Grown up things

When we’re kids our parents are many things – but if we’re lucky they are present, strong, smart, protective, fun and permanent.

So far, for the most part my close circle of friends has been extremely fortunate to have their parents maintain their health and vitality. There have been some hiccups along the way – some breast cancer (managed) and prostrate issues (managed and monitored) but mostly the parents are humming right along.

However, our parents are aging – the oldest is in his early 80’s and most of them are 65-early 70’s. Some are a young 70 – (Jason’s dad comes to mind) and some are a much older 70. My dad is an “old” 70. It’s shocking to see him as he really is and not the vibrant man of my childhood.

Dad has diabetes and is (slightly) stubborn. He is wobbly on his feet but hates HATES the fancy walker thingy that helps him to stabilize. He complains that it’s a pain in the butt to get in and out of the car – which is probably true, but it seems like it would be worth the effort for the “fall minimization” effect. He and mom don’t go to the movies anymore because after sitting for two hours the rush to get out of the theater is too much and he falls. The issue is that the feeling in his feet is diminished and he experiences “foot drop.” That means that he’ll pick up his leg to step forward and instead of his foot arching upwards to land flat on the ground it will flop down and he lands on his toe and he’s not agile enough to recover so down he goes.

He emailed and said he wanted to dress up his cane for the wedding – which I thought was cute, but the cane is a marginal assistant. He still needs the arm of a strong person. While we were visiting this weekend I laid down the law on the wedding weekend. HE MUST BRING AND USE THE WALKER. It’s not an old person looking walker, it is cherry red with a hand break. It also has a seat so if he has to sit suddenly he has a place. He’ll use the cane while he escorts me down the aisle but will be seated immediately upon arrival at the front. He’s talking about the father daughter dance too – but I really don’t think he’s up for it.

For the first time, I’m getting glimpses of him as tired and maybe a little bit ‘over it’. His life has gotten small – he will venture out of the house alone – but only when mom is out of town and only to a place where he doesn’t have to get out of his car. Honestly it breaks my heart because I can see that he (like everyone we love) will not always be with us.

Jason is quite sweet and willing to spending as much time with my parents as possible. He promises to pick me up off the floor when it is necessary. Jason did say something to me that made me go to the quiet place (the almost teary place.) He casually said in the car that he wished he had met my dad when he was younger and active. Oh, I do too. Jason certainly respects my parents, but it must be hard to envision the camping trips we use to take, the fact that dad put in the floor in the barn, built decks, chopped trees, lifted injured people out of their mangled cars, saved lives and was able to chase his bratty kids around the yard.

I still see that man behind the façade of the frail dude in the recliner. I will always see him like that.