Movie Review: White Noise

White Noise: Michael Keaton’s young wife dies and comes back to remind him to take out the trash. Instead of using standard ghost stuff like popping up in dreams or Whoopi Goldberg to get the message across she chooses to come through the fuzz in the TV. It was sufficiently scary and I did a lot of pacing into the kitchen and back.

We’ve seen this communication concept before in Sixth Sense only this time instead of a crappy tape recorder turned up into the red (ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh) zone, Michael has the funds to purchase lots and lots of equipment. He sets up a tricked out media room all watching the fuzz on different VCR tapes. I wonder what the ghosts will do when we all finally succumb to digital and the fuzz is gone?

I do have a couple problems with the movie – there is a strange relationship with Michael and his ex-wife. I think they were trying to show that everybody got along – but she seemed a bit distant when the beautiful young wife bit it.

Secondly, I think movies are scarier when they don’t show the monster. Shadows and movement are ok – but I don’t want to see some image made by 22 year old CGI whiz kid – it ruins it for me. This was the fundamental problem with the Mel Gibson, Juaquin Phoenix movie Signs. I was needing a new set of panties until the alien clipped into the room sounding eerily like my cat in between nail trims.

A key plot point to White Noise is that the dead are communicating that they are ok (or not) to you and you have to be able to understand the signals. So, to make things clear, my friends and I picked a phrase that will indicate that everything is A-O-K on the other side. However, I don’t want to see anybody pop up into my bathroom mirror. I hate that and don’t be writing on the mirror in the steam either. I have a very shy bladder and I don’t need you haunting my loo! Feel free to haunt my kitchen – I need incentive to stay away from the fridge!

All in all, I’d give the movie a 6 on the TP rating scale – 10 being Schindler’s List and the Pianist and 1 being Natural Born Killers and Dude where’s my car.

Finally I must confess that I almost got arrested in Blockbuster on Friday. My real estate agent gave me a couple free movie rental cards from BB and I’ve been hanging on to them for ages. I tried to use one to rent the movie noted above and the &^$* expired! I asked Punky Brewster behind the counter how could something that someone paid for expire? She couldn’t answer me so she called over the store manager (who was I swear to God seventeen and had an eye patch) and he squeaked his explanation that “these things happen.” I admit I raised my voice when I told Jr. Pirate Joe that this is the reason I’m happy with Netflix – because BB sucks! Thank goodness for the after hours drop off so I don’t have to face them again.

The nutty thing is that the ‘free movie’ was worth maybe $4 – and I just blew that and more on coffee and a donut at Starbucks. I wasn’t really out any money so why was I so upset? Still - for the record let me be perfectly clear on one thing: Blockbuster Sucks!