there's not much to do about it now.

I'm sure I'll be posting from the road, so don't think you're off the hook in trying to keep up with me.

As for you JANIE... for not returning my call Friday, I may just have to call you when I get up tomorrow.

Life

I went to the funeral today of a man I didn't really know. He and his family are members of my church. (My is an odd phrase I think.) I didn't know him personally, but I've met his wife a number of times and really liked her.

I was saddened to hear the weekly updates regarding his health and was moved when I got the e-mail that he had died. I sort of felt like an interloper today, but I'm glad I went.

It was your average funeral. Well, if average is a rock band and weeping Insurance salesman. Gary was in the insurance business and clearly was loved by his clients and the people he worked for. The gruff, no nonsense Insurance Salesman gave the most touching reading of 1 Corinthians I've ever heard. Normally, this passage is read at weddings by some cousin of the bride who has a terrible case of stage fright. All I ever really remember of it is that Love is patient, Love is kind, it is never boastful... and then I'm off in my head thinking about weddings and how my feet hurt. Well, not today. This beer swilling insurance guy was choked up, and read the damn thing with meaning and purpose. It was as if he had written the passage for his friend himself.

The big life lesson for me today is, it is what it is. Make the most of it, and to display the integrity myself that I expect in others.

RE: Fictionary?

From MWR:

Asshorn - one of those over-ear Bluetooth hands-free cell headsets

Or perhaps I'm the only one who surmises a correlation between using those devices and personality.

You are so right! We have one of those at work, and the only time I EVER see him is when he’s on the phone. He purposely goes for a walk when a call comes in. Maybe it makes him feel important. Who knows. We mock him in a mean spirited way. We are small soulless people.

I also think there’s a term: MergeHole or FuckMerge : the individual who refuses to abide by the every other car freeway merge technique during heavy traffic. (This term applies is not limited to the over aggressive mergers but also applies to the folks already on the freeway who refuse to make a hole.) A prime example was the FuckMerge in the grey Ford Taurus Station Wagon this morning who refused to let me in.

I abandoned the term “AssMerge” (which could be something totally different)

Billie Jean

The family got good news today. My brother's ex-wife Anna finally was compelled (that's legal talk for do it or you're going to jail) to do a DNA test on the child that was born as their marriage was ending. My brother has insisted since the beginning that the kid couldn't be his and has been in a long drawn out legal battle for almost 16 years.

Frankly its been a mess. There's this kid who may or may not be family. He didn't have access, we didn't have any relationship with her at all. And then, here's my brother who's holding his family together on a shoestring paying buckets of money for a kid he believes in his heart isn't his.

Well, the tests are in... and he's not the papa. Good news for my brother and his wife, maybe they'll get some or all of their money back. Good news for the kid, Anna is about to re-marry and the new guy wants to adopt the kid. I honestly hope they'll be really happy.

I wonder if the state of Georgia will be as fast at returning the paid child support as they were about garnishing his wages.

Frankly, I think they'll avoid returning Kev's money until they get it back from Anna. Hopefully my current sister-in-law wont run out and buy a pool or a new car until they have actual money in hand.

In other good news, it also seems that my dearest brother is so far from the action in Iraq that he's BORED. He said his job consists of watching the "detainees" (nice) walk the yard.

Technically, (and legally) I wonder how long you can be "detained" before it rolls over into actual captivity? One or two years? I love the semantic games we play.

Animal Planet

Last night was pretty dry in the tv arena, I'm caught up on all my dvr'd shows (except Friday Night Lights) so I was flipping and landed on the Animal Planet channel.

They were showing a program about fat pets in the UK. They featured a 40 pound (16 kilo) cat a 202 pound Rottweiler and a King James (I have no idea) Springer Spaniel who was so round that he could only lay on his tummy with his feet sprawled out. He had no spring...

The kitty had a heart murmur and the HOT vet gave the mummy a stern talking to. Poor Peter, because of this show the all-you-can-eat buffet is now closed. He's gone from a heaping 1/2 cup of crunchies in the morning and one at night (and then a top off any time the bowl was empty-ish) to the prescribed 1/4 cup in the morning and one at night.

I'm sure he's a little pissed. He keeps walking me by the bowl and making a noise as if to say.. HEY ASSHOLE... THE DAMNED DISH IS EMPTY!!!! LOOK! EMPTY.

Well buddy, I get it. My all-you-can-eat-buffet is closed too...

Maybe we'll do Kitty and Me Before and After photos. Oh lord, wouldn't that be the saddest thing ever? Here's Middle Aged Midge and her CAT. (She doesn't need a man, she has a cat.)

It's not polite to talk about poo!

No one ever said I was polite.

My parents recently had lunch with some old friends. My news is my parents news so they shared with these folks that I'm about to have weight loss surgery.

This like most other news seems to be an invitation to bring up every scary story on the face of the earth. "Oh, you're adopting!? You have to be really careful because my sisters roommates brother went through an open adoption and the baby turned out to be an alien!" We've all done it, I think it's human nature.

So, these folks warned Mom and Dad that their friends sister's neighbor had WLS and now has the stinkiest poo ever. Apparently it's so bad that the lady can't even fly because the stink is so pervasive. (That's some nasty poo.)

I'm not one to take my information from friends of friends, or their sister's neighbor so I went to the experts. I posted a poo question on the message board of my new favorite web site (with the worst name ever) ObesityHelp.com.

I didn't expect but a couple responses, but apparently the formerly fat like to talk poo. Holy crap! (ha) The response was overwhelming, and thankfully most people claimed to not have a marked difference post surgery.

Some of those folks were pretty danged funny... I just hope that I'm not forever remembered as the poo lady.

Wha???

I think it’s strange that companies like my cable tv/Internet provider put lip service to going “GREEN” by hounding me to get my monthly statements online, but continue to send me important mail about other services I should buy from them.  This other mail comes at least weekly.

Weights & Measures

With my work travel schedule my business trips are stacked at the end of the year, and while I enjoy the change of pace it's caused a kink in my diet. It's hard to stick to 6 small meals a day when the food is scheduled as part of the program.

Yes, it is an excuse, but lately I have been sliding back into some not so good eating choices. I had *GASP* taco time the other night and I ate EVERYTHING. I felt so full I almost puked, but it tasted so good.

Clearly routine is an important factor towards my success. I have been trying, I make sure I keep up on the water intake and avoid sweets. Not surprisingly my weight loss has plateaued. Every morning I shower, towel off and run into the other bathroom to see the damage and for almost 3 weeks it's been holding steady with a 1.5 pound variance up or down depending on who knows what, the moon's gravitational pull?

I was getting frustrated, so I stopped the morning weigh in. With the exception of the Taco Time incident, this week has gone well. Friday I was craving fast food CRAP, but made myself go and eat at home. (small victories) This morning, after a weeklong abstention from the scale I stepped on to see what progress I had lost. Lo and behold... I'm down another 5 pounds!!!

That means I'm twenty-seven pounds down from where I started! Woo hoo. Rico tried to round it up to thirty, but I don't roll like that. I wasn't rounding up at my highest weight, so rounding up the weight loss seems wrong. Plus, there's nothing to say that the next three pounds won't be really hard to lose so let's not dismiss them before they are gone.

I'm kind of on a high at the news and am reinvigorated to keep going. My goal for the weekend (in addition to a three-pete at the gym) is to go through the closet and weed out all the summer stuff that I won't EVER need again. (by next summer I should be in all new smaller sizes!)

So, thanks for your support and have a delightful Sunday.


P.S. On a more somber note, one of my co-workers father's passed away suddenly this week. Please, PLEASE take the time to tell your loved ones that you love them. No matter how much they drive you crazy, don't let it go unsaid.

To my family and friends, I really do love you with all that I have inside, I would be no one and nowhere without you.

New Do Review

I got my hair cut... what do you think?

(I'll post a picture of the do after I do it myself. The professional blow out always looks awesome and isn't repeatable.)

Gross!

I threw all this away from the work fridge today. Sad and wrong!!!



I'm pretty sure this apple won't keep the doctor away.






These breadsticks look a little past their prime as well.






You may need to look closely at these milks, but what I love is that the same guy who buys a new milk every week doesn't think to throw away the old cartons. That sandwich also has some "extra" stuff on it that I'm pretty sure Outtakes didn't include with the Turkey and Cheese.

Coming Soon: It came from the work fridge

I took some great pictures today while doing a little purging in the work fridge....

I found some ancient breadsticks, an "apple" some "wine" (aka aged fruit juice) and some older milk products.

Pictures will be uploaded this evening. I bet you can't wait.

Books

I just finished Manhunt, the 12 day hunt for Lincoln's assassin. Thanks to Deborah I seem to be on a Lincoln kick. Thankfully, this book was wonderful! The author pulled together historical data to describe with detail the days leading up to the assassination of President Lincoln and the attempted escape of John Wilkes Booth and his co-conspirators. Written like a novel, I didn't find it at all dull or text-bookish. In fact, there were moments of pure adrenaline and excitement - it truly read like a novel.

I recommend it to history buffs and to those interested in an engaging read.


Cormack McCarthy's The Road however perplexed me to no end. This Oprah Book Club selection was described by the San Francisco Chronicle as "gripping, frightening and ultimately, beautiful." My reaction was quite the opposite.

Bleak, depressing and pointless are the descriptors that come to me. I am not one to shy away from dark stories - Jose Saramago's Blindness remains one of my favorite books of all time in spite of the horrendous descriptions of the cruelty of humankind. In The Road a father and son are walking through a wasteland that use to be America. They are on a journey to the south where they believe something resembling life awaits them. They are forced to hide from the other survivors and are placed in kill or be killed scenes during their journey.

I'm not sure if we're supposed to be comforted by the parent child relationship or find hope in their will to go on. Frankly, I didn't feel or see it.

And... Mr. McCarthy's technique of not using punctuation irritates me. He is a prolific writer with a skill I admire, but for fucksake man... buy a quotation mark or find it in your heart to every once in a while drop us a clue as to who the heck is speaking!!!

Oprah and others such as the respected New York Times Book Review loved this story - but I for one did not.

Movie Review: SuperBad

Well, never before has a movie been given such an apt title. This was super bad. I need to invoke the spirit of Bill Clinton and define "Bad" for our readers.

Bad has a number of meanings in todays vernacular, it can mean "cool, awesome, hip, great" or it can mean "not great, terrible, awful." For the purpose of this review you can assume I mean the latter.

I will say that if I was a jr. high to college age guy I might have a different opinion. The penis jokes and "Vag" references might be funnier longer for this crowd. I'm not totally mature and I did chuckle at times - but I don't recommend that you throw it into your NetFlix queue.

See Ya in a Few

I'm off to Arizona until Saturday. It's a work thing that doesn't feel like work.

Don't hate me, I'll be at the pool by one today.

(of course here it is 5:05 am and I'm headed to the airport... I do not love the 4:00 a.m. alarm.)

Gotta jet!

Kisses

Workin' It

tpgal and the dreadmill spent some quality time together this morning. (yeah!) Maybe if I start working out I'll stop losing and gaining the same one pound over and over again.

I noticed that my workout mix leaves a lot to be desired, so I used about $20 of the birthday iTunes gift certificate to "party up" my music selection. Daft Punk and some 90's dance club mixes will replace the great-but-not-for-working-out Peter Gabriel and Sinead O'Connor.

Even though I haven't been working out religiously, the 22 (21, 22, 21, 22) pounds I've dropped have helped for a better workout.

Go me!

Business???

The annual Information Security conference is coming and this year's local doesn't look like it's going to be all that hard to tolerate.

This is the view of the golf course. I've built time into my travel schedule to enjoy the pool on the last day! The hard part will be deciding which of the 10 pools to hang by!

Sometimes life sucks, and sometimes it doesn't. Next week - the suck factor should be in the negative numbers.

I am too cheap tho' to spend $200 at the spa. I do have SOME self control. Maybe after I'm thin and Prince William marries me I won't have to feel guilty about blowing money on intangible things.

I've been linked in!

I've made a new online friend and she put a link to my dumb blog on her site. I'm famous! You may all bow down before me now...





or not.



Just wanted to share with you all that lately work blows. There isn't enough time to get the work I need to get done done, and the manage-sphere above me is so focused on one project that they can't see anything else. It doesn't stop them from "volunteering" me to do crap for them. I push back but the new boss is dismissive. He needs a nickname and the only one that comes to mind is Junior - but that seems rude. He's not immature; I can't quite put my finger on what about him is bothering me.

For those of you who have been with me since the beginning of time will know what I mean when I say that he reminds me of Troy. You have all met this guy, he's the cute and smart guy who is able to turn on the charm to get what he wants from people. But... he's only like 2 inches deep; he's friends with everybody and yet no one really knows him. I'm charmed and disgusted at the same time. So, the new boss is like that, only I have to do his bidding because it's my job but I still feel like I'm being manipulated.

Hold on, I've got it! Troy was the sports king in high school, the new boss uses A LOT of sports analogies and he's the boss so his new nickname shall be THE QUARTERBACK. I love it! QB for short.

Meet a member of my goofy family

My uncle Ed is a right nutty fellow. The ears were his response to his wife telling him he needed to have his hearing checked.

Back in the "day" he and Aunt Sandy held the family title of favorite aunt & uncle. They were the coolest (probably because they didn't have kids so they weren't worn out like our parents.) We had lots of fun on camping trips, boating trips, or just hanging out at their house.

Ed had an admittedly wild youth and was given the option by the local law enforcement of either joining the Army or participating in the structured behavior modification programs offered by the county and state governments. He chose the Army. Vietnam sucked and being a veteran in the 60's didn't make for a grand home comming. He did manage to meet and marry the youngest of the Vail daughters and they built a very nice life. (They also experienced the 60's and 70's in a a groovy way, complete with the VW van if you catch my drift.)

Ed is pretty great and was the only man camping with us 5 ladies last weekend. He did pull me aside to tell me that it was time to bring a fella to the family stuff as he was tired of being out numbered. He promised to keep his teeth in during the first meeting. Thanks!

I don't know, it's probably a wise idea to keep any serious beaus away from the family gatherings until I'm certain he's a keeper. I wouldn't want the family to fall in love and break their hearts.

More about the family at another time.

Camping with the family

Last weekend I headed off to Randle, WA to spend a few nights with the family in the woods. We played with fire, drove up into the hills to pick wild huckleberries, swam in the pool (it was a pretty swanky camp ground), made smores and slept under the stars.

Mom brought the provisions, and this is her version of roughing it. Notice the refrigerator on the right. It was nice to have cold milk, but shesh a fridge?

Grrrrr

I had an appointment for a medical exam today. 3:30 and I'm on time laying on the table talking to the technician, we get half way through and she asks, did you eat today?
um, yeah was I not supposed to ?
No, this test must be done during a fast.

Great! I love that the scheduler person didn't say anything about fasting. So I get to wait another 3 weeks for an opening that works with my wacky calendar.

Grrrrrr

Illiteration

It occurred to me today that our president is suffering from “illiteration” – where he makes stupid, uneducated statements that sound good.

You can find him talking about nucular “nuke-you-lar” weapons when he means to discuss nuclear “nook-lee-are” weapons.

I’m sure I’m not the first person to use this new word, but since I own the blog, I claim it as my own.

Mr & Mrs. Glad Rico

I'm sure you're eager to hear how the wedding music turned out.... it was fine. I really must be ignored most of the time.

The weather was the star today, as the expected clouds did not arrive and we were treated with a stunning day. The bride & groom were delightful and the 40 people who attended were treated to a wonderful afternoon.

Here's some pix to tide you over. The one shot of Cindy and Rico isn't that flattering, but it's the only one I have so I've popped in some others so you can see how pretty she is.

Also, a washed out photo of Rico and me. I love this dress (and am fitting into it for the first time since I bought it!)

It's a fact that I'm a big whiner.  The music thing at the wedding tomorrow (today!) isn't going to be a problem.  

It's easy an I'm a big crybaby.

The rehersal was a snap, dinner was yummy and we were done at 8:15.  Cindy and family retired to her house and Rico and I were still in the parking lot talking.

It occured to me that since he doesn't have a groomsman or best man that he might just be going home to watch tv.    I asked if he wanted to go to a movie or something and he jumped at the chance.

We found a movie with a decent time and headed out.  It seemed wrong that he would be home alone the night before his wedding, and while I'm a cool friend I'm still a girl so I'm not about to take him to a bar or a strip joint.

Anywho... I'll take my camera to the show tomorrow so you can all see the bride and whatnot.  Russ and MJ have a beautiful yard and I believe the ceremony will be lovely.  

Another step closer

I met with the super serious psychologist today for an assessment. My assumption is that it went really well, I operate under the assumption that I'm not mentally ill.

We talked about history, how much my mother and father screwed me up by staying married, working and working out their differences by not throwing things or yelling. (A-holes)

Then we talked about how terrible high school and college was with all those friends, and all that fun stuff we had to do.

After an hour I took a little "test" - 650 some statements designed to delve into my psyche. They were true/false and for the most part very easy but there were a few that were so convaluted I wasn't sure what the heck they were saying:

I often know that the problems I have are red shoe, trunk lock because people is what I think obsessively nightly.
( ) TRUE
( ) FALSE
( ) WTF?

Most of the statements were pretty depressing:

My friends and family would be better off without me.
I don't sleep at night and sleep all day.
All food tastes the same to me
I often lose my train of thought.
I am often forced to tell people what is wrong with them.
I often hear things that others can not.
My skin hurts me.
I often lose my train of thought.
I need to touch animals in a hurtful way.
It secretly pleases me when those who are out to get me are hurt.
People are plotting against me.
I often lose my train of thought.

Wow... I hope the person for which those statements are true has a good support system and a packet of Post-It's to keep track of the conversation.

(also... had a little issue at work unrelated to the blog, but I will refrain from referring to activities there for a while. I'm sure you'll be sad not to hear about that.... DULL.)

Oh... and talked to Rico about my apprehension about being THE entire music coordinator for the wedding and was a left a message today that said he and Cindy talked it over and they are confident I'll be great. Oh good, so I guess thats it then.

The BIG news

After a lifetime of struggling with my weight I'm about to take a dramatic step in a new direction. Since the beginning of the year I've been thinking about weight loss surgery. I've done months of research and checked out hospitals.

I've worked out the financing (yikes... NOT CHEAP - think of the cost of a mildly well equipped new VW Beetle Convertible) and found a hospital with a good program.

I'm still going through some pre-tests to determine if I'm a good candidate, but my primary doc gave me the thumbs up and so far all tests have been really good.

It's a big deal and doesn't come without risk, but my primary care doc thinks I'll do just fine.

My work insurance doesn't cover it, so I'm not sure I'm going to loop them in. I just may take some time off and screw them if they don't like it.

I meet with the psychiatrist Wednesday to make sure I don't have unrealistic expectations. I'm pretty sure she and I aren't going to be fast friends, our one phone call to schedule the "event" was more challenging than I would have expected. She is a serious serious person. I had been working on a joke about my expectations after the surgery, but I don't get that she would see it as a joke.

I don't think it's wholly unreasonable to expect that within a month or so I'll be a size 6, and that HRH the prince of wales, William will come knocking on my door to wisk me away to be the future Queen of England. Oh, and I'll win $300 million in the lottery and George Clooney will beg me to come live with him on Lake Como in Italy. It could TOTALLY happen.

In reality, it's gong to be a lot of hard work and will require permanent behavior changes. It is not a get-thin-quick scheme. I'm in the process of trying to relearn how to eat, and for the most part its going well. Social situations are going to be a challenge. (This holiday season for one will be really different.)

I've told the most of my people (sorry if you're hearing about this first right now) and my family is on board. Mom is ready to move in to help support me during recovery. I think two weeks will be my limit for "help." I'll be out of work for three weeks, but that last week I think I'll muster on my own.

The surgery date isn't scheduled yet, but I will let you know. I'll also post photo's of progress, but I promise not to turn this into a 100% weight-loss blog. I'm more than my weight and hope to always be a (forgive this pun, I can't stop myself) a well rounded person.

Well, that's the news. I gotta run and finish the laundry so I have something to wear this week.

oh how I love thee

blogging from the iPhone isn't quite as easy as a normal key board type interface, but it doesn't totally suck either. Flipping the phone onto its side gives me a larger keyboard.

so, I want to share that I'm not a huge fan of my new boss. He's a little slick for my taste. He's also really ballsy. He takes off early (10:00am) on Wednesdays and Thursdays to golf but still has the balls to complain about how everyone clears out by 4:30 on Fridays.

What ever dude! What's sad is that my peers who I really respect are thinking about jumping ship. That really blows.

So, not loving (or respecting) boss 4.0, and we're so convinced that he doesn't fit in that we've started a pool to see how long it takes for him to be given the opportunity to seek new options or spend more time with his kids. (that's "business" for FIRED.)

Its Friday, and I'm sure I'll be back to being a good little trooper come Monday.

Remember when we were in our 20's?

Remember those years when all we worried about was which bar to go to on Saturday and how to actually pay for the drinks? It is good being older, the stability is very nice and I love that my inner dialog is mature and I don’t often get caught up in the drama of stupid things, but there is a down side.

I am noticing a disturbing trend that I would like to put a halt to immediately! Health issues among friends, a dear friend is dealing with fibrous tumors in her girlie region, another sweet friend is having a “lump” removed and one of my grade school classmates just passed away!

None of this is ok people! Both ladies are going to be fine, but the health care roller coaster isn’t fun. Plus, they don’t give you a map or a plan so you can plot out your strategy, each stop along the way provides another clue to your next destination. I also think it’s AWESOME that lab results take anywhere from three days to three weeks, because it gives the patient something to DO. Don’t mind me, I’ll just sit here and imagine that I’m dying while you mail my tests to the outsourced lab in Peoria. Frankly, this waiting borders on cruelty.

As for the childhood chum, well here’s a case for some sort of national health care. Dave didn’t have insurance and let his dental work slip and ended up with a terrible infection. He ended up in the emergency room and (just my opinion folks) had he had insurance they would have admitted him, but instead sent him home with antibiotics, the next day… DEAD. This is a guy with a high school education, a job, and a family. He wasn’t a drugged out loser, or a drain on us tax payers… he was a tax payer. I have high hopes that we can figure out a way to get the basic needs of our fellow man met, because I’m not sleeping very well at night.

As for the rest of you who may be thinking about catching a little cancer or up and dying… DON’T YOU DARE! TPgal needs you! (because it’s all about me?)

Mrs. Rico V2.0

Rico is sad no more. He and the lovely newAli (who officially has her own name and identity) will be tying the knot on September 1st. Cindy is a really amazing and I like her - especially as a partner with Rico.

They have a good communication style and want the same things out of life. As couple they have expanded their world of friends and those friends are healthy sane people (unlike the toxic DeMonica and the do-one-thing-wrong-and-you're-dead-to-me B&K.)

So, with the oldest friends blessing, they are hoping for sunshine on the 1st as they will gather in a friends yard with 45 of their closest people and do the deed.

One minor oddity about the wedding (because you might think this was ghost written if I wasn't a little evil) I'm doing the music, including the bride processional, but haven't been invited to the rehearsal. I've been to enough weddings that I suppose I can wing the clicking on of the iPod without practice but I do think its an odd omission.

Got to run, busy day today. (leaving for work at 5:56, that's just WRONG)

Resolve

I'm back on a healthy eating plan. I've talked to a nutritionist and it's working. I've lost 19 pounds in the last month (go me!) and the rules are easy:

6 small meals a day
40-60 grams of protein a day
lean meats
fruits & veggies
whole grains
eat slow
don't drink with meals (no water or nothin')
avoid caffeine
no carbonated beverages
64 oz water a day

Frankly, with work and the water there's no time to eat crap. I still want to and passing on the donuts during our last marathon work meeting was a struggle. It kills me that all those skinny people can hork down 2+ donuts while I know I can't.

Anyway - I'm not here today to whine about what I can and can't eat. I'm ok with the new plan - plenty o' good food. I'm here to complain because the nutritionist wants (demands) that I document my food intake.

I was really good for a week, but then I went on vacation and stopped. I didn't ever start again.

She just sent me a letter telling me to mail in my food logs.

CRAP!!!!!

I've spent the morning going over my meals and was able to recreate the last 2 weeks but I don't think I'm going to be able to go all the way back to the 19th of July.

It's good that I've been (mostly) sticking to the rules - but I'd hate for her to boot me to the curb for not doing my homework.

Damn Nurse

I had my annual physical and had blood taken for cholesterol test... I'm not an easy person to draw blood from... but damn that hurt!

Fictionary Additions

Blurticide: the statement you can't hold back said to an executive that kills your career.

Fictionary entries

From MWR:

Fam-elope -- when you and your significant other go away for the weekend to "visit my parents" and come back married.

My friend just did this, telling no one of his friends in advance.

Soonics -- nickname for Oklahoma City's NBA franchise

Bye Bye Rove

One more crony down... two big ones left. Jan 20, 2009... tick tock

Yikes!

Wow, I think my neighbor really pissed someone off. His car is covered in what looks like baby powder and the passenger window in smashed in. The stereo, his sun glasses and his leather coat are still in the car, which leads me to believe it was a personal attack.

I'm glad I wasn't here to witness it, and I hope I'm not here when he finds it.

I think screaming and the "F" word are in someone's future.

Thirty-'effing-Nine!?

Whoa I'm cruising towards middle age... (ah, denial such a pretty place to visit) I wonder when I'm going to start feeling "mature"?

So, here's the funny thing. Usually I'm all up in arms about my birthday and it almost never meets my expectations. So, no matter how wonderful my people are I'm a whiny spoiled child who is pouty because my sense of self worth is out of whack. This year however, I wanted a low key kind of birthday. Not because it's the last year of my 30's or because it means that my chances of finding mister right and getting married are smaller than the likelihood that I'm the next big lotto winner, but because there's bigger more important stuff going on and it doesn't have to be about ME all the time.

Long story short - didn't mention the birthday to anyone at work and I'm the birthday faerrie at the office so I was set. However, Becky sends the prettiest flowers on Monday with a big "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" balloon.

Tuesday, Janie and I have a lunch date which I was super excited about. I get off the elevator totally anticipating her usual "embarrass tp gal" antics and what do I see? Not only is she smack dab in the middle of the main lobby with a giant balloon bouquet, but she's got both kids, her husband and our friend Robert who lives in Miami. They were holding signs and made a huge fuss. I was so excited to see everybody that I forgot to be embarrassed. I did the happy dance across the lobby to pass out hugs and kisses to everyone. We took the balloons up to my office and Janie insisted on taping the signs to the exterior of my "office." I'm a good sport and the signs will stay up until 4pm tomorrow just as she would want it.

Later that day, mom and dad's super pretty flowers arrived. People are so smart not to send them on the actual day (Thursday) but early in the week so I can enjoy them.

So, while I didn't want to be the center of the world at work, I certainly am. People I've never seen before are popping their heads in to wish me a happy birthday. I've given up explaining that it isn't until Thursday - but I still blush every single time. Those of you who know me know that blushing isn't in my normal routine.


Big huge gracious thank yous to Becky and Janice for going totally over the top and making my week a lovely one. I am sincerely touched and grateful for having you in my life.

That goes for the rest of you too. I am a very lucky gal! (Dang, who watched a hallmark channel marathon tonight?)

Reading Is Fun

So I'm accidentally reading three books right now. That doesn't happen to me very often, I like to start and finish one before I start another.

I'm reading Saving the World by Julia Alvarez - so far very interesting. Two women, one in modern day and the other ages and ages ago. This one is going back and forth to work every day and should be wrapped up soon.

Chesil Beach is a short little book by the author that brought us Atonement (wonderful). It's in the dining room and gets a few pages a day.

Emma was pulled from the bookshelf during my write up of the movie Becoming Jane and I started to read it and now it's on the night stand.

I don't know what I'm going to do when the book club book arrives this week along with the three other books I happened to throw in for good measure.

Someday I hope all the time I've spend in these novels will come to some good. Maybe it's only to steer you away from books that I've read that you shouldn't. Beware of paperback books covered in praise for an authors previous book. That is never a good sign. The rule does not hold true for hardbacks - it's a crap shoot at that point. I'm hesitant to publicly slam the latest "worst book I've ever read" winner as my attempts at fiction are juvenile at best. Let me just say this... the Lovely Bones was wonderful and I highly recommend it. That would be my comment on the back of any new title by the author that I may have read.

Bourne Ultimatum

What can I say that hasn't been said. It F*cking ROCKED!

Three minor complaints - the first is about minors. Children under the age of 10 should not be at a rated R movie unless they are likely to sleep through the dang thing. There were multiple small (4&5 year olds) at this movie and frankly it really pisses me off.

GET A BABYSITTER! Your kids don't need to see someone killed up close in hand to hand combat.

Second item - and it's not really a complaint but an error. In the movie we see a document about Jason Bourne and it provides personal data like date of birth and the like (blood type) and later we see his dog tags (no spoiler there) and they have his blood type printed on them... different blood type.

I don't care how powerful your super secret wing of the government is, you aren't changing a dude's blood type.

Final item, the camera work made me dizzy. There were a couple places where I had to avert my eyes because I was starting to feel woozy.

Don't let these issues distract from the over all message. This movie was one of the best part III movies I've ever seen. It was exciting from the beginning to the end and I left wanting a fourth movie. Not because it's not wrapped up, but because I can't get enough of Bourne's quick super powers. He's a killing machine but he's got a soul and that makes him fun to watch.

Bottom Line: Get a baby sitter, take some Dramamine and see this movie!

I now pronounce you Chuck & Larry

Can a movie about two straight guys who pretend to be gay to solve an insurance problem be at all funny? Wouldn't you expect it to be insulting and rude? The answer to both questions is yes.

The convenient movie time drove the selection of this particular flick. It's hard to find a movie that starts at 8. You either have to rush through dinner to get to a 7pm show or wait around for the 9pm showings.

Anywho... Chuck & Larry (Kevin James & Adam Sandler) is ultimately about changing preconceived notions about people, and friendship and love (blah blah blah.)

They aren't able to shy away from the juvenile "f*g" jokes, but they do attribute those jokes to moronic assholes. It's a cheap way to be able to make the soap on a rope joke and still be about acceptance. That ploy was very transparent.

There were some very funny bits and while my companions were surprised I wasn't ha-ha-ing in the obvious spots there were a couple times where the humor was brilliant and truly made me laugh.

I'm pretty sure the gay and lesbian community won't be running out to hold this movie up as the cultural equivalent of the womens suffrage movement. However at the end of the day, as Adam Sandler movies go... this was pretty harmless.

Kudos to Rob Cordry for a very nice send up of the asshole "man of God" who goes to funerals of gays with the "f*gs will burn in hell" signs.

Bottom Line: matinée or HBO

Becoming Jane

In the world of chick flicks seldom is a story where passion goes unindulged. Generally, those films follow the satisfying path and eventually the Miss Bennetts of the world get their Mr. Darcy. See When Harry Met Sally, Sleepless In Seattle, Almost Heaven, Sweet Home Alabama, Two Weeks Notice, Hope Floats as a few examples.

Often when love goes unfulfilled a greater lesson is at hand, and we are better for it. I am often frustrated with authors who feel the need to wrap a little bow at the end of their stories (one notable example recently is the author who gave his characters the long lost love, freedom from tyranny AND a big bag of money. It was a beautiful book and I am recommending it amongst friends so I will not out the author here.) At the movies and especially in the romance genre I do not heap this criticism, and am often irritated when a fluffy film tries to teach me something.

Becoming Jane does not follow the expected route of a "Jane Austin" movie and is quite satisfying. For fans of Austin's written work (or the movie adaptions) the producers of this film have dropped in enough likenesses of characters we love and love to loathe to make it a tasty treat. Also, rather than hit us over the head with these cameos they are subtle and not at all distracting.

Anne Hathaway (of Princess Diary, The Devil Wears Prada fame - and stellar work in Brokeback Mountain) does a bang up job of playing an Englishwoman. Her accent is less forced than other American actresses who try to pull it off - Jenna Malone in the terrible big screen edition of Pride & Prejudice. Kiera Knightly is very pretty but she is NOT Elizabeth Bennett.

James McAvoy is a lovely actor who is the star of "The Last King of Scotland" and is graceful in this period film. I would run away with him in a heartbeat - bad teeth and all. He's not your typical tall, strong, manly movie hero, but he's very appealing. Ooh, tpgal has a crush!

So, bottom line, this would be a good matinée movie date, or a rainy night snuggle on the couch together kind of film. If you pay full price like I did you won't be disappointed, but it's not one you HAVE to see in the big screen.

Why is that news?

Thanks CNN for this headline:

Pistons coach '20 yards' from bridge tragedy

Why not post a scatter chart of all the NBA coaches and their distance from the bridge collapse? God knows what we would have done if someone important like Paris Hilton had been within driving distance of the bridge. Thank heavens they are safe.

A shout out to the great beyond

Happy Birthday to my Grampas! Miss you both (and hope you have Internet access.)

Understanding Right from Wrong, a new pamphlet for the Taliban

Kidnapping South Korean aid workers who are in country to provide medical care to the poor - wrong.

Killing their leader -wrong

Shooting another captive and leaving him by the side of the road - um wrong

Failure to value the lives of others - wrong

The world thinks you're ass-holes.