Dearest Peter's Raccoon Friend,
As you know, with the passing of Peter in July it became increasingly difficult for me to live in the condo. The joy of a human companion has tempered this pain, but nothing would ever replace our wide, furry friend. You probably noticed the for sale sign that was posted Saturday. I do appreciate your not coming in to rip up the carpet or poop on the floor during the open house.
Well, it is with mixed emotions that I let you know that I will soon no longer own the condo that you and I both enjoyed so much. I received an offer from a small family to buy the condo and at the end of the month (provided all the legal mumbo jumbo works out) they will call the place home. All remnants and lingering smells of our buddy Peter will be replaced by a dad and his young daughter.
I will miss you and your wisdom. The information about eating your young will serve me well in these terrible economic times. I do hope that the new family will have a furry companion. No one could ever replace Peter in either of our hearts, but it is time for us to move on.
Please take care of yourself, and I will leave a hunk of cheese for you on the deck when we remove the last of the furniture.
All my respect to you and yours,
Terri
1 comment:
So that's it then. We laid low so you could credibly check "nothing to disclose" over and over, and this is the thanks I get? I guess on the four-lane divided highway of life, you're one of the swervers. As in "There's a raccoon! Swerve toward him!" I knew it could never be the same after you canceled Greece, but I deserve better than this. Oh, well, it's not going to be pretty for that dad and his young daughter. No kid should have to experience what that young daughter will soon go though. Think of "Wolfen" meets "Saw" . . . meets "Saw II" . . . meets "Saw III" . . . meets "Saw IV" . . . meets . . . PSYCH! I've got special plans for "Saw V".
Speaking of "no kid", I guess I should take this as final confirmation that my "Save the Date" card isn't just lost in the mail. Hahahaha, that reminds me of a great joke. Never believe them when they tell you the Czech is in the male. Hahhahaha, that's rich. If I ever see you again, I may tell it to you. Right before I kill, wash and eat you.
Speaking of eating, I defy you to find where I said I eat my young. I would never eat my young. There's always way too much traffic.
Anyway, kid, we'll always have your purple bathroom, and our encounter there. Oh, right, you never saw me.
"After that my guess is that you will never hear from him again. The greatest trick Peter's Raccoon Friend ever pulled was convincing the world he did not exist. And like that... he's gone."
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