tapas leftovers

A friend wrote me and asked:

 

Your surgery has led me to wonder: Is it difficult to watch other people eat larger volumes of food, or see them take longer to get to a stopping point? Do you finish faster, or does it take a while to get that ¾ of a meatball down? How do you find that new sense of 'normalcy' in social situations where food is involved (and it seems that food is ALWAYS involved, doesn't it?) (and is it okay if I ask you these questions?)

  I answer:

 Of course it is ok to ask,  I blog about this to the world.

 

It is not difficult to see people eat larger volumes.  Sometimes it is a little disgusting when they are chowing down like starved animals - but that's always been an issue. I certainly don't feel deprived or jealous.  I'm not hungry and I get full when I am which is very satisfying.   Frankly, I ate everything I wanted for 39 years and I wasn't happy.  I'm sure someday I may mourn over good salty French fries, but for now I'm ok.

 

My trick to finish at the same time as my people is to eat slowly, put the fork down and enjoy the conversation.  Last night I mostly ate the entire time Carol was eating; instead of popping the shrimp (which was big) into my mouth in one motion I cut it into four bites - which helps spread things out.  I also chew and chew and chew where most folks chew, then swallow. 

 

It is obvious that I'm eating less, but I really think I don't care.  I'm not starving myself, I don't have an eating disorder so folks who are worried can kiss off (the salad bar lady comes to mind.)  The support people say to NEVER give up the social aspect of dining out or parties. Eventually, I'll work out how to do this the right way.  Not ordering too much food will be a skill to learn.  Parties are easier because I just walk around with my glass of wine for an hour. 

 

I feel more normal at a healthier weight than being able to eat and eat and eat.  I'm feeling less and less like the fattest, grossest, person in the room and more like the attractive person I am.  Being able to ditch the self loathing is an amazing feeling.

 

I'm taking a business trip in February where we dine out every night.  That might be a little challenging, but I'm not going to not go because I'm dining on 6 small meals a day instead of two huge ones.  I'm going to play it by ear, and I'm sure I'll blog about the experience.

 

You should also note that I failed to bring the left overs to work to day.... IDIOT.