FOR SALE: One Soul

Hi, my name is Tim. My soul is for sale.

I have systematically hurt the state of Washington and now I have my sights set on hurting mankind. First I'll start by proposing that it's ok to discriminate against gays, (horrid sinners) then I'll take on fat people (slovenly lazy dumbies - I do like that they are jolly, but that's not enough to keep them around). Once those easy targets are done, I'll move to black people (I don't need to say anything here) and them eliminate rights and equal pay for women (I mean come on, you don't really thing the ladies are as smart or as worthy as men do you?). It wil be a glorious day when I'm done.

Bwahahahahaha

ah... a blissful weekend "away"

My two favorite chums and I rented a waterfront bungalow (daylight basement) on Bainbridge Island this past weekend. What a delight!

We slept in, read, talked until all hours of the night, explored Winslow, explored the bakery, shopped, played Boggle and relaxed for three days. We topped off our weekend "away" with a trip to IKEA. I have to say it was nice to turn off the tv and just be.

IKEA is always fun. Most of the furniture is small - but they have some great storage options.

Getting back to work today wasn't too terrible. It's hard to get my head in the game - but after two hours, I'm fully immersed.

My home was occupied while I was away by a friend who is getting a divorce. My cat was calmer than he would be if he didn't have a friend to hang out with. It's unfortunate that my pal has to endure sadness and personal agony for my cat to have a companion.

As I was spending time with SadGuy last night he said something along the lines of "I decided that we are going to ...."
and I was all like "um, why do you get to decide that for me?"
and he was all "I'm going through a divorce, I'm entittled to be a little selfish right now"
and I'm all like "Ok, how long are we going to have to live with that kind of decision making?"

I'm all for supportive friendship for as long as it takes. He didn't want to get a divorce and he's sad, but that doesn't entitle him to choose every movie or make every restaraunt choice for all eternity. I maybe rushing things, it's only been two weeks, so I will cut him a little slack.

In more better news (I've lost all will to use like my high school english skills) tomorrow is bonus pay out day! I'm considering a big purchase of a new home computer. I've got my eye on the iMac and am mulling over the risk of a combo monitor/cpu configuration. I can't imagine the risk is any greater with the iMac than it would be with a laptop. I'm not excited about a tower and monitor configuration. Anyway -- no decisions have to be made anytime soon and I will report back on the final outcome.

have a great week.

Lemmings to the left...

Well, now that Oprah says James Fay, author of A Million Little Pieces is a liar (see Seattle Times article from today) I HATE that guy. He sucks. His book sucks. All recovering drug addicts suck... don't read his book no matter how entertaining or engaging or educational or inspirational you might find it.




Here's a picture of Oprah telling James how people hate him, how he's worthless and how he should just crawl back into the muck

A Million Little Pieces: the controversy

A couple of Seattle residents today filed what they hope to turn into a class action law suit against the publisher and author of the "non-fictional" book A Million Little Pieces. The Seattle Times reports that the pair is seeking damages for "lost time" they spent reading the book.

Say it with me people: Pu-Leeze! Get over yourselves.

I've read this book (in three days) and I thought it was great. Not since the Bridges of Madison County have people gone so gaga over a book. (Note to readers: BoMC - was over rated and was fiction written to look like non-fiction. It does NOT earn a recommendation from me.) Back to the point, I had flight attendants, my airplane seatmate and complete strangers approach me while reading to discuss the book. They ALL basically said "Isn't that book awesome?"

For the ten of you who haven't read the book here's the synopsis: James wakes up on an airplane not sure where it's headed. He's covered in blood with a hole in his face. His parents kindly drop him into re-hab where he sobers up and learns to live with his addictions.

I found it hard to read at times because his account of the experience was so graphic and yet it really made me think about my own life (no, not doing any drugs if that's what yer thinkin') and I was amazed at his ability to portray a population of people that I really would rather not have over to my house for dinner in a new way.

The controversy is that the Smoking Gun web site did a background check on the author and found that they couldn't verify everything in his non-fiction book.

I will admit that when I read non-fiction that I expect things to be true - but I also know all too well that the truth can be BO-RING! I am not at all offended that this dude (and possibly his editors) took some license with sequence, collapsing characters, and over emphasizing certain events to make the book a better read. I promise you that if you think everything I have noted in the blog is 100% accurate you are in for a surprise!

Other authors have been criticized for taking the same license with their life stories, and I wonder if all autobiographies by default have at least one inaccuracy. You can only remember things how you remember them - as I remember it, I broke up with my high school boy friend, he did NOT dump me because I was too clingy and needy. (well, maybe that sounds a little familiar -- but believe you me, when my auto biography is published I'm gonna be the injured party.) I've read autobiographies where portions of the subjects life is left out -- does that mean the books are worthless? (In the case of Beryl Markham who omitted all references to her children during the span of the book, but managed to leave in her love life... yes it does!)

Anyway these yahoos hopefully don't have a shot in hell of getting compensation for lost time to read A Million Little Pieces. Frankly, I still recommend this book to everyone in spite of the controversy.

Thank you and have a nice day!

Ok kids put the shotguns away, it's storytime!

Girl accidentally shot at Md. day care

This headline makes me wonder about a few things:

1) Whatever happened to crayons at day care?
2) If the girl was shot accidentally, what was the shooter really aiming at?
3) Do parents get a discount if their kids bring their own guns rather than using the day care provided guns?
4) How to they know which gun belongs to which kid? Are they tied to the kid with yarn?
5) If the kids are inclined to bring guns to day care, maybe they should think about increasing the quality of the snacks... I don't think graham crackers are cutting it anymore.
6) Does the teacher send home a note with the shooter: "Mrs. Smith, Billy earned three gold stars and a marksman badge today."
7) If the kids have hand guns, do the teachers have nuclear weapons? "I said it's time to be quiet Suzie. I'll only count to three and then I'll have to WMD your ass!"
8) Do they keep the ammo with the art supplies?

Seriously folks... lock up your guns! If your child can or does break through your super secret storage locations (under the bed, in the night stand, in the back of the closet...) you should go to jail. This is one of the rules in TPtown - it's a world governed by me and I promise you it's not a good place to made stupid mistakes.

Warning: contains the plague and sex toys

I had dinner last weekend with friends. It was Chris' birthday so we met downtown (Renton) to try the newly re-opened McGowans. It has a fancy new name, taupe paint and hand-blown glass lights over the tables. The food was pretty good, the drinks were weak and while the dinner was fun I'm not sure it will be tops on my list of places to visit in the future.

Chris has a super cute three year old who for all outward appearances is a normal happy child. She is, however, teaming with diseases. I'm pretty sure that this is not just her problem - but more generally I believe that ALL three years olds are carriers of no less than 100 viruses including the plague. Someone alert the CDC, there's a 3 year old on the loose!

After a short gestation period, I was sitting on the bus and felt the urge to clear my throat. One short cough and all hell broke loose in my body. My back hurt, I felt weak and cold and my nose started to fill with unknown substances.

It has been three days and I’m looking forward to a weekend of Nyquil induced napping and possibly finishing the season one dvd’s of LOST. Upon achieving wellness, I will promptly run to Chris’ house and kick her ass. I will of course, suit up in a bio-hazzard outfit so as not to get the next strain of ebola that I'm sure Suzie McCute is handing out this week.

On a separate note, I just recieved a shipment of umbrellas that I ordred as give aways for a conference my company is hosting in February. The umbrellas have form fitting gel handles. Every person who has touched the handle has commented that it feels like something purchased from an adult toy store. Good CRAP, I've purchased a flacid penis for the chief security officers of MICROSOFT, BankofAmerica, IBM, HP, Chevron, Shell... and the list goes on and on! Welcome to Seattle, here's your sex toy!

It's Mood Hair...

Sorry fella's - this is another post about my hair. Who knew girls could write or care so much about something so silly?

After living with the "Orange" hair for a few weeks and growing in a good half inch of "roots" I finally made an appointment to have my mane professionally color corrected.

During the color consultation the hair mistress suggested something absurd... dye my hair its true natural color and add in some highlights. What in the world was she thinking... my true natural color! I haven't been my true color since 1986 when SUN-IN hit the market.

Well, after getting up off the floor I agreed to go "natural". Turns out... I'm not blonde anymore. I may have been the Arian Posterchild in 1976 but in 2006, I'm more Ali McGraw than Ali McBeal. It's a little shocking to me, but pretty.

The highlights are a little too zebra stripy for my taste, but I think it will be easily corrected at the next highlight touch up session in 4 to 6 weeks.

Next time you see me... if you hate the 'natural color' keep it to yourself, because it's really me and I'm going to stick with it for a while.

Local Woman Overcomes Obesity

My friend Janie cracks me up. She can bring a smile to my face every time we talk. We’ve known each other since 5th grade and were friends all through school except that one year where I was fickle (according to her mother.) No matter how true it was, I can tell you it was a shock to hear that an adult thought ill of me at the age of 12.

Janie and I reconnected after college and we spent a lot of time in our twenties enjoying the big city life of Seattle. Some of my least mature moments have happened with Janie as well as some of my most slutty moments! (Sorry Mom) That’s another story that we won’t go into but I will say that there has been at least one really fun Fleet Week in my past. Who names their son John Johnson?

Anyway, Janie married a very nice, hard working, family oriented man and moved north to an amazing land called “Everett”. She’s now a stay at home mom with two kids, one father-in-law and a mini-van. She is happy and living the American dream.

No matter where our lives take us, when we get on the phone the friendship connection is as strong as if we have spent every day together. She’s the only person who could take a shitty situation and make it funny. She still laughs about the time I got my period during high school. It was everywhere and I didn’t realize it until I had walked through the entire school from one class to another. Of course she acknowledges the horrific embarrassment of the event, but thinks it’s funny because if you don’t find the humor you would never get out of bed and go back to school. I let her get away with it because for every dumb stupid thing I do, she does similar things that she’s not afraid to tell me about. We spend a lot of our time telling each other the stupid things we do, and it’s a nice reality check.

When talking with her the last time Janie told me she had been asked to be in the background of a photo for the local paper. Janie’s friend Sue, a personal trainer, had lost over 50 pounds a number of years ago, and the story was supposed to be a glorification of the triumph of Sue and her battle of the bulge. Janie confirmed with the photographer the pictures were of Sue. Janie had rushed to the gym and hadn’t taken time to do her hair or put on any makeup – I mean why would you want to dress up to work out?:(Maybe because there was going to be a photographer there!) I mean come on, this is the same gal who took the time to shave her legs while she was in labor so that the nurse wouldn’t have to feel her leg stubble during the birth – she should have known better.

When the paper came out the picture on the front page was huge and showed Janie and Sue side by side, and the headline read: Small changes helped local woman defeat obesity. The end of article explained it was Sue who overcame obesity by losing 50 pounds not before explaining that Sue had helped Janie lose over 40 pounds. Janie is happy with her physically fit self, but doesn’t think it qualifies as newsworthy. Much to her horror, her in-laws, neighbors, grocery store clerks and gas station attendants are recognizing her from the paper and are congratulating her on her success. She is a celebrity!

All I can really say is way to go Janie! You’re an example for all woman kind!

Look who's looking?

People thought John Lennon was a nut for saying that the government was spying on him, and oops it turned out to be true.

I'm discouraged but not surprised that Bushie would admit that he's tapping our phones. "If Al Qaida is calling you, we want to know why." Well so do I, I'm on the Al Qaida do-not-call list, so technically Bushie shouldn't be taping my phone. However, as a member of the online community who has voiced my extreme displeasure over Bushies plan for the world, I'm sure I'm on a list. A small potatoes list - but a list.

I do believe that all traffic on the Internet is monitored and not just unencrypted traffic ALL of it.

I just wish that Al Qaida wasn't the excuse for everything our government is doing. It's getting old.
We're invading Afghanistan... Al Qaida!
Invading Iraq. Saddam=Al Qaida (oil)
We think Iran is a threat. Al Qaida (oil)
We're tapping the phones of CNN Reporters. Al Qaida (Christiana A. is a ruthless B who tells the "truth" we'll fix her!)
We're going through your garbage. Al Qaida
Oil prices are out of control. Al Qaida (greed)
The economy is teetering on a dangerous edge. Al Qaida
There are people going hungry in America. What people?

I'm a patriot who's discouraged. I'm not going to go so far as Harry Belefonte and suggest that Bushie is the worlds most egregious terrorist. I think some of his predecessors may still be in the lead.
Bushie v. Hitler winner: Hitler
Bushie v. Pol Pot winner: Bushie
Bushie v. Saddam winner: Saddam (which is why it's tricky)
Bushie v. Ramsey Youssef winner: Bushie (Ramsey was a patsy)
Bushie v. Osama winner: Osama (dead) so second runner up?

Now I've gone and done it... I might be on a bigger list now. My hair clip is already on a do not fly list -- what else can they do to me?

My bad hair travel day

I have to teach a class in Chicago on Monday and apparently the only flight to Chicagoland was at 8:45 Sunday morning. So, after a whirlwind day Saturday of trying to 'relax' and still get all the weekend chores done I went to bed early so the 5:30 am alarm wouldn't be too horrid. It was.

The nicest thing I can say about leaving the house at 6:50 on a Sunday morning is that traffic doesn't suck.

My hairclip set off the security detector, and the surly burly TSA (wanker) made me take it out of my hair rather than use the wand. Honestly, I think the security measures we have to deal with are fine, but my hair clip!? Clearly, this guy doesn't now, nor ever has lived with a woman. I was pissed that he wouldn't even consider 'wanding' me and don't tell me it's for my own safety -- if they can wand the belt region they can wand my skull. My hair looked like crap after the clip came out.

I did manage to finagle a first class upgrade for the flight so I was cozy and comfortable when we left the gate but then had to return for two hours because of a communication error. My main complaint about the flight wasn't the delay but the inattentive flight attendant. This guy may have forgotten that 'attendant' is part of the job description. Mr. Service stood in the 'galley' pouring himself 3 (THREE) cups of coffee while the coach class attendants passed out water to the other passengers. He tried to talk the other attendant out of providing any beverage service while we waited. "Why would you pass out water, they can wait" he said. I was surprised by his lack of interest in his passengers. He never did bring out coffee (even during the flight) and to make us feel even more ignored he didn't pick up our service items.

I know that I sound silly and petty but for right this minute I am.

After checking into the lovely AmeriSuites hotel in Vernon Hills, Il I went out again to scout out the 'neighborhood' and try to locate a grocery store. I hit the 'Dillards' which is Chicago for Safeway and noticed a SuperTarget across the street. This isn't your average Target -- but a "Super" Target. I might go check it out tomorrow after work -- I hope it's not too super, I didn't pack a bag.

It could be hard to go to sleep tonight, but thanks to the early start and the extra lengthy flight I might be able to hit the hay 'on Chicago time.' I do love that nightly programming starts early out here. It's nice to stay 'up' for late night tv and still be in bed by 10. That's not reason enough to move East, but I can like it.

I'm realizing this entry is a little more "at 10am I got out of bed and chose the blue socks with the pink stripe" than I normally post - but I've had a bad hair day.

the problem of two stews

As I mentioned in the last entry I was bit by an industrious bug over the New Years' break and not only cleaned and organized the condo I also cooked up two pots of stew for the book club ladies. Well, frankly they didn't eat enough of the stew and I've got bowls of it every where. It's like a Dr. Seuss book in my house:

Bowls of stew in my shoes, in my tub and on my couch
Pots of stew in my plants, in my pants and on my slouch
There are spoons of stew on my telly, in my belly and in my pouch

I've got stew in tupperware, in underwear and under there,
I've got doles of stew in holes and in big round bowls.

Heaps and deeps of smelly stew is on the floor
There are piles and miles of stew waiting by the door
I've even taken a pound to the neighbor who cried "No MORE!"

I've got stew under my pillow and by the willow, and it's just a hunch
that I'll be eating stew for ages every dinner, every breakfast and of course lunch!

And it starts all over again...

Today is my least favorite day of the year. The holidays are over, and everyone is back to work. The bus was crowded this morning for the first time in weeks and traffic was a mess.

I took my little office tinsel tree down on Thursday before I left the office and now every trace of holiday cheer is gone.

The extended holiday weekend was great, and while I enjoyed Christmas with my parents (brother dear didn't come) an extended weekend at home was delightful. The NYE celebration was fun and while I don't think I drank too much, I did mix it up, gin, lemon drops, and champagne... my head hurt like a mother the next morning. Thankfully because the holiday fell on a weekend, MegaBank gives us the next weekday as a holiday. (Heaven forbid we shouldn't get our 10 holidays off each year. ) I was able to spend one day on the couch under a blanket with my book and one day being productive in my condo.

My productive day was exciting. I managed to finally take a car load of CRAP to Goodwill (no, not junk... CRAP.) I cleaned cupboards, ditched all sorts of things I haven't used in forever. A quick stop at LampsPLUS yielded the perfect floor lamp for my living room. The holiday decorations are not only put away, but sorted by color and type. The home made crafty ones that I love but never use are now safely stored together, while the ornaments I've been collecting are sorted for easy access next year.

I'm hosting book club at my house tonight, so I also spent the day making a yummy stew for the gals. Actually, I made two... one with meat and one without. I may be eating stew for a million years. I also baked a cake. Jinkies...one day off and I'm Martha-f*ing-Stewart. Actually, the trick is not to turn on the TV. That's my new year’s resolution - exercise and don't turn the TV on as a matter of habit when walking in the door at night.

Ok - it's like 8:17 a.m. and I must really get to work. All the things that I put off last year are waiting for me, and I have to earn the $10 a day they are paying me.

Happy New Year!

The brother who stole Christmas

I'm famous for being melancoly on my birthday and after Christmas. I look forward to these events with child like anticipation and when the reality of the celebration kicks in I get twangs of jelousy over my perception of what others are experiencing. Mind you, none of these feelings are warranted - I am simply being selfish. This year however, I think the cloud living in my heart is justified.

As mentioned earlier, my mom called two weeks ago to let me know my brother, his (non-Morman) wife and their two girls were coming up from Utah for Christmas. Woo hoo - this kicked the planning and shopping into high gear. Mom actually had snack food in the house when I arrived. Normally the fridge is stocked with Christmas dinner and that's it. Three days of PB&J then a HUGE yummy meal, and then left overs until someone sneaks out to McD's.

Upon arrival to M&D's I was impressed by the spread, a table of munchies, presents stacked as high as they could manage and an air of excitement. Around nine o'clock Mom decided to call big bro on his cell phone to see where they were. It went straight to voice mail, so she called his home phone to leave a message and he PICKED UP THE PHONE. I've never really seen Ma go from hurt to pissed and back to hurt in such short time. Brother dear claimed he never called to say they were coming.

Now, I know that I'm supposed to keep my anger to myself and put on a good face or at least not air family grievences in public - but come on... to claim you didn't call is BULL SHIT. It galls me that Mr. Wonderful thinks that he can pretend he didn't call and try to make my parents believe that they concocted the idea that he was coming. The crazy thing is that I"m sure by now he believes he didn't call, he has a gift for revisionist history.

Well, brother dear - we were genuinely disapointed that you weren't able to come our way, but the fact that you couldn't be a grown up and call and that you felt like you had to lie about it makes you an ass hole. You hurt mom to the core and the last time I saw her cry like that was when her dad died. Merry Christmas to you too!

If you want to be the grown up that I know you can be, you should call and apologize. Mom wants nothing more than to not be treated like a fool. She will forgive you.

As for the rest of the family, they all asked about you, but hid their embarassement at your actions. I promise you that you were not hung out to dry either. Mom calmly explained that both she and dad must have made a mistake when they talked with someone who sounded like you, who had a wife named Denise and had two girls.

If you don't honestly remember making this phone call, you need to call your doctor, or check into re-hab.

It's the children who pay

Divorce hurts the children most and it is never more apparent than at Christmas.

My parents haven't ever bothered to get a divorce so every year at the holidays I pay and pay. My friends from broken homes go from house to house gathering gifts soaked in the guilt of failure to attend recitals and sporting events, while I go year after year to the same house and open my token 'you had a happy childhood, so these socks will do' gift.

I am forced to spend the holidays with my real mom and real dad, while those around me get to meet a new Mommy every other year, or spend Christmas with the newest "uncle." It's so boring knowing everyone's real name.

While I spend two or three solid days with one group of people, some of my friends get to drive to one house on Christmas eve to eat dinner with one family, drive to another part of town to have dessert with other people, get up the next morning and fly to the step sister's house... it must be exciting to see so much of the country side each season.

I feel so left out.

Killing Time

My list of activities to keep you busy while listening to a dull presentation (of 2 or more hours)

1) doodle
2) fill in all the O's on the materials handed out
3) make mindless lists
4) plan imaginary parties, weddings, bar mitzvahs, or funerals
5) take fake notes
6) wish for death
7) replay movies in your head: "we're going to need a bigger boat"
8) see how long you can hold your breath
9) squeeze the muscles in your bum in time to the national anthem
10) count the verbal ticks of the presenter: Um's, Ok's, Alright,
11) pay attention to the topic at hand... oh please...

The 2005 Book List

For those of you keeping track, here's a run down of the literature (or not) consumed by me this year:

The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini: An excellent but brutal account of life in pre-revolution Afghanistan and how even the choices we make as children can affect us forever. Many people have raved about this one, and I thought it would be just mildly ok - but it might be my favorite book of the year.

Harry Potter 6: Oh Harry, what will be come of you? Will you end He-who-shall-not-be-named and finally take your place as the Defense against the dark arts teacher at Hogwarts and guide other mini-wizards and witches the way I hope. Please Severus, say it isn't so...

The Three Junes: I thought this would be about three ladies, but is an attempt at an epic story of self forgiveness and acknowledgment that love can take many forms. Forgettable

Time Traveler's Wife: A very clever love story that could be troubling, but leaves the reader thinking about what if, and how much do we really want to know about our futures. A great read.

The Magician's Assistant: Again, love isn't always a boy and a girl, sometimes it's a girl and her dead gay husbands family.

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn: Damn, we are POOR and love may see us through, but it will also find the families savings and drink it to lessen our sorrows.

Mountains Beyond Mountains (nonfiction): Paul Farmer, real life MD is driven to make a difference in the world related to TB and its effects in poorer nations. Dr. Farmer is not a saint, but pretty darned close. If only we were all motivated to do a tenth of the effort to help others...

Working Poor (nonfiction): a Sociological study of the effects of under employment and the companies that take advantage of this population of Americans. H&R Block -- you are evil and should be put out of business for your "rapid refund" program that targets these low income people.

The Book Borrower: Having never written a book I shouldn't criticize but I'm going to anyway. The BB tells a strange story of two women who are friends, but really don't seem to like each other, and when the 'tragic' event happens the reader simply doesn't care. I left this book on a shelf in a rented apartment in Spain, I hope no one actually ever picks it up.

The Plot Against America, Philip Roth (this may have been a late 04 reading): An exploration of what if that blends historical fact and characters in a fantastic scenario. Told from the perspective of a young boy, this book was greatly anticipated and enjoyed, but kind of a bummer.

Evidence of Things Unseen, Marianne Wiggins: I guess you could say that while it may have been keen to work on the atomic bomb, the repercussions weren't all that neato. However, love is where you find it, and family is who you love. I believe this at my core and this story reflects it in a dark but kind way.

Emily Ever After: Holy Jessus on a cake - I thought this would be a fun Nanny Diaries esque story but in reality it is Christian Lit. It's not bad, but I'm disappointed that the author made little Emily choose her 'Christian Values' over her career -- it seems like there has to be a way to be a fully functioning person and believe in God. I think I'm doing it -- but I guess if I really want to go to heaven, I should pack it in and move back to the sticks to be safe.

A Very Long Engagement: you know, I tried to watch the much loved movie and ended up turning it off, but the book was surprisingly moving. Thanks for the tip Jen, I'll mail it back to you soon.

The Devil Wears Prada - Now this was the Nanny Diaries follow up I was looking for, a totally insane view into the fashion world. If you think your boss is an ass, read this and you may be filled with a sense of peace. This weekender is fun fun fun (for girls).

The curious incident of the dog in the night-time: A fun canine murder mystery narrated by a young autistic boy. Clever and touching, even more so when you learn that the author's son is affected by autism.

A Season in Purgatory, Dominick Dunne: This book was published in 1993 and I picked it up at Goodwill for a dollar. Sorry Dom, your 'fictional account' of the Martha Moxley murder is worth more than the dollar I paid. I appreciated the subtle shift from first person narrative to third person and back to first upon the attainment of self-forgivenes. Major lesson to be learned here: don't cross the Kennedy's -- er I mean the Bradley's.

Currently reading:

Dan Brown's (da vinci code guy) Deception Point

and

The Cave, by the brilliant, but punctuation challenged Jose Saramagio.

Countdown to X-mas

One week left to go, I'm so very thankful that we're almost done with this holiday season. Everything is in full swing and I'm having a great time. There are parties, shopping, wrapping, enjoying the tree, defending the tree from an excited cat, who has been knocking balls off the tree and then laying on them to break them, and all manner of holiday cheer.

My brother announced last week that he's bringing his wife and lovely children home this year. This is the most wonderful gift that my mother could have received. She will cry and make embarrassing speeches, but it will be fun. I think I'll borrow the good camera from A&E to take photos. The girls are 16 and 12 and are quite beautiful. I did have to ramp up my gifts for them, as they are enduring a very long car ride (from Utah - no they are NOT Mormon) and should get some compensation. I think money will suffice.

I finished the last of my shopping today and had some things shipped to me via my parents house. It will be fun to get there and have items to wrap. Its a weird thing, but I love wrapping gifts. Eric pissed me off in the car today on the way home from the mall, so his gift might come in a grocery bag, but for the most part, I love to wrap gifts.

Y's annual (second year in a row) holiday party is tonight and I'm hoping to work in a nap before I go. Last year they were up until all hours and if I hope to stay competitive a nap is in order.

I have one last gift to get and if I had been thinking I would have bought it while I was on line with Shutterfly - but I can always go back.

The hard part for me at this time of year is that I'll get one gift for someone else but buy three for me. It's totally selfish. I hooked myself up at Old Navy with casual comfy clothes and socks. I did notice that it matters which Old Navy you go to. Things that were on sale at the Factoria store were either not on sale, or not on sale as much in the south center store. My $5 holiday Tee was $12 in southcenter. Shocking.

The last event to plan before the season is complete - a new years party. I'm working on Monica&Steve to host a party at their house. Monica is a much better house keeper than I and we won't have to drive. We'll bring a gallon of mir (also known as vodka) and it will be a hoot. Happy 2006.

This next week looks to be a b_Atch at work - so if you don't hear from me. Merry Christmas, happy holidays and all that jazz.

It's a Festivis Miracle!

BREAKING NEWS: Senate Rejects Reauthorization Of USA Patriot Act

Senate Turns Down Patriot Act Extension In a major defeat for President George W. Bush and Republican leaders, the Senate has rejected reauthorizing the expiring provisions of the Patriot Act.

MORE DETAILS: <http://treets.kirotv.com/svc/lnk.cfm?l=65055004&

Ah... LA

I know it's the cool and hip thing to do to complain about your job or your employer but honestly, my job is pretty cool. I am not tied to my desk, but not on the road so much that I'm known by the flight attendants. My co-workers are fun, the work is enjoyable and even though there are things that get on my nerves it's generally short lived.

I've been teaching a class to security administrators at MegaBank. The two classes on Monday were held locally and I left Tuesday to go to Los Angeles for the classes Wednesday. SportBoy came with and traveling with him reminds me of all the time spent in college hanging out with the 'guys' who were perfectly wonderful, but not at all datable because of the spaz quotient. Once you spend a lame Thursday night measuring the circumference of your calves to see who has the biggest, the romance is gone. It got pretty dull in Pullman and we couldn't drink all the time.

SportBoy and I arrived in sunny Los Angeles at the Bob Hope International Airport after dark on Tuesday. I'm not really sure if Bob Hope is an international airport or not - it's pretty small and like San Jose you have to step outside to get on the planes. It's all very "back in the day". We picked up our smokin' rental car - a Ford SUV and jumped onto "the 101" to sit in traffic. We did pass Warner Brother's studio and drove on Hollywood (avenue) for a while so I feel like I got the grand tour. This certainly isn't my first trip to LA and unlike the first time at the age of 9, I wasn't thinking we were going to have dinner next to anyone famous. At 9, I was scanning all the cars next to us (on the way to Disneyland) for Shawn Cassidy, the Brady's or Captain Kangaroo. I was convinced we would see famous people. Oh, the sadness of that disappointment in my young life still stings to this day.

SportBoy and I ended up having dinner outside on the patio at PF Changs' we were hot under the heat lamps while the people around us shivered in the 'cool' 50 degree evening. Had we known we were coming ahead of time, we could have gone to a cool Hollywood premier (his cousin is a promoter) but instead we discussed his love life over double pan fried noodles. He thinks his attraction to "Becca" is real because he can be himself with her. That's nice. He was unsure as to whether or not to offer a Christmas gift and we worked it out. Before we got back to the office today he stopped by Tiffany's and picked up a nice silver necklace - you're welcome Becca!

Anyway, he's totally smitten and it's really interesting to see romance from the dude's point of view. She called while we were at dinner last night and he practically got giggly. It was cute. I excused myself so he could talk with her and went to bed as we had to leave the hotel at 5:30 this morning.

I've never liked LA - it seems like the land of freeways and gang shootings to me. Sure the Hollywood glamour thing is awesome, but really how many of us normal people really touch that life other than to go to movies or read People magazine? Not very many. My dislike was lessened a little during this trip. On our way from the hotel to the campus we passed through a couple neighborhoods with houses that I could see myself in. We talked with some very nice folks - our waitress at PF Changs was down right personable. It's pretty easy to get around in LA - for the most part it's flat and the roads traverse the city - so you can get on one road and follow it forever - unlike here in Seattle where the lakes and mountains get in the way (Damn that bitch Mother Nature!) and in down town the only road that goes 'through' is 1st and 4th. Everything else is less than a mile long.

Our hotel was nice in appearance and the staff was attentive but the room seemed odd. The bathroom was situated so that if the door was open you couldn't get to the closet or the entrance to the room. Also, I couldn't find the remote for the tv. I looked EVERYwhere: behind the tv, in the cabinet, in all the drawers, in the bathroom, in the closet, under the beds, under the chair, under the cushions... everywhere. Finally, I called the service number and explained that I needed help finding the remote. The gal said: "We'll bring you one right away." What!? It perplexed me that the emphasis wasn't on finding the remote in my room, but to bring me one as if I had asked for the roll away bed. They knew there wasn't a remote in the room - and maybe they only have so many remotes and people have to share. I certainly hope that travelers don't take remotes. But, maybe they do and that's why in some of the more glamorous places I've stayed the remote is bolted to the night stand.

We had time between our classes and so SportBoy and I checked out the DWS store. Oooh, it's like the shoe pavilion, only more shoes! I replaced my worn Franco Sartos (that had been resoled twice, and I realized just yesterday had worn through the side near the little toe) and picked up a pair of cute Borns and a pair of Liz Clabornes. SportBoy is fun because he's all guy, and yet he doesn't mind shopping.

The flight out this morning was uneventful other than the fact that SportBoy is on the terrorist watch list and has to enjoy a full cavity search at every checkpoint. It gets old and it’s hard to maintain your good attitude when the TSA agent has his hand up your colleagues bum. But – as they say in the Navy… better your bum than mine!

Do it... do it now!!!!!!

There's a link on the side of my browser to "Don't Trust Snakes" you must NOW click over and view his awesome holiday photos.

Click on the "cans" and marvel at the wonderment of MWR's imagination.

Amazing!!!!