Messy Martha: where we're at

Two weeks ago I had a lengthy discussion with the Infectious Disease Specialist (IDS) and we were debating the pros and cons of aggressive care vs. comfort care. The simple act of discussing a transition seemed to light a fire under Martha who alerted up a bit.

However, a week later we're back at the same point and a meeting is scheduled for Friday morning. The whole family is coming - mom, dad, me, the IDS and the "Hospitalist" (Just a Doctor Doctor.)

To be honest, it will be nice not to do that meeting alone even though I could and would.

Last weekend I finished moving Martha's crap out of her house. It sucked doing it alone, and the unfunness of it was compounded by a not-so-nice phone call from her landlady who threatened to sue Martha for damages to her beautiful house. WHATEVER LADY.

I did run into her in the driveway but didn't speak to her. I think she could tell that she shouldn't get in my way. I would have been happy to call her a heartless, selfish, shitty landlord- but alas. I held my tongue. I didn't bother to vacuum or sweep, frankly I don't give a shit about that place.

I did take photographs in case she haunts my mailbox or sends a lawyer my way. I wonder if she thinks I'm going to be intimidated into covering the damages. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!

So, we're almost done. The really great thing about mom and dad coming up (other than the visit) is we'll be able to drive Martha's car back down this way so I can sell it. I'm not looking forward to driving that thing myself, but it has to be done. We should (as in a good idea that won't happen) remove the snow tires before the trip to Seattle. I think we'll risk the ticket.

So, gotta run. Mom & Dad are coming so I have to clean up a bit.

Gym... Good!

I broke down and joined the gym. In an effort to actually work out I decided that not coming home after work but going straight to the gym was a better plan.

It is working. I've been doing some weights for my arms (to reduce the bat wings) and cardio for my heart - which is also toning my legs. I'm sure I'll be in the sexy leather boots I bought just in time for the summer.

There's a lot to see at the gym, yes folks, in addition to getting fit I am enjoying watching the man-candy strut their stuff.

Call me a letch, but it's nice to know I'm not dead inside.

Ixnay on the oatsgay

MWR's dating advice is priceless. I'm so thankful for the "ease up on the Goat talk" advice - without it, I surely would ramble on and on of my love of their tiny little hooves and their rough fur.

What's really funny is that my MOM would honestly love to have a little goat farm and my dad wants NOTHING to do with it.

GOATS.... Satan's house pets.

The "Love" of my life (needs money)

I'm 100% convinced now. Here's a snippet of our email conversations (mine are edited- his are mostly not). Notice how he doesn't answer questions - and the "excellent" use of grammar. I almost want to think he's the brother of a Nigerian Prince.

Also... his profile listed him as being from Italy, and transplanted in the U.S. - but his name. Randy Hall, couldn't be less ethnic. What a bozo.

"Randy": My name is Randy was looking through when I went through your profile,I must say it really set an attraction to me,I would like to get to know you better,I love reading,listening to music..I am very passionate, and loving, and very serious in my romancing... i do not kid you when i say i want to show you the world in my eyes............,I know that it takes time to trust and believe in me... by my effort is to do this one thing... to be your best friend, and know that this dating is the thing that you can trust and rely on me for, and count on me to be there for you...But im quite new to this internet dating stuff and I'll be closing down my account as its not getting exciting to me.My ideal match is someone who has a zest for life,someone who can have laugh and have fun but,and at the same time,she most be responsible...I would like to get to know you better, here is My email address .cos my subscription will end soon. I end now and wish you a great day and hope your day started off well since my emails enter your life.


TPGal: Thanks for your e-mail this morning. It was a busy day but it was nice to hear from you. In the interest of getting to know each other tell me how you landed in Seattle. Your profile said that you have a child - may I ask about how old he or she is?

"Randy": Am really great to get your mail today ... , i would like to say what a beautiful woman you are . I'm fairly new to all this dating stuff as well.i would dearly love to find out more on you and what you do...i would Like to know what your likes and dislikes are,and more importantly what you are wanting from your future partner, i want to get to know you better, too. believe it or not, it's not that easy to be a single dad in the dating scene. i really look forward to meeting you ...i am a single father that is very devoted to my kid, but there is room for another love in my life. i like to do things out, but i also like to be at home. cooking is one of Major thing i like ..like tonight, I'm making chili for us. i don't really like talking about myself too much, but, i always tend to spoil whoever I'm with. it hardly ever works out, but that doesn't stop who i am. i believe in the family unit. i always would rather talk out a problem than hold it in. you will find out that i am much more interested in how your day went. i want to know everything that happened. ...I am a self employed ( Computer engineer base On soft ware ) ... I've been a mom and dad for 2 years now. i guess i am a tad more caring than the average man because of having to be a little more emotional for my Daughter when she needs it. you sound like a very loving and caring person. i want you to know I'm not doing this dating business to get a cheap frill or a one night stand,I'm a very genuine person and i want to find someone i can share my life with,someone i can love,someone i can trust,someone i can be a friend for,and someone who will accept me for who i am,i can be very romantic,I'm honest, trusting,good listener,caring,healthy,funny at times,and i can sing for my supper if need be, So dear you have a perfect human being,no seriously I'm not perfect but i want to make someone very happy and i have so much love pent up inside me,it needs to be exposed gently to that special someone.i hope I've given you an inkling of my thoughts and needs.--i hope you will reply to this letter,i will send a photo of me soon .--so for now Dear, i bid you farewell.



We're you able to read all that? Did you catch the part where he says he wants to expose his love to that special someone? Buddy - here in the U.S. people go to jail for exposing their love.

now Dear(s) I bid you farewell.

Skeptical TP gal

With 16 hours since the email from online guy landed in my mailbox, I've read it over a couple times and I'm 90% sure it's not what it appears to be.

The first bad sign is that his profile is gone of match.com - he explained it (sort of) in his email, and the second bad sign is that he didn't answer any of my questions about where he lives in Seattle and what was his favorite thing about that particular neighborhood.

If you live here - even in Lake City there's something charming. Not answering makes me think he doesn't actually live in Seattle.

So on the off chance that my skeptical side is trying to wrong me, I did e-mail back and shared (not too personal) stuff and asked some more direct questions and we'll see what we get.

Unfortunately, his demographics too closely match the profiles on the "online dating scam" sites. If it is a scam it will be apparent once he tells me that he and his daughter are going on a business trip to (Africa, or where ever) and then once there, he'll be injured in a car accident and need $$ for who knows what.

I will say that I was a little giddy this morning at the prospect, but am glad I let the mail sit for a while before responding.

Online Dating

Thanks to those of you who helped put my online profile in order. I received some excellent feedback from my posse of public relations gurus. There's three of them in my life - lucky me, if I ever get caught with a prostitute I'll have resources for damage control.

So I posted my profile and (eek) some photos. I don't really have any recent pix other than the one below, so I used it. Its me... So there it is.

The way match.com works is that once you've answered the 60 profile questions and the 1000 word essay you're ready to go and they start sending you photos of people who most closely match your settings.

Me, I'm race unimportant, no smoking not negotiable, social drinker, and spiritual not religious. Among other things like no murderers or illicit drugs, but a sense of humor and a love of long walks in the rain could counter act those nos. (I'm kidding Mom!)

You are supposed to read through the profiles that are tucked behind the photos and then you can email the potential mr tpgal or "wink" at them. Winking results in a short prewritten email to let you know the LvrMan69 thinks you're cute and then the ball is in your court.

I haven't "winked" at anyone, but am getting some action inbound. A couple have squarely landed in the HELL no column and a couple others have promise.

I emailed one fella after a wink and didn't hear anything. I mentioned this to my friend at work who has more recent experience with dating than I do and she said not to expect the men to reply to mails in under three days. I don't understand that, but she was right. Five days after sending my response to a wink, I got a lovely email. (She's stunningly beautiful - and smart to boot and it happens to her all the time, so I'm going to chalk it up to the difference between men and women.)

Don't get excited about specific dating details here. I have girlfriends for the neurotic dissection of every word and event.

I will share that, for me, this is some scary stuff. I see how most of you have been able to settle into partnership with some pretty damned awesome people. (No matter how they piss you off you have to admit that they rock!).

I wish I could skip the "does he like me" phase and move into the "where are we vacationing this summer" thing, but it's not realisitc. I am at least smart enough to hide the Martha Stewart wedding magazines before a date. Well, there's a personal confession. I love weddings and generally (er, always) buy the quarterlyMS Wedding magazine. I save them too... yikes, you think I'm a freak.

Getting the reply email from the winker this morning put a little zip in my step. We'll see where this starter date goes. Frankly I'd be thrilled to convert e-communication to a couple dates. That would be huge .

Vanity

There'll be no stopping me now... this blog will shortly turn into one big before and after site.

These kind of side by side things are pretty mind blowing because while there was no denying I was a big girl I don't think I really SAW how big I was - but the door panels don't lie. Body image is a strange thing.

I still have a long way to go, but damn!

Happy Wednesday.

Say it isn't so...

Shaun Alexander released by Seahawks
Does this mean he won't do a follow up Christmas card with me? (my golly - who is that girl?)



That's better, but I'm going to have to learn about the mac's photo editing tools if I'm going make it look like Shaun and I are long time friends.

It came from the fridge (part II)

I had to change passwords at work today - which requires a 15 minute log out so I used my time to clean out the fridge because something was foul.

I have NO IDEA what this might be - it's not grapes, and it doesn't really look like cherries, perhaps plumbs?

I threw away some other things that would have been fun to post but I forgot I had my phone on me and wasn't about to dig through the trash for a photo.

Seriously?

The billboard for the Intiman Theater in Seattle shows that they are current doing a production of The Diary of Anne Frank and the discripter is "Uplifting."

I'm in negotiations to go see it and will circle back and let you know if a play about a little family that loses everything, hides in an attic and eventually is removed from the face of the earth for NO REASON WHATSOEVER can in fact be "uplifting."

Clearly, Anne's spirit and faith are one reason why this story has endured - but I doubt that it is on par with an Up With People revival.

46 questions

I love other people's blogs. Here's a list of questions I found and my answers as best I can do.

Forty-Six Questions


1. Do you like blue cheese? Mmm... cheese! Good.

2. Have you ever smoked heroin? Good lord, NO.

3. Do you own a gun? Yes, I have a glue gun

4. What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic? What the hell is Sonic? Some NBA team that's moving to Oklahoma?

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Nope

6. What do you think of hot dogs? Conceptually they are disgusting.. but they taste good so I'm conflicted.

7. Favorite Christmas movie? Seinfelds Festivis Episode

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Tea

9. Can you do push ups? I have a "push up" bra - does that count?

10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? I don't know... I have a diamond ring I wear almost every day - but it's getting to be too big.

11. Favorite hobby? Laughing

12. Do you have A.D.D.? Not that I know of

13. What's one trait you hate about yourself? I'm quick to say the sarcastic thing... I wish I could hold it in a little bit.

14. Middle name? Lynn

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment. I wonder if the e-mail ping is my Match.com guy, my new old-navy pj's are cute, and I want Chocolate!!!!!

16. Name 3 things you bought yesterday: Fat free cottage cheese, and three S-E-X-Y tops

17. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? tea, water, coffee

18. Current worry? That my 18 year dating hiatus will be too much to gracefully come back from.

19. Current hate right now? Hate? I still think that Osama Bin Laden dude is a mother fucker - does that count?

20. Favorite place to be? In a happy state of mind.

21. Where would you like to go? I would like to go potty. I have a need

22. Name three people who will complete this? I wouldn't e-mail this to anyone.

23. Do you own slippers? No, I fall enough on my own without help.

24. What shirt are you wearing? I'm not wearing a shirt. I'm in my pj's.

25. What year would you go back in time to? 1960. Oh golly - 1986 and start college over again, but this time I'd actually study!

26. Can you whistle? a little

27. Favorite color? Pink

28. Would you be a pirate? No, I need a dental plan with my jobs.

29. What songs do you sing in the shower? What ever P.O.S. was on the radio when I woke up.

30. Favorite girl's name? uh.... hey you?

31. Favorite boy's name? no clue

32. What's in your pocket right now? A tiny little fairy

33. Last thing that made you laugh? The stupid SuperHero Movie I saw today.

34. Best Halloween costume? I don't know, my fall back is an angel but it may be time for something new.

35. Worst injury you've ever had? I broke my leg in 5th grade... Damn you Johnny Bell it's all your fault.

36. Do you love where you live? I guess, it's a home to me.

37. How many TVs do you have in your house? Two

38. Who is your loudest friend? Becky - but only because she's so excited by life that she can't hold it in. She's the voice of happiness

39. How many dogs do you have? none

40. Does someone have a crush on you? who knows?

41. What is your favorite book(s)? too many to choose from - I read Harry Potter over and over and over.

42. What is your favorite candy? Cherry Jelly Bellies

43. Favorite Sports Team? Softball -and I'm terrible at it.

44. Your favorite meal? Breakfast with friends - bacon, eggs, fruit, toast and coffee

45. What were you doing at 12 a.m. last night? in bed watching SNL.

46. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? Am I going to church? (I didn't.)

A deep breath has been taken...

Well, that last post certainly isn't one I'd want to share with the world when I run for President. Wait... I wouldn't ever want to be President - still it clearly wasn't my finest hour.

It turns out there are cremation options in the under $1000 range that are perfectly acceptable. I don't need to pay extra for the "video" (of what!?) and the commemorative bookmarks with E's face on them. I have a Mac, if I want a bookmark, I'll make a bookmark.

Alas, I had a long talk with Dr. Mostad (the Infectious Disease Specialist) Friday about transitioning E's care from treatment to making her comfortable. We're pulling together a meeting with the IDS, the Hospitalist (aka the just doctor doctor), the Neurosurgeon and a social worker to discuss and possibly sign papers. I imagine that when this transition occurs the hospital makes you sign tons of papers so that if you later decide to sue because Nana died that they can legally tell you to F. Right Off.

But... when I got home from work Friday there was a message from Dr. M saying that E had perked up and was talking. She suggested that maybe our discussion from the morning was premature.

We'll still be holding a Dr. Pow-Wow later this week to discuss all of her issues in one setting - but it looks like we'll continue to treat - for now.

I wonder where this rodeo is going next.

Listen up!

Ok, I think I've been VERY patient in dealing with my aunt. I've literally cleaned shit up off her floor, boxed tons of useless stuff, done loads and loads of laundry - some of it twice, paid for a storage unit, dealt with her less than nice landlord, and have been managing her health care with the most honorable of intentions.

I dug out the Neptune Society paperwork that she sent me in November of 1990. See, I am a little organized. The letter attached said this:

Anyway, I may or may not prepay my eventual finale. If I don't get around to this, it will have to come out of my estate.

You can easily guess that she did NOT prepay.

Now I'm FIRED UP... why not prepay for the F*CKING thing. SHE DOES NOT HAVE AN ESTATE... URG. So, now I'll be choosing to quickly prepay for services and hope to re-coup my "investment" when I sell her things or wait and see if I can find a cheep-o burn em and churn em place in Bellingham. (very nice tpgal... you are cold cold person)

I am trying to be compassionate and considerate as she transitions - but the lack of forethought about life insurance and the reliance on an "estate" that never existed pisses me off. Over the course of her life she has had PLENTY of money - not prepaying for this was childish and inconsiderate.

With that said - I have not prepaid for my funeral either but once she's done I will. I do have some serious life insurance and if my parents start to send me arsenic laced cookies it would be very profitable for them.

The Police

The Police (think Sting - not Officer Friendly) have kindly informed me that they are playing a concert in Belgrade and that I should get my tickets early.  Oh, I'll jump right on that!

Back to me

Today is my official weigh in day for my 5 month progress update.

Total weight dropped so far.... 89 lbs!

This is me at 228, a weight I haven't seen since the early 1990's.

I'm off to the regular doctor today for blood work to see how I'm doing with my vitamin levels. Calcium could be an issue as I frequently skip the horse pills, but I do drink a lot of milk.

I've also got a case of psychosomatic induced MRSA in my nose, so I'm going to have him look at the "thing" in my nose just to be safe. How fun for Dr. Mike.

The Right Place

Sometimes in life you are in the wrong place at the wrong time and at others providence has a different plan.

Yesterday I was sitting in the sun in front of Tully's enjoying the stunning afternoon weather and a woman who was my mom's age said hello. I smiled back and returned the greeting. We exchanged some pleasantries and I invited her to sit and share my table. She must have needed a friend because she talked my ear off for over two hours. Mind you she wasn't a crazy nut-job, but the wife of a pastor who needed a friendly ear.

I honestly wasn't doing anything, I had no where to go and could tell that simply by listening to her I was giving her something. Her story telling ability was wacky - she would start in on her story and then give me ALL the back story on the people- which meant it was hard to follow. I am afflicted with that a bit in my verbal story telling and will try to remember that it's hard on the listener.

In the end when I finally had to break away, she hugged me and thanked me for listening. You're welcome talking lady.

Today in a last minute decision I opted to give away my matinée tickets to the Ballet. I've seen this particular show a couple times and it is great, but since we attended the Ballet Tuesday an are going again Friday my heart wasn't in it. I've capitalized on my free time by having a leisurely lunch with friends, started tentative planning for the 40th birthday blow out (save the night of August 9th folks, I'm buying drinks) and by taking a nap.

I was enjoying the mid-day shut eye when the phone woke me up. The caller id was St. Joseph's Hospital (Aunt E's home for the last 3 weeks) so I picked up (I only screen calls from unlisted numbers.) On the phone was E's doctor and we were able to spend about 30 mintues discussing her care, her current status and the plan of action. Had I been (asleep) at the ballet, I would have missed the opportunity to speak with the doctor when he was in a place to give the attention and focus that resulted in some serious decisions that I feel good about. Talking with the nurses is good, but with the exception of the first gal they have all been a little sugar coated with their opinions of her status. I appreciate the positive attitude, but when making decisions I need to hear both sides of the equation.

The end result, if you're interested, is that E has been placed on a DNR. We'll still pursue the course of antibiotics and will discuss the surgery with the neurosurgeon in three weeks, but if she has an MI then we will let nature take its course. The doctor said that if she had an MI the chances of bringing her back is almost none and if they were "successful" that the impact to her brain function would be (his word) catastrophic. This wasn't a hard decision.

The decision about the neurosurgery will be harder, and I told the doctor that I would prefer to come up and have the consult with the neurosurgeon in person. I'll make some phone calls this week to see if I can't get some time with him.

Lastly, (and totally off topic) I dug out the stash of flip-flops for the spring and summer season and am devastated - a slight exaggeration- to discover that most are too big. Damn the smaller foot!

Psych!

Remember the saga about my brother and the kid who may or may not be his? In the last post we had heard from the attorney that it was confirmed that he was not the dad. Well, it turns out, he had the wrong report in hand and oops... she is a confirmed DNA match.

Kev-o & D (current wife) are dealing with the news as best as they can. Considering he's still has a few more months left to be in Iraq there's not much to do.

It's sad that this child is out there and is family, but yet has not relationship with my family. I'm a fun aunt to have, but she'll never know.

Bummer.

Day 4: It's still "fun"

This process documentation exercise is in day 4 and while I am surviving I have started to refer to it as the "Process Documentation Intervention."

I would like to stand at the top of my building and scream to the heavens that the big boss who kicked off this effort hasn't been in the room since Monday. Live the dream man, feel our pain.

The Exciting Adventures of the Hyde Park Condominium Association

As previously reported I foolishly volunteered to be on the board of directors for my condominium association. As the secretary my duties are minimal, attend the meeting, write up the minutes and try to lay low.

As a board member, I am on the e-mail distribution list and see all the homeowner complaints and the issues as they arise. Lately my mailbox has been filled with these exciting topics:

Dog Poop and the clean-up of said poop
Roof Tile Colors
A noise dispute between D2xx and D1xx
Management of the security gate
Landscaping issues

Right now, Dog Poop is trailing Noise Dispute by 3 to 2. Upstairs noise lady found that her garage door had been super glued closed last night. Honestly people if you're going to retaliate by doing something like that… at least super glue the entire row of garages… don't just do the b*tch that lives upstairs. (Please note the assumption that the gluer is the downstairs neighbor is mine but I think it's a good guess.)

Consultants

I'm in hour 7 of a 40 hour "special working session" with consultants to document and prioritize our processes.

OH HOLY GOD, PLEASE KILL ME NOW!!!!

Messy Martha; The New Normal

Mom came over this weekend for a day of labor at Maison Du Pu Pu. Things are really coming along.

Yesterday we moved all the boxes and furniture into the new heated storage unit. We got the bedroom cleaned (as good as good gets), the office emptied - QUITE an accomplishment (thank you again Becky, Ali & Janie!), took a truckload of crap to the dump and argued about the pile for goodwill.

The goodwill argument went something like this...

Moms: "You should store all of this in case she comes home."
Me: "She's not coming home."
Moms: "Just in case, you should save this."
Me: "Um no."
Moms: "Fine.
Me: "Fine"

Fast forward one hour

Moms: "I want the (insert name of something like a basket or storage cart.)
Me: "What happened to "what if she comes home."?
Moms: "Give me the keys, I'm putting it in the trunk.
Me: "Fine."
Moms: "Fine."

(I bet you can't wait for the screenplay that I'm writing to come out. I am so good at dialog that it's riveting!)

After our work party (partially enhanced by labor from "Hansen's Helping Hands") we disinfected ourselves, ate a yummy bite at Denny's and headed to the ICU to visit Martha.

I do feel terrible about how long E sits there without visitors and I could give up the entire weekend to come up, do hard labor and then sit with her at the hospital and watch her sleep, but as I'm a shitty niece I don't. We spoke with the ICU nurse who gave us the 411 on her condition - improved!

She does have a slight case of the MRSA the antibiotic resistant infection. "Slight" in the way that some folks describe themselves as a "little" pregnant. Um, you are or you aren't. To visit we had to gown and glove up, but got to skip the face and eye masks. I think if she had a cold or alergies it would be full on coverage.

We woke her up (the nurse said to) and got her to eat some of the "yummy" chicken alfredo. Honestly, she looks like shit - she's retaining water like crazy and is so puffy she looks like a wet sponge.

She said she wanted a surprise so I dug her eye glasses out of my purse and made her day. I then got the nurse to bring her paper and a pen and she was super happy. She's very creative (sample above) and has spent years making quilts, custom cards, writing and then of course there's the music. I certainly didn't get the music gene, or the art gene. My gifts are sarcastic humor, astounding beauty, and humility. (See item number one.)

The visit went well; I'll be checking in with the doctor this week. Once the infection is under control they want to do a procedure to help prop her poor brain back up into the zone where it's supposed to be (which is the theory behind why she is altered.) The ICU RN said she didn't think we were at the heroics phase and indicated that there would be frank discussions if/when we get there.

This is all very new to me and I'm hopeful that we're doing the right thing for her.

What is, was, and could be

www.mvm.com (My virtual Model) allows you to build an avatar at one weight, and then project what weight loss - or gain would look like.

Here's the virtual me at my starting, current, and surgeon identified goal weights.

Um, wow.

We'll see if I can really get to their goal weight. It seems completely unrealistic, but I'm "ONLY" 100 - no... 99 pounds away. However, considering that so far I've dropped 87 pounds maybe it is a possibility.

The thing I'm happiest about this journey, aside from the weight loss, is that I'm thrilled with each new smaller size and that I'm not just waiting for the day I'm a size 2. I'm delighted with the size 18 pants I just bought and even more happy to know that I won't be wearing them come summer time. At this point, focusing all my happiness on being a size 2, 4, or even 14 is like focusing on that day you're going to win the Mega Millions Lottery. It COULD happen, but why not be happy today?

OMG!!!

I just "tooted" in my office (with the walls that don't go up to the ceiling) and it was considerably louder than I anticipated. Normally, my risk assessment process when it comes to this activity is pretty good, but my decibel predictor is off today.

Thankfully both my neighbors are away but the nearby bullpen of Indian contractors is full and there's no way that they didn't hear it.

As soon as I'm done typing, I'll move back under my desk and hide for the rest of the day.

How horrifying!

Decided

I opted not to include the blog address in my e-mail to "Kirkland" and I think it was a smart move.

So far, no reply.

It's good to throw my hat in the ring... any ring.

Look out, Match.com here I come.