Deep Reflections

I had two people tell me yesterday that I'm essentially disappearing. They weren't referring to my skinnier self (although, I am sporting a cute new small skirt purchased in the regular person's department --and not the biggest size on the rack either! When will that stop being novel I wonder?)

These folks, who have the best of intentions, called me on the carpet for basically turning into one of THOSE women who once they are in a relationship start speaking solely in "us" and "we." I certainly don't see myself that way - I still feel 100% like me, only for the first time ever I'm in a solid, adult relationship. "We don't feel that way, we are happy..." (barf)

I hope I can be forgiven for jumping with both feet into this relationship. I understand that it seems inconceivable that after a lifetime of not dating that I would seriously have found "the one" after only being on the market (if you will excuse the phrase) for a month. I didn't think it would happen either... I mean it is insanity to think that the second person you meet is really the one to stick to. However, feeling the way I do about J I won't continue to shop around just because he arrived on my doorstep early in the dating process.

To be fair, no one is suggesting that what I am experiencing isn't real. The concern seems to be the speed at which this became a discussion about long term, life long things. Nothing has been decided yet about that, even though there is plenty of talk. What I find somewhat ironic is that when SadRico started dating again and found his now Mrs. Rico I counseled him to wait 1 year before getting engaged. Am I planning on taking my own advice... nope. However J is on point for when the question is asked, so you never know it might be a year, or never... I'm not overly traditional, but on that front - boys ask the girl.

Regardless of my inexperience in the dating realm, I am a strong, confident person who knows exactly what I want out of this life. I have made significant decisions to get myself to where I am today and I fully intend to continue down the patch I'm on. Having a partner I trust, adore and feel completely at home with is the bonus of all bonuses as I move forward with my life.

It is hard when people you love don't immediately jump on the "OMG I'm so happy for you" bandwagon, but I appreciate their candor. Their comments are not being ignored, and I promise you that in addition to allowing myself to feel happiness and joy over finding J that I have spent time focusing on if he's the one I'm going to hitch my star to, or if I should let him hitch his star to mine. I keep comimg back to the fact that my list of practical things I need / want / deserve in a partner are present in this person. Plus, in the non-practical way he makes me happy. That counts too.

In no way am I suggesting he's perfect. I'm not perfect and neither are you - right!? I know that we will hit a hitch and argue about something we both feel passionate about. Only time will tell how we weather that event. I know that there might be times when I look across the table at him and wonder what I was thinking? (I really can't imagine that scenario, but based on everyone I know who is married it seems that you ALL have had that thought at one point or another, so it seems logical that it will happen to me.)

I know these folks are honestly and genuinely happy for me. Their concern is appreciated and I don't fault them for looking at my inexperience and trying to help me 'see the big picture' but I fully believe I'm seeing it.

I'm seeing the big picture and I love what I see.