No thanks, those oysters look like vaginas.

After resisting the urge to blog I'm now hooked. Last night on the way home I was self narrating my actions. It was like living in the world of SIN CITY only without the creepy Frodo character.

Start Narration:

She stood at the inner city bus stop pretending to be engaged in her book so as not to draw the ire of the overly loud woman in the purple tights who smelled of the street...

Nope -- SUCKS

Re-start Narration:
Replacing the sour milk on the top shelf of the icebox she scolded herself for fogetting to take care of her own needs. Goldie, it's laziness that you don't have food in the fridge.

Nope - still sucks.

It's silly how things that sound good in your head look so bad on paper, or worse when you say them out loud. I may never live down some things that I've said out loud. My friend Juniper (names have been changed to protect the unwilling) will never forget the time I disparaged her new car. It's been 4 years and every time we're in the car it's a matter of minutes before I hear: so do you STILL think that only gay people drive Subaru's? If I could jump back in time and shut the f*ck up I would. I was parrotting something someone else said and I'll never live it down.

Don't get me wrong - I don't care what kind of cars gay people drive -- but my liberal self hopes they stay away from the gas guzzling republi-cars. Why reward those who hate you?

I've said many many other things that have been just plain wrong...

some true examples:

"Dora, when Yazmine dies will you be my best-friend?"

"Now that the German wall has come down, you must feel great joy."

"You want to buy a window shade, hold on I'll page a blind person for you."

"No thanks, those oysters look like vaginas."

you just can't get better than that... later