Fear Selling

This is long, but from an actual wedding vendor website:

You open your eyes. A hazy mist lingers around you. Pushing open heavy oak doors, a familiar melody plays sweetly from an organ, beckoning you into the room. Bewildered, you take a hesitant step forward with one white satin shoe. Soaking in your surroundings, you survey the room. You peer into faces of loved ones, those you have known all your life. Your feet, transfixed with the rhythm of the music, make a steady pace down the aisle. Loved ones gaze in adoration at you, smiling tear-streaked faces mouth the words, "She's so beautiful," and "My how lovely her dress is."

"My dress?" You think. Glancing down, you see yourself clothed in flowing white, a delicate veil covers your face. The gown is topped off with a beautiful headpiece, the finishing touch to your wedding ensemble. Your wedding! Could this be? Hurriedly, your eyes skim the front, and you notice him. Your beaming fiancée, looking handsome in his tuxedo and staring at you with love and devotion. All doubts and jitters immediate fly out the stained-glass chapel window as you lock eyes with his. Tremors of happiness flow through your body, as you realize with calm assuredness that this is the man you will love to spend the rest of your life with.

A beautiful smile of happiness appears on your face. Suddenly your eyes fill with tears. Oh no! A horrific thought creeps into the back of your consciousness. Frantically, you scan the room, and yes! There it is! Choking back screams of terror, you discover your worst nightmare has come true. The florist forgot to take the lilacs out of the wedding bouquet! You are allergic to lilacs! Uncontrollable tears from the sensitive reaction begin to flow freely down your face. Absentmindedly, you wipe your face with a gloved hand, and realize you aren't wearing waterproof mascara. Streaks of black makeup stain your veil and glove. Distraught, you yank your makeup smeared hands away, only entangling them in yards of fabric from your veil. Suddenly your nose starts to twitch. No. Oh please no. Then it happens. Like an erupting volcano that cannot be stopped you let out a tremendous sneeze. The impact whiplashes your head backwards, causing your headpiece to slip, blanketing your face. The moments are frozen in time as everything takes on a slow motion speed. Now blinded by your veil, you frantically flap your arms in confusion, trying to set them free of the spider web veil that now has consumed your whole body in its net. Fluttering about, you blindly knock over the laughing ring bearer, sending him tumbling down the aisle, and the ring flies into the crowd of gawking spectators. A moment of silence hushes over the crowd, but then all chaos breaks loose. Guests are on hands and knees, transforming into a mass of yelling officials shouting and scrambling around like pigs to find the ring.

You let out a scream of terror . . . and find yourself upright in your bed with beads of perspiration rolling off your forehead. It was only a dream. Nightmare more like it. Taking in gulps of air, you let yourself settle down before you pick up the phone and double check with the florist.

There might not be lilac at your wedding, but a loose and awkward headpiece can be the cause of many wedding disasters. To prevent this nightmare from occurring at your wedding, follow these headpiece saving steps.

How do I keep my headpiece on? Follow these simple tricks of the trade and your wedding will be a piece of cake.

Apparently, all will be right with the world if I select a perfect fitting veil for 9/19.