Santa Pictures

NOT HAPPY!!!

We're thinking of taking Lucy to get her picture with Santa. Unlike the cute Easter picture I fear it won't turn out well:

Get us the f*ck out of here!

Moooommmmmiiieeeee!!!!!!!!!!!

Questionable Parenting

I still feel like this blogging thing is a nice creative outlet.  However when I am inspired to share my deep and meaningful inner thoughts I tend to find myself knee deep in crayons, apple sauce or life safety issues for a toddler.

I'm not complaining (much).  This parenting gig is pretty great.  She thinks I'm awesome and wants me to play with her all the time.  My heart melts when she grabs my hand or when we're talking with someone new (to her) and she hides in my legs.  I do recall when I was a kid how there was safety in those parental legs.

Lucy knows she's supposed to sit when she eats and she knows where the "jellies" are.  Jellies are fruit snacks made with fruit juice - essentially candy with the idea of fruit to make us parents feel better.  When we enter the kitchen she plops herself on the floor in front of the pantry door and sweetly asks 'jess pees' this translates to "May I please have a jelly snack; I'm quite hungry and you were put on this earth to meet my needs." Note her excellent use of the semi-colon, an art lost on most toddlers.

Last night I gave her the little bag of delightful treats and decided to sit with her while she ate them.  Yup, I'm the kind of mom who will plop herself on the floor.  It serves multiple purposes, it shows her that the floor is for all people and helps me find the dust bunnies that I can't see from my staggering height.  Ok, 5 foot 5 inches tall is not staggering per se, but it is hard to find all the dust bunnies from that altitude.

We were sitting on the floor with our backs resting against some cabinets. Her feet were stretched out in front of her as were mine.  As mine are a tiny bit longer than hers (see above noted paragraph) my feet were resting on the bottom rung of a nearby stool.  She and I were deep into a conversation about the merits of grape vs. cherry jellies when she started to skootch forward on her bum.  I was about to ask her where she was going when I figured it out.  She slid forward until she could prop her feet onto the foot rest where my feet were.

I know... trite parenting stuff.  GET A ROOM.  But wait, this is my room.  So I get to tell you (if you're still here) how it made me smile, but also made me take a mental note that this little jelly filled being is seriously paying attention to what is going on around her.  No more off color sarcastic jokes that "she doesn't understand".  The last thing I need is for her to make a "dirty sanchez" comment to the teachers at school.

It's kind of a silly story - we have an entire community of Fisher Price Little People. They are pretty cute and have come into our home on airplanes, trucks, buses and the Super Friends transportation system.   They are quite the ethnically diverse group and we have named each one and made an effort to keep the names in line with their heritage.  Lele is on her way to visit family in Hawaii, Jamal is the airplane pilot.  Pat is the androgynous tourist.   Madeline is the token disabled kid (glasses AND a wheelchair.)  Mr. Sanchez is the school crossing guard. It's a toss up as to whether he is Hispanic or Indian but Lucy cannot pronounce Gaurav or Chandramouli just yet, so Hispanic he shall be.   Well, last night Lucy took a diaper off one of her dolls and gently placed Mr. Sanchez (and a rather fresh Lego lady) into the diaper and we, the inappropriate parents, made a Dirty Sanchez joke.   I guess at this point you're either eye rolling at our horrid child rearing  skills or running to the Internet to look it up.  For the record knowledge of what a Dirty Sanchez is does not imply participation or acceptance of such activities for this household.   You may do what you like - but ick.

Madeline and Mr. Sanchez

"Dirty Sanchez"

Gosh and now that I've written Dirty Sanchez into my blog four times it will pop up whenever someone does a search for it.  What a boring shock that will be.

I would like to note that at no point was the DS phrase mentioned out loud in front of the child and we have always spoken of all the little people with the utmost respect.  Other than influencing the origins of their names they are all equal in our eyes.  I'm however ashamed to admit that pretty little Lego woman is a problem and we do find her in many compromising positions with her two Lego men friends.  If it keeps up we may have to send her to readjustment camp to focus on her morals, if she can't change her ways that little girl slut may have to move out.

On a more acceptable parental activity front. We put up our Christmas tree and took the strategy to install the tree (pre-lit) one day and put up soft kid-friendly ornaments the next and then fill it in with all of the other special items the following day.  She is naturally drawn to the tree, but after explaining that we look with our eyes and not our hands, and then a quick round one, round two of time outs for grabbing items on the tree she seems to appreciate that we're not messing around with our statement that she isn't to touch the tree.    We have left off the delicate antique glass ornaments this year and the candy canes are still up for debate.

That's where we are this week.  I'l check back in later and I'm sure there will be pictures of the kid in the future.

Shocking...

You'll be surprised to learn that holiday shopping with a toddler is a pain in the ass. It's strange how someone so cute and small can be so loud and grabby.

Merry Christmas!!!

Arts & Crafts

before the mayhem

creepy eyes in mid blink shot (oh, and a pen up her nose)

do I have anything on my face?

art work

At the dentist & at play

funny, when I do this she cries

How to piss off a toddler

Over time Lucy has warmed up to Auntie Chelsey, but Chelsey does not get the same baby lovin' from Lucy that I get from her daughter.  Sure, sweet JP is working me for my access to treats like crackers and chips, but I'll take my baby love where I can get it.

We were over at their house last night and after dinner had moved to the floor in the living room.  The girls had every toy out and were busy moving between the toy kitchen, the puzzles, and the baby dolls.  One of JP's dolls had a sound box in her back and I just had to turn it on.  You know me, can't leave anything alone.

The creepy little doll had barely enough battery to sustain the weak but never ending cry.  It was frightening to me and I was expecting it to make noise.  Lucy on the other hand freaked out.  She cried and ran to the nearest adult who seemed safe.  THIS WAS NOT MOMMY.  I made the situation worse by trying to get the damn doll to shut up but in doing so hugged it and gave it a motherly pat on the back.

I believe it was that exact moment that I became Mama-non-grata.  Lucy wanted nothing more to do with me for the rest of the night.  She sat safely in Auntie Chelsey's lap and played with puzzles but wouldn't come to me.  When Chelsey moved closer to me (with Lucy in tow) Lucy simply stood up and went over to the safety of dad.  NICE.

I will tell you that I make a purposeful effort NOT to always be the one to run to Lucy's aid when a trauma occurs.  If she knocks her self down and Jason is closest he is the parent who provides the comfort.  Sure, I want to throw whatever thing I'm doing on the floor, knock over the kitchen table to get to her, but alas it is good for her to know that we both are comforting on a bad day.

Last night though, she was scared and mad.  It made me sad to be the source of that agony.  She manages to well up with actual tears all the time, but these cut me to my core.

Thankfully, as far as 'things that mommy has done me wrong" lists go, this error in judgement on my part seems to have been forgiven.  She was cuddly with me this morning and did not want me to leave her at school.  We'll see if she remembers the creepy doll next time we're over there.

Parents: The real walking dead

Lucy had a bad night last night.  She didn't fall asleep instantly like she usually does and was crying for us about every hour on the hour until 1:00am when we finally gave her a dose of magic sleeping medicine.  (Baby advil)

Poor little bunny was eyes wide open and tired.  This is a bad combination.  Our normal trick of leaving her alone and letting her work it out simply did not work last night.  The more she fussed, the more awake she sounded.  We tried the "go through the bedtime routine again" strategy - which usually works, but failed.  We tried the rub her back until she falls asleep method, which was fine until she woke up again.  I tried the "rub her eyes like you would a chicken" (ask my dad) and it worked until she woke up about 45 minutes later.

She did wear herself out, and thankfully woke up in a good mood and seemed happy this morning.  I, on the other hand, would love to go back to bed.

In a discussion with Jason about our night he segued to The Walking Dead tv show which prompted me to Google zombie baby images and I came up with this gem.  Thank you  How to be a Dad for this amazing and true comparison.

The Kitchen Re-Do

Our newish house is lovely and we adore it. However, the counter-tops in the kitchen were granite tile and we did not adore them. The color was fine, the back-splash was fine, but I did not love the giant tile and the unfinished edges.

We decided to replace the counter-tops and a kitchen re-model was born.  The first thing to go was the ineffective microwave/vent hood.  We took it out (recycled it to a worthy home) and installed a very good vent hood.  

After shopping around and getting three bids we selected a vendor and started picking materials.  The first decision - granite or quartz.  I thought for sure we'd go with granite, but we found a quartz that is very exciting.  It has blue, black, tan, clear resin and some sparkle.  SO VERY PRETTY.

To keep it from going too dark we selected a cream subway tile with a stainless steel accent.  An issue with the tile heights resulted in a delay and to protect our bare drywall I put up foam core around the sink.  The only color I could find was black.  We lived with it for a day and decided that a cream tile would not do.  Back to the tile designer we went with our photos and in spite of our desire not to go "too modern" we selected a black tile that would be cut in to 3x12 tiles and set like subway tile.

In addition to the new vent hood we ordered upper cabinets for the butler's pantry -thankfully we had the name of the supplier our house builder used.  They were very helpful in the ordering process, and they were delivered right on time.  Thank you to Cousin Marty and Jason for the lovely installation.

Lastly, a stove.  This is the item that feels the most extravagant , but I love it so much.  We were going to wait on the stove, but in the end the desire to have the kitchen done won out.  We came in on budget - even with the stove and I love how it turned out.

Because we were involved there are little touches that show that a lot of thought went into the details.  We had a row of tile set below the counter height behind the stove so that it looks as though the tile goes all the way to the floor.  In the nook where the refrigerator is there is a row of tile that extends to avoid a shocking spot of cream wall behind the fridge.

In the butler's pantry, we installed wine glass hangers on the one end and our expert tile installer was able to tuck the tile up and behind the hangers.   We used bull-nose tile around the edges which makes it look so finished.  The bull-nose had to be cut and shaped on site so it is not 100% perfect, but I think it shows that it is a custom kitchen.

The kitchen before

detail by the window

the butler's pantry 

butler's pantry

Sink before

tear out begins

the awful tile gone from the butler's pantry

our kitchen lived in here for a while

drywall repair

by the stove

ooh, the new counter, tile and under-mounted sink!

the stove and new vent hood

the new cupboards in the butler's pantry

Wine Zone...where all bad moods go to die.

Looking in... not too dark!

The detail behind the stove!  SHIMMERY

Finished at the window!

Another Video

Here's Lucy hanging out on a random Saturday.  She likes to play "night-night".  She lays down and we have to cover her with a blanket.  She gets a bit distracted by the tv because there are pictures that go with the music we're playing and she spots herself and other people she knows - the grandparents.  Also, if you listen really carefully you can hear Jason actually singing in the background for a brief moment.

Sorry about my voice - since I'm holding the camera and talking over the music I'm irritatingly loud.

My lost day

I was worthless yesterday.

I couldn't get warm, even after a long shower in the morning, couldn't focus and fell asleep after taking Lucy to day care in the morning.  I managed to make it through my meetings, but the last one of the day was conducted on the couch in our living room while I was tucked under a down blanket.  Being at my desk is far more "worky" but I knew FedEx was coming and didn't think I could muster the stairs in a quick fashion.

The thing that should really let you know how not good I was feeling is that I only ate a banana, an applesauce, two pieces of toast and a scrambled egg yesterday.

Thankfully, I have a great person in my life who made dinner and cleaned up, did Lucy baths and put her to bed.  After we ate dinner, I crawled upstairs to take my own bath and then go to bed.  Sure, it felt wrong to go to bed at 8pm at night, but I think it did the trick.  I'm back to being me today.

weekends

I think I've been clear on the fact that we love this kid.  She's super cute, she's really starting to show affection, she's a good sleeper, she's a good napper and by 3:45 on Sunday afternoon I'm ready for her to go to bed.

Does that make me a bad mom? I don't think so.  I think it makes me a bit more honest than the average super mom, or mombies (zombie+Mom) as they are known on my new favorite web site.  STFU Parents.  (it's devoted to eye rolls at people who talk too much about their kid in EVERY situation - I look there everyday for my picture, so far I'm flying under the radar.)  Ok, back to my kid.

This weekend we didn't have much going on which was a good thing considering I had been gone the previous week and Lucy was due for some serious mommy and me time.  We played, colored, and went for walks when it wasn't raining.  We kept the errands short and didn't attempt any activity directly after church. Sunday, Lucy woke at 5:00 am and was AWAKE.  Not, lay in the crib talking to the animals awake but "HEY DAMN IT  I'M AWAKE IN HERE, WHERE ARE YOU PEOPLE!!!!"  awake.  So, sadly, we were up at 5:00 am on Sunday.  Four hours later, she was ready for a nap but it was time for church.  A nap at nine in the morning is not a good idea when that will leave you another seven hours of toddler entertainment before bedtime.  Lucy doesn't have seven hours of continuous awake in her yet and she also doesn't take a second nap anymore.  So, off to church we went.  She likes church.  Well, to be clear, she likes the live music and getting to play with Rico and Mrs. Rico.  She also likes to flirt with the people around us as the sermon is going on.  We try to keep her attention "down low" meaning, on the floor with books or on the chair with the coloring supplies that are provided.   She is generally very quiet during church, and when she's tired she's especially cuddly.

Lucy wasn't a champion at transitions yesterday and it was challenging.  She cried when going in for a nap, cried when she woke up, cried during lunch, cried when lunch was over, wanted to go for a walk, cried when it turned into a car trip (our fault) and then cried when it was time to get out of the car. She cried going into Costco (then calmed down about 3 minutes before we were done), cried when having to get back in the car, cried when pulled out of the car to go in the house...

RAAAARRR... go with the flow kid.  We ended up splitting up the remainder of our Sunday activities and Jason ran our shopping errands while Lucy and I stayed home and played.  She did really well until about four minutes before Jason got home and then she lost it again over something trivial, like my unwillingness to let her color on the couch.  I know, sheesh lighten up mom.

In the scope of things, Lucy is happy and easy to be around, but WOW when she is off her game it wears an old lady down.

We had a good bedtime routine, and even snuggled on the bed for a while before sleepies (that's our word for going to bed.)  She slept until about 5:30 today which gives me hope that tomorrow we'll be back to the more humane 6:00 wake up.  And no, the owl isn't working.  She loves it but will not wait for the green face to get up.  When her internal clock is back to 6:00 and we're talking about a 10 minute window for crying then we'll wait it out. Until then we have to make an assessment based on the wailing that is occurring to determine when the rescue has to occur.

I know I'm supposed to keep any frustration that happens as a normal part of parenting to ourselves, but since we are not beating this child, yelling at her, locking her into her room I feel safe that it is ok to acknowledge that this parenting thing isn't all baking cupcakes and building tent forts in the living room   People who say it is either aren't doing the less than glamorous activities themselves or are flat out lying.

The thing that keeps us sane is perspective, sleep and those little moments where she does something amazing.  She's starting to hug and when she needs some contact she will snuggle right up and if my hands are busy she takes my hand and puts it where she needs them.  You can't help but hug a kid who moves in, and tugs your hands around her.

She also seems to defuse a situation by popping off with a new word, or a flirt.  New words are Hi, Bye, More Please (she had both, but they are now a married pair).  She's also pointing to the pictures on the music screensaver and identifying the people.  She laughs like crazy at a picture of Grandpa John (Jason's dad) in a fake Vicar's hat.  She thinks it's a riot.  It is... for sure.  I'd post it, but I'm sure the Pope reads this and I don't want to offend anyone.

Are you done laughing yet?  Good - because it is great to end on a high note.  I have no other comments or information to add.  

Reading with Daddy

Does this site have a page on Facebook?

Now that I've turned off comment moderation I have seen a large uptick in comments on older posts.

It is  hard to believe that the person who left the following comment isn't a HUGE fan (or even a person.)

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But then there are comments like this:  Does this site have a page on Facebook? I'd like to be a fan

So, I did create a facebook page for the fictionary stuff:  

fictionaryforfun  

It's there... find me, contribute new words...

If you're looking for an RSS feed (this has also been a question) scroll to the bottom and under the "More Posts" box there is a link that says "Subscribe to Posts ATOM"  It's a little hard to read because of my super cool background, but it is there.

DC

I'm in Washington DC this week, but really for the most part I'm in the basement of a hotel that could be in any city in the world. When I arrived Sunday I was able to do a walking tour around the capital - that was pretty great.

The meetings started Monday morning and have been going all day for three days. I'm in the last two hours of of the event and honestly...I'm bored. The sessions are good, but skewed into domains that aren't overly relevant to my daily work life, or that of my team.

Rather than reviewing an abstract attack model of a cyber attack I'm more interested in the legal and business response recommendations. Either way, I know you just grabbed the nearest sharp object and stabbed it into your eye. Sorry.

There have been a couple opportunities to leave the hotel. Monday there was a reception at the International Spy Museum. That was really fun. There was a great mix of artifacts from real and imaginary spies. James Bond's Austin Martin was there and I'm sure they wanted us to get into it for a photo op, but I couldn't be bothered to climb over the velvet rope. Next time.

They also went into counter intelligence and detailed the efforts of the German military man who was feeding false information to the Nazi's regarding the movement of troops in preparation of the invasion of Normandy. The US gave him enough credible information so that he informed 'his' people that the invasion was coming, but only after he had convinced them to move their key response troops to an alternate area - thus leaving the coast compromised.

The museum had plenty of nifty little things that spies would use, from cameras to lock picking tools, poison, communication devices and secret hiding places. I think I'll be getting shoes with storage location in the heels. Sure, TSA will see my stuff, but if it's not anything illegal who cares.

Last night, I ventured out with a group of other attendees and we walked over to the Georgetown area for dinner at a former fire station.

If I'm unable to switch to an earlier flight tomorrow I'll be spending part of my day at one of the Smithsonian museums. I'm ready to come home and will be delighted if I can move to the early flight. I do want to see the sights, but would rather do it with my people.

I should meet up with other folks for dinner tonight but I'm tired of talking about work... lame.

Terri

Dancing queen

The Good Tea Party

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test

I'm testing the rss feed ... I don't think there's anything I can do with my settings to make it function better (or at all) but I did change a few things and maybe that will help.

A bird in the hand is MUCH better than this

WARNING:  Parental over-sharing is about to happen.

In case you don't want to read on, here is a picture of a spooky spiderweb in the tree in front of our house.  I wouldn't want you to think that you surfed over here for nothing.

Ok, with that taken care of lets move on to what I'm thinking is hopefully the worst of the worst of parenting activities.  Lucy pooped in my bare hand.  See, now you're disgusted and wish you had clicked away after looking at my pretty spider web.

How on earth does a 19 month old kid poop on their mom!?  This is the question that I'm sure you were just noodling on, or more than likely wish you weren't noodling on.

Here's our story. Friday I was home working trying to catch up from being at the conference all week when the phone rings at 11:20 am.  The caller ID says it is the day care.  I answer without a hint of fear, heck maybe they just wanted to call to say how nice Lucy's hair looked or to remind me personally that they were going to be closed Monday.  Either way, I answer the phone "Lucy's mom".  Sigh.  It is when you are least expecting things that the the world goes wonky.

Lucy got into an altercation at day care with a member of her class (they won't tell me who) and she got bit... hard.  The little carnivore broke the skin and drew blood.   Calmly I ask if she's ok and tell Miss A. that I'll call her back in about 30 minutes.  Honestly, this was not a panic situation, but I decided to call the pediatrician just to see what they suggest.  My hope was neosporin and hugs.  NOPE.  We were given the first available appointment at 1:50 pm.  That pretty much ends my super productive work day as there is no taking the kid back to day care at this age.  Once we pick her up she is ours again.  This isn't a school rule, but a know thy toddler thing.  Eventually, she'll go to the dentist or doctor and get taken back to school, but under the age of three, I don't think it's happening. -Late afternoon or early morning appointments are my goal.  1:50 is smack dab in the middle of the day.  ICK.

Lucy's bite looked like it hurt.  While the doctor cleaned it with super special medical soap she told me that a human bite is second only to the bite of a kimono dragon or some other mystical being.  Either way, it earned Lucy a 5 day round of antibiotics.   This disappoints me because unlike liquid tylenol or advil she HATES it, so each dose is a wrestling match and this is her third round in 19 months and since eventually the virus' will adjust to the antibiotics I hope to keep her exposure low in case we run into a scenario in which it is dire.  With that said, I did not push back on the doctor in this case.  My medical degree has not yet arrived in the mail (the post is slow from Nigeria) so I deferred to my more papered colleague.

The trouble with antibiotics is that they can upset the tiny tummy.  (See, now we're getting back to the original topic.)  Our poor girl has not responded well and has had a mild diaper rash since day 2.  Since we were home through Monday I was able to keep the diaper rash to a dull roar because I'm only managing one child, whereas day care is managing 8-10.  I can spot a poopy diaper and respond instantly, but the teachers are busy breaking up the bite to the death wrestling matches over toy ownership.

Fast forward to bath time two nights ago.  Lucy won't sit in the water because it hurts her bottom.  I get her all scrubbed and clean and we're spending a few minutes (safely) playing with the tub toys on the ledge when I spot the tale tell (tell tell?)  signs of an impending poo.   We've experienced poop in the tub before, which is an unpleasant event that results in an emergency bleach of the tub, all the toys, my hands, and anything else I see.   To avert the tub contamination, my instinct was to reach out and 'take the poo' and flush it.

I don't tell you this story because I think it indicates what a good mother I am.  I tell you this story because I had an idea that poo would be part of the parenting gig, but voluntarily taking one in the hand wasn't on my list.

As I was telling Jason about it he said that he was proud of me.  You see, I'm grossed out by lots of things - snot bubbles, for one, make me gag  (GAG)  and this hits high on the gag meter.   I told him that I did ok when Lucy was throwing up and for 3 hours or more I held her while she threw up all over me.  I think I was able to do that for her because she's a small person who didn't understand.  I told Jason I couldn't do it for him.  He disagreed and then said 'if I was really sick you could do it, now if I pooped in your hand that would be a different story."  INDEED

I think we can all agree that the marital vows did not, do not and never will include adults pooping into the hands of their partners.  I don't even think it needed to be said - but I am glad we are crystal clear on that front.

So, there's my gross story.  Today is Lucy's last dose of the bad liquid, we have no rash left to speak of and last night she sat in the tub while having her bath.  Things are back to normal... until the phone rings again.