Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Scan This!

I'm all for safer travel, I buckle up, I remove liquids from my carry on luggage and never ever joke about bombs while even thinking about the airport.  However, I'm not very thrilled about the new body scanning that TSA is doing now.  I don't quite believe the reports that the radiation that you are exposed to during the scan is less than what you experience for 2 minutes on the airplane.  It smells like false reassurance to me.

I am also not really feeling comfortable with the new "enhanced" pat downs where the super professionally trained TSA dude or dudette gets to rub his or her hands over your private parts. Trust me, if I'm going to hide an explosive on my person and kill myself anyway, I might as well use the Get Smart version of the tampon bomb.  They aren't going to detect that on me with a touchy feelly grab between my legs.  Maybe the next rule will be that menstruating women won't be allowed to fly oh, and we'll let those people sporting the sassy Depends Diapers skip the trip to the kids house too. 

What really irks me is the idea that these "tools" can't be used in conjunction with what seemed to be acceptable security practices, not 30 days ago (or in the case of the SeaTac airport today at Gate C.) Why not pass EVERYONE through the regular scanner and if you set it off, then you get the option of the invasive pat down or the "look at how tiny his penis is" body scan?  (Seriously, if I do have a penis it is tiny.)

I know that eventually, I'll be forced to make a choice between the scan and the mini-date with an ugly TSA lady but for now, I'm thankful that at SeaTac I can jump to a different line and avoid the scan.  Whilst I continue to be pregnant you won't catch me in the scanner booths.  I really only have one more trip on the books before I won't be allowed to fly anyway, but the whole idea of the pat down stresses me out.  The previous pat downs made me uncomfortable and they were localized to my torso, arms and pretty high up the leg.  The boob and crotch grab feel like a personal violation. 

Will TSA be grabbing my kid's crotch if I refuse to let them scan her little baby body when we go to Denver to visit Grandma & Grandpa?  I'm pretty sure she'll be in a diaper and thus what kind of assurance will TSA get that I haven't stashed something nefarious in that little absorbent pad?  Maybe they'll want the kids to go through naked or have mommies and daddies remove the diapers for the TSA agents.  I tell you if we're asked it might be a challenge for me not to save the poopiest diaper for that experience.  "Here, let me store this poop side down on your table while you inspect my 3 month old daughter."   I'm guessing that Jason will help me fly right and not get arrested for stinking up the security line with Lucy's poop, but in my head it feels like a nice 60's era type of revolt against "the man".


Anonymous said...

I'm all for reading blog entries, but sometimes the experience seems like a violation.

PNB Dave said...

I'd rather have some TSA officer laugh at the image of my small penis than have my penis and the rest of my person blown out of the sky by some jerk who sneaked onto the plane wearing an undetected Jockey Shorts Bomb. We can't count on a vigilant Dutchman on every flight to take down the terrorists for us like we were lucky enough to have last Christmas.

(The above post was not me, by the way, despite its sounding like something I might have written.)

tp_gal said...

Dave, I never EVER have heard you comment on the size of your penis. For that, thank you. tp

PNB Dave said...

Er...that wasn't me? My password was hacked? Yeah, that's it. My password was hacked.