Here it is lunchtime again, and I'm doing the mid-workday post. Thankfully, it won't be about work (much) the transition of my soon to be former managers items onto my plate has started. HOLY CRAP.... in the last hour I've been inundated with meeting invitations to this ONE project she's on. In the next two weeks there are over 6 hours of meetings. Ideally there won't be much prep work for the meetings, but no wonder she was never anywhere that anyone could find her. Thankfully the project wraps up November 1, and I'm out October 1-27th.
Work is interesting, but I'm still fixated on the man situation. Since I haven't done this in a while (um...ever maybe?) it's all very new and exciting. J and I are doing a lot of talking which is great. I'm totally hooked but want to make sure that I'm really into who he is as a person and not just groovin' on the idea of having someone who wants to hang out and talk to me. The (your word) ambivalent feelings of earlier are very much gone and replaced with a general sense of happiness.
June and Yaz expressed grave concerns regarding the situation with the Architect. Basically their point was... you're going to get hurt. Well that situation isn't causing me any agony - ok, a little which I'll get to in a moment, but I'm so much more invested in J at this moment that if it falls apart it is going to suck. I don't see it going that direction, but I'm so much further in over my head with J than I have been with anyone in a long time. It's good, scary but good. I told him last night that I felt like I was on really solid ground with him. The talking thing is great.
So... what's the left over crap with the Architect? It's about how to tell him I'm out. Sure, an email would be great - but I also think that firing off a "we're done" email to someone you weren't really dating seems odd. My other thought is to wait until he makes contact and tell him at that point that I'm out. Neither scenario is ideal. What's odd to me is that my behavior with the Architect and how I am with J are so totally different. I'm much more "me" with J, and I am not at all having second thoughts about having left whatever it was with the Architect behind. OK decision time: I'll send an email today and be done with it. The LAST thing I need is a sweet talking late night phone call from the wrong guy.
I know it is strange that I can't just work this crap out in my head. Writing about it helps.
UPDATE: 2PM - It's done. Let's all just say "whew." New chapter comin' up.
4 comments:
"wait until he makes contact and tell him at that point that I'm out"
Painless and totally appropriate. Just tell him you have started seeing someone else and leave it at that.
I agree - wait until he calls. Then its in the proper context and doesn't make it more 'important' than it needs to be...
Oh don't worry...it was breezy. I had mentioned to him previously that I had a date and that it went well. So I simply said that I had news, that it was going very well with my match.com date (we had been dialoging from the beginning about our dating situations) and that out of respect for my friend we wouldn't be having play dates anymore.
He then got a pep talk about his dating situation, which is odd from your now ex-friend with benefits, but that's how I roll.
My email didn’t make it at all important. I didn’t “let him down easy” like I think this is a big loss for him, or tell him that “I’ll miss him” or any of that “I liked you more than you liked me” BS. We were two adults doing adult things…and now we’re not. No harm, no foul. End of story.
Gotta love those "friends with benefits!"
They can become regular friends over time, plus they can still remind you that you've got it going on even if you are happily mated with someone else. And if you are in the middle of some personal dating trauma - they just might come in handy again!
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