Hawaii 2023 Day 4 & Beyond

Must remember to move the first post to this blog...  

Day 4: Disney A'ulani Resort 

The day started very early, with the unmistakable whoop whoop of a house alarm, at 3:30 we put on shoes, grabbed the car key, room keys to the other hotel, wallets and phones and headed outside for a quiet pool side star gaze. We were very much in the wrong location, but it was the closest "out" nearest our room and we weren't alone. After the fire trucks came, there was an announcement in the hotel that we could not hear, and Jessica called the front desk. We were given the all clear, so back to bed we went. It wasn't easy but we all managed to get another couple hours of rest. 

At a more reasonable hour, we joined our friends at the pool, and they had secured six lounge chairs in the shade. We spent a lovely day swimming in the pools, floating the lazy river and the LT's popped out to the lagoon for a dip in the ocean. In the afternoon we moved our luggage from our room to the K's room, and then to the cars. We hung out at the pool until we were done with Disney. The pools were great, the service fantastic, but the age group was very much younger. Lots and lots of babies and little kids. Our main hotel also has lots of families, but the demographic seems to be a bit older. 

Once back and settled in our primary hotel, I did the mom thing and used the washer dryer. It has been nice to wash as we go, not only so that we don't bring home a giant pile of heavy wet stuff, but to keep the favorite items in rotation. We dined at the "good" restaurant at the hotel. and I don't think any of us was too impressed.

Off to bed to get ready for our tourist day.

Day 5:  

The plan for day 5 was to visit the Pearl Harbor national Park.   The drive into Honolulu wasn’t too challenging, but parking was a bit of an event.   One thing to note about the park is hat bags are not permitted, so I paid $7.00 to stow my bag in an air conditioned hut.   The bag had almost nothing in it once I removed my credit card, phone and trusty hair tie.  Oh well…

Everyone should visit the Memorial at least once.  It was moving, interesting, and very well done.   I think both my dad and Jason’s dad were with us in  spirit as we experienced the sites.   We had tickets to the Arizona memorial, but paid extra to wander around the Submarine museum.   The feature attraction was the USS Bowfin Submarine, a decommissioned World War II submarine.  The USS Bowfin was a “silent service” vessel meaning that to be stealth the servicemen on board were required to be silent so as to not be detected.    It was commissioned one year after the attack on Pearl Harbor.   

There was a ramp from the park to the top of the submarine  and before I knew it we were ushered  to a set of stairs, nope a ladder that led into the submarine.   The self-guided tour was incredible, but also hot, sweaty, and spaces were TIGHT.   This was not a simulation, but we were moving through the sub from the aft to the stern through about 6 bulkhead doors, (not a hatch) of rather small nature.  Not at all ADA compliant.   Once we were in the sub, the only way out was to keep moving forward.   It is apparent that the navy submariners were not ever going to be in the NBA.  The cots, or bunks were at most 5 feet long., and the head was not made for comfort.   It’s impressive that these men lived like that.    The subs to today are much bigger, but probably still not like a fancy cruise ship.

Once topside, we took many photos and then purchased the photo of our family that was printed on the “newspaper” from 1941, the day after the attack.   Cheesy - yes, but nicely done and the proceeds returned to the museum.   Better money spent than a tacky water bottle in the shape of a large missile.  (Available for purchase at the USS Bowfin gift shop for $39.99.)

We wandered through a couple of the on site exhibitions that talked through the Second World War, the Cold War, and then the information about the attack on Oahu.  (It was much more than just Pearl Harbor.). Lucy and Sophie were noticeably disturbed by the actions of humans and were confused as to why anyone would sign up to participate in something that would most likely lead to their deaths.   Hard to explain …

Our time to go to the Arizona arrived and our group was lead into an auditorium where a very somber US Park ranger, Daniel made it clear that this was not an exposition, or an experience but a living cemetery where 1200 bodies were still entombed beneath the water.  We were instructed that we could take photos but no social media would be tolerated.  I can only imagine how they had to come to the point of being crystal clear that that activity was not appropriate.  

We were lead down to a pier where three active Naval service persons were on hand to get us onto the boat and tot he memorial.  Once across the harbor to the memorial the size of the Arizona became clear and the somber news of the location was palpable.   Most everyone was in their own quiet groups, some asking questions of the park ranger on hand, and others moving about the memorial.   At one end, there is a space that had the names of the servicemen who perished on the Arizona, and the names of the survivors who had chosen to be interred with their fellow servicemen.   It was “just a big white room” but you could really feel the importance of it.  Everyone was quiet and purposeful about taking in the names, but at one point a young boy about 6 or 7 noted the excellent acoustics and belted out a very loud chorus of “who let the dogs out?”, the mom, who obviously had never had to threaten the sweet prince before, shushed him, but he was a defiant little jerk and dropped an additional chorus in a slightly quieter, but equally less reverent manner.   I had to walk away… but from that moment on, any time there is a quiet moment in our group travels, I think a round of “who let the dogs out” will ring through the car. Maybe Lucy and Sophie will sing a round at my funeral someday.  

Back to the hotel for a refreshing dip in the pool and dinner in the room. All parties agreed that our hotel room dinner was better than the one from the night before.  

Day 6: The Dole Plantation

The K’s attended a sales pitch for their vacation club, so the LT’s had a quiet morning and a homemade breakfast. Something about the scrambled eggs made by a vacationing Jason that just hit the spot.  

We reconnected at noon to head to the Dole plantation for a tour and “dole Whip”.  Upon arrival the line for the train was one hour, so we opted not to park and just head over to the North Shore. We were in search of food trucks  and then off to Turtle Bay.

Oddly, we haven’t spent any cash on this trip and the $20 I threw in just in case it was needed meant that we were limited to food trucks that would take credit cards. Lucky for us, that is most (but not all). Our food truck lunch has probably been the best food we’ve had so far. This is likely owing to the fact that we’ve been eating at resorts.  My taco salad made me very happy and I know Jason and Lucy loved their burrito and pork tacos.

We then ventured north to Turtle Bay.  The traffics was slow, but it was an interesting ride.    On the way back I was on the Ocean side and spotted dolphins jumping in the water.  

After a short ride we arrived at the Turtle Bay Resort.  This is a beautiful property and a bit of a price jump from our location.  The lobby was open on all sides and the views were stunning. We made use of the restrooms, spent some money in the hotel general store, and then popped out to the beach.    It is our understanding that all beaches on the island are public. No one questioned our group as we marched through the fancy beach chairs to the beautiful lagoon. We hopped right in the water and played until we were watered out. 

The K’s popped back into the hotel to change and  buy some stuff at the Turtle Bay gift store while we sanded off at the car.  The drive back was longer than the trip out, but the sights were amazing.

Back at the hotel, the families split into their own pods and dined separately .  No drama just different agendas.   Lucy, who was shorted out of shave ice AND dole whip today decided to skip the Mud Pie at dinner.   We also opted to skip the pool tonight in favor of a good shower and quiet time in our room.

Tomorrow looks to be a beach day, which is perfect for our last day.

Spring break - Denver trip

Spring Tree

Lucy @ Freddy's 

 Lucy's spring break was a great time to zip off to Denver to take Susie to visit friends, attend a dinner to celebrate a beloved friend and get away for a few days.

I wouldn't say the trip was necessarily on par with an actual vacation.  We spent a lot of time in the car going to visit multiple people in all the corners of the Denver metro area.  We did enjoy lots of great dinners and had some nice visits with family and friends.

Lucy was a great sport and only had one minor "typical teen" moment and that was wholly due to being awakened at 4 am for an early morning flight.  We were all tired, but seemed to bounce back after a nap on the plane.

Thankfully, we were able to squeeze in a visit to Lucy's most favorite burger place EVER.  Freddy's Steakburger.  It is very good and no one was mad about the side trip. 

Our outbound travel was a bit "off".   The automated system at the airport off site car park that we had reserved simply would not recognize our code to let us in.  Getting an actual human to help was difficult and after she finally lumbered over she had the nerve to be irritated at us because our reservation was to start 3 hours earlier.   Um... so what?   We paid extra then... let us in.   She did and the lot was overfull and we ended up parking at the end of an row in an unofficial spot.    When we left yesterday, since we weren't checked in properly we had to get help to get out.   So much for easy pre-pay automation.  

Finally parked and at the airport we were just through security when the announcement that our flight was 3 1/2 hours delayed.  We were each given food vouchers and ultimately a $50 coupon for future travel.   The delay messed up our day one plans, but not too badly.    

Our VRBO house was cute, the perfect size for the three of us and served us well.   We were close to Susie's old neighborhood so we popped over to their favorite pizza place and brought home dinner.   The timing was perfect in that at the end of the month, this place will be closing forever.   

The next day we spent with cousin Beth and then "popped out" to her mother's place for a quick visit.   That took all day, but we did manage the side trip to Freddy's which Lucy and the rest of us enjoyed tremendously.  

We had planned to have dinner with Beth that night, but after the 6+ hour day activities we decided to skip it and have breakfast the next day.    Our afternoon plans fell through and we had a few hours on our own so we went to the mall.

We were able to connect with Jason's bestie Sean for a fun dinner and also a visit to former neighbors where Mrs. Hahn (Barbie) pulled out her clarinets and she and Lucy had a great chat about music.  

We finished our visit by attending a celebration of life dinner for Susie's bestie, Sally who passed away on January 2nd.  It was a lively dinner for ten and we did all the things.  Some tears, sweet stories and enjoyed the evening.  Sally would have approved.  

Our 6 am flight home was delayed until 7:30 which gave us extra time in the morning to not have to rush around like crazy.   We shared the flight with Seattle's All Female Football team and unfortunately for Jason he had two linebackers in his row and it was an unfortunately snug row for those three. 

Yesterday afternoon I started the post trip laundry while unexpected naps took place all over the house.  I napped on the plane and managed to stay up until 9pm.  I did take an afternoon bubble bath that was WONDERFUL!   There's nothing like your own home's amenities after being away.  

I've been on hold with Alaska airline's customer care department for (let me check) 1 hour, 23 minutes and 12..13..14 seconds because they charged me twice for the cheese trays and that's not ok.   I sent an email but the reply said it would be 2-3 WEEKS to get a reply.   Sheesh. 

I'm off to Orlando Florida next week for a work trip, hopefully it will be smoother travel than this trip and then our next major travel event is Hawaii in July.  We booked first class for that journey and I'm quite relieved about the luxury accommodations for that trip.  Jason will be happy not to be seated next to a footballer. 

The Seattle Majestics

These ladies are no joke!

How do I explain it?

I need help. Last night our sixth grade student came into our room at bedtime in tears.  "I hate America" was the shocking statement that was made.   We asked, why and what happened because not even an hour earlier this smart, goofy kid who takes tap dancing classes, loves volleyball and is on the honor roll at school was telling us silly jokes and practicing a moonwalk.   "I don't understand why we're scared at school, and that people hate me because I'm different."

After some digging it boiled down to just the two topics that are the most worrisome for us as parents in 2023.  Gun violence and an increasing amount of law makers across the country talking about the dangers of saying "gay", people in Drag, or books in schools that represent real life people. 

We can't do the easy and reassuring parent trick of saying "it will be ok, a shooting at your school will never happen to you" because we don't know that.  Gun violence has already touched our little family.  On a boring Saturday morning we stopped into a local mall to shop for spring clothes and there was an altercation that resulted in two people being shot.  The terror in not knowing what was happening and the need to get out of the area was awful.   We were separated and our third grader had to rely on strangers for comfort and help until we were reunited.  

It simply isn't believable to tell kids that there is no risk in going to school.  The drills they do for lockdown are more likely to be put into action than the earthquake drills we did, and the atomic bomb drills our parents did.   American kids live with a real worry that it will be their school next.

Ok, so training and preparation.  That "solves" the gun issue, but what about the other thing?  How do we explain that legislators are railing on about drag queens because it's an easy thing to vilify?   How do we explain that just because they don't feel comfortable being called a girl that they are talked about by adults in power as deviant, or suggest that they were groomed.   It feels like they are suggesting that if it hadn't been for external factors, that my kid would be 'normal.'  Oh my, was it the true story about two male penguins at the zoo who hatched an adopted egg?  It can't be, our doctor, the therapist we hired after the shooting, and even the clergy at our church have said our family as healthy, loving and frankly ordinary.   

So, I am asking for help.  How do we explain inaction on limiting access to guns that are so powerful that parents have to use DNA to identify their child, but at the same time that these same legislators will limit the use of pronouns because pronouns are are harmful?  How do we explain that the rights of American's to have guns is more important than the right for children to survive the day of school?   How do we explain that even though we have freedom of religion in America that those who believe in the Bible use it to make laws, based on their interpretation.  How do we explain that we as parents would do anything to keep them safe, but we can't stop bullets and we can't stop useless and hurtful laws.

This kid is smart and sees through the irony of inaction on something that will literally kill them and action on stuff like words that don't matter.   

How are we as parents supposed to explain it?   

The Arrival

An article on CNN.com was posted today that suggests doctors will be able to detect and assess the progression of Alzheimer's using eye tests.   In a study they were able to detect beta-amyloid, a key marker of Alzheimer’s disease in the participants. The hope is that they'll be able to create a test that will help them determine the onset of Alzheimer's before the cognitive symptoms arrive, which would give folks more time to take preventative measures and take or make medical interventions that will delay the devastating effects.

Of course I care about this from the standpoint of an empathetic human as advances in health care is great for everyone.  However, I find myself in a family that has a history with this disease.  Jason's grandmother passed from this when he was young, and his uncle Tom was diagnosed a little over ten years ago.  We are in a constant state of worry and watching over his mom.  She is aware of minor memory issues but cognitive tests don't indicate an active diagnosis is eminent.  

Tom passed away last week.   He had been in full time care for years, and he had stopped recognizing his family a long time ago.  His passing is sad, but also there's some relief in that he's free of his non-functioning body and his family can move on to a daily schedule that doesn't involve his care.   

Jason and Susie will be attending Tom's funeral.  We decided that we all didn't need to make the last minute trip to Kentucky.  Lucy is so very empathetic that she cried for Tom, whom she's never met.   This kid is so lovely.  We explained the complexity of someone passing who, unlike Papa took years and years to go but stopped being themselves a long time ago.   

I'm glad that Jason is going with his mom. I don't think we'd be comfortable with her traveling alone and this trip is one that Susie would have certainly made with John is fraught with some emotional land mines for her.  

This all hits home.  We know that we will be Susie's support system in the event that her forgetfulness turns into a legitimate diagnosis - we're here for it.  What frightens me is that Tom's daughter who is my age has also been diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's.   

The Alzheimer's association says that having this in the family is not a guarantee that all in that family will have it.  But, having a parent or a sibling that is diagnosed increased the likelihood of a diagnosis.  Susie has a third sibling and to our knowledge their family seems to be free of it.  Finger's crossed that remains true. 

It's not lost on me that this genetic connection is very close to my own household.  Is it coming for Jason?  Lucy?  Obviously, anything could hit us at anytime.  I am infinitely grateful for dodging the myriad of horrors that could have come for our small kid, but as a parent I worry about EVERYTHING. It's not a crippling fear, I don't need a counselor but the list of things that could be coming for us is long.  This one is just a bit more realistic.  

I really love these humans and want our golden luck to continue.   

A new season

 The weather finally turned.  The rains came and cleared all the smoke that had settled in and eliminated our ability to enjoy fall evenings on the deck.

It rained and rained and then rained some more, the plants are happy and the trees took a while to pop into their fall glory, but as I look out my office window I see the reds, greens, yellows and oranges of fall.  It dropped to 34 last night, so I expect the trees that are holding onto to their green leaves will give up the ghost soon.

Last week marked one month since we lost Jason's dad, and six years since my dad passed.  Soon those milestones won't be intertwined, but in this moment they are.  The shock of John's passing hasn't lifted much.  There is less to do regarding the passing and the work has shifted to ensuring that Susie is comfortable, the finances are organized and that she's doing well emotionally.

Christmas is looming like an unwanted visit from someone that you like but aren't in the mood to see.  I'm looking forward to all the trimmings and making the house festive with sounds and smells.  But, just as when my dad died, putting up the stockings will be hard.  Now there are two that are missing and while one is fresher than the other, the impact is the same.  

After Halloween this year, I organized the storage boxes and cleaned out a bunch of stuff that we no longer use, and I hope to have the energy to do it with the Christmas items as well.   I know there are a lot of things in those tubs that we simply do not use or have never used.   Maybe if I can organize it better, then I can have a special place for the grandpa stockings.  

We had a fun Halloween, the weather cleared up for the night and we set out a table on the driveway and took our party outside.  Lucy and Sophie had a grand time collecting candy from the neighbors.  Jason & Zack enjoyed their walkabout.  They pretend to escort the gals, but in reality, they are having a nice chat, a walking adult beverage and chatting with the other neighbors who have patio parties as well.  The gals are no longer in need of a parent during Halloween, but if they'll let the dads go - the dads will go.

Halloween was Monday, and Tuesday morning I drove over to Yakima to be with mom as she headed to a scary doctor's appointment.  Well, it was "just" an MRI, but I was happy to be able to take her.  I was also able to stand in for Jason and reconnect all of mom's electronic devices to her new Wi-Fi, and clean up her password manager.  

Healthwise, she has a couple things going on, one of which sounds like cancer, but our Internet Dr. degree is not on the same level as the actual doctor, who informed her yesterday that our research was very wrong.  So, good!  The other issue will be significant but isn't life threatening.  Dealing with it will be a short-term pain in the ass (or intestines) and should result in her feeling better in the long run. When that procedure is scheduled, I'll pop back over and hang out as long as she and I can stand it.  

This week in the life of the family three is a doozy.  Today and yesterday, Jason had to go into the office, which now is unusual and puts a kink in our daily activities.  I'm thankful for the time alone in the house but miss his noises.  Today, when the power blinked off for a minute, I had to reset all the clocks on my own.  I mean...whine.

I'm getting my hair done this afternoon, so Lucy will come home to an empty house - which brings up mom guilt.  But the kid is almost 12 and as long as they know someone is on the way, they are fine with being alone.

Tomorrow, is Lucy's first middle school band concert.  It could be great, or it could be excruciating.  To be honest, even though the 6th grade band has only been playing since September I have a lot of faith in their progress.  Lucy was practicing last night - like they do every day and it sounded wonderful.  

Thursday night is my book group and I have finished the main book, but the book of short stories is probably not going to happen between now and then.

Friday we'll work a half day and then head to Monroe to participate in the rehearsal dinner for Cousin Rachel - who is getting married on Saturday.  We have been looking forward to this for ages.  I really love a wedding and this one has all the promises of a wonderful event. 

I'm sure it will be bittersweet for Susie as she and John made it a priority to attend the weddings of everyone in the family.  Not having John with us physically will be sad, but I know in my heart that he will be in that room.  He won't miss it. 

We get a bit of a break, and then it's Thanksgiving.  We'll be in Monroe again for dinner and the next day we have an appointment for John's internment at the cemetery on Friday.  I'm hopeful for decent weather and a small gathering of folks.  I'll research before then if it's allowed or appropriate to have anything prepared to say.    The official catholic service only allowed for 1 speaker and those remarks had to be less than 10 minutes.  Not very personal in my opinion.  Don't get me wrong, it was a lovely service, but not personal.

 After the internment we will turn the Christmas season up to 11.

A funeral, a party, calamity, and a breather

 

flowers for the urn

It took a bit to work out when to have the service for John, but the day finally came and a modest amount of family and new friends gathered for a service at St. Anthony's in Renton.  Then, virtually everyone came back to our house for a gathering.

Thankfully, the air cleared up a bit and we were able to use the deck as well as the main floor for the event.  We served a casual lunch and thankfully didn't have too much left over. 

It was lovely having a house full of people, visiting with the extended family was very nice and I thought Susie did great.  

Everyone stayed a few hours, and we had our house back around 3, a quick clean up and Jason and I melted into the couch around 4:30.  Sweet Lucy seemed eager to spend time with us and was very chatty until it was bed time. Jason might have been in the mood for some quiet time, but we know that this kid won't always want to hang out, so we listened to stories, watched them practice their clarinet, and helped with homework.  

All in all, it really worked out well and felt like a fitting goodbye to John.  It was dignified, and still fun. The inurnment for the urn hasn't been scheduled, so he's still with us.  

The family sent an incredible flower arrangement for the church, so he's hanging out in our main room.  

CALAMITY

Jas & I took Wednesday off to prepare for the service and after party.  The required trip to Costco was on the agenda, as well as prepping the house for the well-timed housekeepers.  He and I went to breakfast while the housekeepers were in the house, then came back to move the tables around, set up the deck and clear space for the incoming sandwiches and party food for the next day.

I was at the sink washing my hands or something and the entire nozzle of the sprayer broke off in my hand which caused a HUGE mess. Water was everywhere, the cupboards, my face, shirt, and the floor.  Ok, add a faucet to the Costco list.  Thankfully, replacing the faucet didn't take too long but it certainly wasn't on the list of things Jason wanted to do before the funeral for his dad.

  

because we needed a project

During the post funeral party there was some chaos going on.   It seems that when you have a house full of people, everything else happens at the same time.  Thursday is trash pickup day, but we were thankful that it was just compost and that was taken care of before we left for the service, but during the party not only did the lawn guys come but the monthly visit from the pest control guy as well.  

Additionally, we learned a very unfortunate lesson.   Small, diapered kids with lots of energy will slide down the stairs on their bum regardless of the state of a diaper.   A "full" diaper cannot withstand the bum slide and pooh will squish up and out the top of said diaper and leave a trail of residue or "resipooh."   Cousin Anton showed his deep family connection and not only jumped into action to clean the stairs, but did so in a way that made the Stanley Steamer people look like hacks.   Our stairs haven't been this clean in quite a while. 

something fun

Lastly, here's Lucy's Halloween costume.  Isn't it fantastic?  

The whole story

 After the post about writing the obituary, I suppose it's only right to tell how we got here.

A few posts back I talked about John's cancer and the immunotherapy and how we were hopeful.  That was September 30th - a Friday.

That was a rough day at the hospital, John was cranky for obvious reasons and who do you take things out on when you're miserable?  Your favorite person in the world, so it was a rough day for Susie as well.   

We made arrangements for Lucy to spend the day with friends, so that I could go with Jason to the hospital Saturday, and that Susie could take a day off.  She was able to decompress a bit, have lunch with comfort people and reset her system.

The CCU wouldn't let me into see John, but I was nearby and Jason could come out into the waiting area to talk and take a break.   One of the nurses said that the plan was to move John back to the regular hospital floor that day.  While that would have been nice because I could have then gone in to be with him and Jason, it wasn't realistic either.    John was sitting in the chair, which is therapeutic in that it helps strengthen your core muscles after being in a bed for two weeks.  However, he was really groggy, aggravated and disoriented.  He hadn't been sleeping and the meds given to help in that area sent him all over the map.    I'm reminded of the time we gave Lucy Benadryl and instead of knocking her out like it does to regular humans it wound her up and not only was sleep impossible, but she was practically hyper.  I think the sleep meds were doing that to John.

Jason had a consult with the doctor, who agreed that John shouldn't be moved just yet.  I don't think John was alert enough to have any meaningful conversations with Jason.

Sunday was a better day, but not great either.  He was sleepy all day and the nursing staff had him propped up to avoid bed sores.  Jason and Susie were home in time for a regular dinner.  

Monday morning as Lucy was headed out the door to school Jason saw he had a voicemail from the hospital.  At 3:45 am or so, John's breathing became too shallow, and the hospital intubated him.   

Originally, John entered the hospital with a DNR, but when they started the last round of therapy to try to reverse the effects of the Mycenae gravis the doctor said it might make him weaker before it made him better and because his heart rate had been so low previously that they might need a temporary pacemaker or to intubate.   John agreed to modify the DNR to allow the infusion to work.  

Jason and I had a cry, and then a talk about what John would want.  We discussed the questions to ask the doctor - like, how long before we can know if the infusion was working and he could be taken off the vent, or when would a breathing test be done. We assumed three days.  We know he wouldn't want to be on life support for long if it was just for the purpose of sticking around but in that state.

We also researched the recovery from Mycenae gravis and at this point it was clear that if John recovered enough to leave the hospital that he would have 12-18 months of therapy to be able to hopefully walk with a walker but would need help getting out of bed and to the toilet for months and months - if not forever.

Susie arrived at our house quickly and the three of us had a tearful talk before they headed to the hospital.  When they left I truly believed we would be having the next conversation in three days, after a breathing test.

I sent the daily message to the family, and then had a couple of tearful phone calls with the cousins.  

Jas and Susie had a heart-to-heart talk after talking with the doctor in the morning and they decided to remove the tube.  Jason called and told me to come down, he wanted me there and now we had permission to have as many people in the room as we wanted.  This is the sign that even the hospital staff knew it was time to let go.

I arrived at the hospital at 4pm and was there to meet the oncologist and listen to her apology (basically).  She talked through how unusual John's case was, and how at every step nothing worked as expected.  None of this was her fault obviously, but as she talked I half expected her to suggest another route to help John recover.   The CCU doctor returned as well, and we asked what the next steps would be.    The two doctors needed to write orders for meds to make John comfortable and then they would remove the intubation equipment when we were ready.  

By this time Marty & Lynne had arrived and we all had a moment to say what we needed to say.  

We stepped out of the room while they removed the equipment and came back in and sat with John - talking to him, laying hands on him and I'm sure I wasn't the only one saying prayers for him.   The nurse came in to check on us and noticed that John was struggling to breathe, so he ever so kindly put his hand on John's shoulder and told him that he was going to give him something to help him relax.

Well, after the nurse did that and left, John's breathing wasn't as labored and then just gently stopped.  There was no death rattle, or dramatic music or anything, he was just not there anymore, and after a few minutes I asked Jason if I should go get the doctor.  Susie asked why, and Marty told her that John was gone.  She seemed confused, and said "when?", Marty said "it just happened".  

The nurse came back to check John and again, put his hand on John's shoulder and said - just to him, "I'm going to listen to your heart now."  Later, when he removed John's wedding ring he spoke to John to let him know what he was doing.   Maybe it was a show for us, but I really don't think so.  

We then worked out the details of what to do next, said goodbye one more time and headed home.  We were back at the house by 6:30pm.  

Jason was the one who told Lucy and we all had a big cry.  

The rest of last week was one "must do" activity after another.  We don't have a funeral date yet because we are waiting on the Priest's availability.  There are more things to do this week, but we're back in the office - sort of I'm here, but blogging.

So, that the story.  I'm sure I missed some things, and I know I left out the details of what was said to John in his final moments.   Those things were for him.

Jason and Susie are doing ok but I think we're all in a bit of shock.   The timeline between the 16th of September and now is just mind boggling.  I overheard a snippet of a phone conversation at the grocery store yesterday and it went like this "well, you know it takes three days for your mind to even process that someone has died."  Sounds about right to me. 

The sum of a man

I wrote an obituary today.  It was all business, but I injected a couple of paragraphs from my heart.  I expected my lovely mother-in-law to reject them, but they invoked emotion and she liked it.  

It is very hard for a pedestrian writer to evoke emotion and express the true depth of what someone means to you.

My father-in-law was known and loved by multitudes of people that experienced his spirit, loyalty and experience before I met him.  My time with him was limited to the last fifteen years of his life.   

I have enjoyed his stories, the stories of my Jason as a boy, John’s bride and the stories of the many nieces and nephews and their children.  He was of all things a historian, passing information from previous generations down through entertaining tales.  

The obituary covers the milestones of his life, school, finding is forever life partner, his son, the beloved neighbors in his chosen neighborhood and links to the lives he touched.  It doesn’t dig into the small moments that have meant so much to those of us along the way.

He was a faithful member of his church and honored the teachings.  He valued the lessons of family and tradition.  They guided his decisions.   However, when the church suggested the person a nephew had chosen as his wife wasn’t going to result in a “true” marriage because she wasn’t a member of the same church, my father-in-law and mother-in-law made every effort to attend the wedding and celebrate the now 45+ year union.  That simple act, one that the groom’s own parents didn’t do, still moves the groom and his bride to tears.

Many years later when I arrived on the scene, I was (am) a liberal, mildly Lutheran gal who fell deeply in love with his son.  John comforted me when my feelings were hurt that one of his beloved family members took a stand to avoid attending our wedding.  He told me that their focus on church was their problem, and that I was welcome in his family.   I know he cared deeply about the traditions of his church, but he could see that I was his son’s family and our partnership in life was more important than traditions.  

These are two small examples of the man I knew.  He wasn’t perfect, after a few ‘nips’ of scotch the stories tended to ramble in circles, but he was determined to see the good in anyone he was related to.  I never once heard him utter anything negative about anyone - except politicians. But, we’ve all been there. 

In an obituary of someone who lived 83 years, the moments that imbedded him into my heart can’t be the focus, but I will remember and love him with the same honor as my own dad.   As I support his bride and son through this journey of learning to live in a world where they can’t just call dad, I will follow behind with a similar broken heart.

Fast Forward

Here we are at the end of September, and summer is over.

Beach camp was a huge success, bunking with the older cabin was the perfect set up and all worries were for nothing.  Lucy is excited to go back next year.  The crew were plotting how to ensure they could all be together next year, but that won't happen. Luckily, some of the cabinmates will still be eligible for that age group and ideally they can coordinate their weeks. 

Our trip to Las Vegas was fun, lots of sun, lots of pool time and lots and lots of walking.   I suppose it was even worth the second bout of covid that Jason & I experienced upon return home.   Lucy avoided us and didn't get sick this round.    

We did have to cancel our trip to the lake (again) which was disappointing, but we used that time to get things done around the house, so it wasn't a total loss.

The real thing we are dealing with is that Jason's dad hadn't been feeling well and ended up getting a CT amongst the other tests and they found melanomas on his lung and something on the lower intestine that they can't remove without doing major surgery.  So technically, this is stage 4 cancer, but if it doesn't move to the brain there are options.  They removed the item in the lung and discussed options about the path forward.

At 83, John doesn't want to do anything that is going to make him feel sick all the time.  I believe he has seen too many friends and family that have done chemotherapy and felt worse than they did before, but for the rest of their time.  It's a fair and reasonable desire to want to simply enjoy life.

His oncologist wanted to try immunotherapy, which is supposed to strip the cancer of the shell, if you will, that makes the body think that it's supposed to be there.  The theory is, that once the body recognizes the cancer as a threat it will start to try to heal itself, like it does when you're sick with the flu.   This therapy was supposed to have fewer side effects than a traditional chemotherapy, but that's not what happened.

The immunotherapy threw is body into a medical freefall with everything hurting, zero energy, no desire to eat, his heart rate was wacky and the oncologist told him to get himself to the ER. They drew blood for a myriad of tests, did another CT and finally sent him home.  That was a Friday, and on Monday the Oncologist called once she had the blood results and told him to come to the hospital (in downtown Seattle) to check himself in.   That was 10 days ago.  

There are better days and bad days, but so far, never two good days in a row. They've tried a couple things to get his systems back on track, but in discouraging news they stopped the latest and last best plan that the oncologist and the neurologist had proposed.  

John has moved from one room to another in the hospital, first it was the cardiac floor, then the regular hospital, then the neuro wing, and now he's currently in the critical care unit.  We don't know if this is different than the ICU, but we do know that the care he's getting is top notch.  He certainly likes the nurses in the CCU better than the "regular" hospital floor. 

Jason and I are taking turns taking Susie to the hospital every day, and on Jason's days he goes and stays and tries to work while waiting for the doctor's rounds. On the days that I take her, Jason goes later in the afternoon to visit and then pick her up.  They are both going to be experts in getting around the hospital.  

We are all weary and worried and hopeful. We are also extremely thankful that John & Susie live here now, as we would still be supporting them on this journey if they were in Denver, but we wouldn't be able to do it as a team.   Jason would be basically living in Denver while I would be here with Lucy. As it stands, we can split up the things that need to be done based on our schedules, and still have dinner as a team. Sometimes Susie stays, sometimes she heads back to Merrill Gardens and dines with their friends. It's good that she has that outlet.

We knew that we wanted them here to help in the event that someone got sick, but we were honestly thinking it would be Susie and her memory issues - and in years of their arrival.  

The family is standing by ready to help, but John wants no visitors and there isn't really much they can do at this point. Sometimes, the daily text about John's status is almost too much for Jason, but he finally put me on the text thread so that I could help with that. 

The crazy thing is that the recovery from the immunotherapy has been so all encompassing that we aren't even talking about the cancer anymore.  I have my doubts that John will be interested in trying something new after all this craziness is over.   So, for now it is one day at a time. 

We are researching skilled nursing/rehab places for John for when he's released. He's going to have to work back up to walking and to get his strength back before he can return to their apartment.  Hopefully, we can get him into one that has good food.  He hates the hospital food worse than he hates the food at Merrill Gardens - and that is really saying something.  

Whew

 The camp people finally responded to my messages.  Lucy is set to go!

We have pulled out the things to take, are gathering extras and we will drop her off Sunday afternoon.

I'm a bit jealous of all the water play in her future, but not so much the sleeping on the two inch inflatable pad (ick).

The camp team clearly needs some administrative help. I'd love to be able to take a couple weeks off to get them all up to snuff, but that would be a hard sell to either burn up vacation for someone else's business or somehow get my employer to cover it as paid leave. 

I did read a couple online reviews about the camp that were unnerving.  One, a child hurt their leg and the camp waited 24 hours to call a parent to take them to get a medical assessment and it turns out the leg was broken.  yikes.   The second was in relation to the trouble with getting ahold of anyone at the camp,

Our trusted neighbor said her son LOVED it there and we are confident Lucy will have a great time.  However, we are going to break one of the camp rules and smuggle in her cell phone.   She is to leave it off unless she needs to call us, and we told her not to even tell her cabin mates that she has a phone.  (unless it's an emergency.)  If it hadn't taken us weeks to talk to a human, I probably wouldn't be ok with this plan, but Lucy is trustworthy.  

Now that we know Lucy is going - we have a full kid-free week to plan.  What will Jason and I be doing?  Working, going out to the places Lucy doesn't like to go and...working.  Woo Woo

Our Corona Virus Experience

Having successfully navigated the pandemic without contracting the Corona virus for over two years we may have given thoughts to being the rare exception and possibly even carriers of an antibody that when discovered could be harvested and save mankind. 

Key words:  may, possibly, could

We arrived home from our cruise at about 1am on Friday, May 6th.  Jason admitted as we drifted off to sleep that he wasn't feeling great and would take a covid test in the morning.  We agreed that we would all take a test.  

After a reasonable sleep, we woke up and tested.  He was positive and Lucy & I were negative.  

Jason made a video appointment with our doctor's office for later that morning and I made an extensive post vacation shopping list and masked up to gather provisions.   The thinking was that we would be stuck at home and maybe wouldn't have a lot of energy to make gourmet meals.  Oh, and of course vacation laundry.

He was given a prescription for an anti-viral cocktail and I was able to pick them up at the local RiteAid on my travels. The doctor suggested that he isolate from us and the fun game of masking in our own home began.   Paxlovid is a five-day regimen of 3 pills in the morning and 3 at night.  

With the groceries gathered (lots of extra great things for hydration, soups, ramen, a couple different pre-planned dinners) and about 8 loads of laundry I was DONE.  The time zone change was catching up with me and I was very tired.

So, off to bed with me.  Jason was in the basement for a night (or 4) in the guest room. First thing the next morning - a test.  That's my results up top.  You can see it's not a faint line, no squinting needed.  The day before 100% negative.   Lucy's test also had a positive result, but the line on that test was very light.  After two plus years of worst case scenario news stories, Lucy looked at me with genuine fear in her eyes and asked quietly, "am I going to die?"  Hugs were distributed, and I did my best to reassure her that the vaccine would help her from getting really sick and that we would all be ok.  

Our doctor's office is closed on Saturday, so I used the handy Doctor on-demand application that came with our insurance and had a quick chat with a medical person somewhere in the online world. I too was given the anti-viral prescription, but not Lucy.   This doctor also recommended that we three isolate from one another within the house.  So, we continued that path.

The energy I had Friday was gone. Saturday and Sunday I was one with the couch.  There were movies but mostly I was lightly napping all day, then pulling together a dinner type meal which we three ate away from each other.  Then, at bedtime - sleeping thru the night was not an issue.  

Symptoms included a terrible headache, low energy, some body aches and for a couple of days congestion (no cough, but we went thru multiple boxes of tissues.).  The Paxlovid had a terrible side effect of the worst taste in my mouth that I've ever experienced, and it went on for days.  Jason said it was like a moose set up camp and then died in his mouth.  We busted out the altoids. We knew it was the Paxlovid because Lucy had all the other symptoms but not the awful mouth. 

We did manage to come up with a pretty decent dinner for Mother's Day and we ate together that night.  Lucy managed to sneak home a 1000 piece puzzle from the cruise as a gift.   The following day was Monday, and both Jason and I worked a full day.  Thank goodness for online/remote work.  

Lucy was uninvited to attend school until Friday the 13th, but on Thursday evening when we took our 5 day follow up tests, Jason and I tested negative, but Lucy was still positive. That meant she was out of school for another five days.  She was not happy about the delayed return, especially since she was feeling just fine.

Mrs. W sent home worksheets and emailed us links to the lessons she was missing.   Yeah, so we managed to miss almost the entire school curriculum for sex ed.  But fun for Lucy we did those lessons together.  Anatomy, relationships, pregnancy, exploitation... all of it.  With charts, visuals, and worksheets.  It was fine, some of it was really awesome to walk thru at home - specifically the exploitation topic.  Since that happens to kids and it's almost never a stranger, we were able to explain that no matter what, her safety and happiness is more important than someone we know that is making her uncomfortable or hurting her. 

 There was a test today on the topics and I'll be interested to see how "we" did.   

Fret and Worry

We are packed and ready to leave for the long delayed Disney Cruise.  My bag weighs 43 pounds, but I think I don't need to bring anything else.  I'm sure I will only wear half of the items that I "had" to include.

Well, that is if we get to go at all. 

A child in Lucy's classroom tested positive for Covid over the weekend.  So my anxiety is through the roof.  She is not being sent home and we have been asked to test her at the 3 day mark - which would be today or tomorrow.   If she's positive - the trip is off.  

The reassuring information is that she was not noted as a "close contact."   Earlier in the year when she was identified as a close contact she was still able to attend school but we had to do testing to stay in the classroom.  She ultimately did not test positive and all was well.

Even though the mask "mandate" has been lifted Lucy has been wearing her mask at school, except when eating and when outside.  I hope that also works in our favor.  

As I write this, my throat is itchy - which I am sure is a product of anxiety and worry. 

I need a vacation.

11

 The kid turned 11 this week.  We celebrated by cooking the favorite meal: meatloaf, "Aunt Chelsey's broccoli", and bread.  I added salad and mashed potatoes because... it's a requirement.  After dinner we noshed on an awesome store bought cake which was too good.

Instead of a crazy expensive gift, we opted for a collection of smaller and more fun gifts.  Fun t-shirt, lap desk, money, things for our upcoming vacation.  

It was fun, but a lot of work for a work night.  The next day, there was an early doctor's appointment to check out pain in Lucy's back.  To be honest, the appointment seemed like a fool's errand but I was going with the flow because the complaints about back pain have been consistent. 

Well, the egg is on my face because this kid actually has an issue that is verifiable on x-rays.  It's a pretty common stress fracture in the lower vertebrae.   I'm not a doctor, but google says this type of 'defect' is pretty common in kids and will heal with rest.   This week Lucy is keeping a pain journal and next week we will consult with the pediatric sports medicine specialist to determine which, if any activities we have to cut out.

Then, to make the week even more hectic Lucy woke me at 1:45 Thursday morning to tell me about an ear ache.  This obviously isn't common in the early 11 year old age group, so I did the best I could in the middle of the night with a decongestant, motrin and a heating pad.  Needless to say we were zonked on Friday.  Before I got Lucy settled again, she said to me "sorry I startled you, I hope you didn't have flashbacks to world war 2."  I did a doubletake and said "I'm only 53, I wasn't in world war 2."  She said "well, you know what I mean."   SAVAGE.

In spite of my advanced age and hurt pride, I was able to find a doctor appointment for this morning, or thought I did.  The clinic was locked up tighter than Fort Knox.  A quick call to the hospital scheduling team resulted in our driving to Federal Way for the walk in clinic.  With the ear infection confirmed and drops on order at the Issaquah pharmacy we headed home.

At 2, three of Lucy's besties arrived for an extended party/play afternoon.  "Play dates" are not allowed anymore.  They have played a board game that involved throwing a pair of foam burritos at one another - but Jason ended that when they knocked over an antique liquor glassware set.  He didn't want to tell me what they hit (I was taking a break and working on our taxes. yuck) but when he did, I let him know that that set came from his family.  "Really? I've never seen it before."  So much for me keeping the family heirlooms alive for his side of the family.

After the burrito game was re-boxed, there was some painting of cute ceramic gnomes, pizza (of course) and now they are working on these strange candy kits.  It's like miniature gummies that come in the form of mystery powder that the kids mix with water and then mold into the shape of whatever strange thing the kid is emulating.    They are now trying to form "hamburgers" and "cheese" out of bizarre colored goo.  I'll try to get photos, but frankly that room scares me a little.

One of these angelic children has a laugh that sounds like a horse with the hiccups.  I popped around the corner to do a proof of life and then backed away slowly.   

Jason, who made was on dinner duty has moved to the safety of the basement, with a beer or two I think.   I am able to monitor the events from my office because they are not quiet kids - but the sound of their laughter is actually pretty great. 

So, it was a rough week, with some very high spots.  I think Lucy will like being 11.  But I hope the horse hiccup laugh doesn't catch on.  

Thursday, January whatever 2022

 BLAH.

Ok, it's not that bad.  We had our first direct Covid exposure the first week back to school after the holiday break.  School was closed the 4th, for bad roads.  They needed a day to plow parking lots.  The following day just our school was closed because there was no water.  No water, no toilets, no hand washing - big problems.  

The peanut mentioned that a friend's family had tested positive, but the friend had not using a home test so was going to school Wednesday.  hmmm....ok.  Naturally, we were not at all surprised to find that the friend tested positive when the test was conducted by professionals.  As a "close contact" Lucy was required to "Test to Stay" at school.   This involves meeting Lucy at the school's Covid Center (a portable on campus) and the schools "Covid Coordinator" also known as the Vice Principal.  He did all the paperwork and prepped the test, but a parent had to do the nasal swab.  Four times around the left and then a reverse swish around the right.  NEGATIVE.

We cancelled all weekend plans and decided to wait out the 10 day period.  10 days or 5 days with no symptoms and a negative test...the CDC changed their recommendation during our isolation but go to school window.  Anyway, to be safe we closed ranks and limited our time with others.  Lucy tested again on Monday - NEGATIVE and then we waited to hear about when the third test would be required.   The answer is never, but we were not informed until we arrived at the school to conduct test #3.   I love our school, but information like "she doesn't need the third test we talked about last week" could have been conveyed to us on the day we were there for the second test.  Yes, we live close to the school, but we also have these things called jobs. Grrr

Setting aside my complaints about efficiency, we were thankful that not only did Lucy never test positive but the pal has since returned to school and seems pretty healthy.  I'm sure it was a scary time for their family and we hoped for the best.

The news reports that Omicron is everywhere and is scary, but it also peaking in the northwest but still be diligent... wear masks, get vaccinated, stay distant, but go spend money in shops, don't breathe on anyone, wash your hands, but don't go anywhere.  I jest - it's still a pretty gloomy spread of information.  

The delay of services at the hospitals is the most worrisome.  Our friend had a much needed surgery scheduled for the 31st of December but due to the spikes in positive cases all non-emergent surgeries were postponed.  He is hopeful to get it done next week, but we will see.   

On the 🐀front - we may have won the war.  It has been days and days and days since we've heard any scratches.  It's raining at the moment and the sound on the window behind me makes me nervous, but I'm 98.44% sure it's just a water sound.  But, once you have the threat of pests your mind goes to the crazy place with each little tip tap....

Summer 2021

It's been weeks and weeks since the "incident" at the mall. I'm still in physical therapy and am progressing well. My range of motion is good, and we're working on muscle and strength. The kiddo is doing well. She talked to a therapist for about 2 months and worked through some things related to the shooting and other things that a modern 10-year-old going through a pandemic would need to deal with. It's a new thing for us, but we never met Ms. Johanna in person, but did all the meetings online. I hope that when the pandemic is really over that conveniences like this never really go away. Not having to pick up a kid from school, drive to the office, park, check in, check out, drive home...is great. If this option moves to the dentist, or the gynecologists' then I will revolt, but initial dr. exams, mental health - it's a strong option. 

Now that we're in July, it's finally time to take the work sabbatical that was scheduled for August 2020. We are currently enjoying a 10 day timeout in a smallish rental house in Seabrook. The weather is not "amazing beach weather" but to be honest, today was brilliant and extremely amazing. It was 67, and not windy. We went to the beach, dipped out toes in the ocean, and probably got too much sun on our little blanket. Our little rental house has a hot tub, which has been fun. Our home is wired and ready for a hot tub, but it's probably better to rent one once a year or so, than clean one on a weekly basis. 

Today, I had an appointment at the local spa for a foot soak and a scalp treatment. I didn't think I could be on the massage table,, but with a bit of effort, I was able to manage the massage table, and get the bliss experience that you can only get when someone spends a crazy amount of time massaging your toes and scalp. The spa lady asked the normal questions of the ladies who spa while at the beach, but it turns out she was from Bay Center, a tiny town near the tiny town from my childhood. Because of the Bay Center connection we figured out that she was the niece of the family that lived next door to us at the beach. Because of the connection and the conversation the massage part of my treatment went on for an extra 30 minutes. It took me a while to come back to earth once it was over. I haven't had a massage since 2019, or earlier and I think this one might have ruined me for the future. This is a good problem to have.

So, that happened...

Our little family had a pair of shoes to return to the local Nordstrom, and opted to go to Southcenter because there was another store in the area we wanted to visit.  

We seldom go to that location because there have been incidents in the past of "problem solving by gunshots" and we're just not into that.  

After the shoes were returned, we opted to make a loop thru the mall to see if there were any interesting stores.  It's still the pandemic and we haven't been anywhere in a while.  We picked up a cute custom shirt for the peanut and she bought an art piece from a vendor.  We decided to stop in one last store for summer clothes and Jason said he would meet us back at Nordstrom.  He went in search of a nice loo.

After finishing up at the short/cheapo summer shirt store Lucy and I were walking towards Nordstrom when we heard the gun shot.  We stopped, then heard a second and saw people running.   My childhood training of "walk don't run" failed to come back to me because my instinct was to grab that kid and RUN.

We made it to the door of the Nordstrom, but I'm not a runner and when my feet hit the marble of the store doorway, down I went.  I dislocated my shoulder in the process, and broke the humorous.   This took x-rays at the ER to confirm, but I was acutely aware that I was hurt. During the fall my purse went flying but my phone was in my line of sight and I was able to scoop it up and drop it in one of the shopping bags.

The really terrible thing was that Lucy and I got separated and she ended up outside the store with strangers, but without her mom or her dad.  These folks had no idea why the store was evacuated and a kind woman let Lucy borrow her phone so she could call her dad.

I was ushered thru the store via the back hallways to the same door that Lucy exited and was there pretty quickly.   Then, as I fished my phone from the shopping bag, I see the text from Jason.  "They are evacuating Nordstrom, see you at the car."   Clearly, the folks inside the Nordies did NOT know what had happened, which I guess is good.  The fewer people running and panicking the better.

Jason thankfully had a set of car keys and kept his cool while he drove a very upset Lucy and a hurt TPgal to the ER.  We opted to go to the one near our house vs. the one near the mall.   I knew I wasn't in a life threatening situation, so I didn't want to be the least hurt person at the nearest ER.  I had no idea how many people might have been hurt.  It was a long drive with me doing lots of breathing to meditate the pain away.

It's been 13 days and I'm still in a sling.  The bruise from the dislocation is rather epic (below) and the doc says that it's expected.  Sleeping is getting easier but it hurts. 

I see the orthopedist again on the 25th and start physical therapy that week.  He says it's almost a mirror image of the break from 2019.  He finds that funny, but the only comfort I take is that that break healed without surgery and other than minor stiffness when I try to hold my arm straight up it feels 100%.   This break is on my non-dominant arm, which makes life easer this go-round, but he said that rehab will be harder because of that, and because of the dislocation complication. 

As for Lucy, we are seeing a therapist to talk about the scary thing that happened to us and she's open to those conversations.  She needs to be able to go back to a mall without it being frightening.  

So, that's where we are.  I'm purple & gold, Lucy hates shopping even more than she did before and Jason is doing all the cooking and cleaning. The Nordies people found my purse and Jason was able to pick it up the next day. I'm still updating the automated credit card payments for the card that was cancelled.

8 days out

13 days

Christmas 2020

 Well, that was a different Christmas.  We enjoyed the break and it feels like we had a vacation.

We did lots of post Christmas organizing, including my office, which at the moment feels spacious and tidy.  

Visiting with our families over the Internet is certainly not the same as being in person, but we managed to make it a festive time. Jason was very proud of his prime rib and I thought we produced a great dinner. 

As per usual, we had too many gifts, but at least we did our part to stimulate the economy.  

Favorite gift... bamboo sheets!  

Elfie is Covid ready

Zooming with Grandma Susie & Papa

Jason gets gifts

Happy Christmas

Visiting with Grandma G!

Peace

There's a point in our church service where we pass the peace.   We stand up and greet those around us with a handshake and say "God's peace" to each other.  There are hugs with friends and a kiss to my own family.   Truth be told, it stretches me as a closet introvert.   I'm comfortable greeting those whom we sit near every Sunday but seldom do I cross the room to others.

One Sunday about three years ago I was jolted when I noticed an older man in the back of the church.  His pale yellow-pink coloring, lack of hair, and larger body frame made me think it was my dad.  My breath caught and my brain caught up with my eyes as a wave of emotion that included the always present undercurrent of loss and regret passed through me.  How many phone calls did I cut short because dad was retelling me a story from years ago, or how many weekends that I could have visited that I did not because I wanted to sleep in, or go out with friends? 

The next time I saw him, I made a point to walk his way and reach out my hand to extend the peace.  He casually took my hand and it was shocking that his skin had a familiar paper-thin, but warm feel.  As I returned to my seat with my own family, again my eyes were moist with a feeling of connection to my dad.

So, now I'm a thief.  When I see him, I make a point to shake his hand and pass the peace.   I don't know his name and while I hope he's a happy person in a happy life, I don't need to know him.   I just want to touch him, and I know I am stealing from him.  The hand I hold for those three seconds isn't his, it's my dad.  That kind grasp and minute squeeze is a hug, a stolen touch of my father across the boundaries of life and death. 

I am careful not to be overly effusive when I take from this stranger what I want.  I give him a warm smile but no bigger than the people I greet on the aisles as I make my way towards him.  I don't want to scare him or let him know that I've got ulterior motives.  When I greet him with my "Good morning, God's peace." I'm really saying "thank you".

Dad would be 81 this week.  I wonder which story he would tell me when I called him Tuesday to wish him a happy birthday.  It would be nice to hear his voice as he talked through current events,  told me I'm doing a good job of parenting, or teased us about having an electronic gadget for every need.   We won't have those conversations ever again, but I have a secret.   When things get back to normal and we can attend church in person, I get to shake his hand and carry that familiar touch in my heart.