Sunday, June 29, 2008
Today was the Seattle Pride Parade and I was able to soak in some of the excitement and energy this morning before heading back to my side of the lake.
At 7:30 downtown was quiet, but the streets blocked off and 50 or so volunteers in orange shirts were fanning out down the soon to be parade route. My friend and I talked with some folks while we strolled down the blissfully quiet and cool streets.
Later when I met Misty and her man for breakfast on the sidewalk cafe at the Monaco the crowd was starting to build, floats were in progress, music was blasting. I was so sad that I was committed to another activity today. I wanted to stay and enjoy the parade and the crowd.
Maybe it's because Seattle is so liberal or that I am, but an event that celebrates diversity makes me happy. I can see where our parents may be uncomfortable with the way some of the diversity is celebrated - the 6 foot man in white hot pants, black bra and sporting a padded ass could be hard to take if you're not comfortable with people being who they want to be (i.e. not "normal like me".)
I'm grateful that my life experiences have enabled me to be open to others, and I'm delighted to celebrate my gay friends! Go Team!
James McAvoy, on the other hand is dreamy and I tend to want to see his films so even though in this one he's trying to maintain an American accent (not very successfully) this film was the movie date night choice of Rico and I.
Wanted is the tale of an ancient group of assassins known as the weavers who get their kill orders from .... hold on to your coffee... "THE LOOM OF FATE." Bwahahahahaha... loom of fate...
The film was highly stylized and fun to watch for the special effects. Think Matrix meets James Bond meets the LOOM OF FATE.
This one will not be getting any awards, and note that you don't find Angelina J. on the promotion circuit. Sure, she's about to give birth to twin Pitts, but she's terribly mute on the topic of this movie.
My recommendation is to skip it, but if you must see it it should be viewed on the biggest screen you can find.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
There was an apology for the lack of contact, confirmation that the invitation to the party was received and he thought it "was funny as hell." He wanted to know if a "Nantucket" poem would be ok - um Yeah, I intend to use all sorts of swear words in mine.
So... that's the last news you'll get for today. I'm just back from the gym, headed to Yaz' for a walk and then downtown for my third wheel date.
With that said... I FEEL FANTASTIC! I have this glow of empowerment and happiness about me these days. I feel confident and even... sexy. I know I'm not super model thin, nor even average, but I'm standing up straighter, my head is held high and I know that I look pretty dang good.
I weigh now what I did the year I graduated from college. Back then, I was living with a spiral of insecurity, unhappiness and self-loathing that clouded me and my life for almost 20 years. I don't know if it is because I'm (almost) 40 now, or that (more likely) I'm in control of my weight, but that insecurity rarely rears its ugly head.
So much of being an attractive person is how you feel - it's too bad we can't go back in time and convince our 20 year old selves that we were fabulous the whole time.
I'm off this evening for a fabulous dinner out with Misty and her new man, we're likely to go dancing after dinenr and because of my low low tolerance for alcohol (and the promised wine in my future) I made a reservation downtown. I will NOT mess around with drinking and driving. It's kind of a perfect night for a date... dinner at a great place, with me in a HOT dress and even HOTTER shoes, fun company, dancing and then a lovely hotel. But... I have no date. eBoyfriend #2 is out of town with his parents and Redmond is moving this weekend. We're still in communication blackout, and had I not invited him to my crazy birthday party I might have sent an email asking him to come out anyway - or if he had replied to my "oops" email.
Anyway...the point is that I haven't been dating long enough to have a gaggle of single guys to pull from for random adventurous Saturday end the night in a hotel dates. So, I'll be good and go alone. Who knows, maybe I'll pick somebody up. Bwahahahahaha, the idea of ME picking someone up makes my head shake and my eyes roll. I'm confident these days, but not quite THAT confident and I'm pretty sure I don't want to be the "come to my hotel room" kind of person. Trust me... if I was, I wouldn't tell you about it. *wink*
Have a great day, and for pete sake... put on sunscreen, it's going to be a hot one.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
IT CAN NOT BE DONE.
I am on coat 5.... red... still bleeding through. I'm going to let it dry and give it ONE more night of effort and then, I'm going to move.
The upside of this never ending process is that it's keeping me busy!
The news about my cat was sad and I'm appreciative of all the kind comments and phone calls, but the new topic might have been a nice break from all the boy talk - but as you can tell by the last couple posts we are right back into it.
This morning I received the email reschedule request for the lunch with the WSU Board Member guy. I kind of forgot about him in all of my wacky obsession over the other dudes. We'll be doing lunch next Thursday. I'll let you all know if it ends up being a security thing or a 'date'.
It would crack me up to end up going on multiple dates within a few weeks time considering how long it's been since I've done ANY dating.
Yesterday, in the weight loss world I hit 110 pounds (lost.) I should be a lot smaller if I only weighed 110 pounds. To be clear, that is NOT my goal weight. I'm "only" 76 pounds from my goal weight. Ha Ha Ha… I wouldn't begin to speculate how long that will actually take. I mean, I've lost 10 pounds in the last 17 days - but in the two months prior it was only 3 pounds. So… it could be 129 days until I hit goal (seems unlikely) or taking the average over the last 2 1/2 months it would be 456 days (also unlikely). We'll shoot for something in the middle and yet, since I'm still not living for the day I hit goal weight, my focus will remain on the next ten pounds. It is very nice to be more than halfway done.
In the cute new clothes category my order from oldnavy.com arrived and the little black dress I purchased makes me happy. It's the softest t-shirt material and hangs really well. I would say that it's tasteful and yet a little sexy. I'll be wearing it Saturday when I have dinner with Misty and her new man. We're doing a 'dress up' dinner on the town. I'll be putting on the cute new dress and some sassy new shoes that I picked up in Portland last weekend. June thinks I’m the bad influence when it comes to shopping, but in fact, she's the enabler. (Just kidding, I would shop regardless; it's just more fun with friends.)
The OldNavy purchase also included a SEXY little nighty (woo woo) and a kicky little top that is questionable. I like it, but the pants selection will be critical. If the pants aren't right I could have that "soon to be a new mommy" look which isn't what I'm going for these days.
Online shopping for me these days is a gamble - but so far I've been pretty lucky. The only outstanding inbound clothing items is from Danskin in the form of new workout pants. I prefer the "bike shorts" for the gym and my 3X aren't providing ANY support. I have ease of movement, but no anti-giggle. Plus, I painted a coat in my kitchen after my work out Monday and accidentally bumped my butt against the wall in the refrigerator cubby while painting the opposite wall. I won't be going to the gym with a saggy and painted bum. (I'm a mess.)
I'm planning to finish the kitchen tonight, and I'm looking forward to putting it back together. I may eliminate some of the appliances. I don't really DO toast anymore, and the coffee pot is only used when Mom and Dad visit so in the interest of sparseness and tidiness both may be located under the counter. I purchased some CUTE hand towels from Anthropologie Saturday and am confident they will pull the new kitchen together. (Hand towels… jeezus she is rambling.)
Rico put it like this: men tend to resolve something, close the file drawer and then move on. If you agreed to talk in two weeks then he put a reminder on the file drawer and when it comes up again, he'll open the drawer and you're back in business. (Same with the "talk to you Monday" thing -- snap, drawer closed until Monday.) He also said that Men aren't good managing multiple drawers at the same time.
Women, according to Rico (and I think I agree) can keep multiple file drawers open at the same time, AND tend to reopen closed drawers at anytime.
So...I'm going to relax and focus on other things - finishing the painting of my kitchen for one.
Lastly, a new word:
Floordrobe: The pile of clean clothes strewn across the bedroom floor. "She should have ironed that shirt from her floordrobe." - June's Nanny.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Well this might go down as the worst pre-first date move EVER.
I accidentally uploaded Redmond's email address into the 40th Birthday e-vite. So, here's ME inviting HIM to a party with ALL my friends and we haven't even had the coffee date yet - or TALKED ON THE PHONE. I can tell that he read it already (last night between the 10pm send and midnight) so I sent an email today when I figured it out that basically said:
RE: Oh holy crap!
I'm seeing that I added your name to the invitation list for my birthday party. You are more than welcome to come, but I do need to acknowledge that it MIGHT be a bit early in the evolution of our friendship to invite you to a party with ALL my friends considering we haven't met face to face yet. I hope I didn't scare the crap out of you! *embarrassed*
I hope your week is going well and that the move this weekend is easy.
Talk with you later,
OH MY DIO!!!!!!
" I know, for a first date let's take a weekend and go visit my parents and a priest, because I'm CONFIDENT based on our emails that YOU'RE THE ONE. I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU! Your new wife, PSYCHO!"
I was surprisingly nervous and when an older woman answered the phone a thought ran through my head Does this guy live with his mother!? No, in fact I am an idiot. My cell phone has a 206 exchange and eb#2 lives on the east side. Duh.
A quick re-dial and bam, I'm talking with some guy I met on line. So, truth be told he seems very nice. First question was about my weekend and did it get better. "yes, and no" told him about June's party (so fun!) and then that my little cat died. We didn't stay on that topic too long because a) a single gal and a cat... not SEXY and b) more fun things to talk about.
We ran through the following topics: family (again), painting our condo's, work, he works for Costco Headquarters (what is that? the Architect had a connection to Costco as well... if Redmond does too I quit right here.) We talked IT security (holy hell,) wine trips, how we got to Seattle, and the best places to spend 4th of July weekend.
He suggested we get together and I agreed, but similar to the delay that I'm living with right now for Redmond, eb#2 has to wait until mid-July because of his vacationing parents and my hot - dry camping trip to Eastern Wa. after the 4th. We didn't set anything up, and the communication ball is back in his court. He may email or call.
The conversation was mostly fluid, but there were some blocks of silence where my head wandered off into the place of "oh, gosh what to we talk about next?" If/when we go out, I'll need to prepare a list of interview questions to keep the ball rolling.
I cracked a joke about my favorite thing about working downtown (it's easy to pick up your Heroin) and the guy didn't laugh. So then I had to explain that it was a joke, I would have thought he would have picked up on that after we had discussed my sick need to drive the speed limit and follow rules. Oh well, when I told him about the woman who answered the phone he joked that he lived with his mother and that he was only allowed to talk on the phone until 9, but then he had to go. So he is a little funny.
Monday, June 23, 2008
The thing about being sad is that you have to pick yourself up and move on. It doesn't mean I'm not feeling a tad raw and exposed. I openly cried at the vet while taking care of the bill. A little girl was very interested in my situation. "Mommy! Why is that lady crying???" All I could do was wipe off and smile. I put all the cat paraphernalia away and kept music on last night to distract myself from the quiet. I did hear phantom Peter sounds all night, but those will fade.
One of the e-boyfriends is in trouble over this situation. He emailed Thursday asking about MegaBank and suggested that we transition from email to phone. I responded with a brief thing about MB that while neither I nor my team was affected it was a hard day, and on top of that drama my cat of 14 years was ill. I wasn't feeling like my normal chipper self and said I would call him Monday. "I know it's "just" a cat, but I'm a little heartbroken. I sincerely hope you have a great weekend and thank you for understanding."
Ok… it is MONDAY and he didn’t send ANY reply at all. Not even a short "talk to you Monday." I don't need this dude to be my emotional support person, but a teeny tiny splash of compassion might be in order. I'm thinking I don't need to be calling today…if/when he replies I'll call. I'm still doing the editing of who does or doesn't get into my world… yes there are 40 women for every dude, but damn it I'm worthy of the best!
ANYWAY… here's my poem from the slam. Some of the rhymes are very bad and for that I apologize.
The 40 Is Just a Number Slam Poem:
Hello to those of you who haven’t seen me of late
It may be obvious that I’ve lost a little bit of weight,
Things are changing in my life; exercise I no longer hate
I’m active, having a blast and even starting to date
For the most part, this crazy process is pretty fun
Find a guy, who when you show up doesn’t run
Spend some time together and at end if it feels right.
Drop me off at my door for a sweet kiss good-night
The pool of men in my world has a lot of variety
And not just ones who are with me for charity
There are some though that are mighty scary,
Let’s not forget the one that was still married
This guy invited me to a party; a real hum-dinger,
Casual, hot-tubs, consensual ... Shit, this guy was a swinger!
The Architect was smooth, funny and had a good line,
We enjoyed the evening, talked and drank quite a bit of wine.
By the way, to make sure a second outing you will not rate,
Go ahead, give in, and enjoy some sex on the first date
I’ll be honest, at first I was a little pissed, kind of burned,
With time, I’ve realized it was a fun way to a lesson learned.
In the end, I am looking for my one true love,
Someone who gets me and fits like a glove.
It is still so very early and I have lots of time,
So this is me filled with hope, and I end my rhyme.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Peter didn't do well at the hospital and we let him go this morning.
I'm so sorry I wasn't there but the vet promised me that the way they do it is easy and that the whole staff comes together to comfort the animal.
It was the right thing to do but I'm really blue. I am thankful to be here in a house full of friends and children. You can't wallow in the ugly cry with a two year old who wants to play.
My cell phone went on the shits yesterday and to make it work I had to totally reset it, so I don't have anyones numbers, which is why I'm not making outgoing calls.
Friday, June 20, 2008
He's spending the weekend here at the hospital to rehydrate him and see if he rallies. He has a better than 50% chance of coming home.
He's on a warmer with a little iv.
If he comes home the care regimen will be kind of tricky, but the doc and I will talk about that after the weekend.
Some of his labs were so wrong that they couldn't be registered. Poor little guy, he didn't even whine about being in the car. That's one sick kitty.
Since nothing is for sure...I'm in management mode. Thank you Becky for talking me off the floor last night.
Thank you for your kind comments and phone calls. You folks are great!
Thursday, June 19, 2008
He's demanding, going so far as to knock things off the bedside table to wake me up when he wants something. He'll even stand on my chest and paw at my nose to help me understand his wacky wants.
He has been a snuggle friend on cold nights, likes to sleep on the bed even when it's a hundred degrees in the house and will keep one paw on me to let me know he's there.
He put up with years of my snoring, didn't have to endure too many overnight guests, and forgave me for getting him "tutored."
Well, we're going through something right now. He hasn't eaten in two days and the only water he will take is the ounce and a half tonight that I fed him through a straw. He's moving around the house really slow and today was in the same spot I left him this morning.
We have an appointment at the vet tomorrow, but I'm feeling blue that he feels like shit. His nose is dry (fever) but runny (gross).
He doesn't have any mystery bumps, but groans when I pick him up.
It's A F*CKING CAT... but he's family. A little heartbroken over here.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
I feel like I'm standing at the edge of one of the most exciting and fun times in my life. The dating thing is cruising along, I'm feeling good, looking good, it's like things are really starting to happen for me.
I don't want to impugn my life to date because I have been (for the most part) happy and satisfied with my choices and experiences. There have been some really wonderful things, and the people in my life are amazing. The list of people I love is long and I'm thankful for each of them.
It was a strange realization when it became clear that I was the one holding me back from dating. People can tell you that you get back what you give off, but until you get there yourself it doesn't ring true.
Redmond is still out and about on his hellish business trip (7 offices in 5 days) so we haven't talked. In order to not go to the crazy place - you know, emailing every hour "where are you, why haven't you called!?" "Hi, me again, it's been 20 minutes... where are you??" I'm keeping busy doing other things than waiting for my phone to ring or for more email to come.
I decided to paint my kitchen to rid myself of the nice, but dark red. I didn't think the timing through very well and due to an out of town trip this weekend it may be the middle of next week before I can put my kitchen back together. Oops. Thankfully I don't have anyone coming over for dinner or anything.
The boys at work invited me out for 80's night at Neighbors before 4th of July. It's like I'm 25 again, going out with the hot gay guys to dance the night away. It briefly occurred to me to invite Redmond to come with, but that might be a little much for a new guy. I mean, if he's going to be around, he is going to have to love my gaggle of hot gay friends, but maybe not within the first month.
So, while I'm still super excited about Redmond, I did get an inbound ping from a match.com guy. I decided that I'm out here to meet people and a yet unplanned date is not a serious relationship so I wrote back. This guy seems nice, maybe a little too enthusiastic about his family - but practice dates are good too.
Holy shit... I'm playing the field! (I need to give SportBoy a call to find out what the rules are in this scenario.)
I'm off this weekend to Portland for June's birthday. I had a great chat with her sister this morning about food, drink and general prep. We're trying hard not to take over for June's husband Haji but we are making some executive decisions. There WILL be lots of dips and chips to soak up the sangria!
My poem is a hoot and I MAY post it after the party. We'll see.
Tomorrow looks to be a dreadful day at MegaBank, so I'm going to bed early so I can be well rested for the "news."
And before you comment on how my image looks like someone getting ready to jump to their death... know that I find the great openness exciting!
I called People's Bank to find out what the heck they are doing up there. The story is this:
Martha died on the 14th of May.
The social security check deposited on 5/21 was returned per "policy"
Social Security says that payment was hers and is sending me a nice form to get the money back.
I have just mailed a check out of my personal savings to People's Bank to cover the checks I wrote to pay M's bills.
In 6-8 weeks, Social Security will refund the payment to Martha's Estate and I can pay myself back at that time.
It seems like every time I turn around I'm writing a check for a thousand dollars for something for Martha. My patience is wearing THIN.
Yes Dave, banks do suck! (This is actually the fault of Social Security who doesn't know it's own rules - people's bank covered the outstanding checks and refunded the overdraft charges for me. The deposit services lady didn't hang up on me when I lost my cool and told her that this is "bullshit" - so all in all - People's Bank - ok, Social Security -- sucks.)
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
SO... they sent back her Social Security check for May. The one she was entitled to, and the one I just spent paying her bills.
Now I have to either deposit some money or let these checks bounce. Bouncing isn't really an option because my damn name is on the account.
I'm pretty pissed right now....
Frick Frick Frick
This day could not possibly go ANY slower. I'm trying to get engaged with a project to help the time pass. It's not working…
During a meeting today (the second of the 2 hour meetings where I'm talking for 6 minutes) I made the following exciting list: (this is where the blog jumps the shark)
Bag up too big clothes
Poem for June's birthday
Paint the kitchen
Check the can in the garage - Sand /Interior Satin
No EMAIL to the guy… wait it out
Music Mix for the trip to PDX
Call Lisa & Hajji -- booze for Saturday?
Food bank donation
Gather E's hospital bills
Write a check to Fidelity.
That should keep me busy tonight...
Monday, June 16, 2008
E-mail him now!
Wink at him!
You're an 88% match.
Don't they know that he's a make out and run kind of guy?
He is cute though... but there will be NO winking, e-mailing or talking.
Now...I need to fill hours of time without eating (because I'm NOT hungry) and the tv isn't doing it for me.
The gym is a great alternative - but on a good day I can only be there for two hours - my usual though, is one hour. 30 minutes on a cardio machine and a circuit of weights to keep the arms from going totally jello. Today I did an hour on the incline thing and then I was spent.
It's the second nice day in a row, so I stopped off at McKnight Middle School to enjoy a few turns on the track that surrounds the playfields.
But... since I left work at 4 - I was home at 7 even with all that. I made a small dinner - tuna and tried to watch one of the Masterpiece Theaters that i have recorded. I made it 20 minutes before I had to get up.
So, I wandered back to the computer - emailed some people but had to get up. (I have energy!!!!) I decided to take a bath - a full hot, steamy, bubbly bath. That only killed an hour from beginning to end. It's 9:08 and the only thing I can think to do is send my new friend an email, but I don't want to be a stalker. I responded to his mail this morning and now it's his turn. I think popping up in his mailbox at all hours of the day and night would make me look like a crazy person. Going slow is good... keep telling me that. Did I mention that if our ability to communicate in person is half as good as it is in email, I may be in trouble?
Hey Dave! (who is reading me right this second..)
ok... running away now.
We'll have voice on voice action soon.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
I think he's seeing other people - men AND women, but I'm strangely ok with that.
Today, I got dressed up to go for a visit. A hot pink sports bra, with a little criss-cross t-shirt and a running skirt. He clearly appreciated my effort because within 20 minutes of my arrival I was hot and sweaty. We spent about an hour together and burned over 550 calories.
I was so spent when we were done that I had to drink two bottles of water. My legs were like jello - that's a good sign when you're with Gym.
I love that he's ready for whatever I have to give, and would prefer to spend time with me than say... watch tv. (although.. he has a lot of tv's all on different channels. That makes me a little crazy, but he doesn't mind if I listen to my own music while we visit.)
I did cheat on him a little today. When I left him, I didn't go straight home. I went to the track by the middle school and enjoyed four laps in the sun. The thing about Gym... he's an indoor guy. I hope he doesn't hate me for going out for a different kind of action.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
If you enjoy these instant rewards, you'll possibly understand why I'm feeling impatient right now.
"Redmond" send back a great letter as a response to my response to his ad. (There's a lot of response there, but I'm having trouble framing that sentence in another way.) I replied last night after work and for some strange reason he hasn't replied yet. I mean come on, this guy can't have ANYTHING in his life more important than replying to my cute and friendly e-mail. Sure, he's a single dad and most likely has his kids this weekend (Father's day is Sunday) and he's lived 42 years without me, but I'm at a loss to think of what could be keeping him.
Honestly, I'm liking the idea of writing some before meeting. I think it's romantic. Not romantic like we've emailed once and now I'm in love. Hello!?, I'm impatient but not CRAZY. I mean like old school Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy kind of romantic. Sending letters as a way to get to know each other. (Yes, I know that Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy exchanged no letters, but you know what I mean.)
Who knows, this encounter may be just as short as the one with the Architect (not hardly) but I think getting to know each other before making out on my couch is a better plan. (Still not sorry about that by the way.)
I guess, I just have to accept that it may be Monday before I get a reply. I just wish I could (would) stop checking my darned e-mail every hour. *DING* My email literally just dinged and my heart jumped a little. I clicked over to find that Turbo Tax wants to protect my privacy. Thank heavens for that.
For those of you fellas who are for the first time getting to see inside the female mind - I'm sorry. We are a wacky people, we love you and want to be with you, but don't understand you.
In an effort to break up with my email inbox and enjoy what this day turned into, I'm headed off to Becky and Brett's to drink wine in their back yard. No email...good plan.
Speaking of the 80's, I have been threatening to post my prom picture of Rico and me at the tender ages of 16...so here's your "reward" for getting through this whiny post. Weren't we cute?
Friday, June 13, 2008
I had a long conversation last night with my friend Misty's man. I like him. Thumbs up for the mature, but crazy funny Denver guy. I was a little hesitant at first for the phone meet and greet, (kind of like when people put their kids on the phone) but he won me over instantly.
I had a lunch date today with someone I met through a college alumni thing. I'm not sure its anything more than security nerds reaching out to each other as a lifeline. We were supposed to meet at 1 today, but he called at noon to say he was at the restaurant but had the time mixed up. Could we reschedule? I almost offered to run out and meet him but opted to not. He seemed genuinely apologetic and since I'm not sure it is a "date" date I'm fine with the reschedule.
Still no response from the Match.com world, although Denver suggested that I take some of my photos offline. He was brutal, but well intentioned with his honest commentary of my online photos. Anyone who will tell you that your picture looks like "all hips and ass" can't be a bad guy.
Resorting to other avenues came to mind yesterday so I was cruising Craig's List. I found ONE posting that was intriguing, so I replied. I was witty, honest and commented about the things we had in common. (recent trips to Spain.) Lo and behold... this morning a thoughtful and well written reply. I don't know enough about him yet to give him a nickname... so he shall be... "Redmond". (his place of residence) We're going to do some e-mailing, and since the man can write I'm pleased with the direction. There were pictures, and may I just say... CUTE!
The crazy sex-party guy emailed me again (not at my personal address) wanting to be friends. Um, dude... I'm randy these days, but I'm not now, nor ever will be interested in having sex with you and your wife!
Had drinks after work with a friend, who is also single. She and I (both professional women with serious jobs) talked about boys for two hours. So much for maturity.
I'm looking forward to tomorrow. Lots of errands to run, deal with the Honda, pick up dry cleaning, work out and prep for the Sunday visit with the parents, oh and sleeping in. Glorious, glorious sleeping in.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
So… lately I have not been able to focus on anything. I haven't been getting much work done (other than the fires and the must do's), I haven't been reading, watching tv.. It's all a big blur of time spent on nothing.
The reading thing is distressing because I love it so, but the last couple weeks I've been contented to sit with my iPod, listening to music and thinking about the great "what if."
The other thing… is that I'm totally boy crazy right now. I know, you're thinking still? The answer is yes. Yesterday I had a long email exchange with my long term MegaBank crush. He's totally funny and wicked smart. We have that in common but nothing else - it doesn't stop me from reverting to idiot gal when he's around. Actually, I compensate for my crush by being super professional and yet funny. (it's a balance) I'm not really interested in fishing off the company pier - that doesn't seem to go over well and EVERYBODY talks about it. The nice thing is that this guy isn't remotely related to my group so the gossip factor with my crush is lessened. It's not like I'm looking at the big boss thinking "oooh, he's dreamy" (um.. he's attractive, but no THANKS!)
So, we were emailing all day yesterday and then the day came to an end… today nothing. But when I jumped out of my meeting to RUN and pee (why do I wait so long) I almost mowed him over in the hall. Why oh why would God place him there at that moment is beyond me. I mean, he works on the 40th floor and I'm on 6… why would he be trolling my floor? (And, no Mom it's not because he likes me too - we actually do work around here.)
I've also been obsessing (well not obsessing but devoting a lot of energy) to the match.com thing. So far, I've been able to gather that men get a lot more inbound contacts than women. Other than that…. it's a bust.
I was able to spend some time with Messy Martha's bills. There's more bills than there is money. I'm feeling bad because I could sell the car and have extra - but my other aunt needs it. Comcast can suck it; I'm taking care of my family first. It doesn't mean that I don't wish there was some $$. Maybe once I get off my ass and deal with the storage unit. Most likely not though.
Thank heavens for the gym. It requires no brain power, kills time and mostly gets my head out of the clouds. Mostly. It seems that my workout mix is filled with songs of sex, getting it on, giving it, shaking it, moving it, busting it, giving it to me, pushing it, and rocking your body. There's one song by Eminem… Shake That… it makes me blush. Do NOT download it unless you're comfortable with men singing about what they want you to touch, shake, do and um… well, let's just say it's specific. But it has a great beat. (no pun intended.)
As we were talking (aka her rattling off her list of things that are making her crazy) I tried to offer up some help, but not immediately. I tried to say, once my new employee (yeah!!!!) comes on in July and she's up to speed then I can take over some more items left in the dust by Mikey.
Here's how the conversation went:
Her: ...like I need another useless report of things I need to do. (They) need to roll up their sleeves and help.
Me: Well, I know the timing isn't the best, but
[interrupting... in a yell]
Her: Oh God, are you quitting!?
Me: No, but did I make you shit your pants a little?
Her: (head down on the desk) Yes!! Please don't leave me.
Me: (laughing) You'll have notice if I do, but what was going to say was.....
It's nice to be needed. Of course two excellent employees had to leave first for it to happen, but I'm not picky. I'll take third best appreciation any day. Plus, I'm delusional enough to believe that I've been needed all along.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
I had to complete a little questionnaire so the College Interns can "get to know their managers" here are my answers
Alma Mater: WSU – Go Cougs!
Childhood Ambition: To be Laura Ingalls Wilder – that wagon train appealed to me.
Fondest Memory: Arriving at the Spanish Steps in Rome! Amazing!!!!
Favorite Quote: “Life is Good”
What do I do to Relax: Hanging out with good friends
Wildest Dream: A three week sailboat trip in Greece.
Proudest Moment: Graduating from college
Biggest challenge: Remembering that the first thing that pops into my head isn’t always the best thing to say.
Favorite Superpower: Hmmm... flying, super strength, mind reading or looking good in that silly spandex suit? Can’t decide.
Perfect day: Saturday! Wake up to no alarm, breakfast with friends, shopping, museums, dinner, wine, and good conversation until you can’t stay awake any more.
First job: Donut Fryer at a bakery – 4am shift
Indulgence: Driving to the park n’ ride… I *could* walk it, but don’t.
Last purchase: Jewelry… a sparkly ring
I’m saving up to buy: 3 weeks on a sailboat in Greece – (October)
Favorite movie: The last scene in The Shawshank Redemption makes me cry every time…
Favorite Book: Brunelleschi's Dome: How a Renaissance Genius Reinvented Architecture by Ross King. An amazing story of how one of the world’s most amazing buildings was erected in a time when they had to invent every tool they needed. So great! If he could do that… we can do ANYTHING we set our mind to.
Inspiration: I am inspired by people who constantly try.
My life: … is always changing for the better and I’m totally happy!
Yesterdays made me laugh out loud.
Yes, he is here and in fact did snuggle on the couch. He built a pretty crappy fire though - we'll be working on those skills.
Monday, June 09, 2008
1) Great workout at the gym! Weights and then 30 minutes on the incline thing and then another 30 on the elliptical. Woot I will be tiny but mighty soon.
2) Some days I really hate coming home to an empty house. Tonight would have been fun for snuggling up on the couch with a fire. I mean, it is a cold, blustery JUNE evening.
3) Why is it that the Match.com guys I like don't respond, but the ones that reach out to me are totally, incomprehensibly not my speed? I promise, I'm not making contact with only the beautiful men...some beautiful men, but I'm going by profiles. CountryBob... seriously - not my type. 1) smoker... eew 2) face tattoo 3) MONSTER TRUCKS. Is there ANYTHING about me that says MONSTER TRUCK? Oh lord, please tell me if there is.
4) Why is it that all of a sudden I'm so impatient about this dating thing? (it's not the sex) I'm so ready to skip pass all the bullshit and really BE with someone. I feel like I've said that before... will have to check that. It's not a baby thing either, because I'm not entirely sure where I stand on that issue. I love me some babies... but not sure that I want to be doing diapers at 45...or 50. Yes, I'm only 39 and who knows what the next year will bring. (Maybe a nice man with a job he likes who has some kids. Oh, and he should be "good on the couch" I've waited a long time, I deserve some quality couch time.) Frankly, I don't think an epic love is too much to hope for.
The good news is that as others give their presentations I can tweak mine to avoid landmines. And...I'm dynamic so they'll love me even though I'm (seriously) talking about policy.
The lady that is talking now is trying to put me in a coma. Naa naa naa naa na nnaaa na. Zzzzzzzz
The six person panel is mostly checked out. Not as checked out as me, but its not good.
Maybe I'll do mine in prose. Why rhymes with policy?
Falicy, malice-y, oh-I-see,
Maybe prose is a bad idea.
The stock price at MegaBank is a ROCK BOTTOM bargain today. That's not at all good news; we're taking a beating and I'm trying to stay in the Zen place. Here's my thoughts on the matter - with a disclaimer that I have NO INSIDE INFORMATION - any comments here are pure speculation from someone in no position to know ANYTHING about the direction of the company or acquisition activity.
I'm of the opinion that if we get bought out that it would be a good thing. Yes, most companies that would be interested in MegaBank would have a security team, but there would be time before the dime dropped on my position. Ideally, within that window I could show my superior value and excellent attitude to the new overlords. If not, there's always a severance package to be had. I really am interested in sticking it out until January - and then we'll see what's what here. (if we're still here.)
It is a little bleak around the water cooler these days. With Mikey and Beefcake gone the fun has almost virtually dropped away. The bright side is that I'm bonding with new (not new to MegaBank) people who are really great! I try to stay positive for my team, and marvel at the concept that anyone might look to me for anything other than a huge scoop of sarcasm.
Speaking of Mikey & Beefcake (poor guy… who wants THAT as a nickname?) there was a BBQ at Mike's yesterday to wish the Beefcake family a fond farewell as they head to where there is actual sunshine, and where housing prices still make your behind hurt a little. (San Jose) The crappy weather held and we enjoyed an easy afternoon. BC brought his wife and 900 children (all boys) who were amazingly well behaved. I imagine if you have 900 that you have to keep them in line or there will be no peace.
I loved his wife instantly and am more sorry they are moving now than I was before. She would have been an excellent addition to the book club - super bright, funny, earthy. Oh yes, I have a woman crush. No worries, now I won't have to be shy now about inviting myself over for dinner when I'm ever in that area.
Today is Janie's 40th birthday! Happy Birthday! Damn the florist who promised flowers before noon but didn't deliver.
My weekend match.com outreach program yielded no responses - boo. Although, I was contacted by CountryBob65 of Granite Falls. Um… I haven't looked at his profile yet - but the name and location seems off to me. I am an urban girl, who is looking for a relationship with someone… oh I don't know.. LOCAL. However, I need dating practice, so if there's anything interesting in the profile I might as well initiate communication It can't hurt right?
It had better nicen up (at least marginally) by the 21st. I'm headed to a garden party and have a sassy dress to wear. (I'll try to post a photo... it is cute.)
Saturday, June 07, 2008
This is not monumental news until you realize that I have not purchased any clothing outside of the "Woman" aka "big lady" department stores since college. (19 years ago.)
I bought these pants without trying them on because they were cute (charcoal,) wouldn't need to be hemmed (I'm a hobbit) and they WOULD fit within a few months. Oh, and they were on sale.
This morning I put them on to torture myself to see how far I need to go before I'm buying clothes in real stores and holy shrinking woman they FIT. They don't fit, like I'm leaving the house in them anytime soon, but I got them on, zipped them up and could actually sit.
I will admit that this is a HUGE... or rather not HUGE milestone and I cried a little bit. I know this weight loss thing is real, I see it in my face, I feel it in how I'm relating to people and in how I'm eager to try dating, but sometimes it is hard not to think that it is all a crazy mistake.
Sometimes the idea of being me, and being a normal size is overwhelming. It was easy to be so big that you're invisible. I'm "out there" now - and it is a good thing.
I also wonder if the weight loss is whacking out my emotions. I have cried more in the last two weeks than I have in years. My life isn't that traumatic so what's with all the waterworks? The support group information says that fat cells store hormones, and as the cells shrink the hormones are released which could account for some of the tears and some of the ... um... increased..um...desire to *blush* "make out with men on my couch".
So, far the tears have felt pretty good - even the crocodiles on the bus - darn you Mike, and the other thing, well it's motivating me to attack the match.com thing with gusto, so that's not bad either.
Enough of this... I'm off to the gym. (See it is a whole new me.)
Miranda is looking a little older, Carrie needs glasses, Charlotte is a gem who can bring a tear to my eye, and Sam... well Sam is still fabulous.
If you aren't a fan of the show, you can skip this movie, it is so NOT for you. It is for those of us who prefer to settle in on the couch with the DVD's on days we don't feel good.
I laughed, I cried (a couple times -- shhh, I want people to think I'm strong) and I believed in love all the way to the end. It was fully satisfying and worth the wait. I'm a fan!
The theater was PACKED with women in their late 30's (and a few -- maybe 3 men.) The whole experience was a tad overly girly for me. There was plenty of hooting and chatter, and by plenty you know I mean too much. The movie was long, and the line for the restroom after the show was even longer. In fact, I'm still standing there waiting to go.
Friday, June 06, 2008
Faux-Lationship: a fake friendship.
and for my fast-speaking friends for this homonym:
Fellationship: a relationship restricted to oral gratification activities. (I don't know of anyone in a fellationship, but now you have a name for it if you are - and contratulations!)
Oh my... the tone of tp gal is a tad "blue" these days (not sad.. but you know, dirty.) I'll swing back to my normal bitching and whining soon.
Thursday, June 05, 2008
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
An actual interesting article in USBanker today about the increase of Postnuptial agreements and how they are on the rise across the country.
Apparently it is not to late to mutually agree on division of assets, kids and whatnot after the cake has been smashed into faces.
Interestingly, the author suggests that these postnups are used more often as a way to keep the marriage together vs. a pre-divorce action, but that many of them are written after someone got caught cheating. (oops!) I'll stay with your cheating ass, but if you do it again I'm walking away with 65% of your retirement. I love you honey!
I found a forum on my online support group specifically on the topic of "adult relations" before and after WLS. Who knew there were other people going through the same things I am?
These ups and downs are going to be a part of the new world of tp gal, and I’m pretty sure they won't all be so strange. Those of you who have been married since the dawn of time are secretly hoping I'll chronicle every juicy step. We'll see… so far, I haven't been able to hold anything back so you just may be in luck.
Seriously, I'm ok with how the whole date / no follow-up date thing worked out, but I posted a comment on the message board for the "AR" section just to get it out of my system and holy hell - I am being propositioned six ways from Sunday. Thus far, the distance award goes to "BigJoe" who is willing to drive over from Clarkston, Wa for some bedroom aerobics, and then there's WillBrem67 who offered to take me to "lets just say "adult parties". (oh my!)
Ok people… I'm open to the whole sex thing and am looking forward to a rewarding encounter or 50 in that area (ideally with the same dude who will worship me for the fabulous being that I am) but I'm not THAT open. Driving across the state at $5.00 / gallon for gas or the Ferry Bootie Call to get it on with WillBrems scary neighbors might be about a quarter mile (or ten) out of my comfort zone.
My life is changing, but I'm still going to be a tad conservative. Call me a prude, but the group sex thing… not so much.
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
I genuinely appreciate the honesty and am still in a positive space about the experience.
Onward and upward!
We did text back and forth a lot today and I do find it disappointing that he's not interested when we clearly can communicate. I sort of understand where he's coming from (and can't really explain it without a very LONG post that I don't want to write) but I don't have to like it.
I don't know the rules (nee... games?) associated with dating and I guess I'll pick them up as I go along, but I couldn't stop myself from a final e-mail stating my opinion of the situation and that while I would respect his point of view (and go away) that I thought he was wrong.
You'll never be able to accuse me of not stating my mind.
To all of you who have been encouraging, interested, or mildly bored with my journey I say to you... I love you all!
Let's all go out and order a huge pizza and cheese cake to celebrate! Kidding, the gal who use to do that is gone.
100 pounds. I'm blowing my OWN mind!
Sunday, June 01, 2008
In honor of Becky's 40th, a bbq was planned at her sisters cabin on Gamble Bay.
The drinking began promptly at 1pm and did not cease until well after midnight. I think I stained my insides with red wine. I may never recover.
It was just one of those great days, we played at the beach with the kids and the dogs, built a fire on the deck, laughed and talked until exhaustion took over.
Becky received some gifts, we had WAY too much cake, we forgot to have dinner, Brett was in "declaration" mode. (meaning he declared his undying love for Becky, for Phil, for me... all different kinds of love of course.)
I did some late night texting. Drunk texting, that's a new thing. I was loving all my friends last night - virtually. I'm saving the in person stuff for marriage. (ha ha ha ha ha)
This morning, some new rules were documented. Less discussion about circumcision (how we got there I'll never know) and more games. The other rule is that we're not allowed to laugh at Brett when he's declaring his love for things... it makes him feel sad.
A couple of friends from Collin's preschool came with moms in tow, Stacy and Tracy - I thought for about 15 nano seconds that they were a couple, which made them giggle. All night long I kept getting asked -- "am I the husband???" How many times can you say "yikes, sorry!" Actually, they were great and held their own in our crazy madness of half words, and one word stories that make us bust up laughing.
"Rambo-bunny" - bwahahahaha (A very unfortunate college kissing incident at Halloween with a young man who shall for ever more be known as Rambo-bunny. Mostly, because no names were exchanged. My imaginary children will be home colleged to keep their virtue in tact.)