Thankfully the San Jose Mineta airport is not a major hub and thus even though it was slow getting through security there weren't thousands upon thousands of people (like at SeaTac.)
I had gathered (all) my things and was headed towards the exit to the terminal when a grandmotherly lady stopped me and asked "where do I wait for my pat down?"
Since you know from experience that I AM EVIL, there are many answers to this question that ran through my head. The options were:
- Just stand here and wave your arms and call out 'I need someone to rub one out'.
- Go stand in front of that guard and in order to keep it quick it will help if you take off your own shirt.
- Wait until you hear your name being paged over the airport intercom and then RUN to your gate.
- They don't pat down everyone, just the folks who are selected randomly at those doors (the exit), to avoid being selected you have to slowly approach the door, stop, look around and then hop over the threshold.
Seeing as how the rapture was supposed to happen and didn't so I don't know if it is still worth my time to be kind to others I told her the truth. "It's ok to go on through, if you were doing anything wrong they would already be yelling at you."
The desire to see this grandma yell "rub one out" was really really strong... I think I should get points for being humane.
On a slightly different topic, May is National Masturbation Month. What are you doing to celebrate?