Monday, April 10, 2006

The Dreadmill

As much as I love my tv and my new boyfriend DVR I think the time has come to give up the couch. My ass is HUGE.

I signed up to play softball again on the church team and have decided that it's probably not wise to let the games be my only form of exercise this summer. I've started spending time on the handy equipment that my monthly condo association fees give me access. The trick for me is to keep moving once I get home. Once my bum hits the soft corner of the couch it's all over for me. This is acceptable behavior every now and then - but not every night. I'd rather not blow out the ham string the first game. You wouldn't think of it but I can get on base. The other teams take a look at me and assume I'm an easy out. Not so! I can't hit the ball very far so I hit down and 9 times out of 10 it will bounce over the shortstops head and I advance the runner and get to first base. I don't generally make it around and score - but the other team always goes for me because I"m 'easy'. They are so busy getting me out that one of my more fast team members can score. It's a beautiful thing.

So this morning I laid out my gym clothes so that I wouldn't be tempted to change into my cozy pj's upon arrival home. It totally worked. I jumped into the gym (thankfully the stinky sweaty guy wasn't there) and the elliptical machine was open so I cranked up the iPod (which is malfunctioning right now- grr) took a couple puffs on the inhaler (asthma) and cranked the timer to 30 minutes. Suzy Skinny from G238 was running on the ancient treadmill and had the tv turned up to hear over her panting - it was so loud that I could hear it outside. When the deaf guy from two buildings away calls the cops it may be a hint that the TV may be on too loud. I of course, didn't say anything my co-workers think of me as a ninny and I don't need the neighbors to turn on me too.

It felt good to work up a good sweat. I don't know what my mental illness is that makes it easy for me to do anything but work out. I certainly don't enjoy being overweight. The self loathing is pretty palpable and the inner dialog isn't kind. Knowing what you should do and doing it are two different things. My people are supportive to be sure but nothing will change unless I do.

I'll never be Yazmine skinny but I can be healthy. Resolve is a good thing - SadRico and I are going to take a short vacation to Mexico in the fall and I'd rather not be uber flabby. We have enough problems with illegal immigration without me causing the entire citizenship of Mexico to flee into the southern states to get away from me in a bathing suit. (See what I mean about the inner dialog? It isn't nice - and it doesn't really curb the snacking either. You would think it would - but it doesn't.)

1 comment:

syp said...

I love you.