Harry Potter: a quick history

To: MWR
From: tp gal
RE: Harry Potter Movies

There have been four movies so far:

1: HP: The Sorcerers Stone "Yer a wizard "arry!" Harry goes to Hogwarts for the first time and learns he's the Wiz. He over hears someone talking about a "thing" and uses all his spare time to find it thus giving Voldemort a second shot at life. Ooops.

2: HP: The Chamber of Secrets: Second year at school. Turns out HP can speak "snake", kids are being petrified, he finds a diary and ends up under the toilet battling a huge snake, saving little Ginnie, and killing the boy who came out of the diary (a young image ne memory of Voldemort.

3: HP: Escape from Ass-Kaban The annoying house elf is in this movie, the time changing thing, werewolves and dogs oh my. Harry gets an uncle -- Gary Oldman... COOL! (In spite of being told to leave it alone, he solves the "mystery" that everyone knows about and gets his favorite teacher fired. NICE) He's a bright kid, but doesn't seem to notice that Professor Dumbledore has been replaced by a less Wizardly man.

4: HP: Goblet of Fire. Year four - a 20 year old HP comes back to school only to learn there is no school. There's the TRI-WIZARD TOURNAMENT - so HP is the fourth competitor, someone locks the new creepy teacher in a box and Harry snoops around P. Diddy's (dumbledore) office and goes for a swim in the least disturbing memory ever. We're told that the Ministry of Magic thinks Prof. Snape is a bad wizard and memory dumbledore defends him. Harry uses his super dooper powers of sweeping to beat a dragon, gets naked with a Ghost, goes for a swim with some big mouthed fish. He's always a hero and in "sharing" victory gets the only HOT British guy at Hogwarts killed. He does the wand tango with the newly embodied Voldemort and brings the dead body of the HOT kid back to torture his father.

This movie is #5: The Order of the Phoenix - where HP's uncle comes back for actual screen time, Harry and the gang leave school for a field trip to the worst possible place ever and he gets a little action with the dead kids gal. Oh... and there's a new BI-ATCH in town. The new teacher is a tad opinionated in the "Russian Revisionist History" kind of way. "Vat are you talkin' about? Ve von the var, and if you claim you are hungry again ve vill shoot you!" The Weasly twins should get some good screen time too...