Online dating is only for the strong

As you may recall, I signed up and paid for one year of eHarmony. Well - it's pretty great getting rejected day after day by men named "Blair" and "Scott" who have used magazine photo's as their profile picture. I'm in one real "match" and we are e-mailing on a semi-weekly basis.

Having not dated since college I'm a little gun shy but am trying to remember that I'm an adult and not revert to that 16 year old girl who got her heart broken. Nor am I the stupid 23 year old who spent her post college years thinking that her friendship would turn into true love the way it did for Sally in When Harry Met Sally. That movie owes me 5 years! To be clear - my friend never led me to believe that he had anything other than friendship feelings -- I was the one with ideas that things would change.

Anywho... (I'm sharing deep dark secrets about myself and am feeling a tad vulnerable over here) Jeffy, (not his real name people... stay with me) seems nice, funny, and has offered voice on voice action but I'm hedging just a bit. I'd like to keep it to e-mail for another week. However, I will promise to all of you that after the 4th I will call and I'm sure the first thing we'll do is set up a time to meet. YIKES.

I will keep you all informed of the terrible trials of a spinster in the throws of attempting to get laid... I mean find a partner. (tee hee)

Weekend Update

The book club ladies took our off for a retreat Friday. One of our members Mel has a 'cabin' on the Wenatchee River. I'm not sure it truely qualifies as a cabin - it sleeps 8, has a dishwasher, washer and dryer, and everything you could ever hope to find - but it is tucked away in a place with no cell phone service and while there is a tv I've never seen it. It's mildly fantastic and I have a twinge of envy.

The weather was fantastic and we enjoyed the outdoors by hiking, biking and oh yeah, that other outdoor sport drinking.

Saturday we braved the 90 degree heat and drove into Leavenworth. It's cute and I can see the attraction in the winter. The Nutcracker Museum doesn't get much action on a hot June weekend though. The bavarian theme is cute and it works for them, they do have a lot of what I call the "Shitty Shit" stores - socks with kittens, carvings of local wild life, shot glasses with "I've been leveled in Leavenworth" printed on them, "I'm with stupid" t-shirts and stuff with your kids' names on it. There are a few shops for the more advanced tastes - the cheesemonger (yum!), a decent bookstore, a custom made soap shop, and a store with a small selection of fabulous things from garden implements to hats - hard to describe but I didn't want to leave.

One of our members did not handle the tip into town well - the combination of the heat, the twisty road and the back seat of a mini-van made her ill. That was a bummer and as she tried to cool off we callously drank margarita's on the deck of the mexican restaurant.

Eventually we did discuss the book - Terrorist by John Updike and the comments were universally similar. We didn't think it was a stellar book and that the characters were a little one dimentional and that the 74 (84?) year old author did not capture the inner thoughts or dialog of a 17 year old boy. Those among us who had read Updike before were saddened that it wasn't better as he is a good writer that is worth reading and after reading this not many of us are inclined to read more of his work.

Fictionary: new word

Poolvert - the creepy guy leering at girls at the public pool. (Melinda)

Who are you as a cartoon?

This is me.

Justification for Joining

Top 10 Reasons MWR should come to the “I-H-S” Class of 1986 20 year reunion

10) An interesting study in the origins of tpGal and SYP
09) Photographic opportunities will abound
08) Chico’s Pizza
07) Its August… what else is there to do?
06) Dinner at the Lamplighter. Zaggat Review: “It’s all up after the Lamplighter”
05) A bumpin’ weekend with the other LBC
04) Bob’s corned beef breakfast
03) The possibility of viewing June in a classic tequila’d stupor. “Get out of my way, I have to get in the closet and take off my clothes!”
02) A real life reenactment of Grosse Pointe Blank
1) Watch someone like tpGal who is accomplished and happy fail to sum up her life in anything other than "nope, never been married, nope, no kids"

Restaurant Review

While having lunch at "New Vietnamese Restaurant" a very drunken man wandered in and the owners had a fit while trying to get him to leave. On his way out the door he stopped behind my friend Shawn's chair and dropped something. It became clear as he bent over to pick it up that it was his belt and since he wasn't the most coordinated guy in the world he dropped it again. While he was trying to figure out what to do his pants slid right off his body and onto the floor. Thankfully he wasn't going "commando" and that his tighty-whities were clean.

I still recommend the food at New Vietnamese Restaurant I suggest getting your food to go - the ambiance leaves a little to be desired.

Compliance Meeting Minutes: 06/17/2006

It was suggested that I share my meeting notes for some of the dull, brain numbing meetings that I am forced to attend. This one was from yesterday.

Play by Play

First things first, I signed up to be on the church co-ed softball team again this year. Last year they put out the call for players and there were enough folks for two teams. The music director stacked the teams - team one was all the high school and college aged kids and team two was everybody else - the grandparents, the over 40's and the overweight folks. Because there is justice in the world - we, team 2 "the misfits", beat the snot out of team one and some how won the league championship.

I missed the first game because of my ballet tickets. I know, where's my commitment? Well, if you paid $400 for tickets (not each) you would go too. The team won that game 17 to 2. We played today and had to end the game at 19 to 4 after the 5th inning - it's sort of the league mercy rule. We are very good at capitalizing on runs and base hits - we don't have very many folks who can hit the ball into the far outfield, but we can advance the runners. Last year, my secret weapon was to advance the runners, but not once did I score. Well - today that dry spell is over! And -- I didn't even pull my quads (yet).

S0--- go team #2!

Secondly, SadRico took me to see Richard III at the Intiman last night. Man oh man can that Bill Shakespeare dude write and he isn't afraid of killing a kinsman here or there. As you may know, Richard the III plotted against everyone to become King of England and once he got is hearts desire, the tactics he used were turned on him. After the play ended and the house lights came up I noticed that the music had a modern sound and within moments I realized they were playing the Rolling Stone's "You Can't Always Get What You Want." Tee Hee.

We did have a 'famous' person sighting at the play. Rob Estes of Melrose Place fame was in attendance (sans Josie Bisset) and may I say --- wow, he's kind of pretty in real life.

Finally, I teased SadRico about leaving me in the dust Friday night while he drove away talking with his eHarmony date, He apologized and we had a little giggle over his priorities. Last night, as I was getting in my car I noticed that he stayed to make sure the car started (there's no reason it wouldn't - but this is the thing you do) and as I turned to wave him on, I saw him standing 2 feet from my window all hunkered down with his hands on his knees watching me with great concern. I startled as I saw him and he tilted his head and asked "are you ok?" I laughed so hard I almost snorted.

MWR suggested that it might be time for SadRico to earn a new name but that he didn't think Rico Suave was the right direction. Sadly - in real life this is what we call SadRico. He is in a very good place right now, and I'm hoping it lasts but I'm worried that the eHarmony dating might be like playing with fire. I only hope that when he meets a gal that he likes that he doesn't fall hard in love too soon. However, I give him kudos for getting out there and going on dates. Way to not sit in your closet eating ice-cream alone!!

Movie Review: The Lake House

You'll have to be in the right mood for this not funny almost dramatic movie, but I have to say I liked it. It probably won't stick with you forever like Sliding Doors or Jersey Girl but I think it was a fun evening.

Keanu is aging well and does look good a little weathered. He emotes well and is pleasant to watch. Sandra B. is pretty as ever and isn't a clown - which is nice to see.

I thought I had the movie figured out really early - like within a half an hour, but was pleased to see it build to an emotional ending.

There were a couple loose ends, but all in all - good date movie and I'm pretty sure when it comes to HBO or TNT and they show it 6 times a day that I"ll watch it.


Funny thing though - my movie date was SadRico. We had a nice dinner, a fun Pottery Barn side trip and as noted above a nice movie. However, on the way home one of his eHarmony ladies called to finalize plans for their lunch date tomorrow and it was like I didn't even exist! He did drive me to my car, but barely stopped to let me out. I got a wave and a whisper good bye and instead of him waiting to see if my car started like he always does, he zipped off like a bat out of hell. HELLO!? I'm still a woman alone at a dark, unlit park and ride in the (*&$%*() Highlands!

I know that I play second fiddle to anyone who will (potentially) have sex with SadRico - but general life safety should always be on the "do not compromise" list. Believe you me he's going to get an earful tomorrow. I will NOT be ignored.

Why!?

Why is it that even after spending the whole day in front of the computer at work it still holds interest at home?
Why is it that I try to go to bed early and yet, here I sit?
Why is it that even though I feel fantastic after working out its easier not to do it?
Why is it that the one cute normal guy who was e-questioning me on e-harmony dumped me?
Why is it that the only dude left in active communication is a little over the top in the God category?
Why is it that somethings don't work out the way we want them to? Love and best wishes to Em&G! Fooey on Sister & Mr. Inconsistent Decision makers.

Work Fictionary terms

Coined just today:

Laptopless - to attend a remote or off site meeting with out your lap top computer.

Ovarian Flu - that monthly illness that overtakes half the population causing nausea, mood alterations and change of appetite.

Galley of Strange & Odd Sights

I call this, "what barb done wrong" Mom and I were goofing around in the yard of the rental house they are reclaiming and came across naked, party barbie who has seen one too many nights outside. As you can see she was photo worthy.




This piece of "art" is in the back yard of June & Juan's neighbor in Portland. I think he fancies himself as an 'artist.' This damn thing is about 6 feet tall. Thankfully it isn't lit at night and the children sleep on the other side of the house. I'm not sure what creeps me out more, the wings or the stained glass axe cuts on his head.









The parent's rental house is in a town called Granger. Apparently tusks and teeth of a prehistoric Mastodon dinosaur was once found in a clay pit and the little town with no industry or prospects decided to capitalize on the find by being the dinosaur capital of Washington. They have constructed 12 different life-sized dinosaurs around the town. Mostly they are located in "Dinosaur Park" and one is actually in the middle of the little river that runs through town. During a flood the poor Dino washed down river and had to be towed back.

According to the 2000 U.S. Census the population of Granger is 2,530. The ethnic make up of Granger is 85.5 % Hispanic (79.5 % of Mexican decent), 0.8 Native American, and 20% Caucasian. And according to TP Gal the U.S. Census can't add:

79.5+ 0.8 + 20 = 100.3%

Also note that while the town has a fabulous Cinco de Mayo celebration the Black History Month activities leave a lot to be desired.

15 Things That Make Me Smile

After the "Irritations" list, I was wondering if a list of things that make me happy might also have a gleeful effect upon my mood. So here it goes, the 15 things that make me smile:

1) My mom, who trained her dog Lucky to poop in the plastic bag so she didn't have to touch the pooh.
2) My nutty work friend "SportBoy" who thinks that I've got good relationship advice.
3) When a really good song comes on in the car and I turn up the radio and sing.
4) Waking up rested on sunny summer mornings.
5) The super cute corporate soldiers who change into hot workout gear at lunch and go for a run - yummy!
6) My fake Brittish accent.
7) My pretty purple bathroom. It is really purple, and really pretty. (I know, I need a thesaurus - shut up!)
8) The amount that Condo TP gal has appreciated in the last 2.5 years.
9) A good hair day.
10) When Peter (the cat) curls up on my lap and tucks his head under his paw... it's super cute!
11) Dahlia's
12) having money in savings.
13) Knowing that Mr. Bush can't run for president again in 2008.
14) My friends
15) A good hand in cribbage.

Bonus...

16) You, for reading my blog.

It worked... I"m feeling happier than I was when I started my list. Imagine making a happy list every day... (too much? I think so.)

Fictionary: new word today

Meatitarian: A person who due to humanitarian convictions eats only meat. No vegetables - ever. Don't even think of frying that chicken in vegetable oil or they will SUE!

List of Irritations

As I sit here without inspiration, I shall make a list of things that irritate me.

1) The first chip off newly painted toenails.
2) The cat who ignores me all the time except when I'm sitting at the computer and then he's all over me. Shoo you fake needy bastard!
3) People who schedule meetings over the lunch hour and "invite you to bring your lunch" which means they aren't buying lunch.
4) People who assess the importance of other meetings on your calendar and decide theirs is more important... Yes, it is only a lunch date with a friend, but it's been on my calendar for 3 months and it was hard to find this date so kiss my *ss!
5) Rain on a day that I've worn sandals or suede shoes.
6) That loud guy on the bus. (He's been in the methodone program for 3 years... I don't think it works.)
7) People with constant DRAMA. Ok, we get it, you're needy.
8) People that whine. uh, like I'm doing right now?
9) George W. who can't pronounce Nuclear.
10) The fact that it's nearing mid-term elections so it's "time to protect ourselves from the gays" Sorry to burst your bubble Georgie boy - the gays don't want you.
11) The super agressive driver who nearly ran me over in her Expedition -- It's call a brake pedal 'lady' - use it.
12) The fact that Veronica Mars is dating Duncan - the most boring tv character EVER. You belong with Logan.... (I know, I resisted it for so long and now I'm toast.)
13) The "Loan Checks" that credit card and finance companies send in the mail. In the last week alone I've shredded over 10k worth of high priced loans. If I didn't apply for it, don't send it!
14) My new "office" at work... sorry people it's a fucking cubicle... see:



And, just so you know, that little file cabinet in the lower left hand corner is supposed to be tucked under the table on the right - but I've got it sticking out in the "hall" because I was knocking it with my chair.
And, take a look at the most useless "white board" known to man on the right. If I lay on the floor I might be able to use more than the top 12 inches of it. Grrr.

15) finally, it irritates me that as I type this list I'm actually getting irritated so I'd better stop.

Don't move or the black guy gets it!

It was all over the news yesterday, three prisoners - er 'detainees' (which is what we call people - terrorists that are denied any due process) committed the ultimate act of terrorism by hanging themselves in their Guantanamo "rooms".

Rear Adm. Harry B. Harris Jr. (nice name Harry Harris) commander of the detention "camp" said when asked about the suicides: "They are smart, they are creative, they are committed, they have no regard for life, neither ours nor their own. I believe this was not an act of desperation, but an act of asymmetrical warfare waged against us."

Hold on... warfare against us? Isn't that taking the "if you don't let me borrow the car I'm going to hold my breath" tactic a little far?

Maybe the camp councelors are showing the campers Blazing Saddles every night after the nightly flogging. If it turns out to be true I think we owe the world an apology - no one should be subjected to repeated viewings of Mel Brooks' movies.

The Slumberjack

As I've casually mentioned, July will for me include some camping-like experiences. Since I hate the failure of air matresses to be a) comfortable b) consistently inflated and c) warm I looked on line for an alternative. After shopping around I opted for the Slumberjack - a massive cot with a glorious sized sleeping space. (My complaint about fold out beds is those horrific bars in the small of my back.)

The Slumberjack has, aside from a great name, a simple set up and a handy shelf under the cot to store things off the ground. This should come in handy during my Gambleside camping experience and I want to keep socks or books off the floor of the tent.

I unpacked Slumberjack and put it together to give it a test "lay" (tee hee) in the living-room. Man oh man is it ever massive! It's also really tall, which is probably going to be a problem. My feet don't even come close to touching the ground when I sit on the edge, so getting out of it required a face down position enabeling me to swing my whole leg off the cot and lift myself up with a one legged hopping movement. I may need to figure something else out when using the cot in the "wilderness". Maybe I can push the cot legs into mother earth a bit and lower the distance to the ground. The other option would be to cover my head and just tip the dang thing over to get out of it.

If I return from my July vacation with facial bruises you'll know I didn't solve the height problem.

Fictionary: Props to MWR

“parodar”: the ability to detect when something is parody or being said ironically

"telederision" - running commentary by MWR while watching the "Criminal Minds" premiere.

Fictionary: Words, Phrases & Theories

Bargoyle (noun), The individual seated at the end of a tavern or Chinese restaurant who has been drinking since late 1982. Source: SadRico.

In a sentence: "Boy, that new law about not smoking in bars has changed Joes' Tavern. I hardly know where to sit now that the Bargoyle is outside half the day."

Clure (verb, noun) - a tidbit of information dangled in order to get you to be interested in more information. "She clured me in by telling me that she had a date with a guy named B. Pitt last night."


"Click-Second" (phrase) - that infuriating moment between the time you press the button on your digital camera and when the image is actually captured. This split second is the time when children look their best and you look really thin. (Source: tpgal)

Transitdental Meditation (state of being)- The zen like state commuters achieve on the Metro to and from work. They aren't asleep, but they aren't awake. Commuters in full TM state are able to fully relax every muscle and yet maintain an iron-like grasp on their briefcases and keep their head from lolling back and forth.

Feline Attention Disorder Theory - This theory suggests that cats have an intuitive inverse interest to affection ratio. The more you want to snuggle with the cat the less they want to do with you and conversely, the less you want to do with them the more they want you. This is evidenced by how scarce cats make themselves when the 5 year old is running after them yelling "Here Kitty Kitty" and again by the psychotic need to stand on the Sunday paper or climb on the computer table when I'm trying to write.

06*06*06

Creepy!

X-men III: Laughing in inappropriate places

I was supposed to "save" this movie and see it with Yazmine, but had to choose between X3 and MI3 and opted away from the space alien Tom Cruise and for the super hunky Huge Jackman. I found out later that she'd already seen the movie so I'm not in any trouble which is good - I would have seen it again but I wouldn't have enjoyed it.

The movie was ok, nothing remarkable but I did have a couple complaints. There is a major continuity error at one point in the movie. The villain Magnito (Ian McKellen) is lifting a big bridge and turning it around to get across a large expanse of water - never mind that he could have made all the cars in the city line up to form a makeshift bridge - but that's neither here nor there... but as the bridge spins it is clearly mid-day and CUT to the bridge setting down on the island and BOOM it's night time. Um... obvious!

My other problem was when a key character bites it - the other mutants take back to the school the only thing that's left of the poor hero. This item is not totally useless and yet they stand around it and talk about the dearly departed as if we (the stupid audience) wouldn't be able to be sad without the image of the item. I had the image of a dad taking Junior's dog for a walk and bringing back the leash to the kid to tell him the dog is dead. It was over done and made me giggle a little causing the back of my head to be seared by nerd death rays.

I didn't think Halle Berry was as bad as the reviewers claimed. I head one guy say that if she was using the comic book for inspiration that she hit it dead on - "she's is flat and displays no depth or emotion" ouch. I thought it wasn't overly horrific and think it's fantastic that she can turn her acting ability off so she doesn't run out of it.

Also, saw this at the Cinerama in downtown Seattle. The million dollar restoration was great, but the seats are shit! They rock back, but there's no stopping the seat. I had to sit in a funky position and use my legs as leverage so as to not rock back and hit the angry nerd behind me. At the end of the movie my back hurt and my quads were killing me.

Frankly NOTHING will be worse than the scene in Star Wars 3 when the newly suited Darth Vadar is told that he killed the (also flat) Padme and he takes three Frankenstein-like steps and yells with all the fake emotion he can muster.. "No!!!!!!" (giggle from tpgal's seat) The ending of that movie SUCKED.

Maybe the problem is trillogies... the third MATRIX was so jacked up that I don't think even the writers understood what was happening. Thankfully, Canoe isn't very bright and probably doesn't need to understand a role to do it well. There was a scene where our hero Neo is close to death and I was not only praying for it to be over quickly for him, but that I might die too. That's not a good feeling to have during a movie.

I loved the Lord of the Rings and think Pete Jackson did an amazing job. Making all three at the same time was brilliant and probably saved the second and third movies. I did have an issue with the montage ending - but I"m not sure how it could have been done differently.

The Harry Potters are going well, but I'm worried about the "child" actors. These kids are not kids anymore, and they don't have that Michael J. Fox eternally youthful glow either. If they try to switch to a new Harry and the gang I think they'll ruin it - so they better keep filming fast and furiously. But, after the last book I might not even care anymore. I'm not over the shock of the turn of events - don't kill all the father figures angry rich divorced lady... leave us a couple will you?

blah....

dear diary,

Not much is happening today. I saw that cute guy on the bus again, but he confirmed he's got a girlfriend so I totally hate her. I'm sure she's a kleptomaniac or something.

It's my day off and I should be out playing or something, but all I want to do is curl up on the couch and finish watching the first season of Veronica Mars. (A plague on both your houses!) WHo killed Veronica's best friend the bug eyed Lilly Kane? Was is her dad - the cute but a little evil Kyle Secor? Could it have been the icy mother or the possibly epileptic possibly half brother ex-boyfriend of Veronica? Is it wrong that I like the dastardly Logan Echols and that I secretly want him and Veronica to hook up? He's dark but underneath the protective layer of sarcasm is a vulnerable dude who needs the love of a pint sized gal with a heart of gold?

ANYWAY -- it's just TV but on a windy saturday I want to hang out with the tv people.

It's June, and the blast of late May summer weather has come and gone so it's officially time to plan summer activities. There's quite a few things on the menu so far:

Extended 4th o Julio in Yakima. I'm sure I'll be helping with the house remodle but that's ok I'm a fantastic housepainter.
A week with the Beckster at her sister's cabin on the Olympic Penninsula. (Pray for good weather I want to live in my swimsuit.)
My 20 year class reunion -- go Fisherman!
The 40th birthday blow-out for June's main man.
A minor emotional breakdown around my own birthday.
A softball injury or two (first game is tommorrow.)

Come fall there's the annual "Executive Women's Conference" at the spa in Arizona. It was a hoot last year and I'm looking forward to it again.

Last but not least the trip to New Orleans and various exotic places around there... Port Arthur Texas and Lake Charles.... ooh exciting.