Memorial Day Recap

This picture is kind of a cheat because I took it from a golf course; it isn't the typical Eastern Washington vista. 98% of Eastern Wa, isn't this groomed. It also helps that it's spring - when things are still green. The sky though... wow!

You may be able to guess that we golfed yesterday - and man oh man do I suck. Thankfully, the aunts & uncle Ed aren't into keeping score, it's about the practice. Also, at the par 3 course in Granger (Golf, Pizza and Family Fun Center) it can NOT be a serious game.

A 10am departure from the parents estate (homestead, 2 acres... whatever) helped me get across the pass before the terrible traffic began.

It was a pleasant drive, window down, music up. There were a few drivers out there that need to take "Remedial Lane Changing." The class is actually pretty easy - look, and if some one is already in the place you want to go... WAIT.

I was worried that I was going to be tired for the ride home. I woke up last night at 12:30 and had to run in the house to tinkle (so much cuter than to say "pee".) The run from the camper into the house was enough to really wake me up. I was up for HOURS, mostly obsessing about work, and then about some nice happenings in my personal life. Eventually, I had to turn on the light and read to quiet my mind.

Normally I'm not a middle of the night muller - the only time I really get up in the middle of the night and stay up is when it snows. Eventually, it started to rain and that finally put me out and I didn't wake up until 8 when I heard mom digging in her garden (3 feet from my head.)

So, I'm home. I'm about to head to the gym and then to hunt down the perfect beyond perfect gift for Becky. Yes, it's true that my friendship should be enough, but the girl is so greedy. (She is also thankfully tucked away at Gambleside without Internet. By the time she reads this she'll know I was kidding.)

ok, gotta run. Kisses!

It is enough to retire? Nope

I received the letter about the "life insurance" from Messy Martha and it looks like I'll be continuing to work.

There is a little something there, but mostly enough to boost my savings account. It's not money I had before, so spending it seems wrong.

Becky says she creates a yearly budget and then sticks to it... I need to do that. I do too much "little" spending that adds up. If I was diligent I could save up enough to cover a years worth of expenses and then I'd have options.

Oh well... today is not the day to start I'm off to the mall ! (My excuse, it's dad's birthday... he needs some socks or something.)

Kisses!

Friday Recap

I received an e-mail this morning that the Animal Planet reality show that my friend lovely Robert filmed a couple years ago is finally going to air. DVR "My New Wild Life" - I hope it's fun.

Robert is great, one of those guys who is wonderfully catty and sharp - but gets away with it because tells the truth. He and Janie went to college together, but we're co-god parents so we have a connection. If his super hot, rich boyfriend ever leaves him, I'm going to quit life and move to Miami and be his house bitch. (hmm..maybe I have a thing or two to learn about dating.)

Work sucked. I'm so tired of bitching about it so I won't. It's pooh or get off the pot time.... I'm still deciding. That 26 day vacation in October is looming and I'm not going to skip that for anything. A new job might make that a challenge. Plus, if we get bought out, I'd either get new management or a walking package -- neither scenario would break my heart.

We cut out early for drinks to say bye to the two departing dudes (who I can't gossip about because they have the blog address now) and it was a lot of fun. A nice mix of bitching, laughing and friendly chit chat. I did gossip about some folks and am NOT proud of myself. I wasn't the only one who knew the dish, and frankly the folks being gossiped about weren't AT ALL discrete about all the sex they were having, but I was unkind and am kicking myself.

My mom talked my cousin into the Honda, so I may have that sold.

AND most important of all.... My brother called from Bangor, Maine this morning. He's HOME for good! We talked this morning and he's so glad to be out of Iraq. Woo Hoo. I agreed to fly down for a visit once he gets settled. I'll do a combo "welcome home from Iraq" and congratulations on your High School Graduation for my niece trip. (weekend trip - it's UTAH for pete sake.)

I'm off to Yaki-vegas for the weekend. The cold rainy weekend. Dad told me to bring my long johns. Ooh, I love it!

I give up!

I have been within seven pounds of the 100 pound weight loss for almost a month! "They" say stalls are normal, and that your body needs time to adjust - but WTF!?

I'm going to try not to fret about it for the holiday weekend (while still sticking to the food and water plan) but come Tuesday, I'm going to start logging my food and water intake. Maybe I'm snacking a whole lot more than I think I am.

I'm going to miss Mike a LOT at work, but if he's not there to supply the m&m's maybe my consumption will drop to zero. I thought that would happen when Beefcake left us last month, but not so.

In reality, no one but me is in charge of the snack reduction program. And honestly, I think the weight stability has more to do with my failure to get in the required 60-90 oz of water a day. It's challenging to work that in when you're snacking. (see how it's all connected.) I'm supposed to wait for 30 minutes after eating to begin drinking again, but what happens is that I eat, get busy, find myself hungry and eat something - but no water. Maybe I need timed eating periods... 6am, 9:30, noon, 3, 6, and 9. and that's it. Discipline is a bitch!

The scale is not my friend these days so I haven't stepped on since Tuesday. Even the online support group people are starting to piss me off with all their posts of how great they are doing. (Kidding, I'm thrilled for me and them.) This is only temporary and thank you Santa Claus, I'm not in a gain situation!

I'll muster the energy for some outdoor photo's this weekend at the parents house and will share them. (In pj's now, so no dice - and in my old pj's that are HUGE so seriously, no dice.)

I'm hopeful that a weekend of outdoor activities, like raking and mowing will shake my metabolism back into gear.

And - done. Enough whine.

Book Group

It was book group night last night, and I'd like to share that I really love those ladies. They are each wonderfully smart, vibrant and creative. I'm thankful for their presence in my life and it's not just that we love books. The reading thing is a common thread, but they each have such a unique spirit, and are genuinely trying to live their best possible lives. I've heard it said that your friends are a reflection of a part of you and if that's really the case, I'm pretty fantastic! (snicker)

We discussed a Graham Greene book over a delightful vegetable soup and some very tasty cous-cous. Write up of the book will happen on the Seattle Girls Book Group blog - tomorrow.

After the discussion we did something unusual, we made a necklace (beaded charm thing) for our member who is in the hospital trying to keep her baby in utero as long as possible. Each gal picked beads and made a wish for M&M and baby boy M. I was worried the activity was going to be corny, but in reality it was sweet. Wishes ranged from, strength for the baby, clarity for M&M, travels in the future, creativity, peace and even good wishes for the dogs.

is that all!?

I had lunch today with favorite soon to be ex-coworker today and of course ran into the big boss. The QB seems to eat exclusively at this little place near our building. I seldom go there except for drinks and now that 90% of the fun guys have left, or are leaving the summer after work drink outings may be pretty far apart.. oh WHY DOES EVERYONE LEAVE ME?????

Anyway, not sure if it's prudent to be seen eating with the soon to be departed, but I've never been savvy at the whole political game. I guess, I'd rather be a loyal friend than think about office game playing.

Over our massive burritos we talked about his plans, his kids (son had prom last weekend and daughter is planning a wedding -- fun and funner) and the upcoming holiday weekend. Then we bitched about work a little and he asked what else was going on in my life.

I had to laugh a little because other than dealing with Aunt Martha and her death Wednesday... there's NOTHING else going on in my life. No time, no energy. I'm trying to keep up with the trips to the gym - but tonight I skipped in favor of straightening up my house. Woo Hoo.

It is housekeeper day tomorrow and I had to do condo-wide shoe collection. Oddly enough, it drives me crazy at my parents when my mom leaves her shoes all over the house. Don't tell her, but I'm the same dang way. While dressing for the baby shower Sunday, I tried on 5 different shoes before landing on the exact right pair of flip-flops. Good LORD, could anything be LESS important? Don't fret... I looked great! Top to bottom - hot mama. Well... hot (non)mama. Ironically, I look my best in a room full of women. Not a single dude in sight all day. I have to get a hobby.

Mom asked a few nights ago how the online dating is going. Um, it's not. Since took my salary range off line I don't even get the "widowed dad's" any more. My Italian boyfriend "Randy Hall" hasn't emailed in weeks. I'm sure if I fired off a quick - "How've you been" he'd pick right back up with how he wants to "expose his love" to me. Tee hee... I went to the dirty place in my head.

It's too bad that whining and sitting around the house in my pj's isn't the surefire way to draw in the future mr tpgal. (They are cute pj's so it should be working.)

My friend Jodie suggested that I add to my online profile that I put out on the first date - but that just seems a tad out of my comfort zone. I think I'd much prefer to be a date in before I make that announcement - er determination. An announcement would be unfortunate. Plus, in spite of all the talk, I'm a lady. It's at least date 3... *snort*.

Lastly, I called Martha's pension fund today to let them know that she would no longer require monthly checks (see how I can joke and joke, but avoid the word "died" maybe I'm not quite as cold as I think.) During the conversation the agent dropped the Life Insurance words. No clue as to if there is a policy or how much it might be. My guess is if there is one that it's 10k or less. But wouldn't it be a bright spot in a bad situation if she was horrifically over insured?

I'm sure if it's more than a million that I'd buy my parents dinner or something, but I might just have to "retire" for a while. It will be 3-4 weeks before they figure that out, so I'll continue to go to work and try to be the best security gal they've ever seen.

That'll learn ya...

Ran errands yesterday in the 90 degree heat. It may not be great for ye old ozone, but I do love driving with the A/C on and the windows down. My toes are cool, but the warm wind in my hair is awesome.

I had to make a stop at Babies R Us - a place very foreign to me. I picked up the registry of my friend and tried to navigate the isles. Thankfully, my standard baby shower gift was not yet snapped up. The Diaper Genie is the perfect shower gift, it isn't too expensive, it's huge, and it gets used everyday. Since I was splitting the cost of the gift with another friend I had to tack on some extra things but got a little carried away. By the time I was at the counter and saw that my total was $159 ($59 over our agreed upon budget) I was READY to leave the store. I think Babies R Us hires new moms to walk their pissed off infants around the store just to keep the single childless people from lingering too long in any one spot. With screaming babies everywhere, I decided to just take the stuff and over gift. Technically, I'm this gals boss, so over gifting can be forgiven.

Next door to Screaming Babies R Us is a Starbucks and a frothy iced tea lemonade sounded fabulous, so I dumped my infant gear in the car and wandered back over. As I was headed back from my car two policemen came running out of Starbucks towards a mid-sized black SUV. They asked the driver to step out of the car and started questioning him. He was affluent looking when the adult female exited Starbucks with her frothy extra-huge blended drink the police started to question her as well. As I passed the car I noticed the 4 year old and infant in the back seat.

All eyes in Starbucks were on the activity outside and someone shared that the police had been sitting in the window drinking their (now melted) iced coffees when the man and the woman came in, got in line, ordered their drinks, waited for their beverages and then left the store (the man first, then the woman.) Somehow the police noticed the kids in the car and had some severe words with the couple.

My entire transaction from door to door was about 16 minutes and my beverage was skipped ahead because it wasn't a blended thing (like the man and woman had ordered.) I'm pretty sure those folks got more than an earful from the police because the one officer was writing up a ticket, making notes in his handy book and the parents looked scared shitless.

So, here's the moral of the story... if you're going to lock your infant in a black car on a 90 degree day to get your blended coffee drink don't park in front of the Starbucks. Park around the corner so you don't have to be bothered by the Po-Po who are all up in your face about child safety.

Thankfully, the kids appeared to be ok and the officers didn't have to slap the parents for being stupid, although they may have wanted to. I think they could have sold tickets to the stupid parent beating for the next police guild charity auction. I'd buy a ticket... how about you?

Better

The work out yesterday helped me to wake this morning in a much sunnier place. It helped that I had a personal appointment at 10 am and arranged to "work at home" in the afternoon.

I played hookey and had lunch with Rico in Bellevue at PF Changs (the least Chinese of Chinese restaurants. ) It was nice to see him, my attempts at weekend visits are usually thwarted by plans made by his lovely wife. She plans their weekends, and I'm not really on the agenda. I try not to take it personally, but sometimes I wonder if it's my own damn fault for not befriending her earlier. She is (honestly) the best thing that's ever happened to him, and it if it means our friendship is dialed down, then so be it!

I finally got home around 2:30 and checked e-mail for the first time today. I'm not normally such a shitty employee, and I hope this AWOL incident is a fluke and not a terrible new work ethic.

After 5 I dealt with the bags of Martha's stuff from the hospital and nursing home. 98% is being donated to the landfill, including the 6 tubs (SIX!!!) of some wonderful smelling stuff called "Butt Paste". I bet that stuff tastes terrible.

I also took a carload of clothes Martha's and mine to the Renton clothing bank. Of course, when I got home I found one more bag. *shaking her head* My office will NEVER be free of stuff from Martha's home or my cast off clothes.

I've been putting off sending Martha's friends the news of her passing. I shouldn't, but it's not a letter (e-mail for some) that I want to send. Yuck.

One can't expect to be happy all the time....

I know it's unrealistic to think that I'll be blissfully happy all the time, but three days of turmoil have taken it out on me. I'm pooped and emotionally spent. I hoped that time at the gym today would shake the blues out of me.... but mostly I felt (and feel) out of sorts. I didn't pack socks and instead of workout shorts I had my black capri pj's. Nobody but me (and now you) know they are pj's so I worked out anyway. I didn't get the same joy from watching all the man candy today... maybe my mo-jo will be back tomorrow.

It is supposed to be a glorious day so I hope that I'm able to enjoy it. I have a dr. appointment at 10 am and arranged to work from home the rest of the day. I plan to finally get my wireless set up so that I don't have to do the remote-mail thing. It would be nice to be able to vpn in.

Since my house husband solicitations are not going as planned I may need to call in some help to get the router set up. It's crazy that I'm in a technology field and yet I can't seem to figure it out. The instructions are basically useless or I'm just pain stupid. (Hopefully it's the former.)

Mom asked me today how the online dating thing was going. HOLY HELL WOMAN! I haven't had time to do laundry let alone find a decent dude to let me boss him around. My minor flirtation from the last week was really nothing. All attempts to open the door have been met with extreme professional courtesy.

The funeral home guy called to day to apologize for charging me an extra $3.00 and said they could cut a check for me that I could pick up when I gather "the" ashes. I commended him on his integrity, but told him to keep the $3.00.

So, again to plug the Whatcom Cremation Society, they can't add, but they're honest!

another one bites the dust

...if you don't know the song, you're too young to read me!

Another beloved co-worker offered up their resignation today. I'm sad, but happy for him - he's been living in hell the last 6-9 months.

Selfishly, I'm worried that my blissful under the radar existence is about to end.

Our stock is "up" today to ($9.90) which means the 15k I bought in November is now only at a 49.5% net loss. Feelin' good about that decision. If I jump ship now, I'll be eating that loss. (Do I sound like an abused wife? If I leave this cheating, beating ass-hole, I'll be alone. Honey, the time to get out is while you can still walk.)

So, aidios future former MegaBanker.

That was a very long day

I'll be brief because I'm exhausted.

I sat with Martha until 8:30 - when the act of sitting with someone drugged up on morphine became overly dull. (yes, I have no heart.) Her other roommate came in and wanted to go to bed, so I figured it was the right time to excuse myself.

Frank and Barbara - Martha's friends welcomed me into their home with hot tea and friendly conversation. I went to bed early (10) and read for a bit. My cell phone rang at 1:45 with the news that Martha had died. While it was expected, and actually timed pretty well, the middle of the night phone call will mess with your sleep. It took me a few hours to settle back in to fitful sleep.

I was pleased with the news that my dad came through his surgery with flying colors (did I mention that on top of everything, pops was admitted to the hospital with an extreme case of anemia? STRESS.) They did a "thing" and think they've fixed the issue. Whew. However, due to his health crisis and my poor mom trying to hold it together I didn't drop the dime on Martha's end-status. (As much as I yell at the parents for holding stuff back, I see now where it may be the kind thing to do - sometimes.)

So - up at 7 phone calls into the Cremation people and luckily they were able to squeeze me in at 9:15. That took about an hour - not at all horrific. If you're going to die in Whatcom County I recommend the Whatcom Cremation Society! very efficient, very kind, and none of that fake condolence crap.

I'm stupid...(and clearly incapable of keeping it short) and let it slip that my dad was next of kin, so I couldn't sign any of the paperwork. Oh, they took my money but Dad had to sign the *%*)_ papers to authorize the cremation. That was a hassle.

I called mom, she was in a state about getting to pick up dad, and then had the most surprising reaction to the news of Martha's death. She cried! I guess I'm the only cold fish in the family. We had to go through some hoops to find a fax machine and worked that out.

After paying for the cremation, I headed to the nursing home to pick up the last of Martha's stuff. For someone who just spend 8 straight weeks in the hospital she had a lot of stuff. It's rolling around in the trunk of my car and maybe I'll get to it tomorrow. Here's why:

Foolishly I checked my work e-mail and saw a meeting invitation from my boss' boss and noted that it was important. Important enough that I high-tailed it (is that how it's spelled.. hi-tailed? whatever) it back to Seattle for a 1 hour meeting. I felt gross having not showered and in the same pants from yesterday - but this was an important meeting.

Unfortunately, it resulted in a HUGE deliverable (aka 24 page report) that needed to be written and delivered tomorrow. I know the difference between optional and not, and my manager and the Quarterback had BETTER be on the money about reviewing it and doing something with it tomorrow. I spent almost 9 straight hours getting it written, validating data and making it pretty - if they don't "do" anything with it tomorrow there will be some serious WORDS about boundaries and commitments.

So, I'm finally home (30 minutes ago,) I'm too tired to sleep, the cat is PISSED and I haven't talked to my family since 10 am this morning. I may not be an emotional wreck over Martha but I am very sad and the fire drill at work had better be either appreciated or required... hopefully both.

How nice

It turns out they moved Screaming Bonnie to a new room because I'm here.



They are hooking me up with dinner... Sloppy Joes. It could be an adventure.



I'm about to go hunt for some tea.

If you think this plate looks bland... you should have tasted it. SALT!? Flavor?

I think whipped cream on top of canned oranges really does make it "dessert."

Are they joking?

This place (the nursing home) is a mad house. The nursing staff is playing bingo over the PA, the lady in the next bed is alternating between yelling for the time or yelling for the bathroom. "What time is it!?". Pause. "I have to go potty!". Every once in while she interjects an emphatic "I can't wait!"

Apparently, Bonnie is on a two hour schedule, and they are trying to get her to stop yelling (by ignoring her?). I don't think its working.

The other treat is that Bonnie has a tv (on loud...so she can hear the 7th heaven drama.). The other lady has a tv... CNN - exit polls in West Virginia.

Martha's other roommate is a delightful 94 year old woman who is watching the news while reading the paper.

Outside the door folks roll by and currently there is a man (maybe 80) who is watching me. I said hello and he hid a little but is still there.

Martha is OUT. Morphine drip and sleeping.

I had hoped that there would be Internet, but I was foolish.



The fix-it guy just came and removed the second tv from the room. Wow, maybe I should bitch about needing a boyfriend and he might bring me one



Ok, it turns out Bonnie is going to a new room. They came and took her chair and flowers. No more yelling.



Bummer.

Martha

Corey, the hospice nurse called today to let me know that Martha is in the active process of dying. I'm headed up there tomorrow to be with her, and to take care of the last bit of business. I've worked out which funeral home to call and mostly cleared my day.

I called my parents to pass along the sober news but got the machine. When mom finally called back it was to tell me that my dad is in the hospital. She sounded really shaky, which scared the shit out of me. Upon actually talking to her, it is clear that while my dad isn't doing well, he isn't also dying this week. (I'm in some serious denial about his health and we're going to keep it that way!)

I didn't share the news about Martha because there's nothing they can do and they need to focus on Dad. I offered to come over, but Mom said that it would probably freak Dad out if I did. I can just hear him "what is this, a death watch!" So, I'm going to tough it out from here and most likely go over for Memorial Day weekend.

For a brief moment today I thought that they were both going to die this week and that would put me over the edge.

So, I'm off to the North again and if all things go well, I'll be home Wednesday. I can update on the fly so there may be news in the short term.

A day (and a half) of rest

The weekend away was wonderful. June's home is a whirlwind of activities. Lew is two and he owns it. He's got a few words that he cycles through - mostly roll call. Momma? Poppa? Ab? Momma? Poppa? Ab?



Ab is growing like crazy - she's maybe a year away from topping Yaz in height. Here they are wearing each other's jackets. As Nana Sue would say... that's wack-a-doo!

The drive down in Yaz' new car was nice - her new little Mazda is very comfortable (front seat only) and zippy. (I have new car envy!)

The ballet was cute, although the theater was icy cold. We had dinner between Ab's performances and while we were discussing our favorite foods Ab announced, "I feel bad for the animals and all, but steak tastes good!" Yes it does my friend, yes it does.

Sunday we slept in until 7:30 (there's a two year old in the house, anything after 5am is sleeping in.) After a yummy brunch we three girls took a walk and spread our hard earned money around the neighborhood. For once, I didn't buy any shoes nor did I buy any clothes. I picked up something for Becky, some chocolate, a casual day pack for Greece, and a pretty bracelet. Poor Yaz bought two purses and a few other trinkets - she won the spending contest.


I was pooped by the time we decided to go home and it was a quiet drive back up to Seattle. Yaz is good company - we cycled through some tough conversations and yet had a few laughs. She did tell me something disturbing...

"Can I tell you something?"
"um... sure" I'm thinking she's going to tell me I have b.o. or that I insulted someone.
"Last night...you didn't snore."

WOW... they say that losing weight will help with snoring - but how exciting to hear it. Let the co-ed sleep overs begin!

Have great weekend!

I'm off to Portland this weekend to see June & the family. The Noodle - who will be 11 this year is in a ballet and we've got tickets. Fun!

Yaz should be her momentarily so I can't chat - but I wanted to wish you a happy Mother's day - or um... whatever.

Four Forms and a Funeral?

Martha has been successfully moved back to the nursing home. There were questions about whether or not they would readmit her, due to how difficult she is and the dreaded finances.

The hospital social workers did magic, trading services and supplies - including a new wheelchair and so they took her. One of the conditions of her being readmitted was that she be on "comfort care" aka hospice. I thought that since we had the big family meeting that everything was all set - but not so. Today I was faxed four forms to sign that essentially revoke all medical care - save pain meds. I read them over and faxed them back.

In dramatic movies, there is a swell of heartbreaking music, and a weepy eyed loved one signs the paper but can't muster the courage to put ink to paper. This is not a dramatic movie. I stood over the fax machine and signed the papers while one of the Security Architects cracked a lame joke about me "makin' copies" as he walked by.

I'm not filled with sorrow and loving memories of all the wonderful times that Aunt Martha and I had together are not swirling around in my head. I'm not cold and dead inside; I am thankful that my day was calm and that I was able to spend the majority of my time working on documents vs. having to interact with folks who want stuff from me.

But still in spite of this melancholy moment before bed - the signing away Martha's care didn't consume me. At the end of the work day, I had kind of a flirty interaction with a fella and spent the bus ride home thinking of the possibilities of him as the future Mr. TPgal (for however long people date these days.)

Do you chalk that up to life goes on or to TPgal has a distant dysfunctional family?

Where's the funeral part of your story, you ask irritated by my terrible story telling. Hold your shorts, I'm getting there. I got an e-mail today from the Neptune Society hard sales pitch lady who regaled me with all the horrible things the funeral home will try to bilk me out of once Martha passes.

My only concern for you is that dealing with a funeral home can be messy. They are notorious for telling people that things are all taken care of in advance and then charging extra for services that they conveniently forgot to tell you about. Some examples are:

After hours charges - what if she passes at 2:00am?

Weekend and Holliday Charges - What if it is a weekend or holiday?

Where is the money saved in the mean time?

Can you sign an authorization release form in advance? Most funeral homes require you to be there in person to sing a release form at the time of need so that they can sell you the other services they provide.

Does the cremation include an URN? - If YES. Are they going to send it to you now? They should if you have paid for it. It is common for them to say they are out of the one you thought you were getting and now you need to pay more for one that is in stock.

These are just a few things I would be leery of. Remember that funeral homes are not in the cremation business that is not where they make money. They make money on all the other services they provide.

Honestly, I think she's leery of me taking my dead aunt business elsewhere... I also hope that I don't have to sing the release form in person - I'm really much better over the phone. Furthermore, if I have the urn - where are they going to put her?

Blah...

Today was one of those days at work where I would sit down to do something and the phone would ring with an 'emergency' and when I was three quarters of the way to being done with solving the issue, an e-mail would come with another issue. My phone rang all day and while I helped a lot of folks I didn't get to the thing I wanted to do.

I think maybe I'm going to have to do the writing portion of my job away from my phone - and off line. I can't continue to not get stuff done just because there's more important things to do.

Lord help me if I'm going to have to go back to logging hours on the weekends. YUCK. With the Messy Martha situation, there's really no time to do that and keep the laundry done.


BLOGGING ABOUT WORK IS DULL! Sorry.

Why is this news?

Man finds check from 1971 after Arkansas tornadoes
THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
EVENING SHADE, Ark. -- Tornadoes that tore through Arkansas last week picked up homes, cars and everything in between - including a check from 1971.

Gene Floyd of Sulphur Rock went to check on his camper Sunday at his hunting camp near Evening Shade and said everything looked normal, until he saw something lying on the ground. It was a check, fold in half, showing only a few stains to give away its age.

Floyd said he was surprised when he saw the check drawn on Sept. 1, 1971 from a bank account in Heber Springs - about 50 miles away. The check, for $1.50, was made payable to A.E. Williamson by Mrs. Bruce Murphree. The check bears the note "Gazette for August" and shows it was later cashed.

---
Um… isn't it obvious that someone's home (likely Mrs. Bruce Murphree) was destroyed and their stash of cashed checks that we all use to keep was scattered to the winds?  If he found a check from the year 2071 -- well, THAT would be news.

Poop on the Seattle PI for printing this, and me for clicking on the link to read it.  WHATEVER!

Flack from the Salad Bar Lady

So, it's been a little over 5 months since my surgery and I've lost 93 pounds, I'm looking good, working out and obviously eating less.

Most of my work peeps know that I've been "dieting" and when or if anyone asks I will quietly share about the surgery. I haven't shared my story with the creepy salad bar lady and I need to take her out back and run her through the Industrial Shredder By Enron(tm) because she ALWAYS comments on the mall portions of my food.

This is the same girl who yelled across the lunch area for me to "GET AWAY FROM THE COOKIES, YOU'RE ON A DIET!!!" I was only looking at the prepackaged salads (TPgal adds defensively and if I want to eat a cookie, I'm going to eat a damned cookie!!!)

The other day she topped off herself with a dash of RUDE when I went through the salad bar and took (only) cucumbers and some dressing as a side to my (from home) Chili. "Is that all you're going to eat!? You're going to waist away to NOTHING." Trust me this wasn't said in an encouraging, or funny way. Granted she sees people come all day and fill the salad bar boxes to capacity - 2 -3 pounds worth of salad and I "load" up in the .25 or .50 category but WHO CARES?

It was sad and I got fired for it, but I had to do it. I took a set of tongs from the salad bar, reached down her throat, pulled out her kidney and then stabbed it with the heal of my shoe. I did put it back, but I didn't take the time to do sutures so it may not actually be functioning.

Seriously, her job sucks and I would hate to sit down in that windowless room all day, but damn... figure out something else to say to people!

Comfort?

Mom and Dad came over for a meeting Friday with Messy Martha's doctors and the social worker.  We all agreed that we're fighting a losing battle and that the antibiotics are having marginal success, but not enough to stave off the inevitable. 

The kink in our plan was that for the first time in ages Martha was semi-alert and was able to converse with the doctors.  (This is good news - honestly.)  Because she was alert the kind (and legal) thing to do is to get her consent to transition care from treatment to comfort.  She was alert, but not really understanding the code words the doctors were using. 

She kept insisting that she wanted to go home, get in her car and drive home.  She was adamant that even though she can't sit up, that she could take care of herself.  Her drive to be alive is impressive and understandable  - but sadly it doesn't translate into a willingness to participate in physical therapy or other activities that would improve her prognosis. 

In the end she agreed that she just wanted to be comfortable (medical code words for "let me go.")  Whether she understands that's what those words means is a different story - but it is what the docs needed to hear to change the orders on her chart. 

Over the course of the weekend I paid bills, completed DSHS paperwork for medicade and moved her car to Seattle.  Anyone want to buy a 1994 Honda Civic with less than 60k miles? I spoke with the Hospice Social Worker today about the paperwork and where Martha may be headed.  Once you transition treatment to comfort - the hospital isn't really an option.  

I'm trying to work out how much time I can spend up there.  Even though we don't have a close relationship and there aren't emotional things to say, I hate that she's up there alone.  I would hate to be alone…so we'll see what happens on that front.

When the Infectious Disease doc and I first spoke on this topic she thought it would be 3-10 days before Martha passed - but based on her more alert status of late, I think that timeline is too short.  My non-medical opinion is that we are talking about a matter of weeks vs. days.  If she "improves" in the first 90 days of hospice care then we're in a real pickle.  It's a fine line between Medicade assistance and no assistance.  She needs assistance. 

It seems odd to worry that she'll improve to the point where she's not eligible for aid, but to know that there's no way she will ever improve to the point where she can care for herself. 

Oh, when will I ever be able to blog about going to the movies again?  I can't wait for the Sex and the City movie - total fluff and muchly awaited.  Please let it be good!  The reality break will be welcome.

DRAT

I lectured Becky about using her credit cards on websites that I deemed to be less than on the up and up.  "Your card is going to be cloned and "they" are going to try to steal money from you."

Well, a couple weeks ago she called to say it happened, and while my concern was genuine, I did the (not attractive and unkind) "I told you so!" dance in my cubicle.

This week….. I had to call her, apologize and eat crow as my credit card was being used to buy all sorts of strange things online.  At first it was only two charges that hit my statement and I thought that for $17.00 it wasn't worth filing the police report - but alas…it's up to over $100 - and I want my money back!

The card has been cancelled, the fraud paperwork is on the way, and I'll be stopping by the police department to file a fraudulent activity report. 

The lesson… watch your credit cards.  Work with your bank if anything happens (mine is being GREAT, by the way) and know that it can happen to anyone.  

Messy Martha: where we're at

Two weeks ago I had a lengthy discussion with the Infectious Disease Specialist (IDS) and we were debating the pros and cons of aggressive care vs. comfort care. The simple act of discussing a transition seemed to light a fire under Martha who alerted up a bit.

However, a week later we're back at the same point and a meeting is scheduled for Friday morning. The whole family is coming - mom, dad, me, the IDS and the "Hospitalist" (Just a Doctor Doctor.)

To be honest, it will be nice not to do that meeting alone even though I could and would.

Last weekend I finished moving Martha's crap out of her house. It sucked doing it alone, and the unfunness of it was compounded by a not-so-nice phone call from her landlady who threatened to sue Martha for damages to her beautiful house. WHATEVER LADY.

I did run into her in the driveway but didn't speak to her. I think she could tell that she shouldn't get in my way. I would have been happy to call her a heartless, selfish, shitty landlord- but alas. I held my tongue. I didn't bother to vacuum or sweep, frankly I don't give a shit about that place.

I did take photographs in case she haunts my mailbox or sends a lawyer my way. I wonder if she thinks I'm going to be intimidated into covering the damages. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!

So, we're almost done. The really great thing about mom and dad coming up (other than the visit) is we'll be able to drive Martha's car back down this way so I can sell it. I'm not looking forward to driving that thing myself, but it has to be done. We should (as in a good idea that won't happen) remove the snow tires before the trip to Seattle. I think we'll risk the ticket.

So, gotta run. Mom & Dad are coming so I have to clean up a bit.

Gym... Good!

I broke down and joined the gym. In an effort to actually work out I decided that not coming home after work but going straight to the gym was a better plan.

It is working. I've been doing some weights for my arms (to reduce the bat wings) and cardio for my heart - which is also toning my legs. I'm sure I'll be in the sexy leather boots I bought just in time for the summer.

There's a lot to see at the gym, yes folks, in addition to getting fit I am enjoying watching the man-candy strut their stuff.

Call me a letch, but it's nice to know I'm not dead inside.

Ixnay on the oatsgay

MWR's dating advice is priceless. I'm so thankful for the "ease up on the Goat talk" advice - without it, I surely would ramble on and on of my love of their tiny little hooves and their rough fur.

What's really funny is that my MOM would honestly love to have a little goat farm and my dad wants NOTHING to do with it.

GOATS.... Satan's house pets.

The "Love" of my life (needs money)

I'm 100% convinced now. Here's a snippet of our email conversations (mine are edited- his are mostly not). Notice how he doesn't answer questions - and the "excellent" use of grammar. I almost want to think he's the brother of a Nigerian Prince.

Also... his profile listed him as being from Italy, and transplanted in the U.S. - but his name. Randy Hall, couldn't be less ethnic. What a bozo.

"Randy": My name is Randy was looking through when I went through your profile,I must say it really set an attraction to me,I would like to get to know you better,I love reading,listening to music..I am very passionate, and loving, and very serious in my romancing... i do not kid you when i say i want to show you the world in my eyes............,I know that it takes time to trust and believe in me... by my effort is to do this one thing... to be your best friend, and know that this dating is the thing that you can trust and rely on me for, and count on me to be there for you...But im quite new to this internet dating stuff and I'll be closing down my account as its not getting exciting to me.My ideal match is someone who has a zest for life,someone who can have laugh and have fun but,and at the same time,she most be responsible...I would like to get to know you better, here is My email address .cos my subscription will end soon. I end now and wish you a great day and hope your day started off well since my emails enter your life.


TPGal: Thanks for your e-mail this morning. It was a busy day but it was nice to hear from you. In the interest of getting to know each other tell me how you landed in Seattle. Your profile said that you have a child - may I ask about how old he or she is?

"Randy": Am really great to get your mail today ... , i would like to say what a beautiful woman you are . I'm fairly new to all this dating stuff as well.i would dearly love to find out more on you and what you do...i would Like to know what your likes and dislikes are,and more importantly what you are wanting from your future partner, i want to get to know you better, too. believe it or not, it's not that easy to be a single dad in the dating scene. i really look forward to meeting you ...i am a single father that is very devoted to my kid, but there is room for another love in my life. i like to do things out, but i also like to be at home. cooking is one of Major thing i like ..like tonight, I'm making chili for us. i don't really like talking about myself too much, but, i always tend to spoil whoever I'm with. it hardly ever works out, but that doesn't stop who i am. i believe in the family unit. i always would rather talk out a problem than hold it in. you will find out that i am much more interested in how your day went. i want to know everything that happened. ...I am a self employed ( Computer engineer base On soft ware ) ... I've been a mom and dad for 2 years now. i guess i am a tad more caring than the average man because of having to be a little more emotional for my Daughter when she needs it. you sound like a very loving and caring person. i want you to know I'm not doing this dating business to get a cheap frill or a one night stand,I'm a very genuine person and i want to find someone i can share my life with,someone i can love,someone i can trust,someone i can be a friend for,and someone who will accept me for who i am,i can be very romantic,I'm honest, trusting,good listener,caring,healthy,funny at times,and i can sing for my supper if need be, So dear you have a perfect human being,no seriously I'm not perfect but i want to make someone very happy and i have so much love pent up inside me,it needs to be exposed gently to that special someone.i hope I've given you an inkling of my thoughts and needs.--i hope you will reply to this letter,i will send a photo of me soon .--so for now Dear, i bid you farewell.



We're you able to read all that? Did you catch the part where he says he wants to expose his love to that special someone? Buddy - here in the U.S. people go to jail for exposing their love.

now Dear(s) I bid you farewell.

Skeptical TP gal

With 16 hours since the email from online guy landed in my mailbox, I've read it over a couple times and I'm 90% sure it's not what it appears to be.

The first bad sign is that his profile is gone of match.com - he explained it (sort of) in his email, and the second bad sign is that he didn't answer any of my questions about where he lives in Seattle and what was his favorite thing about that particular neighborhood.

If you live here - even in Lake City there's something charming. Not answering makes me think he doesn't actually live in Seattle.

So on the off chance that my skeptical side is trying to wrong me, I did e-mail back and shared (not too personal) stuff and asked some more direct questions and we'll see what we get.

Unfortunately, his demographics too closely match the profiles on the "online dating scam" sites. If it is a scam it will be apparent once he tells me that he and his daughter are going on a business trip to (Africa, or where ever) and then once there, he'll be injured in a car accident and need $$ for who knows what.

I will say that I was a little giddy this morning at the prospect, but am glad I let the mail sit for a while before responding.

Online Dating

Thanks to those of you who helped put my online profile in order. I received some excellent feedback from my posse of public relations gurus. There's three of them in my life - lucky me, if I ever get caught with a prostitute I'll have resources for damage control.

So I posted my profile and (eek) some photos. I don't really have any recent pix other than the one below, so I used it. Its me... So there it is.

The way match.com works is that once you've answered the 60 profile questions and the 1000 word essay you're ready to go and they start sending you photos of people who most closely match your settings.

Me, I'm race unimportant, no smoking not negotiable, social drinker, and spiritual not religious. Among other things like no murderers or illicit drugs, but a sense of humor and a love of long walks in the rain could counter act those nos. (I'm kidding Mom!)

You are supposed to read through the profiles that are tucked behind the photos and then you can email the potential mr tpgal or "wink" at them. Winking results in a short prewritten email to let you know the LvrMan69 thinks you're cute and then the ball is in your court.

I haven't "winked" at anyone, but am getting some action inbound. A couple have squarely landed in the HELL no column and a couple others have promise.

I emailed one fella after a wink and didn't hear anything. I mentioned this to my friend at work who has more recent experience with dating than I do and she said not to expect the men to reply to mails in under three days. I don't understand that, but she was right. Five days after sending my response to a wink, I got a lovely email. (She's stunningly beautiful - and smart to boot and it happens to her all the time, so I'm going to chalk it up to the difference between men and women.)

Don't get excited about specific dating details here. I have girlfriends for the neurotic dissection of every word and event.

I will share that, for me, this is some scary stuff. I see how most of you have been able to settle into partnership with some pretty damned awesome people. (No matter how they piss you off you have to admit that they rock!).

I wish I could skip the "does he like me" phase and move into the "where are we vacationing this summer" thing, but it's not realisitc. I am at least smart enough to hide the Martha Stewart wedding magazines before a date. Well, there's a personal confession. I love weddings and generally (er, always) buy the quarterlyMS Wedding magazine. I save them too... yikes, you think I'm a freak.

Getting the reply email from the winker this morning put a little zip in my step. We'll see where this starter date goes. Frankly I'd be thrilled to convert e-communication to a couple dates. That would be huge .

Vanity

There'll be no stopping me now... this blog will shortly turn into one big before and after site.

These kind of side by side things are pretty mind blowing because while there was no denying I was a big girl I don't think I really SAW how big I was - but the door panels don't lie. Body image is a strange thing.

I still have a long way to go, but damn!

Happy Wednesday.

Say it isn't so...

Shaun Alexander released by Seahawks
Does this mean he won't do a follow up Christmas card with me? (my golly - who is that girl?)



That's better, but I'm going to have to learn about the mac's photo editing tools if I'm going make it look like Shaun and I are long time friends.

It came from the fridge (part II)

I had to change passwords at work today - which requires a 15 minute log out so I used my time to clean out the fridge because something was foul.

I have NO IDEA what this might be - it's not grapes, and it doesn't really look like cherries, perhaps plumbs?

I threw away some other things that would have been fun to post but I forgot I had my phone on me and wasn't about to dig through the trash for a photo.

Seriously?

The billboard for the Intiman Theater in Seattle shows that they are current doing a production of The Diary of Anne Frank and the discripter is "Uplifting."

I'm in negotiations to go see it and will circle back and let you know if a play about a little family that loses everything, hides in an attic and eventually is removed from the face of the earth for NO REASON WHATSOEVER can in fact be "uplifting."

Clearly, Anne's spirit and faith are one reason why this story has endured - but I doubt that it is on par with an Up With People revival.

46 questions

I love other people's blogs. Here's a list of questions I found and my answers as best I can do.

Forty-Six Questions


1. Do you like blue cheese? Mmm... cheese! Good.

2. Have you ever smoked heroin? Good lord, NO.

3. Do you own a gun? Yes, I have a glue gun

4. What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic? What the hell is Sonic? Some NBA team that's moving to Oklahoma?

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Nope

6. What do you think of hot dogs? Conceptually they are disgusting.. but they taste good so I'm conflicted.

7. Favorite Christmas movie? Seinfelds Festivis Episode

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Tea

9. Can you do push ups? I have a "push up" bra - does that count?

10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? I don't know... I have a diamond ring I wear almost every day - but it's getting to be too big.

11. Favorite hobby? Laughing

12. Do you have A.D.D.? Not that I know of

13. What's one trait you hate about yourself? I'm quick to say the sarcastic thing... I wish I could hold it in a little bit.

14. Middle name? Lynn

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment. I wonder if the e-mail ping is my Match.com guy, my new old-navy pj's are cute, and I want Chocolate!!!!!

16. Name 3 things you bought yesterday: Fat free cottage cheese, and three S-E-X-Y tops

17. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? tea, water, coffee

18. Current worry? That my 18 year dating hiatus will be too much to gracefully come back from.

19. Current hate right now? Hate? I still think that Osama Bin Laden dude is a mother fucker - does that count?

20. Favorite place to be? In a happy state of mind.

21. Where would you like to go? I would like to go potty. I have a need

22. Name three people who will complete this? I wouldn't e-mail this to anyone.

23. Do you own slippers? No, I fall enough on my own without help.

24. What shirt are you wearing? I'm not wearing a shirt. I'm in my pj's.

25. What year would you go back in time to? 1960. Oh golly - 1986 and start college over again, but this time I'd actually study!

26. Can you whistle? a little

27. Favorite color? Pink

28. Would you be a pirate? No, I need a dental plan with my jobs.

29. What songs do you sing in the shower? What ever P.O.S. was on the radio when I woke up.

30. Favorite girl's name? uh.... hey you?

31. Favorite boy's name? no clue

32. What's in your pocket right now? A tiny little fairy

33. Last thing that made you laugh? The stupid SuperHero Movie I saw today.

34. Best Halloween costume? I don't know, my fall back is an angel but it may be time for something new.

35. Worst injury you've ever had? I broke my leg in 5th grade... Damn you Johnny Bell it's all your fault.

36. Do you love where you live? I guess, it's a home to me.

37. How many TVs do you have in your house? Two

38. Who is your loudest friend? Becky - but only because she's so excited by life that she can't hold it in. She's the voice of happiness

39. How many dogs do you have? none

40. Does someone have a crush on you? who knows?

41. What is your favorite book(s)? too many to choose from - I read Harry Potter over and over and over.

42. What is your favorite candy? Cherry Jelly Bellies

43. Favorite Sports Team? Softball -and I'm terrible at it.

44. Your favorite meal? Breakfast with friends - bacon, eggs, fruit, toast and coffee

45. What were you doing at 12 a.m. last night? in bed watching SNL.

46. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? Am I going to church? (I didn't.)

A deep breath has been taken...

Well, that last post certainly isn't one I'd want to share with the world when I run for President. Wait... I wouldn't ever want to be President - still it clearly wasn't my finest hour.

It turns out there are cremation options in the under $1000 range that are perfectly acceptable. I don't need to pay extra for the "video" (of what!?) and the commemorative bookmarks with E's face on them. I have a Mac, if I want a bookmark, I'll make a bookmark.

Alas, I had a long talk with Dr. Mostad (the Infectious Disease Specialist) Friday about transitioning E's care from treatment to making her comfortable. We're pulling together a meeting with the IDS, the Hospitalist (aka the just doctor doctor), the Neurosurgeon and a social worker to discuss and possibly sign papers. I imagine that when this transition occurs the hospital makes you sign tons of papers so that if you later decide to sue because Nana died that they can legally tell you to F. Right Off.

But... when I got home from work Friday there was a message from Dr. M saying that E had perked up and was talking. She suggested that maybe our discussion from the morning was premature.

We'll still be holding a Dr. Pow-Wow later this week to discuss all of her issues in one setting - but it looks like we'll continue to treat - for now.

I wonder where this rodeo is going next.

Listen up!

Ok, I think I've been VERY patient in dealing with my aunt. I've literally cleaned shit up off her floor, boxed tons of useless stuff, done loads and loads of laundry - some of it twice, paid for a storage unit, dealt with her less than nice landlord, and have been managing her health care with the most honorable of intentions.

I dug out the Neptune Society paperwork that she sent me in November of 1990. See, I am a little organized. The letter attached said this:

Anyway, I may or may not prepay my eventual finale. If I don't get around to this, it will have to come out of my estate.

You can easily guess that she did NOT prepay.

Now I'm FIRED UP... why not prepay for the F*CKING thing. SHE DOES NOT HAVE AN ESTATE... URG. So, now I'll be choosing to quickly prepay for services and hope to re-coup my "investment" when I sell her things or wait and see if I can find a cheep-o burn em and churn em place in Bellingham. (very nice tpgal... you are cold cold person)

I am trying to be compassionate and considerate as she transitions - but the lack of forethought about life insurance and the reliance on an "estate" that never existed pisses me off. Over the course of her life she has had PLENTY of money - not prepaying for this was childish and inconsiderate.

With that said - I have not prepaid for my funeral either but once she's done I will. I do have some serious life insurance and if my parents start to send me arsenic laced cookies it would be very profitable for them.

The Police

The Police (think Sting - not Officer Friendly) have kindly informed me that they are playing a concert in Belgrade and that I should get my tickets early.  Oh, I'll jump right on that!

Back to me

Today is my official weigh in day for my 5 month progress update.

Total weight dropped so far.... 89 lbs!

This is me at 228, a weight I haven't seen since the early 1990's.

I'm off to the regular doctor today for blood work to see how I'm doing with my vitamin levels. Calcium could be an issue as I frequently skip the horse pills, but I do drink a lot of milk.

I've also got a case of psychosomatic induced MRSA in my nose, so I'm going to have him look at the "thing" in my nose just to be safe. How fun for Dr. Mike.

The Right Place

Sometimes in life you are in the wrong place at the wrong time and at others providence has a different plan.

Yesterday I was sitting in the sun in front of Tully's enjoying the stunning afternoon weather and a woman who was my mom's age said hello. I smiled back and returned the greeting. We exchanged some pleasantries and I invited her to sit and share my table. She must have needed a friend because she talked my ear off for over two hours. Mind you she wasn't a crazy nut-job, but the wife of a pastor who needed a friendly ear.

I honestly wasn't doing anything, I had no where to go and could tell that simply by listening to her I was giving her something. Her story telling ability was wacky - she would start in on her story and then give me ALL the back story on the people- which meant it was hard to follow. I am afflicted with that a bit in my verbal story telling and will try to remember that it's hard on the listener.

In the end when I finally had to break away, she hugged me and thanked me for listening. You're welcome talking lady.

Today in a last minute decision I opted to give away my matinée tickets to the Ballet. I've seen this particular show a couple times and it is great, but since we attended the Ballet Tuesday an are going again Friday my heart wasn't in it. I've capitalized on my free time by having a leisurely lunch with friends, started tentative planning for the 40th birthday blow out (save the night of August 9th folks, I'm buying drinks) and by taking a nap.

I was enjoying the mid-day shut eye when the phone woke me up. The caller id was St. Joseph's Hospital (Aunt E's home for the last 3 weeks) so I picked up (I only screen calls from unlisted numbers.) On the phone was E's doctor and we were able to spend about 30 mintues discussing her care, her current status and the plan of action. Had I been (asleep) at the ballet, I would have missed the opportunity to speak with the doctor when he was in a place to give the attention and focus that resulted in some serious decisions that I feel good about. Talking with the nurses is good, but with the exception of the first gal they have all been a little sugar coated with their opinions of her status. I appreciate the positive attitude, but when making decisions I need to hear both sides of the equation.

The end result, if you're interested, is that E has been placed on a DNR. We'll still pursue the course of antibiotics and will discuss the surgery with the neurosurgeon in three weeks, but if she has an MI then we will let nature take its course. The doctor said that if she had an MI the chances of bringing her back is almost none and if they were "successful" that the impact to her brain function would be (his word) catastrophic. This wasn't a hard decision.

The decision about the neurosurgery will be harder, and I told the doctor that I would prefer to come up and have the consult with the neurosurgeon in person. I'll make some phone calls this week to see if I can't get some time with him.

Lastly, (and totally off topic) I dug out the stash of flip-flops for the spring and summer season and am devastated - a slight exaggeration- to discover that most are too big. Damn the smaller foot!

Psych!

Remember the saga about my brother and the kid who may or may not be his? In the last post we had heard from the attorney that it was confirmed that he was not the dad. Well, it turns out, he had the wrong report in hand and oops... she is a confirmed DNA match.

Kev-o & D (current wife) are dealing with the news as best as they can. Considering he's still has a few more months left to be in Iraq there's not much to do.

It's sad that this child is out there and is family, but yet has not relationship with my family. I'm a fun aunt to have, but she'll never know.

Bummer.

Day 4: It's still "fun"

This process documentation exercise is in day 4 and while I am surviving I have started to refer to it as the "Process Documentation Intervention."

I would like to stand at the top of my building and scream to the heavens that the big boss who kicked off this effort hasn't been in the room since Monday. Live the dream man, feel our pain.

The Exciting Adventures of the Hyde Park Condominium Association

As previously reported I foolishly volunteered to be on the board of directors for my condominium association. As the secretary my duties are minimal, attend the meeting, write up the minutes and try to lay low.

As a board member, I am on the e-mail distribution list and see all the homeowner complaints and the issues as they arise. Lately my mailbox has been filled with these exciting topics:

Dog Poop and the clean-up of said poop
Roof Tile Colors
A noise dispute between D2xx and D1xx
Management of the security gate
Landscaping issues

Right now, Dog Poop is trailing Noise Dispute by 3 to 2. Upstairs noise lady found that her garage door had been super glued closed last night. Honestly people if you're going to retaliate by doing something like that… at least super glue the entire row of garages… don't just do the b*tch that lives upstairs. (Please note the assumption that the gluer is the downstairs neighbor is mine but I think it's a good guess.)

Consultants

I'm in hour 7 of a 40 hour "special working session" with consultants to document and prioritize our processes.

OH HOLY GOD, PLEASE KILL ME NOW!!!!

Messy Martha; The New Normal

Mom came over this weekend for a day of labor at Maison Du Pu Pu. Things are really coming along.

Yesterday we moved all the boxes and furniture into the new heated storage unit. We got the bedroom cleaned (as good as good gets), the office emptied - QUITE an accomplishment (thank you again Becky, Ali & Janie!), took a truckload of crap to the dump and argued about the pile for goodwill.

The goodwill argument went something like this...

Moms: "You should store all of this in case she comes home."
Me: "She's not coming home."
Moms: "Just in case, you should save this."
Me: "Um no."
Moms: "Fine.
Me: "Fine"

Fast forward one hour

Moms: "I want the (insert name of something like a basket or storage cart.)
Me: "What happened to "what if she comes home."?
Moms: "Give me the keys, I'm putting it in the trunk.
Me: "Fine."
Moms: "Fine."

(I bet you can't wait for the screenplay that I'm writing to come out. I am so good at dialog that it's riveting!)

After our work party (partially enhanced by labor from "Hansen's Helping Hands") we disinfected ourselves, ate a yummy bite at Denny's and headed to the ICU to visit Martha.

I do feel terrible about how long E sits there without visitors and I could give up the entire weekend to come up, do hard labor and then sit with her at the hospital and watch her sleep, but as I'm a shitty niece I don't. We spoke with the ICU nurse who gave us the 411 on her condition - improved!

She does have a slight case of the MRSA the antibiotic resistant infection. "Slight" in the way that some folks describe themselves as a "little" pregnant. Um, you are or you aren't. To visit we had to gown and glove up, but got to skip the face and eye masks. I think if she had a cold or alergies it would be full on coverage.

We woke her up (the nurse said to) and got her to eat some of the "yummy" chicken alfredo. Honestly, she looks like shit - she's retaining water like crazy and is so puffy she looks like a wet sponge.

She said she wanted a surprise so I dug her eye glasses out of my purse and made her day. I then got the nurse to bring her paper and a pen and she was super happy. She's very creative (sample above) and has spent years making quilts, custom cards, writing and then of course there's the music. I certainly didn't get the music gene, or the art gene. My gifts are sarcastic humor, astounding beauty, and humility. (See item number one.)

The visit went well; I'll be checking in with the doctor this week. Once the infection is under control they want to do a procedure to help prop her poor brain back up into the zone where it's supposed to be (which is the theory behind why she is altered.) The ICU RN said she didn't think we were at the heroics phase and indicated that there would be frank discussions if/when we get there.

This is all very new to me and I'm hopeful that we're doing the right thing for her.

What is, was, and could be

www.mvm.com (My virtual Model) allows you to build an avatar at one weight, and then project what weight loss - or gain would look like.

Here's the virtual me at my starting, current, and surgeon identified goal weights.

Um, wow.

We'll see if I can really get to their goal weight. It seems completely unrealistic, but I'm "ONLY" 100 - no... 99 pounds away. However, considering that so far I've dropped 87 pounds maybe it is a possibility.

The thing I'm happiest about this journey, aside from the weight loss, is that I'm thrilled with each new smaller size and that I'm not just waiting for the day I'm a size 2. I'm delighted with the size 18 pants I just bought and even more happy to know that I won't be wearing them come summer time. At this point, focusing all my happiness on being a size 2, 4, or even 14 is like focusing on that day you're going to win the Mega Millions Lottery. It COULD happen, but why not be happy today?

OMG!!!

I just "tooted" in my office (with the walls that don't go up to the ceiling) and it was considerably louder than I anticipated. Normally, my risk assessment process when it comes to this activity is pretty good, but my decibel predictor is off today.

Thankfully both my neighbors are away but the nearby bullpen of Indian contractors is full and there's no way that they didn't hear it.

As soon as I'm done typing, I'll move back under my desk and hide for the rest of the day.

How horrifying!

Decided

I opted not to include the blog address in my e-mail to "Kirkland" and I think it was a smart move.

So far, no reply.

It's good to throw my hat in the ring... any ring.

Look out, Match.com here I come.

Monday night musings

Huge, enormous, and eternal thanks to Becky, Ali and Janie for a Saturday of labor at the Mansion du Pu Pu. How nice of it to snow, so that we didn't have to find a place to store our coats. ( No heat remember?)

Ali is awesome, give her a task and she gets it done. In addition to boxing up the rest of the kitchen she cleaned the fridge, and I have to say that I would put my food in there now.

(Here's Becky and me in the snow, aren't we so cute? I am a hodge podge of purple and pink - colors that unless you're an Easter Bunny don't go together. Becky has that adorable painter pants thing going on. It might be a hold over from the 80's, but I love overalls as a day of labor outfit. Maybe someday after I stop dropping sizes every three weeks.)

Janie cleaned that bathroom like it has never been cleaned before. The toilet looks usable again... but even now, I won't be putting my naked bottom on that seat.

Becky tackled the "craft room" and managed to get every last damn thing packed up. She's a trooper!

Me, I sat in the car and listened to the radio. Kidding... I don't think I did anything other than walk from room to room to declare "toss" or "keep." I did box journals, diaries and more journals. Most of which have been "mined for the memoir." Notes like that are a little disturbing because it makes me wonder if Auntie E expects someone to go through all the journals and publish the account of her life?

I mean, it has been an interesting life, she was an almost Opera singer, played piano in the late 60's with one Barry Manalow, produced a feature length movie 'Dracula's Disciple' - I have possession of the master, married, divorced, she was tortured as a child by being forced to be educated by the "bad piano teacher in town." Mostly though, the journals are a constant inner dialog with lines from movies, schedules of the tv movies to watch, movies that have been watched and corrections of grammatical errors heard or read.

Heard on TV:
"He went through the windshield and impaled himself onto the tree."

No. No. No.
He didn't do this to himself. He wasn't even driving. And you can't impale yourself, or be impaled onto anything.
Since we are in past tense in that sentence, we can only say that he was impaled on the tree - or on a branch of the tree; or that the force of his expulsion caused him to be impaled on [a branch of] the tree.

Oh golly, she must have hated to get my letters. I'm surprised that she was able to hold back the red marker and return my letters with corrections. Who knows, if I go through the journals I might find the letters with the edits. I did find letters from my grandparents - odd to see their handwriting and have it be familiar all these years later.

The letters alone may be reason enough to sort through the journals once she 'passes.' We'll cross that bridge upon when we gets there (that's to give her something to do in case she "reads" me.)

Finally, this evening I am toying with the idea of answering a Craig's List personal ad. Oh, TPgal is thinking about joining the world of people who date and (some day) get IT on. Yikes. Also thinking about dropping my blog address as a way to share the virtual me. What do you think, good idea or bad idea?

What would someone get by reading "me"?
I use !! to much
I've got a problem with comma's
I can't get to the point
I'm mildly funny (so you say)
I'm going to hell for mocking my sick aunt
I may be forgiven for mocking her considering I've picked up and cleaned mountains of "pooh"
I have awesome friends
I have a job - that is mostly ok
I own my own home
I am a pet person - dog friendly, but live with a cat. I'm bi-animal.
I like to travel - Greece is only 7 months away
I'm on a weight loss journey (86 lbs gone as of this morning)
I'm a consumer! Love that sport shopping.
I'm a reader ( I can reads, I are smart)
I'm not a fan of our current "prez" (W not smart. W piss TPgal off. W bad)
I'm either VERY discrete about my dating life, or I haven't dated in ages. (oh you decide... but remember, I blog about pooh, so I'm not sure discretion is the way to go on this one.)
I'm terrible at analogies. "Disanalogic" or "Analogyphobe" - nope that would be fear of analogies - which you might be when you read some of mine.

So, that leads me to another question (clearly, there is NOTHING on TV tonight as I ramble on and on) as I re-enter the dating pool to Blog or Not to Blog? I think you, the current readers who have nothing but my exciting life to carry you through you dark, bleak days would say "Blog." Don't get me wrong, I'm sure your days filled with your husbands, wives and "children" are wonderful, but I know you secretly envy me. I am alone every night choosing what to watch on tv or hanging out in blissful silence while you listen to your family drone on and on about how much they love you. Wait... I'm sad. Ok seriously, if you were a perspective date of TPgal, you would be in the "Not Blog" category - right?

It could be entertaining though, I'm like an alien dropped into the pool of dating after years of self-imposed exile. (A terrible analogy.) My only education is hundreds of hours of pay per view porn. Har, that would be so funny in an online profile. It's NOT true, but it would be funny. I could get a bunch of one night only dates. As soon as the real me showed up and didn't strip naked the illusion would be busted. But I might meet some "interesting" men.

Workin' for free

A quick stop at my retirement summary today has killed my will to live:

Personal Rate of Return from 01/01/2008 to 03/28/2008 is -12.4%

SWEET!  Dog food and Cardboard box in a tornado ravaged mobile home park here I come!

Oh, that's not good

On the Aunt Messy front things are getting much worse. Finding the humor in the situation is a challenge.

She was taken back to the hospital last weekend with low blood sugar 35 where normal is 100 to 150 then released back to the Nursing Home. Yesterday they shipped her back to the hospital and I was finally abe to speak with a nurse who has her history and current condition.

Its bad, we're not just dealing with controlling blood sugars and blood pressure we have not one, not two, but three serious infections in the sinus that have migrated to her brain. The nurse rattled the names off so fast and my medical definitions seminar was so long ago that I had to do some research last night to catch up to what she told me. (What do people without the Internet do when a term like "hydrocephalus" is mentioned? Hydro - water. That's not bad right? Uh, yeah it is when you team it up with methicillin resistant staph aurelia. (That's .MRSA folks)

I'll be speaking to the ICU doctor today and am armed with the secret decoder ring questions to open an honest dialog that isn't clouded by calming words and softened diagnosis'. It helps that we've got some exposure to the inner workings of the medical profession. (And I'm not talking about the 18 years that I've been watching ER.)

I'm in an odd emotional place about this. I want her to be confortable and pain free. I also don't want her to linger with diminished brain activity. I'm feeling guilty that I'm not rushing to her bed side. I honestly wonder if that's more about my need to not appear cold and disinterested to the hospital staff than anything else.

My dad is content to go with my direction about the Do Not Recussitation order. Its nice that he trusts me, not that I ever doubted it, but these are some pretty adult decisions.

In reviewing her tax records for the last few years (in order to work out a return for 2007) I see that in 2005 she took the Hurricane Katrina deduction intended for those displaced, or for those who took in people. I suppose in her mind, watching it on tv counted? Audit away IRS man...she's got nothing! She'll have even less when I sell her car.

What a fun spring I'm having!

Does this qualify as focusing on work?

A slightly modified IM transcript from this morning about a co-worker who has been out all week:

P, T says:  has "Bob" retired?  (yes, I AM evil)
X  says:  lol
X  says: he's so terribly ill…  I really feel bad for him.
P, T says:  oh, that's not good
X  says:  he just can't stay well for long periods of time
X  says: I tease, but I really do care.  This might be a side effect of the horrid gallbladder explosion that almost killed him.

P, T says: But, maybe he's just weak and we should eat him first if our plane goes down in the Andes
X  says:  not sure I'd pick the sickly one to eat..lol
P, T says:  It is a toss up, because if you eat the muscular ones (aka Meaty) you loose the heavy lifters that you may need to build a shelter for your cold cold ass

P, T says:  Disturbing...
X  says: you're so funny!!
P, T says: I'm laughing right now... I think we need to create a 9-12 page strategy around who we should eat first in this scenario.  I'm sure the boss would expend some consulting $$$ to make sure we have a RACI.  (RACI is "corporate" for a document that describes who does what.)

P, T says:  Must focus on work.  Drat; the strategy will have to wait

similie

There's a scene in the movie The Last King of Scotland where the Idi Amin (who had a small habit of killing those who disagreed or displeased him) has a fit over the fact that an issue that he was warned about became an actual problem.

Amin: "Why didn't you tell me to do something about this!?"
Doctor: "But, sir, I told you it was going to be a huge problem."
Amin: "But you did not convince me!"

Lately, my interactions with the big boss have felt like this.

BB: "Why didn't I know about this?"
TPgal: "Sir, I told you on several occasions the facts"
BB: "But I wasn't listening to you"
TPgal: "ok..."
BB: "Sounds like an excuse to me."

The other thing I "love" is the pep talks to stay "Laser focused on A, B and C. Just A, B and C - nothing else! If we don't achieve A, B and C we're all doomed. Oh and D-Z are also important so don't forget those. Failure to achieve A, B and C is not an option, but neither can D-Z. And in the meantime, don't forget to be interesting so that when you tell me something will be an issue that I'll actually pay attention. "

oh golly... BITTER.

I am trying to keep my head down and get my work done but when the senior leaders spend their days trying to kill your spirit it is hard to stay focused. I know this BS happens at every company and as soon as the things that are pissing me off right now are resolved something new will pop up.

I'm pretty confident that I'll be back to happy TPgal tomorrow. Right now, I'm just going to go to bed!