Done and Done!

After being alone for so long it is a little hard to get use to having someone around who actually wants to be helpful. I felt sheepish when I asked J if he would give up his Saturday to help me empty the storage unit in Bellingham where the remainder of Messy Martha's items were stashed. J was not "eager" to go, but was willing and even called in members of the family to be in the wings in case we needed them. I couldn't believe that these folks would even consider coming out to help J's new girlfriend whom they've only met once - but I was assured that this is all part of the benefits of being "in" a big family.

We parked the rental van at the entrance of the storage locker and then started sorting the stuff into piles for GoodWill and the dump. Thankfully, I wasn't emotionally invested in any of it and sorting was easy.

At one point I did experience a bit of an emotional meltdown. I was thinking that this crap represented her whole life and I was just throwing it away, and how would I feel if my life summed up to a storage unit filled with boxes and shitty furniture? It was about that time that J suggested a break. We had a discussion about how this activity would be so much harder if it were our parents, and then had a moment where we realized that when/if that happens we won't have to do it alone.

Barb and Frank, Martha's friends came by and picked up all the art supplies, crafting materials and "art" that was left. They filled a truck and drove away with all the things I was feeling guilty about. They have people who will enjoy the crafting supplies, beads, yarn, paints, pens, and even the strange little cards Martha use to make. Her hundreds of hours of effort were not thrown away and I was happy to see go with people who appreciated Martha and her gifts.

The bed that I had been fretting about was easy to move but the underside of it had some mold growing on it and it made me nervous that the Goodwill people wouldn't take it. However, we drove up, they unloaded it and we drove away. As we got back in the truck I said to J 'I can't believe they took the bed" and he said "SHhhhh, we haven't made it out of the parking lot yet!" He put the truck in gear and we drove away like we dumped a dead body.

The dump trip was somewhat satisfying in that you back your vehicle up and start throwing things as hard as you can. All those nasty pooped on clothes that I washed and saved for her…. TOSS. Her journals with pages of angry opinions about how terrible the family and life was… TOSS. The stinky, pooped on mattress… TOSS. Junky, badly constructed, moldy tables… TOSS.

I had a huge sense of relief as we drove away from the storage unit place in our car after returning the truck and checking out of the unit. Now, I can focus on trying to remember the positive things about Martha vs. thinking of the burden of dealing with her stuff. There were plenty of things about her that were good, she was an amazing singer, musician and mostly her craft stuff (embroidery and painting) was really great. She made me four beautiful wall hangings that are above my bed and I think they are stunning, classic and I hope to display them forever. When I was a kid she introduced me to the ballet, an art form I love to this day. She was a word person and enjoyed reading and writing - two things we have in common. She also made her own way, in that she moved to San Francisco, formed a good unit of friends, built a life for herself and wasn't dependent on someone to take care of her. She took that a little to the extreme - I think you can be independent and still have someone in your life.

Having a partner doesn't make you weak.

After we were done we drove to Anacortes to visit with J's cousin who kindly let us shower and then fed us an amazing dinner. They have a lovely home on the water and I may have to start doing some serious sucking up in order to be invited up there again in the summer. (I'm not too worried about that actually)

We headed back to our part of the world around nine, and I was sleeping like the dead by 11:30. It was a big day and I'm thankful it is done.

My only advice to you all -- sort through your crap. Do you really need everything you are storing in your garage? Probably not. I challenge you to spend a few hours each month to rid yourself of "stuff". I'll be doing some of that next weekend. LESS IS MORE!!!!