The wedding topic of the day is the final guest list.
All the web sites and magazines say that finalizing the guest list is likely the most stressful part of planning a wedding and I have to agree. So far it is the only thing we have bumped up against that has been difficult.
I love the site we selected for the wedding - we'll be married in the back yard near a beautiful tree and then take the party inside where two bartenders will be waiting with all sorts of adult beverages while the caterers will roam through the crown offering multiple appetizers. Eventually, there will be food, dancing, a cake and other fun treats to make this day of ours special.
The only thing about the location is that due to something silly like the fire code, we are limited in the number of guests we can host. It is not an unreasonable number and it is good to have limits which has allowed us to budget for this event in a realistic way.
The first swag at the list came to almost 100 souls over the limit. We had a discussion about forfeiting our deposit and searching for an alternate location, but as the other places we had seen were... um... SHITTY, we opted to stick to our place of choice.
Going back over the list was a much more stressful activity that involved something that I haven't traditionally done well... TRUST. J and I first opted to limit the children who were invited to out of town guests and family and then as reality set in we have opted to make this event an adult only event.
I have to say that I struggled with some of my people who may not attend because their kids aren't invited. I am aware that children add a certain innocence and joyous flair to a wedding, but I couldn't pick which of my friends or family wouldn't be invited in order to accommodate the children. Those of you who married in your 20's likely didn't have to deal with this on such a dramatic level.
My book group ladies and my close girlfriends were so kind and understanding when I told them about this decision. I'm sure that most of our people will understand; but I worry none the less.
As it stands today we are 'over' in our list to the tune of 35 people. I am sure that once invitations go out that there will be folks that can't attend and ultimately we will not be over our maximum capacity. We have already been informed of at least one couple who will not attend because of what I think is a horrid misinterpretation of God's Divine Plan. (WHAT!?) J is from a Catholic family and there are a few members of the clan who firmly believe that unions between a Catholic and a non-Catholic is not sanctioned and they will be not support us by attending.
Honestly, since I'm likely to never have a loving bond with this particular couple I don't really care. It is unfortunate that such a strict interpretation of the rules holds folks back from participating in family events. FOR THE RECORD: My in-laws are extremely supportive of this union and have been welcoming and loving towards me. They, like the most of the close family nearby, see how well suited J & I are for each other and how (sickly) happy we are. This boycotting aunt who lives in the Midwest somewhere is more of an interesting anomaly than anything else (and... she takes the overage list from 35 to 33.)
During the negotiation phase on the list I lost my zen attitude regarding this party. Poor J was faced with a dark & cloudy TP who couldn't express herself in reasonable terms. I was in the wrong emotional zone and was fearful that we were going to have to make unfair cuts on the list of our friends to accommodate the folks that we were 'obligated' to invite. J was patient, but basically told me to trust him. I do trust him implicitly, but this was stressful. But, just as he said he would this week he produced a list of names that works. I'm sure it wasn't easy as he has an extremely large extended family that as near as I can tell, are not "distant" extended family.
So, at the end of the day, we have a reasonable list and will now start the fun process of addressing save-the-dates, invitations and getting the word out.
2 comments:
Let me just speak to a few of these points.
1. I take up very little space. Ditto the rest of my nursery (Surprisingly, this is the name for a group of raccoons. I mean, surprisingly to you, since I am a raccoon and certainly did not have to Google that just so I wouldn't sound ill-informed about my own species nomenclature when writing a comment on your blog. I definitely didn't have to do that. I knew it before.). If you get hassled by the fire marshal, you can just claim that we are wild animals that somehow wandered in out of the woods, attracted by some of the twelve different delectable appetizers on offer to the adult guests (now available in greater profusion due to the exclusion of children and marginal adult losers). If this happens, be sure to add that you have matters WELL IN HAND and do not need any help from the fire department or animal control in "clearing out all these raccoons." In fact, the best policy is just to let loose a lighthearted chuckle and a "They won't eat much." That's the spirit.
2. I'm all for excluding children from the wedding. Screw them! I hate children at weddings, always running around underfoot, especially the f***ing flower girl. Jesus Christ, what a cliche! "Oh, I know, let's have little Cindy Lou be the flower girl . . . and scatter flower petals from a little wicker basket . . . with ribbons." Kill me now!
3. Speaking of Jesus Christ, I must be misunderstanding since it sounded like you left out the details about J converting to your religion. I'm sure that was just an oversight. I hate snakes, they are natural enemies of mine, and as they say in your religion "These snakes ain't gonna handle theirselves." Far from it. They are going to be trying to sneak up on me. Your religion needs more good, steady, sturdy snakehandling men, the kind J would make. I'm afraid I can't support this union if no snake-benefits accrue to me. I guess it sounds selfish, but it's a deal breaker for me. J must convert to your religion! Death to snakes!
4. Speaking of that no-good papist J, I don't trust him. If you want me to trust him, you'd better make damn sure I'm on that list. D-A-M-N S-U-R-E. Do I make myself clear? If I'm not invited, the urine damage you haven't discovered yet will be ONLY THE BEGINNING.
That's all for now. Cheers!
I understand if you must take me off the list. But I don't bring presents to parties I don't attend.
Post a Comment