Mom and Dad came over for a meeting Friday with Messy Martha's doctors and the social worker. We all agreed that we're fighting a losing battle and that the antibiotics are having marginal success, but not enough to stave off the inevitable.
The kink in our plan was that for the first time in ages Martha was semi-alert and was able to converse with the doctors. (This is good news - honestly.) Because she was alert the kind (and legal) thing to do is to get her consent to transition care from treatment to comfort. She was alert, but not really understanding the code words the doctors were using.
She kept insisting that she wanted to go home, get in her car and drive home. She was adamant that even though she can't sit up, that she could take care of herself. Her drive to be alive is impressive and understandable - but sadly it doesn't translate into a willingness to participate in physical therapy or other activities that would improve her prognosis.
In the end she agreed that she just wanted to be comfortable (medical code words for "let me go.") Whether she understands that's what those words means is a different story - but it is what the docs needed to hear to change the orders on her chart.
Over the course of the weekend I paid bills, completed DSHS paperwork for medicade and moved her car to Seattle. Anyone want to buy a 1994 Honda Civic with less than 60k miles? I spoke with the Hospice Social Worker today about the paperwork and where Martha may be headed. Once you transition treatment to comfort - the hospital isn't really an option.
I'm trying to work out how much time I can spend up there. Even though we don't have a close relationship and there aren't emotional things to say, I hate that she's up there alone. I would hate to be alone…so we'll see what happens on that front.
When the Infectious Disease doc and I first spoke on this topic she thought it would be 3-10 days before Martha passed - but based on her more alert status of late, I think that timeline is too short. My non-medical opinion is that we are talking about a matter of weeks vs. days. If she "improves" in the first 90 days of hospice care then we're in a real pickle. It's a fine line between Medicade assistance and no assistance. She needs assistance.
It seems odd to worry that she'll improve to the point where she's not eligible for aid, but to know that there's no way she will ever improve to the point where she can care for herself.
Oh, when will I ever be able to blog about going to the movies again? I can't wait for the Sex and the City movie - total fluff and muchly awaited. Please let it be good! The reality break will be welcome.
1 comment:
Hey TP Gal...hang in there. Relationship or not, you're doing the right thing and whether MM recognizes it or not, or whether your family acknowledges it or not, family is all we have, even when it's what we make of it!
If no one has said it recently she is blessed to have you involved and concerned ultimately with her well being and comfort!
AS to the movies...Iron Man was awesome. I highly recommend it. Especially the extra 'trailer' at the end of the credits. I too am really excited about Sex and the City! I can't believe it's been four years since the series finished. Having the full set I am on my 4th or 5th trip through all the seasons and am just about done with trip 6. Just in time for the premiere!
Take care and keep your head!
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