I keep getting these text messages from my guy in Las Vegas. He is having a great time with his groomsmen, cousins and assorted man relatives. I think he might be Vegased out but will make it through the day - he should be home by 1am tonight.I have been busy while he's been away. Yesterday I pulled together the "welcome" baskets for our out of town guests staying at the hotel.
I also started the programs for the wedding. My original plan was to print them on regular paper and fold them over, but my side trip to Michaels (and arts & craft store) for bags for the welcome gifts yielded "Program Kits" which looked "easy". Yesterday I worked with the printer for HOURS to get the covers printed and then spent even more time on the inside portion of the program. Now I'm taking a break from the tedious job of sticking them together. Its' 11am and I am half way done, but my eyes hurt.
My next project is a "reserved" sign for the head table and a small sign for the card holder (yes, it will be a birdcage.)
It is quiet, even with the music on and all this busy work is making it easy for me to get lost in thought. Here is what I am over thinking.
Jason's cousin (who lives in town) called Jason's mom to tell her that she and her family won't be coming to the wedding. There has been some family drama regarding an unfortunate incident at Thanksgiving which resulted in the abrupt venue change at Christmas. Cousin Y had planned to host Thanksgiving and Christmas, but the family chose to move Christmas and failed to inform her in a kind and gracious way. I'm told there is a LOT more back story but don't know the details. (Frankly, I don't want to know. Family drama is family drama...same shit, different last name.)
So, here we are NINE MONTHS later, and Cousin Y feels that she is better off not coming to the wedding because she doesn't want to confront the Christmas mover. OH MY GOD...Grow Up.
In my head I'm having a conversation with her that hits these points:
Boycotting Jason's wedding is really a problem for me.
Your beef is with the family and we were not part of that event.
Jason's parents aren't hosting this wedding, Jason and I are, so you should have had the guts to call us directly.
There are people coming to this wedding who don't believe it will be "sanctioned by God" because I'm not in the same sub-section of the Christian religion as them, but recognize that Jason is family and family is more important that (their crazy, misguided) beliefs. You should be able to set aside your anger for 2 hours and share a joyous day with someone you claim to care about.
It's true we didn't invite your son to the wedding. We didn't invite ANYONE's kids to the wedding. The site only holds 175 people and Jason's list with kids totaled over 200 - and strangely enough I have family and friends too. As our RSVP's came in we were able to accommodate some kids. (this is a point of stress as we still couldn't invite every one's kids so I'm worried that some folks will be offended that their little angels weren't invited when there will clearly be kids at the wedding.) Had you called ME instead of my mother in law I would have happily invited your little boy.
You're missing an opportunity to experience a happy event that isn't clouded by politics, current events, agendas or ulterior motives. We are two people who are so grateful to have found each other that we want to sing it from the highest mountain and stand in front of our family and friends and form a new family. How do you boycott that?
I think those are my salient points. I'm irritated that I'm seriously considering calling her to ask her to reconsider not coming, but the stubborn part of me says "fuck 'em they made their decision." The more human side says I likely won't rest until I try.
It think its unfortunate that whatever her hurt is, will cause a permanent tick mark in my mental file of personality traits of this new family. Cousins A-M = were welcoming and friendly. Cousin Y - stand offish and boycotted the wedding.
It's going to be hard to make friends with her - I am stubborn enough to never really make the effort now that I'm established have good relationships with everyone else.
At the end of the day, her presence or absence will likely have no effect on the big day (13 days away!) but the 'drama' around it will be a long term irritation.
Anyway, I'm not sure what I'm going to do. Jason would say, don't call. Let it be. He says he doesn't care, but I disagree.
The super evil part of me says don't call. We've given our numbers to the caterers, so 3 extra people might be noticed. However, I'm sure there will be folks who said they are coming who won't show.
Grrrrr... get out of my head Cousin Y!!!!
Is it too early to snip into the wine? Nah, I can't do that. I was going to get my toes painted (on this dreary rainy day...)
3 comments:
My humble opinion? Let cousin y go. I stay as far as I can from drama, so maybe I'm not the best person to comment here. I just think that cousin y has decided for herself that they don't care enough about you and Jason to put aside this petty (REALLY petty) disagreement. That totally sucks, but it is what it is. You don't need friends like that anyway. Know what I mean? Enjoy the pedi!
I agree with RisibleGirl, but I, too, tend to dislike drama and those who bring it, so I also may not be the best source of advice on this. (Or anything else, for that matter.)
The correct way to indicate you are not attending a wedding is to send back the RSVP card marked "will not attend". Assuming you received such a card, your role is over. Do nothing. If you have not received the card with regrets, you could certainly follow up, acting as though you had not received a report from Jason's mom, and see what the cousin is willing to say to your face.
Really, though, do nothing. Don't make this person any more important than anyone else who has sent regrets.
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