Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Lucy's new skill

Lucy has discovered her mouth.  She is starting to explore things by tasting them.  For a couple weeks now she has had her hand in her mouth and the spit and bubbles that go along with that activity, but Monday we found her with her two fingers in her mouth.  We thought she might figure out that a thumb is ideal for sucking but it seems we might have a finger sucker on our hands.

my fingers taste good!

Lucy has also started noticing toys.  Her interest in some items is zero, but Pierre the Perky Peacock is a HIT.  It is crinkly, it makes sounds and apparently tastes great!  Thankfully Pierre can be clipped to the Mobile Lucy Transport devices (car seat & stroller) to allow her to have him in hand (mouth) while mommy and daddy to irritating things like drive or walk aimlessly from place to place.

Lucy Movie Montage

This is a long one and I apparently say "can you give us a smile" about 900 times.  I'm working on my narration skills.  The next movies will have better narration.  Because I added music, this video cannot be played in Germany.  My apologies to all my German fans.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Yes, I'm calling you cheap!

I heard a story the other day about someone who bought a Groupon (an Internet coupon that they sell to multiple people for things like "$20 in gift certificates to McDonalds for $10) and wanted to use it with a friend.  This person 'charged' their friend half the price of the coupon to join them for lunch.  

I get that the coupon cost money, but if I decided I wanted to eat at McDonalds under this half price thing and wanted you to join me, you can bet your Bippus that I wouldn't be charging you to join me.  I might not share my coupon but if I did it would be my treat. 

It would be a different story if there was a discussion about the coupon before the purchase.  The "do you want to go in together on this" is different than "I bought it, you owe me $5."

It reminds me of a former college roommate I had who totally flipped out over how the bills were divided.  Believe me it was not simple math to divide the phone bill into what was fair for the three of us - identify the long distance charges, the taxes on those charges, the costs of local service and the taxes on the local service.  I tell you this so you're aware that we were on so much of a budget that there would be arguments over who dialed directory service.  (This was before the Internet.)

Inevitably there was a penny difference when dividing utility bills and this roommate bitched one month that she "always paid the extra penny" on the power bill.  In my memory of how this conversation went down I believe I gave her a quarter and told her to leave me alone for the next two years.  I'm pretty sure that isn't exactly what happened, but I do recall coming home from my silly job at the deli one night to find hate notes all over the apartment.  "You Suck", "You're a Whore", "BITCH"... on and on taped to windows, the fridge, my bedroom door.  So I may have done something negative to irritate her at some point, I can't be sure.

For the record, this story is NOT about Becky, whom I did live with in college, but who never EVER called me a bitch or a whore.  I think the "you suck" emerged from her lips but it might have been after I made her pee her pants during an uncontrollable laughing fit. 

The "you're a whore" roommate and I lost touch after we stopped living together that semester.  It's possible she might have been a tiny bit unstable.  I'm sure I'm not the easiest person to live with, but she must have been really mad to use 16 sheets of expensive notebook paper to tell me off.

I will admit that the cheapo sickness infects me from time to time...but I try to put things in perspective.  TRY is the operative word. I did lose it at the Starbucks in our hotel in Las Vegas over their prices...but that night spending $150 on dinner didn't phase me at all.  In fact, we thought we got a deal.

Perspective is what we need.  Perspective, and a really good comeback about a quarter.

The temptation to be evil is so stong with this one...

My flight home yesterday was a bit bumpy but for the most part uneventful.  However, with the three day Memorial Day holiday upon us there were a lot more non-business travelers at the airport yesterday.

Thankfully the San Jose Mineta airport is not a major hub and thus even though it was slow getting through security there weren't thousands upon thousands of people (like at SeaTac.)

I had gathered (all) my things and was headed towards the exit to the terminal when a grandmotherly lady stopped me and asked "where do I wait for my pat down?"

Since you know from experience that I AM EVIL, there are many answers to this question that ran through my head.  The options were:

  • Just stand here and wave your arms and call out 'I need someone to rub one out'.
  • Go stand in front of that guard and in order to keep it quick it will help if you take off your own shirt.
  • Wait until you hear your name being paged over the airport intercom and then RUN to your gate.

  • They don't pat down everyone, just the folks who are selected randomly at those doors (the exit), to avoid being selected you have to slowly approach the door, stop, look around and then hop over the threshold.

Seeing as how the rapture was supposed to happen and didn't so I don't know if it is still worth my time to be kind to others I told her the truth.  "It's ok to go on through, if you were doing anything wrong they would already be yelling at you."

The desire to see this grandma yell "rub one out" was really really strong... I think I should get points for being humane.

On a slightly different topic, May is National Masturbation Month.  What are you doing to celebrate?

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Feeling appreciated

I knew that leaving to go to San Jose for my first return business trip would be hard. I got that same sad, sick feeling I use to get when Jason and I were first together the closer we got to the airport. Lucy, however, didn’t really seem to care; it’s funny how selfish 3 month old babies can be. When we pulled into the unload area of the airport I made a small whiney sound and Jason assured me that I would be ok. I assured him the same thing… “you’ll do great!” Then he kissed me and drove off with our most precious cargo. I zipped into the airport and was immediately caught up in the busy travel process and then was occupied all day with work stuff.

That night I started to get text messages with pictures of our girl during dinner time, hang with daddy time, and bedtime. I was happy to get the pictures. In fact, I was thrilled to get them, but it sucked not being home.
I thought that the one secret delight about being away would be the uninterrupted sleep – but even that wasn’t as satisfying as you might think. Heck, last night I didn’t go to sleep until after midnight and so I still got my standard 6 hours. Maybe I’ll nap on the airplane this afternoon.

Lucy this morning
Jason and I talk every morning and evening – we run through the events of the day, notable news stories, the weather – anything to keep talking. He has been keeping me up to date about what his single parenting (half) week has been like. He has been doing a great job, but I can tell Jason is tired. It is draining to be on the hook for everything, every peep, diaper, boredom moment, tired snuggle and never ending demand for food at the exact second she wants it. When I was on maternity leave I loved the solo time with Lucy, but things were infinitely easier with both Jason and I at home. The most challenging part of solo parenting for Jason is that his work schedule is NOT FLEXIBLE, so to get Lucy to “school” and him to work by his regular time takes a bit of effort. Lucy, as cute as she is, won’t bend to his needs either. (Remember, she’s selfish.) Just because he needs to get her ready for school (dressed, new diaper, food…) doesn’t mean she’s going to cooperate. She can’t really do much about the wardrobe changes, the diaper updates or the car seat, but she can flat out refuse to eat if she’s not hungry at that exact moment. (never mind that 10 minutes later she’s going to want to eat.) With a short window between the time of wakeup and the required foot out the door, if she won’t eat she does to “school” with no breakfast. Thankfully, Miss Miriam and Miss Alexis are paid to deal with this, but I know it sucked for Jason to drop off Lucy in a hungry state. She may not be hungry at 6:30 when the food is offered and available, but she will decide to be hungry at 7:00 when they’re running out the door.

One of the activities Dad knew was on his to do list was a bath. This is usually a two person operation, one of us entertains Lucy, gets her undressed, does “pee management” (which means uncorking the diaper and exposing her girlie bits to the air to see if that causes the last bit of pee to come out before she hits the water) and brings her to the washing station. Meanwhile the other team member is gathering the tub, the washcloths, towels, new clothes, new diaper, soap… and warming the water to the perfect temperature. Bath time is very social. Once all that is done we start the bath, which is the fun part. She’s pretty happy in the tub and of course, cute as hell. (then the clean up cycle begins where one person manages Lucy while the other dries the tub and puts all the accessories away.

Last night, Lucy needed an emergency bath due to an unfortunate spit up incident and Jason had to work all that out himself with little prep time.  He told me all about the incident, the bath and then said “don’t expect the house to be clean when you get home.” I’m pretty sure the bath stuff will be on the counter when I get home.  Honestly, I only care that he and Lucy are happy. We can pick up the house tonight. Laundry, which hasn’t been touched will get done before the long weekend is over.

I knew Jason would be fine this week, but I also hoped that all the ‘mommy’ things I do would come into stronger focus. This morning, after getting a text message with a cute pix of Lucy I got the morning phone call and was told that Jason couldn’t wait for me to get home. I can’t wait either, but Jason is not only eager to see me, but to have his co-parent/partner back. “One thing is for sure,” Jason said “we make a great team.” Amen to that – two is better than one! I do feel VERY appreciated.
I am thankful that I only have to travel once a month and I’m sure Jason is too. I was informed that tonight, if Lucy needs anything at 2am that I’m “on duty”. I smiled when he said it because while he needs and deserves the full night sleep, if he wanted to do the 2 am feeding he’d have to wrestle me for it. I can’t wait to get my hands on that kid. I get home at 6 and she is asleep by 7:30-8:00 so 2 hours won’t be enough to satisfy my Lucy deficit. I wonder if I can get on the earlier flight…

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

May 21, 2011

In spite of the fact that some folks think that the end of the world is coming soon, predicted by the end of the Mayan calendar December 21, 2012, another date that is being thrown around is actually rapidly approaching.  This Saturday has been predicted to be the rapture... wait let me rephrase that.  It is THE RAPTURE.

Christians all over the world will be taken to heaven when Jesus comes back Saturday.  This is a bummer because I have a 9am hair appointment and I don't want to be charged a no show fee.  I probably shouldn't assume that I'll be part of the raptured, I'm pretty sarcastic and snarky.  My bad attitude towards my neighbors and their bed sheet curtains might be enough to pull me out of the running for being part of the chosen community.

Jason and I have been talking about what we should do.  We've decided to go ahead and spend all of our money.  Dinners out are on the agenda until Saturday, and I think we need to take the baby to el Goucho.  She can't leave this world without having gummed a really good steak.  Heck, we're even going to gas up the cars with premium gas and just drive around going nowhere. 

Furthermore, I'm not doing ANY more laundry.

We have an appointment tomorrow with a financial planner and I can't wait to look her in the eye and tell her we don't need any investment plans.  If Saturday is it and you're left behind please stop by my house and water my new rose bush.  It deserves a chance at life - even in a post apocalyptic world.

For the record the official timeline looks like this:

2011 AD—On May 21st, Judgment Day will begin and the rapture (the taking up into heaven of God’s elect people) will occur at the end of the 23-year great tribulation. On October 21st, the world will be destroyed by fire (7000 years from the flood; 13,023 years from creation).

It looks like you'll have to keep my rose alive only for a few months.  Then I guess it will be destroyed by fire.  Bummer.

See you later!

Monday, May 16, 2011

I’m ok, you’re ok

This spring marks the 25th anniversary of my graduation from high school.  At the time it was an important event and the 57 other students in my class were important to me.  We lived in a small town without a major highway or freeway, which means that we were somewhat isolated.  Tourism and fishing were the primary industries.  The smallness was great in that activities at the high school were well attended and supported by the community. It was a bummer in that only in the summer did we have an influx of people and thus our diversity was limited.

This coastal fishing community was a homogenous society of lower income and at the most mildly middleclass white families.   By white, I mean WHITE.  Our diversity consisted of two families of mixed racial diversity.   There were a few Hispanic families, but no acknowledgement existed that culturally they might have different customs than the rest of us. 

In addition to our racial uniformity, we also had an unfortunate lack of experience with people of different sexual orientation.  We threw the term ‘gay’ around like an insult.  “That is sooo gay!”  “Those pants are are so gay.”  We didn’t know we knew anyone who was gay and thus how could we know that using that word in that way was hurtful?

There is a lot of dialog currently about bullying and efforts to reduce the suffering of gay and lesbian teens who often feel ostracized by their peers.   The folks leading this effort are heroes in my opinion.  But I can’t help but wonder what it was like for the kids I went to school with who knew they were gay and didn’t feel that they could say anything?  Were they hiding in plain sight?  Behind closed doors were they coming out to each other, or did they have to leave town to finally live and love the people they wanted?

As an adult in the era of Facebook, I have been communicating with some of the gay ‘kids’ I went to school with.  I struggle a bit with how to I let them know that I shouldn’t be painted with the same paintbrush as the small town folk from 25 years ago.   It is easy when someone is living their life as a happy openly gay person – similar to how I’m living as a happy, openly straight person.  At that point my ‘acceptance or opinion’ is a non-issue.  Just reconnecting with them and checking in as friends is all that is necessary. 

It’s the folks who seem to be hedging their status a bit as if I were going to judge them that I wish I knew how to handle.  I simply interact with these folks without the ‘gay’ thing being a topic of discussion until it is, but when it feels like the person is holding back part of themselves then I get paranoid that they think I’m judging them.
I’m not sure if this is a paranoia that others share or if it is my chronic need to be liked.  Truth be told, a person’s sexual orientation shouldn’t matter in any way, but just as I’m proud of my family and how happy I am I want my friends to be proud of theirs too.  Many people celebrated with me when I found whatshisface and we got married and then had this cute kid, similarly I want to celebrate the happiness of all my friends. 

I suppose that I need to shake off the embarrassment of having had a limited exposure when I was a kid and accept that I’ve grown in my experiences and it is who I am today that matters and I hope that speaks well of my character.    

Friday, May 13, 2011

As Requested

Dear recipient
How are you today and business in your country? I am Huang,
Bank Manager of bank of Overseas,Taiwan.A British Oil
consultant/contractor with the Chinese Solid Minerals
Corporation, Mr.Bowen Atkinson made a numbered time (Fixed)
Deposit of $30,000,000.00 for twelve calendar months and not
too long Mr.Bowen Atkinson died from an airplane crash.

I have some issues with this important communication from Huang, who wanted to let me know that all I have to do to claim this $30,000,000.00 times twelve is show up and claim it. (Does Huang not know how much money "$30,000,000.00 times twelve" is?)

"Bowen Atkinson" from the UK sounds a bit like Rowen Atkinson.  You would think that if Rowen's brother "Bowen" died then it might have made the news. 

Furthermore, what mother in her right mind would name her children Rowen and Bowen Atkinson?  It just seems like a crime.  If they were triplets would they have been Rowen, Bowen and Owen?

If Huang is truly a Bank Manager then he should know that business in my country kind of blows right now.

Could they name their "bank" anything less banklike and anything more silly like "Bank of Secret Offshore Accounts Hidden From The IRS"

"twelve calendar months" - what other kind of months are there -lunar?

Lastly, it is sad to hear that Bowen died of an airplane crash.  It sounds like an illness.  Maybe he wasn't IN the airplane that crashed, but hit by a flying piece of luggage or bag of peanuts.

Too bad I'm busy this weekend,"$30,000,000.00 times twelve" sounds like a lot of money and I wish I could zip over to Taiwan to pick it up. 

"Um yeah hi!  My name is Terri and I'm here to see Huang."

Monday, May 09, 2011

Happy Mother's Day to me

The first Mother's day... I know it's a holiday for Hallmark and the jewlery stores, but I loved it anyway.  Lucy's gift to momma was to be super cute during church.  She was eyes open the whole time and was practically flirting with the grandmas behind us.  Once the service was over, it took us 20 minutes to get out of the sanctuary because of the folks that "had" to hold the baby.  Thankfully Lucy has a visible timer that goes off when she's done being passed around.  She simply throws up as a "signal" that she's ready to be left alone.  SMART KID.

Lucy & her cousin Jordan.

"Since I'm up here for a burp, I might as well nap."
We went to brunch at Luther's Table in Renton ( and it was lovely.  They haven't been open long and the place is staffed by volunteers so you have to cut them some slack, but the coffee is good and the $5 flatbreads are AMAZING.  I may be bringing my book group there next time it is my turn to host.

After brunch we took a tour of some of the finer establishments in Renton (Target) and then brought our baby home for a 3 hour nap.  Yeah! She slept long enough for us to putter around the house AND watch a movie.  (Thank you Lucy!)

At one point in the day, which really was just a regular day - but one where I could say things like "You change the poopie diaper, I shouldn't have to, it's MOTHER'S Day." I was on the couch with Jason and I was feeding Lucy.  It was a normal moment for us but I looked around at my life and was overcome with happiness.  Just as I was about to make a statement of my supreme bliss one of them passed gas REALLY LOUDLY and kind of killed the moment for me.   It was a remarkably ill timed toot (and yes, I know I toot too.)
hanging out with Dad is fun!

See, I don't always hate the car seat.
Lucy went to bed at 8pm and slept until 5:45.  This is starting to feel more like the norm than accidental night time sleep through.  Of course the night that I had a bit too much wine she needed attention at 3:00 am, but you can't fault the kid for trying to remind Momma that moderation is a requirement.

To cap off my perfect first Mother's day I got to take a nice long soak in my bathtub. 

In addition to the wonderful Mother's Day experiences I received a card from Lucy and perfume from Jason.  The day care gave me a photo of Lucy and a footprint of her left foot.  I wondered why there was blue dye in the folds of her foot - I thought that one of the blue socks she was wearing bled onto her skin.

There were also numerous phone calls and messages from the lovely people in my life.   I feel so loved, blessed and (TOOOOOOT) oh never mind.

Friday, May 06, 2011

The private conversations of a husband and wife

There are times throughout the day when I'm able to chat with my dearest via instant messenger.  I pulled out some of the very exciting and personal things we've said to each other over the last month or so and have sampled them here for you.  The mundane "I'm leaving work, don't forget to bring home toilet paper" type items have been removed.

 me:  Lucy says thanks
 Jason:  My thank you would have been:
Lucy says thank you for the nice baby stuff you sent me.
 me:  Mommy says I'm supposed to say thank you for the baby stuff.  So thank you.
 me:  "Mommy says speaking in the third person is rude and cold but I think she's just a picky bitch”

 me:  “smell my finger”

Me: the "cherry" flavor is hooey.  How bad must the real thing taste to make "cherry" a better option?

 Jason:  I changed, I'm focused

Me:  No, but I did watch a video of Miley Cyrus covering Nirvana's Teen Spirit.
I may need an exorcism
 Jason:  Pretty bad?
 me:  Honestly – no, but the principle of it is bad

 me:  the pepsi wasn't cold so I opened a beer.  Does that seem wrong?
 Jason:  Not at all
The beauty of working from home
You don't need to hide it like I do at work
 me:  funny

 me:  They are specific about stuff like if you die in a well and thy can't get you out they are to seal the well.  Which is good because the water would be icky after that point

 Jason:  Top baby names of 2010 were announced by Social Security
Lucy is 75th
 me:  ooh - nice.  Terri is not in the top 1000 names for any year of birth in the last 11 years.

 Jason:  Should I try to steal some other babies blanket?
 me:  yes, preferably one that is wrapped around a sleeping baby

 me:  Executive Women's Forum.  I use to be an executive... am still a woman

Wednesday, May 04, 2011

Potty Politics

I recieved a fictionary submission from a friend:

Not sure if you have this one, but I thought you might want to enter
it into your fictionary....

Spontaneapoo --when you think you only have to pee, but it turns out
you need to poo

It's the only explanation I can think of for the ladies who use the
first stall in the bathroom.  WHY do you want everyone to walk past
your smelly stall????  I don't get it!

hmmm.... I've never considered moving father into the restroom to poo.  It seems that I've been missing a key social skill.  Thanks mom for never teaching me this. How embarrassing.

I select my stall based on the following criteria:

1) availability
2) cleanliness / paper availability
3) not next to an occupied stall (if possible)
4) not the handicapped stall (unless there's no other option)
5) not the one with the crazy high seat (I'm short and hate it when my feet don't touch the ground.)
6) one that someone just didn't step out of
7) I try to avoid the second stall in the row because I saw a show on bathroom cleanliness and they said that stall #2 is the one with the highest use.

I guess now I have to add a criteria based on what I'll be doing in the stall.  Life is so complicated.

Tuesday, May 03, 2011

Damn it Momma, that hurt!

Sleeping on the way home
from the mean doctor.
We took Lucy in for her two month check up yesterday.  She's a whopping 24 inches long and weighs 11 pounds 4 ounces.  Per "the" charts she's in the 60% range for weight and in the 95% (or so) for height.  Just as we thought, she's a monster.  The good news is that she'll be able to reach those shelves in the kitchen that I need the step stool to reach.  In addition to being cute, it turns out she'll be handy.

Dr. Robin was pleased with Lucy's progress, her head control, her development and her happy nature.  Well she was happy until she got her shots.  Our poor little peanut had to have multiple vaccines yesterday.  The first was an oral med that Lucy took in as if it were candy.  The nurse laughed and said she'd never seen a baby suck it up so fast.  We're told that Jordan did the same thing, so my guess is that they tell all the parents that their babies are amazing.   I bet they don't think we talk to each other.  It's the same line as how everyone tells us Lucy is pretty.  We know she must be as ugly as they come, but as her parents we just don't see it.

Once, the oral medicine was down there were three more to go, in the form of shots - THREE HUGE NEEDLES.  Dad held Lucy really tight and the nurse set up her station.  She said, "Be ready, the reaction to the first one is shock and then the screaming starts.  It will be over before you know it."  Sure enough, Lucy was stunned during the first shot and as her focus turned towards the leg that had just been stabbed the nurse had the second shot in the other leg and then before I could utter an "it's ok" the final shot was done.  The nurse was great, very efficient and I thought she did an amazing job - it can't be easy to poke a happy baby and have them look at you like "Oh no you didn't!"  Lucy screamed bloody murder but nuzzled in for a soothing mommy hug as soon as the band-aids were applied.   Dad did really well considering he had to hold her during the trauma.  (She was facing out, so there should be no association between daddy and the shots.)  Lucy conked out in the car on the way home.  Sleeping in the car has been rare lately, but this time she was just emotionally done.

one boo boo
For the rest of the night Lucy was off her game.  It was pathetic really - we fed her and then put her on the play mat.  Usually she kicks and talks to the dangling things, but she just laid there and looked at the stuff.  We played with her, but it was sad.  She took her final bottle at 7pm and fell into a baby coma at 7:15 without finishing it.  A quick diaper change, a little more time with the bottle and off to sleep she went. 

I was sure that with such an early bed time that she'd be up at midnight and then again at 3 - but she slept like a champ.  I heard her at about 12:30, but she was just "talking" and didn't really wake up until 4.  We were up for an hour after eating and then we stuck her in the swing of sleep and she was out until 7am.  I tried to feed her again before taking her to "school", but she only wanted half of the bottle.  Maybe they'll have better luck feeding her today. 

The only real positive thing about the shots and her being off her game is that she's super snuggly.  She was happy to sit with me and nuzzle her head into my shoulder. LOVE IT.  I'm sure our active baby will return tonight, but a Lucy who needs Momma comfort is a nice thing.

Monday, May 02, 2011


The news of Osama Bin Ladens death is welcome in my household.  A trial would have likely only strengthened his place in the al-Qaida mythology, and while I hope that the idea was to raid the compound and take him alive but dead he is.  I hope that whatever afterlife judgment committee he has to face is unpleasant. 

I am very uncomfortable with all the images of people celebrating in the streets of our country.  I felt sick to my stomach after 9/11 at the images of young men dancing in the streets burning our flag and celebrating the horrific deaths of 3000 people who did nothing more egregious  than wake up on a lovely day and go to work.  I feel sick to my stomach when I see people (kids mostly) hoisting the same flag and celebrating the death of this monster.  Images of our celebrations will only fuel the fire of hate burning in the remaining al-Qaida wackos.  The death of Osama Bin Laden doesn't really end anything.   The talking heads on the telly have indicated a strong opinion that our bigger threat is the al-Qaida cells in Yemen and that OBL wasn't a driving influence for those folks.  I am saddened that for us, death commonly results in death.  I'm glad to live in a world without this person, but fireworks and dancing in the streets feels really wrong to me.

I also don't like how politics always seems to creep in.  "Obama didn't thank Bush", "Bush couldn't get him", "Obama seems to be taking credit", "Bush should be the hero."  Osama was a snaky, hard to find and VERY well protected individual.  It does not surprise me that it took this long to resolve the issue, I don't think which ever administration that was in place that sealed the deal should matter.  I'm not now nor never was a Bush fan (I think I was clear on that point) but I don't think on this topic that his administration failed - this resolution is an American one, not a democratic or republican one. The attacks on 9/11 certainly weren't targeted towards stupid liberal Democrats, better than everyone else Republicans, nor Christians, Muslims, Jewish or the fools who dare to not declare or feel a religious preference.  The attacks were on Americans, and the fact that we are all those things and more is what really pisses these crazy people off. 

So, Mr. bin Laden, I hope that your meeting with your maker brings to light how off the mark your life path was, but if there is no such resolution, I'm happy to have you out of our world.  I don't celebrate it, I am saddened that your actions triggered these actions.  Saddened because these actions will likely trigger something else down the road... there is no "win" in this scenario.

(As soon as I hit publish, someone sent this to me:  nice to know I'm not alone in my opinions.)