Whine

I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed tonight.

Aunt Messy is still in the nursing home and it will be a week before they decide if she's going home anytime soon. I am selfishly hoping that her days of independent living are over, but dealing with her house makes me want to throw up. I'll be calling in some favors and extending some cards to get help if it turns out she's staying. Her landlord is super accomodating (sarcasm) and is insisting on a written 30 day notice. So, technically if we don't tell her tomorrow that March is E's last month then she's stuck through April. (On one hand my thought is to let her sue E' for the last months rent - but at $550 - who cares?)

In addition to the limbo, E's power was about to be cut off so I paid that bill and the land lady said the gas company shut off the gas today. I'm wondering if I have to run up there Saturday and collect all the bills and the checkbook. (hurl)

This wouldn't be so terrible but work is kicking my ass - I'm running from the moment I step in until it's time to catch the last bus out at night. My manager is no help - I don't know what she does but she's certainly not one to lend a hand. She gives advice. Thanks!

The big boss is helping us by buying us books to read. Great! A book report on top of an Audit, being a staff member down, business as usual, a conversion of our Intranet platform and multiple folks on vacation. BRING IT ON!

FRICK.... my neck is spasming just typing this up. Don't worry I won't go on much longer I need to type up the *^&%()_ minutes from the condo board meeting.

Grrrrr

I've outsourced the cleaning of my toilets at home and I love it. Every other Tuesday I come home to a cleaner house than I left that morning. I do more tidying before the cleaners come than I normally would do, so it's a double bonus.

I came home yesterday to a happy clean house. It was a new (to me) person and she actually cleaned more than what my contract states which is a treat.

HOWEVER.... this morning it all kind of faded away.

I awoke, not to the soothing sounds of my favorite radio station but to the sound of the Wednesday morning garbage truck. I thought to myself, wow they're here early, and then I opened my eyes. CRAP! Not early, my alarm was turned off. I jumped out of bed flipped on the radio for my a.m. dose of music and whoa, the radio was blaring a loud Rush Limbaugh type wacko yelling about the evils of liberals or something. I don't "do" politics before my shower and I certainly don't do that kind of intentionally offensive politics.

After returning the radio alarm back to the proper state I took a very nice shower. The warm water and a quick hop on the scale (today is the day I hit 80 pounds lost) I was back into my happy zen place. Well, until I put my new soft towel back on the bar. That's when I noticed the rather large stain. It is clear that the cleaning people were using a bleach based product on the shower doors and slopped it on the towels. Accidents happen, but she had to take the towel off the rack and turn it around so the stain was folded on the inside of the towel which says she noticed it. The other thing is that I just got these towels - they've been cleaning at my house for over a year and haven't harmed anything - but the month I get rid of nasty towels and put out expensive ones that's when the bleach starts flying around the bathroom.

So, now I have to call and bitch about my towels. I'm not good in this situation. I worry that the gal is going to get fired - which I don't want. I also know that in the scope of what is important in the world this isn't it; but I don't think I should have to suck it up either. I will, from now on, remove the towels from the bathroom and throw them in the washer on housekeeper day.

wow moment

In the online weight loss world the folks talk about wow moments. They tend to be little things that jog your world in a way that brings a smile to your face or that you didn't know was true.

I'm super lucky in that my people (you know who you are) are amazingly supportive and are kind enough to provide the right amount of encouragement. You also give the nicest compliments and yet still treat me like me. It's great!

Today, my wow moment came at Nordstrom's where I popped in to get some pants. My recently new pants are already falling into that "clown butt" category. The sales gal (who is paid to make me feel good) asked me what my size was... 1x? I've been buying 2x's, so I thanked her for the assumption. But... what do you know the 1x things she suggested fit!

I bought three pairs of size 20 pants. I was busting out of 28's when I started. Woo Hoo! The jeans will be out of rotation until the muffin top goes down, but dress pants are a bit more forgiving. Happy day!

current photo

Taken today. The sun does shine in February!

Almost Fit

I found jeans for less than $17 a pair at Eddie Bauer and bought a pair of size 20, and 18's.

When I first brought them home I could barely get the 20's up over my bum. Today not only did they go up, but I got them zipped.

Of course I couldn't sit, and due to the Costco sized muffin top there's no way I would leave the house - but "technically" I got them on.

They will fit in a few weeks. I'll let you know.


(thank you to glamour.com for the "I wish I looked that good" pix of muffin top.)

The Big DUH!

WARNING:  This post makes reference to the female anatomy and biological cycles.

One of the many side effects of obesity is amenorrhea (which for those of you non-doctors, and men) means a gal stops having a period.  It was perhaps the best part of being overweight.  I would have one period every six to nine months.  Very manageable.

The change in diet and loss of the initial 30 pounds kicked my body back into regular mode.  I've been having a period every four weeks for the past four months.  The remarkable thing is that it is a damn surprise every singe time.

Not a surprise like run home and change your clothes surprise, but I seem to be missing the obvious clues that something is about to occur.

Chocolate cravings -chocolate is good, seems normal
Salt cravings…. Salt good - gimmie more
Leg aches… hmm, maybe I'm working out too hard (not a chance)
Sore boobs… I must be sleeping wrong

And then whamo… tampax city and all the pieces fall together.  DUH.

There's a reason why the doctors tell you a hundred times to be careful about getting pregnant.  Apparently a lot of newly less fat ladies who never had to worry about babies are now called "mommy" once their cycles revert to normal. 

Lunch Good

It is wrong to blog about food especially when you have weight issues, but this is my world so I'm going to do it anyway.

JR Sprints is a hole in the wall sandwich place downtown. They have a daily lunch special, whip up the standard sandwiches and have the BEST taco salad in the universe. (Ok, maybe it's a stretch but they are good.)

Today I learned that the meat in the salad isn't ground beef - but is ground chicken. What a great thing to find out. I'm really only supposed to eat red meat once a week or so, so how nice to not have the super yummy taco salad count.

To be truthful, I have never limited myself in the red meat category EVER. I am aware that chicken and fish are the wiser choice but beef is so good. Bacon is better, but even I know you can't eat bacon every day.

Dang... work beacons. Take me away calgon!

Family Drama

I got a call while I was in Texas that Aunt E (aka messy marvin) was in the hospital. My dad was in contact and she seemed to be improving.

When I got back home Friday (around 1 am -- thanks American Airlines) I decided to take a day at home before heading up to Bellingham. E had been released from the hospital to a place called Bellingham Health Care and Rehabilitation, but had some trouble and was sent back to the hospital.

I arrived at the hospital around 1pm Sunday and she was mostly out of it, sleeping, groggy and when awake talking nonsense about the people outside the window. She was also convinced that the lady in the next bed (who was a moaner) was my mom and that she thought it was rude that my dad wouldn't come visit her too.

After a few hours I headed over to her house - with dread and fear of what I might find the land lady gave me a key. Thankfully I picked up some industrial strength gloves and a breathing mask. It turns out she plugged her toilet and then got an unfortunate round of diarrhea. She managed the situation with adult diapers. This all wouldn't be so bad if she had the strength (or desire) to take out the garbage.

I cleaned for a few hours, set off a couple bug bombs (sorry about the environment) and went to the motel 8 where I showered for about an hour. I fell asleep to the movie Cast Away, but it must have been on more than once because I watched the thick Tom Hanks get naked and thin and then when I opened my eyes again he was fat and wet again.

Bright and early Monday I headed back over to the house and set out with a plan to bag up the laundry, clean the kitchen and get rid of all bio-waste. There are some things you do that you just do. I cleaned and scrubbed and bagged until noon when someone came and took all the trash away.

I headed to the hospital around 1 - but had to make a run to the Health Care and Rehab place to pick up her stuff. I moved her car from the ER Physician spot to a place where she'll never find it. I found her to be alert and lucid. She was very chatty and seemed like herself.

They told us they were sending her back to the B'ham HC & Rehab place at 4. She counted the minutes. (Having seen that place I'm not sure why she was looking forward to it.) The transport came and I met them over there (hauling bags of her stuff.) My plan was to get her settled and then go home.

WRONG.

She had a seizure during the movement from the wheelchair to the bed. The transport lady disappeared and then the paramedics came. All told she was at B'ham HC & Rehab center for about 30 minutes and then it was back to the ER.

Finally at 7 the ER doc said they were going to admit her again and I had to go. My dad is on phone patrol today and I'm hoping that no news is good news. (It's not, but I can hope.)

I'm hoping that the fact that she can't walk will mean that the Health Care and Rehabilitation center will be more permanent than not. I took lots of photos for the social worker (that I won't post) and will be working with her once E is able to make a successful transition to the Rehab center.

If she moves there permanently then I'll be spending some quality time up north but the goal will be to box the valuables and burn the rest. If that's the case I won't be doing it solo. I'll be hiring some friends - this alone thing is bullshit (to quote a friends 3 year old daughter.) My dad thinks he can come help. NOT A CHANCE. Mom, yes, Pop... no way.

So, if you're a "pray-er" please send word up top that E either gets so well that she can care for herself better than she was before (not likely) or that she at least be in a condition to warrant professional care. Oh my, the guilt... I'm actually hoping that she's not (ever) well enough to go home.

And here's the other thing. I have her power of attorney, durable and medical. I can invoke it and make all decisions. When she checked into the hospital they asked her about a DNR - and she didn't sign it. In reading the journal in her purse (because I'm a: snoopy and b: curious to see her mental state) she described the DNR conversation. It basically went "of course I want to be revived, why wouldn't I be!? I was awake when I came in here and intend to be awake when I leave." Hypothetically, if she deteriorates and I sign the DNR isn't that murder?

I guess not if its done at the point where she can't make decisions for herself. Doing it now and then putting a pillow over her head, well that would be murder. And I'm not sure, but might possibly be morally wrong.

Oh golly - I hope you can sense the sarcasm in my tone. Have a wonderful and adult diaper free day!

Scenes from Austin

Some of the conference folks (the cool ones) hanging out in the Cattle Baron's Suite at the Driskill hotel.











The capital at night. (this may actually be fuzzy... will correct later.)












My new Texas boyfriend! He sits at that bar all day, but he doesn't talk back which is great!













Uh, not much to say, it's a big dead thing with two hot babes.












Ah, here's me dancing the two step with a live Texan.

Austin, Texas

In reviewing the last couple posts its clear that one or two have gone missing. You didn't miss much, just a business trip to Austin with lots of dull (to you) security talk, and lots of wonderfully off color interaction with folks from all over the globe.

I wrongly built in an extra half day into the schedule to get the flavor of Austin... Its lovely, but not for an extended walking tour. (I'm hanging out now at some coffee/cocktail bar killing time before heading back to the hotel. My coffee drink is terrible, so its taking me a while to get motivated to drink it.

The conference was great and the extra-curricular activities totally fun. We went two-stepping at a bar called the broken spoke. When I mentioned it to a lady at a shop her eyes got really big. It wasn't a four stat joint (no stars) but it was charming with the plywood ceiling, $5.50 pitchers of Lone Star (the only beer on tap) and the live band. I had a great time and those nights at the country bad during college paid off. Instead of looking like a complete ass, I looked mildly competent (to my companions only; the locals knew I sucked.)

Last night after a romantic dinner (for 15) we has drinks in the Cattle Barron's Suite (the four room suite where they parked the managing director.) Oddly enough getting a reservation for 15 on valentines day is kind of a challenge.

Well, I guess I should mosey. I'll post fun pictures tomorrow. I get home tonight around 10 but I think it will be straight to bed. And yes I am aware that I could be logged into work instead of wandering around town. I'll probably take a vacation day for today. I'm so honest its gross.

Later y'all

pitfalls of eating in public

I didn't agonize too much about the possible issues related to my new eating process when deciding to attend this conference. There's a lot of social eating with this crowd. Every meal between Sunday night dinner and Thursday afternoon lunch will be in the round. Meaning that at least 8 other people will be at the table with me.

Last night the "member advisory board" upon which I hold a seat went to dinner to extend a meeting we had during the day. We left our fancy hotel and went next door to the steak house. I was able to skip the salad and appetizer trap because we had just come from an appetizer and coctail party.

I ordered an 8 ounce steak, that came with creamed spinach and scalloped potatoes. My second grade command of the english language puts me at a disadvantae when attempting to express the rich, savory flavors on that plate. I ate slowly and cherished each flavor nugget.

In the end I ate about half of the steak, a third of the potatoes and about 4 bites of the spinach. To me, it seemed like I ate a lot but one of my dinner companions expressed concerns about the quality of my food. I was adamant that it was superb but there was a lot of worry. I was tempted for about 23 seconds to share my situation, but based on the fact that we had already discussed "womens" issues I didn't want to share something intensly personal with these folks. (5 men) It might be hard to see the connection, but there is one.

Breakfast was a lot easier today, smaller plates and it was a buffet. People don't get concerned when you eat all the oatmeal in your bowl and never notice that instead of 2 cups of oatmeal with sugar, raisins and milk that you're only eating half a cup.

As the week progresses I'm sure it will come up again. I've been so open with the people in my real life, and at work that it's interesting to me that I'm not really willing to bring that aspect into this forum.

Barolo Good; 6:00am Workout Bad

Getting up this morning to workout was a challenge, but I did it.

We have a later start tomorrow so it should be easier.

How sad is that?

While I was at Bartell's picking up the replacement bus pass I saw a photo album at the register.

It was clearly there for the viewing so I flipped it open while the clerk rang up my raisins and bus pass (and odd combo.) The album was filled with photos that had been developed but never picked up.

These abandoned photo's were pictures of cute kids, Christmas, weddings, babies, parties and vacations. I felt like a voyeur but had to look at every photo.

It made me wonder about the collections at photo places around the country. If I was eloquent I'd write a story for This American Life. I can hear Ira Glass in my head saying something profound about the moments in life that we choose to capture and yet are so fleeting that we can leave them behind at the Bartell's.

Super Saturday

With no plans and no real errands to run I spent my Saturday puttering around the house. I finished five loads of laundry -- ooh sexy. Ironed work shirts and then attacked the pile of donation clothes.

I wanted to have realistic counts for my donation this time. It will help when doing next years taxes. I'm disgusted by how many items are going away. I filled NINE bags with the following items:

Coats: 6
Pants: 9
T-shirts: 33
Work Tops: 29
Sweaters: 14
Suit Jackets: 5
Shorts: 7
Casual Tops: 11
Skirts: 10
Dresses: 6

Perhaps I have a t-shirt procurement problem. I've noticed that they are stacking up again in the current lower size. They do get a lot of use, after work, Saturdays and as part of the sleepwear collection.

My other task for the day was to find my February bus pass. I'm pretty sure I threw it away and I spent the greater part of an hour going through all the paper work in my office and through the recycling pile. It is gone. I'm a dork. How nice to lose it before the month even started. (I noticed that I didn't have it Friday morning.)

I also wanted to set up my wireless router today, but that too is in a state of mess. Maybe I'm not as technically savvy as I think I am. I think I have to call comcast to get some more information about my i.p. settings. Oh why isn't there a nerdy man in my life who would trade a roll in the hay for technical services?

Nice imagery.