My flowers.

A trip to the ER

Playing at Grandmama's.

Outlook, WA

It's been grandparent central around here and that has been fun.  Grandma & Papa came to visit from Denver and we had a grand time.  We tried not to over plan their visit so no big dinner parties were thrown.  Big is relative, in that our dinner with one couple, which would have been a meal for seven quickly turned into dinner for twelve.    These dinners are fun and with the extra hands isn't too much work, but as the person from the small family, I wish every now and then we could sit and visit with one couple at a time.

G&P were as ever in awe of how fast our little girl is growing and changing.  They noticed her bigger vocabulary and communication skills.  She certainly isn't one to let the things she "needs" go unnoticed.

Over dinner last night, Jason and I were discussing the fine line between letting go of what doesn't matter and standing our ground so she doesn't become a tyrant.  I'm sure in some circles we're totally violating the standard parenting rules about not giving in, but so far her attempts at manipulation are transparent and weak.

Although, she got to me last night with a hug and a perfectly timed "I you you Mommy!" (Translation: I love you Mommy.)   It was only after we got in our car to leave that I realized that by you-youing me, she was able to climb all over me while I ate - a big no no in our house.  Next time I'll be prepared with "I you you too, now sit down!"

It was Dad's 74th birthday Sunday, so a mere four days after the departure of the Denver Grandparents we packed the kid into the sexy swagger wagon and headed east.  Trips with the toddler take longer, especially when there are potty breaks involved.  However, she took a decent nap in both directions which is nice for us.  

Saturday, Lucy was periodically complaining about her tummy .  "Ouchie Mommy" is about at descriptive as she gets.  "Tummy Mommy" pinpoints the issue a bit more.  She seemed fine, but by Sunday she was back and forth between happy kid in the pool (see picture above) and having intestinal issues.  We left "early" Sunday night to head back to our hotel for a bath and to put our girl who didn't nap to bed.  After bath she was cuddly and clingy.  This is generally a sign that something is wrong.  We didn't have our temperature kit, nor our toddler drugs (tylenol/advil), but we could tell she had a low grade fever.  A quick trip to Target and Tylenol was dispatched.  However, at 9:00 she was crying and yelling "Ouchie Tummy Mommy".  

Maybe we over reacted, but a kid who is screaming (in a hotel room) and parents with no tools have few options.  We tried to calm her, but she was escalating with the yelling so off to the ER we went.  As we came in I was thankful it was Sunday rather than Friday or Saturday.  We only had to wait behind a kid (20-25) whose friend brought him in stating that he had been hit by a car and an older lady with heart pain.  Thankfully no bloody patients.    Lucy was crying on my shoulder and the triage nurse was semi-quick in acknowledging us to get us back into a room.

Regarding the check in procedure - if we have insurance why the heck did we need to tell the hospital where we worked and our job titles?  It seemed more like the collection of demographics than relevant to getting payment or health care for our person.  On one level I understand, but in the moment it irritated me to have to dig out an address for my employer when we're on Jason's insurance.  Parts of me are still 'in the moment."

Once in our ER room Lucy's temperature was taken in the worst of ways and it was high (noting that tylenol had been given over 90 minutes earlier) so they did some tests, poked her tummy, took a throat culture and sadly for everyone involved did a urine analysis.  The nice thing about being able to pee on command is not having to use a catheter to get the sample.  I've held Lucy for at 90% of the shots she's received and all of her pediatric exams but nothing could have prepared me to hold her arms while they took that sample.   Heartbreaking.

Her tests came back ok, and she finally calmed down and fell asleep.  They didn't seem to treat us like we over reacted, and gave us some information about how to check a temperature, give medicine and change her diaper.  I think they didn't have anything else to tell us and since they don't know us gave us the most basic of kid management information.  I took it well because I was waiting for them to get to something new, but they didn't.  We left the ER around eleven and thankfully Lucy went right back to sleep.  She woke around four crying "ouchie", but a quick rub of her back and some comforting words and all was quiet until about seven.

She was still experiencing tummy issues Monday, but her fever was gone and she was her normal busy self again.  I was a bit worried that they were going to send her home from daycare Tuesday, but she was fine.

Lucy hasn't complained about her tummy since Monday and even ate most of her dinner last night.  Happy and eating - that's a healthy kid.  Whew.

This weekend we will not be hosting visitors, nor will we be driving anywhere significant.  I'm sure Lucy will be bored and wonder why we never take her anywhere.  I for one and looking forward to some quiet.  Oh, except come Sunday we're off to our first "Toddler Birthday Party" for one of the kids at Day Care.  Now it starts... gifts for kids we don't really know.  Can you say "books"?

A rose!!!

Bath Time Burrito

Lucy asked to be wrapped up snug after her bath last night.  She looked so cute and was having fun, so I captured this video.

Lucy makes some friends.

Lucy found my Raggedy Ann and Raggedy Andy dolls that my grandmother made for me when I was little.  She hasn't shown any interest in them until yesterday.

She napped with them and last night at bedtime asked for the 'friends'.  I went in to check on her and ensure she had a blanket and found her and the friends in the dark sitting on her pillow.

Miss Lucy seemed pretty pleased with herself.  I had to run downstairs and grab the camera.  I think my grandmother would be pleased that the dolls are getting a second life.

I did ditch most of the clothes as they were extremely tattered and seriously out of style.  I may have been the only kid in 1973 with Raggedy Ann dressed like Maude.   Lucky me, I had about 6 color coordinating polyester pant suits with bum covering vests.  So kicky!  My grandmother made a lot of her own clothes, partly out of frugality and partly out of a desire to have clothes that fit her frame.  She was a tall woman with a generous bust.  I don't remember her shopping for anything other than coats, undergarments, shoes and stockings.  I think she made everything else.  Now that I think about it, Raggedy Ann and Andy each had outfits that matched something in my grandmother's closet.  The barbies did too.  It must have been difficult to sew tiny polyester pants for Barbie, but my grandmother did it.   Thanks Elsie!  Miss you.

Grandma Elsie

Maude

Yucko

Testing a feature with a cute picture

A different kind of pickup

One of the challenging things about being "older" parents is that most of our peers are so far beyond the baby stage that they look at us with a profound sense of relief.  I can see the looks of "wow, thank goodness it's them and not us" in their eyes as we deal with a cute, but willful toddler.  Many of the old high-school gang have kids that are starting and even finishing up college.  Even the college friends who 'waited' to have kids are dealing with the trauma of high school, but here we are talking about moving Lucy to a big girl bed and worrying about our it'll happen when it happens potty training philosophy.  These friends love our girl and enjoy her, but it's with a grandparentish feeling.  You know, hop them up on sugar and then send them home.   The idea of playing in the mini-kitchen EVERY DAY is not something that sounds awesome, to these wonderful people.  They've done their time in the Kid Kraft Kitchen.  (I just noticed the K.K.K. - is Lucy playing in a racist kitchen?)

We have a great set of allies in this journey in JoJo's parents.  They are young, energetic and seem to tolerate us well.  The girls love each other and I know Lucy asks for JoJo almost every day.  It is wonderful to have family who are friends who are going through the same thing we're going through.

However, we've talked about how it would be nice to have some more friends who are around our age and have a kid or kids that Lucy could bond with.  We're attracted to the parents of one of the kids at school.  Lily and Lucy are pals and Lily's mom is great.  She's also pretty full up with friends and family in her own world.  I stalked her for a bit trying to make a mom to mom connection, but alas we are friendly, but not friends.

Today, in the never ending quest for things that are fun and burn energy we took Lucy to Bellevue Square to play on the boats in the Kid's Cove. (See... you can have alliteration without doing a nod to our shameful friends.) Lucy still loves the boats and I love the containment as well as the soft play area.  Lucy made friends with a shorty today who looked to be about her age (turns out is about 3 months older) .  As Lucy and N. played N's mom and I started chatting.  I've tried to talk up other parents at the Cove, but it hasn't gone well.  Mostly I manage to scare tired nanny's or grandparents, but N's mom was funny, open to talking and very friendly.   While the girls ran and twirled, we introduced ourselves.  After about 30 minutes a wonderful thing happened... N's mom asked me for my phone number.  Excited, I gave it up willingly and then horror washed over me.

"You don't sell Amway, do you?" I asked without any fear that if the answer was yes that it would be offensive.  It would be..but then I'd simply be offending an Amway salesperson and I think it's allowed.

S. laughed and said she was a writer.  When she asked what I did I used the simplest explanation that I've managed to work out that doesn't take four hours to explain "IT Security".  This is where S lured me in and stroked my easily bruised ego "Oh that's not what I expected, you're so funny I expected you to be a comedy writer or something."  (Somehow this blog doesn't quite qualify.)   I did and do admit that my day job is rather, um... unfunny.  I do like it though, so what can I do?  I'm like a super hero, unfunny during the day, but when the situation arises I set aside my Security Policy Framework and drop witty one liners to fill empty, awkward silence.

After the girls kissed and hugged good-bye, we waived to our new acquaintances and headed on our way back to our regularly scheduled day.  In the car I mentioned to Jason that it was nice that she asked for our contact information and that even though I'm clearly excited about the prospect of getting to know these also-40ish parents of the uber friendly N, I'm not the one debating when it would be appropriate to make contact.   For once, I don't have to be the stalker.

So, we'll see if a play-date ever happens.

Cuteness!!!

Swingers

shoes

Shampoo or Duck Poop?

Tulip

Success!

Lucy came home from her first day in Young Preschool* happy and well rested.  She didn't seem phased by the change at all and even took a 2.5 hour nap in the new room.

They said she ate all her lunch, but I don't really buy it.  However, I'm long past the need to worry that she's starving.

I think she's a thief though.  She came home from school with about 6 tiny rocks in her pocket.  We are storing them in our own rock garden for later.  Today... her outfit has no pockets.  Bwahahaha.

The new arrival into the classroom means potty training has officially begun.  We were asked to swap out her little person diapers for pull-ups.  They will practice sitting on the mini-potty at school at least three times a day.  At home we will support the program with potty time before bed and first thing in the morning.

I bought all these books about potty training and now I think I'm just going to go with the flow (bad pun).   At home we have what I call 'donuts' as they remind me of the squishy things my grandpa used for his bum, but it sits on the seat of the loo and makes a smaller seat for the toddler bum.  Lucy seems to like them and they are great for training.    However, once she gets the hang of this new concept we'll have to do some practice on our loo without the donut so that it isn't traumatic when we're out in public and have to just go.

See, with every new skill things get a bit more complicated.  My mom says that when Lucy is fully potty trained then she will take her camping - alone.  Boy oh boy, would I love to see that.  I think we'll be waiting until Lucy is at least 4 and has a fighting chance of not playing with the fire pit.

The weather is warming up and tonight after school we will be in the back yard again with the bubble machine and the new water table.  There is a 90% chance of cousin JoJo dropping by, so it could be a wonderful evening.

My $10 bubble machine from Safeway had it's initial outing last night, but it's not a quality product as it stopped producing bubbles after it was attacked by an excited 2 year old monster.  Hopefully it rested well and will be up for an evening of entertainment tonight.

* I was incorrect with the name of her class.  It is not Early Beginners.

Graduation!

We had a fine ending to our day yesterday.  She enjoyed a bath, watched a 15 minute snip of Curious George and then read books with Dad and off to bed.

The day care sent home a letter last night that said that all kids who are expecting classroom changes will do those changes on June 21.  Oh, I was not a happy mommy regarding this news.

Lucy is currently in the "toddler" room and that room is designed for kids 12 - 24 months.  The next classroom "Early Beginners" is for kids 2-3 years old.  The activities are far more group oriented and a stronger mix of education and play vs. just play. We've been anxious for Lucy to move on up, but understood that there needed to be availability.   I did hear through the grapevine that 2 kids were leaving and therefore I was irritated that we would have to wait another two months.

However, today Miss Martha informed me that Lucy will start her transition TODAY.  She'll be spending time in the EB and on Monday she'll be in that room full time.

I'm thankful for this change.  Lucy has friends in the new classroom and I expect that her language skills will expand within weeks.  I'm also thankful that I'm not traveling this week or next.  It will be good to have Mom home during this transition time.

I doubt there will be a ceremony with a cap and gown, but when we moved from the Infant room she got a certificate.  OOh... a certificate.

Oh no!!!

Tonight looked to be really iffy in the "serene family" category. Lucy refused to get out of the car after Dad picked her up from school. After a small melt down over the horrible disappointment of not being offered a cookie right before dinner a larger and far more epic meltdown occurred when we meanly put water in Lucy's water sippy cup. We are ASSHOLES!!!

Miss Nude 2013 did a marvelous version of Meg Tily in Agnes of God, but without the blood. She has the face down, crucifix position down pat.

She allowed herself to be sat in the high chair for dinner, but the wailing continued. She needs to work on her strategy tho... Lucy held her ground solidly when Dad asked her if she wanted cheese on her noodles. "No Daddy!!! Waaaaa". But, when I followed behind (unknowingly) offering her cheese in her noodles she uttered a pathetic and slightly thankful "yes pease".

She kept up her wailing for a good ten minutes into our family dinner. Then, as if she forgot why she wad pissed she smiled and ate her dinner and even got the elusive cookie from earlier.

Now we're about to have a bath and an earlier than normal bedtime. I think maybe its Monday.

Yard

We made some changes to our tiny back yard.

We had a small raised flower bed put in along the back fence.  We also had our man (the name my grandfather used for his contractor) add gravel along the south side between us and the neighbors.  Joseph put in boards along the fence line to keep the gravel from migrating to the neighbors.  As it was all the original  decorative rock has moved south (as their yard is lower in elevation than ours.

before (north)

Before, south)

We had the patio expanded the summer we were pregnant with Lucy, and we asked Joseph to add gravel to the side where the grass simply wouldn't thrive.  He also had to patch a section where the yard took a beating during the construction of our flower bed.

  

after, south

North side, just storage, pavers by TP

North, yard

We extended the retaining wall all the way to the back of the yard and then filled it in with dirt. We gained about 4 extra feet of useable yard. Before, it dipped down into an abyss designed, I guess to trap small children.

plants!

annuals to fill out the new perennials

The bed under the window.

A Panorama

I miss you too!

The full time job thing, the mom thing, the wife thing and the trying to be a good person thing sure gets in the way of having time to humorously snark about life on this blog.   I do miss it and there are moments when I think, oh I wish I could capture that moment and blog about it.  Here's the summary of happenings:

Our 2 year old is acting her age.  She is happy in the morning, likes to come into our room and snuggle before we get moving.  She prefers to hang with me but will give Jason some loving and if I'm not home he is perfectly perfect to cozy up to while she wakes up.  I think it's sweet that she will nestle in close to my side and root around to find my arm and make sure that I'm hugging her.  It is less sweet that she doesn't let Jason cozy in.  I mean, if his hand wanders over to give either of us a loving pat on the arm, she takes his hand and pushes it away.  He does a pretty good job of not getting his feelings hurt and I remind her that he was my boyfriend first.   She also has to endure kisses between mom & dad.  (Nothing X rated, but I think it's important that she sees that Mommy loves Daddy too.)

Getting dressed for school is usually a mini-battle.  I can see that she doesn't want to go to school, but once we're on our way she's happy as a lark.  She likes her friends, she likes the art activities and when they get to play outside (which is any day that it isn't raining) she comes home super tired.  Now that she's two she's allowed to go over onto the big play equipment and I know she's digging that.

When she's super tired after school it is a challenge to get through dinner.  She likes to pull up her step-stool and hang out in the kitchen while we cook.  I let her "help" and that can be as easy as her directing where to put the bowls and which egg to crack or counting (to two) the number it items we'll be using.  Sometimes she gets her own bowls and a few fish crackers to sort while I do chopping.   When it comes time to use the stove we use the power of two parents to divide and conquer.  One parent goes with Shorty to her play kitchen while the other messes with the real kitchen.

Dinners are hit and miss.  Sometimes she eats and sits at the table like a champ, and others she's too busy, tired or bored to play nice.  When we make a real dinner, she eats what we eat and other dinner options aren't offered.  However, like last night where she made a wonderful dent in her chicken stir fry she was offered a yogurt.  I know she wont starve to death on the nights where she doesn't eat, but I'm happier when she eats.

We are in a state of constant motion from the moment she comes in the door until she's in bed.  Thankfully, that is still pretty early. Eight p.m. is the magic moment of her door closing and we get to high five each other and go do adult things.  Last night, "adult things" was to really clean the kitchen floor and then watch Survivor.  I know, I know, too much sexy.

In other parts of our life, we have some friends who are going through a terrible trauma.  Our job is really to be supportive.  A group of gals took a day to go see them (they are in an out of town hospital) and it was an experience I'll probably remember my whole life.  I tend to hide in my cave when things are really bad and I find it hard to allow people, even those I care about and trust into that vulnerable space.  Well, my friend is in that cave and she generously opened up and let us in.  We all walked away feeling hung over and emotionally spent, but I hoped that we were sponges and wicked some of her pain, anger, hurt, fear, disappointment, and every other emotion she's going through.  I know that the four of us can't possibly take all of it away, but maybe for that day it lightened her load a bit.   Also, I think that being a part of the beginning of this journey she's on will help smooth the way to be able to support her in the long run.  Instead of being filled with "oh what should I say, what should I do?"  Now I know what she wants and it is something I absolutely have to give.  How strange is it that the simple answer to the question of what to do for people in pain is: "love me like you did before."

Part of our visit involved getting her into a safe space where she could say all the things you're not supposed to say when going through something really hard.  I think if you're in the midst of hell you get to say what you want about your own fears, pain, anger or whatever and your people are required to let it bounce off.   I do think it's important to know when this 'say what you need to' is appropriate. It was clear to me that I had no advice to give, all I had was a kind ear and the occasional agreement that some of the "go to" things that people say to be helpful simply aren't. Things like:

1) God has a plan.
2) God won't give you more than you can handle.
3) Doctors can be wrong, everything will be just fine.
4) Don't give up hope.
5) Have you tried to do XXXX?

1& 2: The God business is rough.  I believe in God, albeit not in the ghostly white ball of light way, but in the there can be beauty in all things way.  I don't think God takes time to decide when we're going to get cancer or hit by a drunk driver or die of old age.  I think God is in the people who come to our aid and comfort us in those dark times.  God is part of the "I guess I'll take one more step" spunk that some of us pull from nowhere.   I call it God, you may call it something else and that's fine.  But, damn it, don't use God to explain away the dark, terrible things that happen.  These things are part of life and we will all go through death in one way or another.  Sure, we may grow from these experiences and be a different person or maybe even happy on the other side, but pick your moment to talk about God when dealing with folks who have to remember to breathe from second to second.  With that said, please pray like crazy for your friends if that's your thing.  They may not believe in it, but if you do - send those good intentions into the world.  It can't hurt.

3: Doctors can be wrong.  Indeed, but you my friend are not  a doctor.  If a diagnosis is from a real, honest to betsy, knows how to bill insurance doctor, then shaddup about the Neurosurgeon being wrong.  Chances are, by the time your friend tells you what the doctor has said they've seen a couple doctors.

4: Don't give up hope.  This seems harmless, but to some folks, hope is risky.  Hope can open you up to more pain.  Again, this is all about knowing your audience.  For some, expecting the worst is a way of protecting their hearts.  My friend said this exact thing, and I told her that I would do the hoping for her.  Someone needs to hope and if you don't have it, I'll do it!

5: Have you tried XXX?  See #3.  All experiences are different and the all fruit diet that Aunt Mertha used to clear up her pancreatic cancer may not be the best option for me.  One of the things that I think is the most scary about dealing with something like cancer is that there isn't a map.  First you'll go here for 3 weeks, then here for 2 months, then we'll do this.  It's pretty much different for each person.  If you have a good doctor referral, give it up.  Other than that just, listen listen listen then listen some more.

In the end, even those folks who say the wrong thing (often that's me) only mean well and are trying their best.  It's important to remember that when reacting to the oddball things that are said.  Now, if someone suggests that it is your own fault that terrible thing X happened to you, you're allowed to pop them in the nose.  Clarification:  if you're about to get a Darwin Award then it may be your own fault and hold the nose popping for further analysis.

So, I'm filled with perspective this week.  I'm over the moon happy with my life these days and yet that real world stuff oozes in.  I suppose this is real life.  Oh how I'd like to punch it in the throat every now and then.

Happy Easter

Right now...

Lucy,

I love you with my whole body, but you are TIRED. You need to sleep.

Daddy just went up to your room and you shared the whisper goodnight. That's a good sign. When you're able to whisper "good night daddy". It means you're ready to sleep.

Sleep well. It makes for a happier tomorrow.

We love you!!

Mommy

Pizza face

Yard work

Water sports

Spring Games

Lucy wanted to play with bubbles. It took me 1 1/2 refills of soap to understand that water was just as good. Now she's simply playing with a tub if water.

Middle School Perfect Storm

 Ok... so it is not a middle school picture of mark wahlberg, but it is as young as I could find him on the interwebs.

Context:  this is for my friend the Middle School teacher.  And, a lesson for all young, awkward duded - it can get better.

Spring Sprong Sprung

It is starting to feel like spring again.

The yard is now a bright green and we've had to mow it twice already.  We use a lawn service for fertilizing and moss abatement and are probably shooting ourselves in the foot by having one of the healthiest lawns in the neighborhood.  Our next door neighbors have done nothing with their yard and they only mow every few weeks in the summer.  By "they" I mean, Albert's father in law pulls out the push mower and deals with the yard when the kids want to play.  They should invest in an electric or gas mower to make life easier, but it's not my place to mention how hot Grandpa looks as he mows the yard of his 30 year old son-in-law.

At least Albert's father-in-law doesn't let the yard get so long that he can't just run a mower over it.  This is is a picture of our other neighbor and his super safe "once a year" mowing technique.  I'm not sure what they are thinking - I saw the Scott's Lawn Service people servicing their yard last week.  Don't they know a fertilized yard grows FASTER than one you ignore?

Oh well, the onset of spring brings up some anxiety.  We have to stain the fence this year.  Staining can only come after a good power wash.  Thankfully, we picked up a pressure washer from (where else) Costco.  We know we couldn't rent a washer for the price we paid and we will use it for a few things (the fence and moss removal on our driveway.)

The other stresser is the flower beds.  Oh how I wish they would magically dig themselves up, lay down fabric, cover themselves in a non-rocky soil and plant themselves with easy but pretty blooms.  My dad always said - wish in one hand and spit in the other and see which one gets full first.  Perhaps now that Lucy can play outside while we work in the yard we won't be limited to 2 hour working sessions on the weekends. Now all I have to do is muster the desire to get it done.

We're expecting a storm tonight and tomorrow, but 50's this weekend.  We have no weekend plans (other than seeing Rico in Jesus Christ Super Star this Friday) so perhaps we'll get moving on doing something with the yard.  Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps.

Beautiful girl an

Dinner date

Monster Shoes & a name change

I thought that the rate at which Lucy blew through clothes that first year was shocking but at the same time with each change of size 0-3 mos to 3-6 mos came with amazing developments in her personality.

The growth has seemed to calm down, we aren't completely changing wardrobes every three months, but her feet... oh man, I think her feet are growing at a stunning rate.  Maybe it isn't the case, but now shoes are setting us back about $35-$50 a pair.  This weekend we had her feet sized and ended up leaving the store with:

Dress Shoes - white sandals
Tennis Shoes - a girl must be able to run freely
Play Shoes for summer - ok, so maybe she doesn't 'need' keens but they were so great last summer because they work in the water, they work on rocky beaches, they also have toe coverage for the school playground that is covered in wood chips.

and, because we love options a pair of Red and Purple casual shoes.

Of course, her whole wardrobe is PINK and none of these shoes except for the fancy sandals really go all that well with a pink puffy girl, but she seems to prefer fun shoes.  In fact, we are all very sad to retire the Yo Gabba Gabba vans.  She growled at them every time she put them on.  "Monster Shoes"  - very cool.

  

I'm sure we'll end up buying more shoes before we hit the heat of summer, and I guess that is fine.

We had been going to the stride rite store for shoes, but Jason suggested we stop at Nordstrom and while I loved the idea I must complain that the options were so good that we probably purchased at least one pair of shoes that we didn't 'need'.  Stupid excellent service.

Lucy was great during our shopping adventure.  She was delighted to get a balloon and when we were finished we stopped at the cafe for a cookie.  She loved the idea of a cookie, but mostly sucked the green sugar off the top of her portion of the shamrock leaf.  Oh, and she drank 90% of my sparkling lemon aid.  "Screw that vanilla milk crap, mommy's juice is 10 hundred times better."  Thankfully she's mastered the straw and no backwash happens.  (backwash and snot bubbles gross me out. gag)

She was a bad napper this weekend, but slept well at night.  I'm thinking the three hour naps might be gone until the next growth spurt.  And there's the trade off, good sleep equates to big feet.

Oh, and here's a new development, she has been waking up really upset after these short naps.  She's in a tantrum like state for about 10 minutes when she wakes up.  I feel badly for her, because she's simply upset and there isn't much to do.  We cuddle, comfort and keep her safe, but she's wailing and producing tears.  Poor little bug.

Last bit of news.  She corrected me this weekend when I called her Lucy.  "No mama, Lucia!"   So, I told the day care today that they have to stop calling her Lucia and call her Lucy.  I love them a lot, but she is Lucy.  It would be so wrong for me to call a kid named Juan John unless asked to by the parents or little Juan himself.   At 2 - it's too early for Lucy to decide to change her name.  I'm the mommy and I say so!

Capt. Underpants

Sleep Study

Hi, my name is TP and I am a snorer.

This snoring is chronically worse when I have a cold or I have too much wine.  When both are happening at the same time, I worry that I'll be asked to sleep in the back yard.

Today I met with Dr. Lee, Sleep Specialist.  While he's not making a diagnosis he is pretty sure I don't have the most severe case of apnea (where you don't snore, but you don't breathe either.)

Two Sundays from now I will pick up my at home apnea test device and that night I'll plug myself in and see where we go.

He did give me some good information about how to monitor our young person for potential issues.  So far, she's not presenting with anything that indicates she has breathing issues, but he did say that it can show up later (like 3 or 4).  We'll be watching for mouth breathing while she sleeps and the inability to drink and breathe at the same time.

More to come.

Happy Second Birthday!

The art center at 7:00 am

Happy second birthday my sweet girl!

A birthday message from mommy & daddy

The new kitchen at 2:00 pm

Introducing the chef to her space at 3:00pm

What's in here?

Phone for you?

Oh yes, I like this gift!

Lucy & JoJo in the sleeping bag.

cake!

JoJo & Auntie Chelsey

Who are you at two?

Happy second birthday happy girl!

We can afford pants, she just doesn't like them.

Why she won't wear pants at home is a mystery.  She's so busy you would think pants would be helpful.

We now have rules like "everyone wears pants to dinner". This is not a statement I thought I'd ever have to utter.  "Keep your pants on please."  That is something I think every wife says from time to time, but setting a rule about wearing pants at the table is not what I expected from parenting.

We use the super exciting Elmo underwear to keep her from stripping out of the diaper too.  I thought I would explain why there are underpants over a diaper.  Don't judge me...you try to manage an almost 2 year old.



And yes, she is calling herself "Lucia".  That's what the teachers and kids at daycare call her.  I don't really mind, because she knows how to say Lucy and she responds to Lucy.  I have made it clear that they can call her Lucia, but when writing her name it will be L-u-c-y.   Hopefully this is only a phase, but when I drop her off in the morning the other kids call out in excitement "Lucia is here! Lucia is here!"  I wonder if they are a bit envious that names like Lily, Connor, Zoe and Mason don't have Spanish equivalents.

Play-doh

Perspective

It has been a booger of a week.  Work has been very busy and the moments to do those little things that make working a home a treat have been few and far between.  I don't mean bubble baths either...on a normal day I can keep the laundry moving through it's cycles and get at least a load or two washed, dried and PUT AWAY - not this week.  Heck, this week I haven't been able to break to run downstairs for lunch until after 2.  Yesterday I ate a small bite at 2:30 and then surprise surprise had no interest in dinner.

It doesn't help that I'm coming off a nasty cold.  Last Wednesday when I was in Salt Lake City (for a day) I managed to get over to my niece who has a daughter who is 21 days younger than Lucy.  Wrap your brain around that.  He's 49, I'm 44, Erika is 20, and Lucy and Aisley are almost 2.  What was I thinking???    Anyway, she's a sweet kid and can say her colors, lots of words and the baby is pretty bright too.  (ooh... I'm bad!)  The baby had a minor fever while I was there but I wasn't too worried.  Fevers happen all the time, a slight ear infection, a new tooth anything sets those small people off.

The next day however, I got a text from my brother saying that Aisley had developed a bad cough and they took her to the doctor who swabbed her nose and diagnosed Flu A.  I had to look it up to see why it wasn't just 'the flu' and it turns out that it IS just 'the' flu but it closer in makeup to it's dangerous cousin the bird flu.  Regardless, FLU!?

By Friday afternoon I felt like I'd been hit by a truck and a call was made to our doctor.  There was a lengthy rundown of symptoms and I was told to go to bed, take some stuff, drink tea and ride it out.  We had a great weekend.  Thankfully, I'm the only one in my house that was affected although I do have a new found appreciation for the frustration Jason has been feeling over his lingering cough that has been affecting him since before Christmas.

While Lucy isn't sick, she has been a special joy to be around the last few days.  She came home from day care on Tuesday and whined and cried until bedtime.  I know there will be days when she is off her game too, but man oh man...that kid can yell and push my buttons.    Then yesterday, she took a 3 1/2 nap at school.  She came home happy and while there was a battle at dinner about why she can't put her feet on the table, she was a better kid to be around.

So, I'm tired not feeling back to my own self, Lucy is off, Jason has is own stuff going on and I want to whine about it.  I'm entitled right???  No. You. Are. Not.

My complaints are valid, but come on TP have some perspective - your buddy Jay is going though chemo while trying to spend as much time as possible with his 5 year old.  Your other friends are embarking on a scary medical journey of their own with their newborn son and a couple you've known for 15 years has decided to divorce.  It's time to do some counting of blessings Terri...

So, here we go, a small list of things I'm rather happy about:

• My family
• My home.
• My job, even when it makes me crazy.
• That there is world class chemo for a sick friend.
• That there are scary medical procedures for this beautiful boy.
• Toddlers who nap.
• Warm feet
• Cold Medicine
• friends who are in my life, and ones who aren't that I still love.
• good books
• tv shows that I can disappear into. 
• homemade dinner that tastes like I want it to taste.
• things that make you laugh.
• A warm shower.
• Waking up before Lucy does.
• Coffee in the morning
• a valentine's gift for my guy that is meaningful.
• Dinner with family who are also friends.
• Sugar cookies (that I'm going to bake during my lunch hour today.)

Home!!!

Videos

Lucy in a basket (shot in December)


Lucy plays with trains, and then makes something of her own (christmas morning)


Don't worry, we cleaned it up.


Dancing this past weekend




Last video

She's not doing much, but she clearly says her own name.  I see in the basket video she did it too, but she's starting to say it with more frequency now and says it when she sees her own picture.

Shit!!!

We now live with a nudist. Tonight we had to resort to using reasonable sized slices of DUCT TAPE to secure that >^| damned diaper.

She didn't nap today so I knew bedtime would suck. Seems counterintuitive but the more tired she is the harder she fights the sweet sleepy slumber. We were right...she striped and was re-dressed for an hour and 15 minutes. The last round she was cold so we were able to get her back into PJ's (unzipped) and a sleep sack (zippable blanket) that was quickly and lovingly duct taped by weary parents.

She's silent now and we will check on her nudity factor before we head to bed. Don't hear me wrong, nudie sleepers are fine but if you are 100% assured to pee while you sleep you have not earned the right to sleep sans diaper. PERIOD. I'm the mommy - ergo it is my call. (That feels good to say no matter how delusional it is.)

Oh no...

Lucy pulled off her own diaper tonight after being put to bed. thankfully, she hasn't woke up with a diaper with anything more than pee in months, but I feel for Jason tomorrow. I'm in San Jose and am not there to help.

Snuggles

The unexpected

I read this yesterday:

The official diagnosis by Oncology this AM:"Adeno Carcinoma of the pancreas which has metastasized to my liver"*In other words - I have Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer which Metastasized to my Liver. *My prognosis WITHOUT future Chemo therapy is 6-12 months.

This is not the facebook update you want to read from anyone, let alone your friend who is a 35 year old single dad with a bright five year old son. I'm heartbroken and thankful that because of his age and relative health (other than the stage 4 cancer) the doctors are willing to start an aggressive chemo program. It won't be easy and no matter what, miracles included, he's looking at a 5 year window. I'm traveling next week for work which will put me within an hours drive of the VA hospital where he's been the past 2 months during the diagnosis process.

We have a date to visit, but he has the option to wave me off at any point - including if I'm standing at the door and he's not up to it. I hope I get to see him, but naturally I'm nervous that I'll say the wrong thing. ;My instinct is to take him comfort food or a cozy quilt for his next few months of chemo, but I think I'll just go an listen to him.

 We worked together at MegaBank and our relationship was good, I liked him from the start even though it was mostly us on the phone, email, and Instant Message. I think we only were in the same city four or five times in eight years. When things at the bank started to go south, he would call and express his worry, stress and fear and after the bank died we continued to talk from time to time but mostly in the "TP is a great listener" way. So, since my gift to him has always been the ability for him to unload I'll sit and listen as long as he likes.

This visit won't be about my sadness or fear for him but in this venue I can share here that it scares the heck out of me.

Jason and I started doing our estate planning in November and are finally wrapping it up with the attorney this week, which has resulted in phone calls to our most trusted family members to ask the horrible question "will you be willing to take Lucy if something happens to us?" Monday, when I made the phone call to the back up I said "not that we'll ever need it." But, you can't know that for sure... no one can. Seeing someone realistically faced having to work out who will continue the job of raising his beloved child is awful, and almost too real to think about.

I know that Lucy would be loved and nurtured by anyone in our family who took her in. Financially she would be fine, but naturally I want to be there to give her "the" talk when she thinks she ready to date. I want to be the one to talk to her about why it is important to be nice to all the kids, not just the popular ones. I want to be there to talk her off the ledge after her dad tries to teach her to drive. I want to be the one to tell her when she's crossed the line, or when she needs to push herself harder. I signed up for that, willingly.

Lucy has an email account and I send her mail from time to time. I told her all about her first birthday, I write to her when I'm traveling and have tried to encourage the grandparents to write to her. I hope that when she reads these messages that she doesn't think its silly, but I like being able to tell her stuff when I'm thinking about it and not wait until she's eight or ten to tell her these little things.

Our wise #2 Lucy adopt-a-parent suggested that we leave with our wills a letter that talks about our intentions for her regarding religion, morals, money, that sort of thing. I'm not sure we could sum it up into one letter and it would change from year to year, but maybe I'll try. I have faith in the folks we have selected for Lucy and there are no conflicting values that cause me any worry, so a care and feeding letter isn't forthcoming from me just yet. A current where to find the insurance, who to call at our employers, where the will is located and who our attorney is letter is forthcoming.

I think it's natural to look at other people's suffering and want to help and I think it's honest to say "whew, thankfully that isn't me". I don't think we need to live under a shadowy cloud of "oh it could be me at any moment" but learning from others and accepting a wake-up call is important. I'm praying for my friend and his son.

I hope I get to see my friend next week and I hope that he is at peace and ready to battle. I also hope that if there comes a point where the treatment is doing more harm than good that he'll have the courage to stop and simply be with his son. I hope, I hope, I hope...

Workin' It

 This morning when I picked up Lucy from her crib to bring her into our room she put her little hands on both sides of my face and gave me a big kiss. My heart melted and I went out and bought that 22 month old kid a car. (kidding)

2012 - in review, it's not all about the baby.

It seems like time just flies by... Summer turns into fall and we do up the house for Halloween, then Thanksgiving is followed by a whole month of Christmas activities.  We take a deep breath in early January to really clean the house, but pause to celebrate Jason's birthday at month end. Valentine's day gets a nice nod, mostly good cards and a great dinner, and now we celebrate Lucy's birthday on March 1st.    Early spring is my least favorite time of year, the weather isn't great, it's wet, Jason gets a nasty case of seasonal allergies and is a mess for months.  Somewhere in May there is a glorious weekend and all the Northwesterners wig out and proclaim to the world how wonderful it is to live here.   Then it is gloomy until the 5th of July when summer really arrives.  Soon, it is fall and time to dig out the pumpkins again.

There is a lot more to our year than that - this was a big one:

Snow storms
A 1st birthday for a certain kid
Someone learned how to walk
New words are entering our vocabulary all the time
Camping
Trips to Denver
Both grandmas had hand issues and casts
It was election year, so we got to watch lots and lots of super uplifting tv ads.
I did some laundry, and then I did it again.
We spent a lot of energy on our kitchen and love the outcome.
Jas & I went to Maui and had a wonderful time.
We dined in the back yard during our short but lovely summer.
I did some more laundry.
I did NOT stain the fence... next year for sure.


Blah blah blah... where are the funny, sarcastic posts of yore?  I am extremely happy and the areas that I'm not so thrilled about don't seem ok to blog about on a continual basis.  I'm still struggling with the loss of my friend but my walls are up and other than polite invitations to larger events I'm not of the mind to extend the olive branch.  A colleague of mine was saying how her 10 year old daughter is going through big dramas at school.  "Betsy's" best friend broke up with her and it played out like a boyfriend/girlfriend break up.  "Mom" was expressing how silly it all felt, but that it resulted in days of histrionics until they "got back together".   I can see where kids - young girls especially would act out the break up process with flair.  I can also empathize that when you're the one who gets dumped it hurts.

I feel a little like "Betsy" in that this loss of friendship has been like a breakup, but without the benefit of a big dramatic fight.  I'm aware that the fact that we haven't spoken in person or made any attempts to sit down are by my choice and I obviously must be ok with that or I would do something about it.  I do wonder from time to time if she even cares.  And then I wonder, why does it matter if she cares?  Girls are complicated beings even at 44.

I suppose the reason I'm STILL talking about this is that I miss her.  But missing someone and willing to spend time with someone who thinks so little of you are two different things.  I'm insecure about a lot of things, but not so much that I'll take any form of friendship that I can wick off someone.

Insecurity is a funny thing - it feeds on itself.  When the 'breakup' thing starts swirling in my head I start making a list of my faults and there are a few, and then I move onto the people whom I really cared about who no longer are in my life.  The one thing they all have in common - me and they are no longer here, so clearly the issue must be me.

I KNOW, I KNOW...lives change and people move on, it is not a sign that there is something terribly wrong with ME, but when you only look at it from the perspective of those who choose not to participate in my life anymore it's hard to not focus on my part of that equation.

The truly deep dark secret about all this is that I worry that someday my most important person, Mr. TP gal will find reason to leave as well.  This is totally and completely irrational. Similarly when he runs an errand and takes longer coming home than you would expect I start worrying about car wrecks and other dreadful things.  We put a lot of purposeful effort into our little union - we both want to be here and even during those times when we're too busy or tired to connect we acknowledge it.  The Oprah Inner Dialog tells me to turn those feelings of 'fear' into action to continue to put effort into our marriage and to silence the insecurity gremlins.

OID also says to make a list of one thing each day for which you are grateful.  I'm pretty sure I won't be posting one each day for the entire year (as you say 'whew') but today, I'm grateful for those warm snuggle moments in the morning when Lucy joins us before we get out of bed and start our day.  She gets cozy while she wakes up and likes to be 'in the nook'.  She will take my arm and tug it into place so she's got a good 'mommy hug' and that is a wonderful thing.  It is not so nice when she pushes Jason's hand away because he's moving in on her territory.  That poor little girl is in for a hard lesson when she finally figures out that he was here first and he is staying and we're going to eventually ask HER to move out of the house.   He says that when I'm gone for work she is equally loving and cuddly with him, but it's clear that he's #2 on the cuddle hierarchy.

Thanks for dropping by.

Dinner