Four Forms and a Funeral?

Martha has been successfully moved back to the nursing home. There were questions about whether or not they would readmit her, due to how difficult she is and the dreaded finances.

The hospital social workers did magic, trading services and supplies - including a new wheelchair and so they took her. One of the conditions of her being readmitted was that she be on "comfort care" aka hospice. I thought that since we had the big family meeting that everything was all set - but not so. Today I was faxed four forms to sign that essentially revoke all medical care - save pain meds. I read them over and faxed them back.

In dramatic movies, there is a swell of heartbreaking music, and a weepy eyed loved one signs the paper but can't muster the courage to put ink to paper. This is not a dramatic movie. I stood over the fax machine and signed the papers while one of the Security Architects cracked a lame joke about me "makin' copies" as he walked by.

I'm not filled with sorrow and loving memories of all the wonderful times that Aunt Martha and I had together are not swirling around in my head. I'm not cold and dead inside; I am thankful that my day was calm and that I was able to spend the majority of my time working on documents vs. having to interact with folks who want stuff from me.

But still in spite of this melancholy moment before bed - the signing away Martha's care didn't consume me. At the end of the work day, I had kind of a flirty interaction with a fella and spent the bus ride home thinking of the possibilities of him as the future Mr. TPgal (for however long people date these days.)

Do you chalk that up to life goes on or to TPgal has a distant dysfunctional family?

Where's the funeral part of your story, you ask irritated by my terrible story telling. Hold your shorts, I'm getting there. I got an e-mail today from the Neptune Society hard sales pitch lady who regaled me with all the horrible things the funeral home will try to bilk me out of once Martha passes.

My only concern for you is that dealing with a funeral home can be messy. They are notorious for telling people that things are all taken care of in advance and then charging extra for services that they conveniently forgot to tell you about. Some examples are:

After hours charges - what if she passes at 2:00am?

Weekend and Holliday Charges - What if it is a weekend or holiday?

Where is the money saved in the mean time?

Can you sign an authorization release form in advance? Most funeral homes require you to be there in person to sing a release form at the time of need so that they can sell you the other services they provide.

Does the cremation include an URN? - If YES. Are they going to send it to you now? They should if you have paid for it. It is common for them to say they are out of the one you thought you were getting and now you need to pay more for one that is in stock.

These are just a few things I would be leery of. Remember that funeral homes are not in the cremation business that is not where they make money. They make money on all the other services they provide.

Honestly, I think she's leery of me taking my dead aunt business elsewhere... I also hope that I don't have to sing the release form in person - I'm really much better over the phone. Furthermore, if I have the urn - where are they going to put her?