ah, Monday's

After a mildly uneventful weekend - today started out good. I woke up more than 45 minutes before my alarm went off, and I was able to pretend it was Saturday for a while.

I made it to the bus stop in time to make the 7:28 bus. After parking the tp-mobile and wandering over to the bus stop I realized things were amiss. There were way too many people in line - and I took a second look at my watch only to realize I was much later than 7:28 and the bus had not yet arrived. After queuing up and watching the line grow it became clear the bus wasn't just late it wasn't coming. So, opting not to hop in my car to go to a different park n' ride I decided to wait for the 7:48... 7:50 no bus... 8:00 no bus. CHRIST -- it's not like I really wanted to go.

8:10 a bus arrives and the 40 of us pile on the driver announces that not only is he late - but he's not the normal driver and he needs assistance getting us into the city. I arrived at my desk at 8:50 - which for my office is late enough to raise eyebrows.

Today has been one of those days where I want to do one thing, but every time I start to focus the phone rings or the *&%^ing Instant Messenger pops up. I loathe IM and find it horribly rude and disruptive. I started out attempting to update a report (at 9 am) and have since had to 'quickly' pull together a 5 page overview of our internet policy (exciting), edit some other departments procedure, find business contacts for a department who has re-orged, determine if the addendum to a vendor contract is sufficient (do I LOOK like a lawyer... NO I DO NOT) and a finish the guest list for an event my group is hosting. All I want to do is bury my head in the report but I can't get 5 uninterrupted minutes.

My defense mechanism for when things get too harried is to fart around on the web. If I'm unable to focus - I'll search for interesting facts (who won the daytime Emmy for best talk show - Ellen Degeneris, the latest info on the Wendy's Chili-Finger incident: the finger owner traded his severed finger to a dude to repay a $50 debt, and check up on the crazy antics of Rob, Fuzzy, and Bucky in the Get Fuzzy comic strip. ) Oh, and I guess I should confess that I'm also updating my 'blog' instead of using my 10 minutes of down time to stay caught up.

I'm sad that May is coming to an end. Good tv is wrapping up and this summer will be a droll wash of 'reality tv' and re-runs. Thank goodness for on-demand and DVD's. I'm still a huge fan of Netflix.com even though I chose cable over them. Maybe I'll sign up for the summer.

Anyway -- I wanted to complain about desperate Housewives. I don't care that they killed someone in the finale - it was dull as sh*t. If I hadn't of donated blood Sunday afternoon I may have been able to get up and turn it off. I can't really decide if I like the show or not. With Lost - the answer is so clear. I haven't loved a show like Lost since X-Files. "Don't say I never did nuthin' fer ya Scully." But DH -- eh, whatever.

I do love a good cry and Extreme Home makeover brought it last night. They pulled out dead soldiers, ancient Native American's and jacuzzi tubs. It was glorious. I blubbered all night.

So - in spite of the fact that I arrived at work at almost 9am -- I'm leavin' early. I can't focus and my heart isn't in it. Maybe I'll go to a 4:00 "Meeting" and not come back...

it's a plan!

No thanks, those oysters look like vaginas.

After resisting the urge to blog I'm now hooked. Last night on the way home I was self narrating my actions. It was like living in the world of SIN CITY only without the creepy Frodo character.

Start Narration:

She stood at the inner city bus stop pretending to be engaged in her book so as not to draw the ire of the overly loud woman in the purple tights who smelled of the street...

Nope -- SUCKS

Re-start Narration:
Replacing the sour milk on the top shelf of the icebox she scolded herself for fogetting to take care of her own needs. Goldie, it's laziness that you don't have food in the fridge.

Nope - still sucks.

It's silly how things that sound good in your head look so bad on paper, or worse when you say them out loud. I may never live down some things that I've said out loud. My friend Juniper (names have been changed to protect the unwilling) will never forget the time I disparaged her new car. It's been 4 years and every time we're in the car it's a matter of minutes before I hear: so do you STILL think that only gay people drive Subaru's? If I could jump back in time and shut the f*ck up I would. I was parrotting something someone else said and I'll never live it down.

Don't get me wrong - I don't care what kind of cars gay people drive -- but my liberal self hopes they stay away from the gas guzzling republi-cars. Why reward those who hate you?

I've said many many other things that have been just plain wrong...

some true examples:

"Dora, when Yazmine dies will you be my best-friend?"

"Now that the German wall has come down, you must feel great joy."

"You want to buy a window shade, hold on I'll page a blind person for you."

"No thanks, those oysters look like vaginas."

you just can't get better than that... later

Hello - I love you

I'm sure everyone opens like this. I'm so creative and funny that I think the world is clamoring to hear my innermost thoughts.... Maybe not.

However, I've got people I love who are far far away who probably don't get enough of TP time -- and I've got a lot to say about a lot of things... So here I am.

I'm at work today - so this won't be a proper opening -- but for giggles here's something funny that happened to me just the other day. I was leaving a voice mail message for my married colleague and ended the message with "ok, love you bye!" I'm sure that somewhere this kind of sign off may be ok -- but at my place of employment it's not the norm. I walked by his office just as he was listening to the message on SPEAKERPHONE and he may have actually wet himself laughing.

Many more embarassing stories to come.

Ok, love you, bye! - tp