Merry Christmas... pull my finger!

You can't please everyone, is an adage that I have heard since childhood. However, when attempting to plan the department Christmas party -- oops, sorry Year End Celebration - it is easier to know this is true than to live it.

Let's be honest here, I do not want to plan this damned event. Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas and planning for everything that involves family and friends -- but trying to come up with something that doesn't suck for the co-workers on a budget of $50 per person is not my idea of fun.

We got a really late start on this and by "we" I mean me. Some how, all the shitty tasks like United Way Coordinator, get dumped on me. (grr) Anyway, I tried to get something going earlier this year, but all my ideas got shot down. So, now I'm searching for a cool place to have a lunch and come up with gifts of some sort and make it a fun afternoon. This on top of all my other important work like updating my blog?

I found a date that worked for 90% of the staff and prayed that the two folks with a conflict would be able to adjust their schedule. Well, no dice. I just got a flame e-mail from one of the guys and I really have no course of action. I can piss off two people, or three or everyone. I guess, in time everyone will be pissed. Someone will hate the food, someone will hate the date, someone will hate that it's not a weekend thing, that dates aren't invited... ooh, I love the holidays.

I use to think my dream job would be a party planner but when I really think about the logistics of trying to please others I think I wouldn't be very successful. "Yeah, it's your wedding, but I'm telling you -- blue tuxedos are OUT!"

As the party planner person for the paint store it was a challenge to pull off a great party due to budgetary constraints. The party was typically held in the store and while you can decorate a hardware store, it's only going to look so good and it's never really going to hit the "festive" description. We topped tables with colorful covers, put up trees, brought in candles (a terrible idea in a building sitting on top of a thousand gallons of paint thinner) scratch that, found battery operated lights to be luminaries, popped in a Christmas tape and called it a party. The first couple years I was there, they did a slide show for the entertainment. I recall "Enter-Stainment Tonight" that recounted all the gossip of the year. Once we did a show with paper dolls with the heads of the staff - I will admit it was fun. The store owner always had a year end message that usually went well - except for the year that one of his key employees quit and he was smarting a little. His message sort of got off track when he told the staff in front of husbands and wives that the "store would be successful without any of them". Ouch, we didn't feel very valued that year.

The paint store parties ended up festive because of the booze (and the factory guys always had pot if you were interested.) Booze is a dangerous thing in a work setting - I will NEVER forget the year that Miller stuck a decorative loaf of bread down his pants and asked woman after woman to bite his loaf. It was quite the sophisticated event.

However matter how much effort we put into planning, and how much we tried to make the event fun - someone ALWAYS complained. My thought is, if you don't have to plan it, or clean up after it - SHUT YER TRAP.

So, that brings me back to today -- the 'invitation' went out less than 2 hours ago, and I'm already getting flack from folks. I really want to keep my holiday spirits up, and frankly, whinning about it has helped, so:

Happy damned Christmas!